


A place in the sun

by searching4neverland



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, F/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-02-09 17:36:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 112,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1991778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/searching4neverland/pseuds/searching4neverland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During an infiltration gone horribly wrong, Hinata gets captured. A rescue mission is set underway and nothing can stop Naruto from being a part of it, even though Neji has already broken his cheekbone declaring the whole thing to be his fault. Naruto never denies it...but sometimes not everything is as it seems. (set in an indefinite time after the Fourth War)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 0. Prologue: Transparency

**Author's Note:**

  * For [matchaball](https://archiveofourown.org/users/matchaball/gifts), [gabzillaz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabzillaz/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Just a story that i had in mind.  
> I have not specified a timeline for this, and the political details are generally sparce, because this story is more aobut Naruto, Hinata and the development of their relationship. It'll be like snapshot moments really, not linear. Just think of it as a series of connected one shots: with naruHina as their main focus, always. I do hope you like this despite slight peculiarities that i know are present in the story.
> 
> PS: Neji is alive, forgive me for that deviation, but i just love him so much... I really coudln't let him go. Call it denial, I call it fanfiction :)

 

_Hinata Human Portrat_

 

**_\- A Place In The Sun -_ **

 

o

**Part I**

_‘Laws of physics tell you that any two particles or bodies, if free to move, will be accelerated towards each other. That is gravity. But when you launch an object in the air, there is a single moment of perfect weightlessness before it starts to fall, a silent fraction of timelessness._

_That heartbeat encapsulates the fleeting nature of happiness; locked within that moment is the flawlessness of eternity… and then you have to fall. Because a moment is the most you can ever expect out of perfection **[1]**.’_

o

 

 **_0_ ** _. Prologue: Transparency_

 _‘Elegance is a glowing inner peace._  
Grace is an ability to give as well as to receive and be thankful.  
Mystery is a hidden laugh always ready to surface!  
Glamour only radiates if there is a sublime courage  & bravery within; like the moon, it only shines because the sun is there.’

_\- C. JoyBell –_

The Hyuga had had a long time (and innumerable conflicts) to make a legend out of their born ability and talented fighters that learned to use their skills and manipulated chakra with such dexterity that they could kill with only one strike and without a single drop of blood… or give out such excruciating slow deaths that the victims would try to kill themselves just to have the pain end.

So it was only natural that when a shinobi noticed those pale pupilless eyes staring back at them, the last thought they had in mind was of how striking their look was, or how even eerily beautiful those eyes could be. Nobody really cared about that, when facing something so potentially deadly. And yet in some cases, the beauty of those pale, almost transparent eyes, was obvious and - in the in case of one Hyuga Hinata for example - it was also the first thing people noticed about her, that is her unobtrusive beauty made of contrasting layers of dark and light. The second was that, though friendly and warm-hearted, she was an exceptionally reserved young woman. Those who knew her from childhood, were aware that she had come a long way from her painfully shy and insecure days, but to this day she remained quiet and modest, both traits that were inherent to her character and not something that could be overcome.

She was different from the others relatives of the Upper House, different perhaps from most shinobi (‘different’ didn’t bother her though, never had – a certain someone had always showed her better than that.) Deceptively delicate-looking, Hinata had an air and manner that exuded elegance and grace, a certain poise that combined with her quiet confidence added up to more than just good manners. But what truly fooled the eye was her appearance: her pale hands and long fingers didn’t hint at the map of calluses her palms had collected over years of handling weapons and dealing blows. The curves of her body invited the eye and a caressing hand and a first glace wouldn’t be able to tell the firmness of the muscles underneath that smooth skin.

And her eyes, of the pales shade of lavender that seemed to break the light a thousand ways like a gem, those eyes were what most characterized her: the gentleness in them, the kindness and warmth she could convey with every look and smile, made her seem like the most serene person ever to walk the earth.

Those that had never seen her in combat, would never think of her capable of ripping out a man’s spleen through his back.  She simply did not look like a ninja.

Which was of course what made her such a fantastic infiltration and intelligence operative.

Her team had specialized in tracking and after she made Jonin and started taking on solo missions, it became apparent that Hinata was very well suited to espionage, both by nature and inclination. After spending half a lifetime perfecting the art of blending with the scenery, she learned that she could use that gift to became as inconspicuous as ay wallflower even at the very heart of enemy territory. A talent that in time developed into the ability to take the guise of anyone - be it a commoner or high born lady, a maid that faded into invisibility or the centre of everyone’s attention – though, admittedly, that had taken much more rigorous training and came much less naturally and it was something that she tended to avoid.

But she found out, in time that practice was all there was to it and with good training she became so skilled that the whole thing was almost too easy… until one day it wasn’t.

o

TBC:::

 

 

[1]From ‘Fight club’.


	2. 1. A fly in a spy’s web

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I own inspiration for this chapter to the scene in Avengers, where the Black Widow is caught by the Russian general and he is 'interrogating' her, while in fact she is the one getting the information she neeeds from him.

**_1_ ** _. A fly in a spy’s web_

_‘…In itself the practice of deception is not particularly exacting. It is a matter of experience, a professional expertise. It is a facility most of us can acquire. In the field, deceptions becomes first a matter of self defence: though he earn a fortune, an agent’s role may forbid him the purchase of a razor. Though he be erudite, it can befall him to mumble nothing but banalities.’_

_\- adapted from John le Carré -_

When the resounding slap smacked against her cheek with momentum strong enough to snap her head to her side, they all saw the girl shiver and then hiss in pain as she was jerked into consciousness. Her breathing sped up a fraction later as she recollected just exactly the kind of shit she was in, and her head snapped up to frantically take in her surroundings. There wasn’t much to see – they were in an old abandoned warehouse of the industrial district, the light was poor and the setting even worse. There were debris and suspicious-looking pieces of dirt strewn everywhere and the only light came from the lamp directly over the head of the trapped girl.

Her eyes bounced from one man to the other and as she did so, Jin took in his comrades as well. It was perhaps a little self indulgent, but neither of the four of them could help the smirk on their lips.

“I must admit to disappointment. I didn’t want the evening to end this way.” He started calmly as he took her in again, making note of everything about her, from the pale-gold hair like that were not so carefully wavy anymore, to the black dress she was wearing: a turtleneck number, long-sleeved and knee-length. A deceptively conservatory choice… but not so much, seeing that in clung to her like a second skin.

Her cheek was starting to redden - a handsome bruise would make its appearance there in no time while her eye was even as he looked on, turning to a pale shade of purple. She was shaken, but was trying to work through it with sheer determination – that much was clear from how she glared at him.

“I know how you wanted the evening to end. This, I think, is much better.” She said through gritted teeth, revulsion now plain on her face.

Well, he had to hand it to her, for a slip of a female, she as doing well enough. He was however irritated that the pretty assistent his boss liked to flirt and occasionally grope from time to time, turned out to be a mole. She’d been with them for two fucking years, he’d cleared her himself!

Jin took a deep breath and started with the routine.

“Who are you working for?” he asked, walking back and forth in front of her just to emphasize who was in control now. He didn’t need to know that of course, he already had that information: his spies had followed the leads right back to her.

When she only limits herself to glaring at him, he smirked knowingly. “It’s Higuya, is it not?”

It is, but Jin (and his boss) wants to know why, and this blonde eye-candy in front of him would really be of no help. She was a nobody, a small-timer. What he needed from her was just the name of her contact so he could make his way up the ladder.

“Is that man stupid enough to believe he can learn our secrets through spies?”

She frowns now, and her confusion is not just a hint in her eyes. She tries to speak but the words get stuck in her too-dry throat, so she tries again, finally managing to get the words out. 

“I thought… I thought it was captain Yakuza who handled the export…” and as she looks a little frantically back and forth between the men and takes note of the unflappable, even amused looks on their faces, she realizes, slowly, the full extent of her disadvantage. Panic starts to seep in.

Jin snorts. What a fucking waste of time.

“Yakuza is just a messenger, a façade. Your outdated intelligence betrays your incompetence…” he says drolly as he takes a step closer to her, standing right over her now, and that familiar thrill shoots through him, because now she is starting to show her fear, that façade she was working on so hard was slipping… and he loves to witness that change in people when they realize just how fully in his hands they are. That is usually the part where he starts to have fun.

“Who contacted you?” he asks in a whisper.

Silence answers him, so Jin throws a look at Kato, who was standing right next to her and the big man slugs her with a backhanded slap sound enough to make her eyes roll… and then another, for good measure.

“Who contacted you?” Jin repeats, and Kato has raised his hand before Jin even looks at him. They’ve played this game too many times not to know each-other’s ticks.

But the words slip out of her mouth before that, hurriedly, watching not Jin as she speaks but Kato’s hand.

“I don’t have a name, he calls me once a week, says his alias is Red, leaves manila envelopes under my door with the money and instructions and that’s all I know, I swear!”

Her tone is borderline hysteric and though Jin believes her, Kato slaps her again and again, until her nose is bleeding and she is begging that that is all she knows please.

“What information have you slipped him?” he asks again, calmly, even a little bored with the whole thing. It should make her shiver, knowing that he could just as calmly start cutting her open or crushing her bones… or even something else, he thinks as he eyes her from knees to rack. She’s not so bad. Maybe he’ll have himself a happy ending before he does her in for good.

“I… contact dates and gold transactions, mostly from the accounting department. I was told to find out if you were laundering money from some guys from Suna, but I swear I never found anything…”

Jin rolled his eyes.

“Of course you didn’t, you useless bitch. Suna has never been a contact anyway.” he snapped, not above rolling his eyes at her.

“B-but…”

“B-b-b-but…” Jin mocked, and though he knew he shouldn’t say anything, at the look of total despair in her face, he could not help himself. This was too good a chance to pass up.

“You have no idea what we’re doing here do you?”

Her face crumbled. “Please… you said it yourself, I don’t really know anything.”

And the tears down her face were adorable… too bad he hated crying.

He signaled Kato, who grabbed hold of her golden hair to pull her head backwards and then gripped her jaw at its base. She whimpered pathetically and tried to close her mouth but the barest attempt made her moan in even sharper pain. Her eyes watered.

“You may tell Higuya that we do not need his assistance anymore.” Jin said as he moved to the small table not too far from her (strategically close enough so that she may see what he is doing, what he is planning) where the pincers, drillers, bistouries and other deceives were on.

“You may tell him that he is out and that we’ve moved your trade to much… _higher_ places, if you will. And that if he ever pokes his exceptionally long nose in our business again, he’ll have the fiercest of the Hidden Mist like white on rice…” He added as an afterthought, amused at his own joke as he tried to chose with which hardware he was going to pull out every single tooth in her pretty mouth. The blonde sucked in a sharp breath and looked at him with terrified eyes.

“Oh, shouldn’t have told you that. Oops…” Jin said with levity that made the whole situation into something ridiculous… if not for the pair of pincers in his hand. “Guess now I’m gonna have to kill you after all.”

She whimpered and Jin felt his blood starting to heat.

“But let’s not hurry through this. I’m very much a man of foreplay myself.”

It was all going according to program, in one fashion or another, until this point – because just in that moment, a derailment made itself known in the form of his Boss and four others that had the looks of foreigners… and who had that particularly shiver inducing aura that one killer knew how to recognize in another. But where Jin was small league amateur, the four men with his boss on the other hand… well, let’s just say that it would have been obvious that they were shinobi, even if they hadn’t been armed to the teeth. That cold unflappable look in their eyes was unmistakable. A shiver of trepidation ran down his spine. Their clients were not supposed to contact them. They weren’t supposed to be seen with them at all. They were ghosts and it was better that way for both parties.

So what the fuck were these assholes doing here?

“Boss, we found the leak.” Jin said simply, nodding towards the girl tied in the chair, who had suddenly gone very very still and quiet. She wasn’t even whimpering anymore and if Jin had had the presence of mind to be more observant, he would have noticed that she was now awfully attentive now and that her eyes were alive and alert with something that was quite different from fear.

The Boss said nothing but then again Jin was paying closer attention to the man next to him - the shinobi that seemed to be the leader of the pack by the way he kept himself just one step ahead of the others (tall and lanky without too much muscle - but you never knew with these ninja types - dressed in black with open toe sandals and the left side of his face bandaged away). His one dark narrow eye was fixed on the girl tied to the chair as he stepped forward, looking at her as if she had suddenly spouted two heads.

Jin turned to look, searching for whatever had the big man’s attention… and what he was just a shivering little blonde that was about to be fish-food.

The shinobi’s face was so serious however that it seemed his expression was carved in stone and he never smiled – until his thin lips stretched into a cruel smirk and even Jin found himself thinking he could have gone through his whole life peacefully without seeing that shit.

“Well, well… what have we got here? You people really are incompetent aren’t you?”

The shinobi raised his hands in a blur of movement, so fast that Jin couldn’t even track them and when a wave of stinging heat sting him, Jin doubled over, as almost everyone in the room.

And here came the surprise – because the Shinobi smirked wider as he looked at their quarry and when Jin turned to look… the blonde was gone.

“What the _fucking_ hell?!” He heard himself mumble, almost absentmindedly. He took a step back, as did all his men, looking wide eye at the girl now tied to the wooden chair – almost the same size as the one tied there before… but with nothing else that looked even remotely alike the blonde. For starters, the bruises and blood were gone – and what the fuck! - this one had hair that was straight as an arrow and even the dirty yellow light of the place could not mute its vibrant dark blue tint.

Different hair, different face, different … wow, freakish eyes so pale they seemed like glass and unfocused, as if she was blind.

It took a second to realize she had no pupils. The realization made him take another step back.

_Freak…_

The most shocking thing of all however, was the expression on her face. It was wiped clean of any and all emotions, not the whining poor mouse of before. She was smooth and perfectly collected… with a hint of calculative recognition as she stared the shinobi down. That unreadable stare on her face, the determination he saw there as well as the perfect she wore like an armor, made Jin feel the first sting of dread.

This was not the Boss’ assistant, it never had been.

This one was calm, cold, and sterile… perhaps not so very different from the man with the bandaged face that was staring her down.

In movements so fast that it took him by surprise, the brunette slammed her hands down on the armrests of the chair and just as if she had the force of a boar, the wood to which she was tied to splintered, her hands coming free. He didn’t even notice that she had done the same with her feet until she was standing. She hadn’t even sat up fully yet when Kato dropped to her feet, blood oozing from his nose and mouth, eyes rolling at the back of his head.

…Jin hadn’t even seen her hit him.

He backtracked even further.

“I want her alive.” The half-face shinobi said under his breath, possibly to his friends, because there was no way Jin was going near that thing, even if he had a knife to his throat.

A splint second later the four shinobi made for her and hell broke loose, in a flurry of movements and hits so loud that they sounded like tiny explosions. Jin grabbed his Boss and started running. Just before he made his way out of the abandoned warehouse, he turned in time to see her lash out with one hand and strike the man in front her to the chest. The shinobi – a man twice her tiny size and carrying a katana just as long – fell to down convulsing, and then laying perfectly still. It didn’t take a genius to figure out he was dead.

_Fucking hell!_

“I _told_ you we should never taken up with these freaks!” Jin muttered to his boss. The man was frowning even more than usual, which was an impressive feat for someone that always looked as if he’d been born frowning.

“They promised us security, because they knew one of their kind would try to infiltrate us. So let them deal with their problems. Our job here is done.” The boss grumbled.

But Jin tended to disagree. Shinobi were like the flees – too had to get rid of once you caught them.  There was a fucking good reason why the villages that were not hidden rarely contacted their services, unless for the very obvious and very desperate cases. A tiny girl capable of killing with just a strike of her hand was one of those reasons!

o

TBC:::


	3. 2. Ripples spreading

**_2_ ** _. Ripples spreading_

_‘Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always gotten there first, and is waiting for it.’_

_\- Terry Pratchett -_

Aburame Shino was not a man that could easily lose his composure. In fact, his clan was known for their fierce grasp of logic and calm, their analytical and practical skill and the tight control over their emotions. And since Shino was one of the finest Aburame yet, the pride of his clan to date, it was fair to say that seeing him walk briskly down the halls of the Hokage Tower – clearly perturbed - was enough to make anyone do a double take.

Not that Shino gave a fuck at the moment.

When he reached the doors of the Hokage's office, he was stopped by two Chunin that were guarding it, but he ignored them soundly and strode inside, with only two brisk knocks to forewarn his entrance and without even waiting for a reply.

It was a testament to his razor-sharp reflexes that he was able to duck the porcelain vase that was flung with deadly accuracy at his head.

The inside of the office was dark, the curtains drawn and Shizune was rubbing her temple, as if a headache was threatening to spike at any moment.

 _Ah_ … it was one of _those_ days then.

Well, the fabled Hokage would have to get over her hangover fast because the situation could not wait.

"Hyuga Hinata has been captured." Is all Shino says just as the blonde tiger that they had elected Hokage opened her mouth to growl at him. But at his words, her own died in her mouth. The Hokage shows a brief surprise at first, and then pins him down with those eyes that make something inside even the bravest shinobi shrink a little and fidget (not that outwardly Shino ever showed it).

"Well, sit down and explain. I don't have patience for fucking about today."

oOoOo

She had been suspended in and out of a dark ocean for what felt like an eternity. Every time she thought she would resurface, the darkness pulled her under its immense weight and she would feel her whole self slow down, her limbs felt heavy, her thoughts slow… derailed.

Imagines mix and blend and the anxiousness is left behind, the drumming  heartbeat and adrenaline forgotten and so is the reason she was running.

Everything fades and at some point she finds herself so deep into darkness yet not fully unconscious either, but floating, floating amidst memories and seamless images, weightless and thoughtless -

Colors blend together – slowly leading her into something bright and that feels warmer by the second, until she is floating in it…

… until there she is again, with the sun on her face that feels like a warm caress.

I's too early in the spring to worry about being burned so she enjoys it with a smile, but it is really the presence of the person lying next to her – close enough that she imagines she can feel his body heat even through their clothes (the thought is heady) – that makes these moments so radiantly pleasant. They are just lying on an old blanket, in a field southwest of Konoha where the grass and occasional wildflower grew so tall that a crouching man could be completely hidden from view… and Hinata knows that as simple as this is, it is one of the happiest moments of her entire life so far.

He made happiness seem so easy…

From the rhythm of his breaths she knows he isn't asleep, but it doesn't matter. She has learned, in time, not to allow herself to be hindered by her own self-consciousness in his presence. So she turns on her stomach, and settles her weight on her elbows, exchanging the kiss of the sun on her cheeks for a clear view of his face. He has his arms behind his head like a pillow and his eyes closed, taking in the warmth and quiet.

Whoever knew him would have declared it impossible that he could sit still for five minutes, but she knows better.

She watches him - a face that is as familiar as her own - knowing that he knows she is watching him. A faint blush stains her cheeks but she doesn't look away. She watches the play of the sun on his every feature - so vivid he seems, so much more alive than anything else around him - takes in the different kinds of gold in his hair and how his lips are a shade or two darker than the rest of his face, some remote cousin of pink perhaps. She stares at his mouth, how his lips are parted just enough for her to see a hint of white teeth, and how the arch of his lower lip is a little fuller than his upper one… she realizes she is staring too hard and her thoughts are going to specific memories that make her insides shiver and tingle in echoes of delight.

Her blush deepens and she looks away, eyes go from his throat to his chest that rises and falls regularly, but she gets no reprieve from her embarrassment there, because the sight of his torso makes her think only of how she knows the feel of him too, as well as the taste of him…

Her heartbeat stammers and then takes off at a gallop and she has to close her eyes entirely… until she almost jumps out of her skin when she feels a gentle tug on her hair (a finger or two that catch some strands and twist them around, until his fingers are wrapped in shiny dark blue…) Her eyes jump to his – eyes more vivid than the sky above and watching her in that intent, deliberate way.

She can't help the way her mouth goes dry and her palms start to feel a little sticky. When he watches her that way, it feels more intimate than a touch and lately it's the only way he watches her…

A hand tangles in her hair at the back of her neck, his thumb following the arch of her lower lip and then settling at the corner of her mouth. She feels lightheaded and as she watches his eyes the sensation of falling (that tightening at the stomach that makes her toes want to curl) is so strong that she has to look away.

Pale lavender eyes land on the inside of his wrist and she realizes what she's doing only after it's done.

She has turned her head a fraction (that fraction was all that was needed, he is so close now, _so_ very close…) and a kiss lands right in the middle of his palm, with all the weight of her feelings. She lingers there for a heavy moment, and her hand comes up to grasp his just as her lips fall lower, trailing lingering kisses until she reaches his wrist, where his skin is soft again.

His pulse is jumping and his eyes are so dark now, but she meets him and doesn't look away this time even though she can barely breathe herself and she is falling, falling…

' _Wake up!'_

Hinata blinks in surprise.

That is not what he said back then…

Something is missing somewhere…

It's then that the warmth of believing your own fantasy is over and, as with all dreams - even the most vivid ones – once you realize it's not real, the feel of it blurs, fades, goes away.

But this is so familiar and this time Hinata is not impaired by shock. She doesn't want it to be over, never has wanted something _not_ to be over as much as she does now.

So she holds on - to his hand, to his the sight of his face.

"No, _wait_!"

But that strange voice that feels familiar in a cold, unwelcome way, is heard again and this time, like a ripple across a pond, it distorts everything around her, every color and sensation. Even the warmth disappears and in a last attempt to hold on to the dream, she looks for that familiar face that was just there a moment ago, but it’s gone now, all gone.

The cold starts to seep in, feeling more real and true than the warmth of before… or perhaps it just takes its place, she is not sure. She tries to scream ' _Wait_!' just as her heart breaks in a familiar way, but it's too late, too late _again_ and faintly she wonders if there was ever a time when she was not too late; had she ever had a chance at all…

But even if she had, that time is not now. Now it's too dark and the only thing that falls from her lips is a groan.

The deep haze clears one excruciating moment at a time and she begins to think faster, the aches start breaking through and so does understanding that she had just been dreaming and this – _this_ – is the reality that she was escaping.

That spring day was a long time ago. There is not sun here, she’s underground. She realizes that the moment she finds consciousness with a gasp and doesn't need to open her lids to see the world in many shades of grey. It’s instinctual, her Byakugan activating as an immediate defense to the danger she senses even on a base instinctual level. It lets her take in her prison in all its seediness. It’s hard to say which hits her first though – the sight and smell of where she is being kept, or the pain that invades her senses as soon as they awaken. Clinically she can tell that all ten of her fingers broken, her wrists and both of her ankles too. It is easy to say however that the awareness of her injuries hits her brain faster than the second bucket of ice-cold water is doused on her.

Her skin feels numb but she traps the whimper behind her lips.

That same voice that shattered her dream rings out, this time clearer, louder.

"Welcome to the living, doll-face."

oOoOo

Tsunade had been in many dangerous situations in her life - some that had made her the legendary figure she was today - and before each of them there had been the same feeling at the pit of her stomach, that sick foreboding that spiked her adrenaline and heartbeat, that made her fingers itch and her charka system start pumping.

It was the exact feeling she was having now.

Naruto hadn't interrupted her once while she told him that Hinata had been most likely captured by what appeared to be missing nin from Kumo, the activities of which she had accidentally uncovered while investigating a money-laundering circle that was suspected of financing subversive organizations in Fire and Earth Country - cells of missing nin and extremists that had taken over the power void left by the dismemberment of the Akatsuki…

She watched as Naruto went very still and very quiet… and paler than she had ever seen the boy. From a medical point of view, his sudden increased heart-rate and the irregular breathing were the first indicators of a panic attack, but Tsunade knew better.

When he spoke, there was a tonelessness in his voice that made the hair of her arms stand to attention. She had never heard him speak so flatly, it was by definition, unnatural.

"How can you… What the fuck were you thinking sending an agent to the other side of the continent without any kind of contacts on the field or backup?" He looked up at her for the first time - his eyes were burning like blue flame in his too pale face.

If Tsunade felt any surprise that he was completely in the dark regarding Hinata's mission, she didn't show it. But then again, she had had to master that same brand of surprise when Hyuga Hinata had shown up on her door asking for a long-range mission, indiscriminate of rank or pay.

Had Tsunade been someone who was more likely to pay attention to gossip, perhaps she'd know exactly the 'why' of these events – or at least people's interpretations of it, which had been the talk of the village not too long ago, and even now wasn't old news yet. But the blonde Hokage scorned those who suffered from oral diarrheal (she figured she had too many faults as it was, gossip was simply too flaky to make it to her list). There was in fact a very real and palpable chance of someone swallowing their own teeth if their short tempered Hokage thought someone was running off at the mouth in front of her… so nobody ever did.This time though, her preferences had cost her – because, though she had perceived the obvious, she had no idea of the finer details of the relationship (or lack thereof) between the blonde menace and the Hyuga heiress… and she would rather chew off her own hand than ask Naruto right now.

"It was a B-class mission Naruto, civilian infiltration only. Hinata was aware that she would be on her own. The fact that she fell on a hornets' nest was a one-in-a-thousand chance, one every operative takes when they go undercover." Tsunade had spoken calmly, but perhaps it was precisely that matter-of-fact tone that set the boy off so suddenly because Naruto was up and pacing the next moment, hands running through his hair repeatedly, a sure sign that he was anxious.

But then the exact meaning of her words seemed to sink in and he turned to her, confused… and angrier.

"And just what the hell do you mean, a B-class? She hasn't been going on those for years!" but then he didn't wait for an answer, dismissing the line of thought immediately for one that was more pressing. "I'm joining the rescue squad."

It wasn't an order nor was it asking for permission - it was a fact and Tsunade knew to accept it as such because it was just as much of a fact that if she denied him, he would go anyway.

Not that she had any intention of doing that.

"Neji, Sakura and Shino are waiting for you down the hall. Shikamaru will brief the four of you on the details of Hinata's mission so you know what to expect. You'll leave as soon as you are able."

With that he made for the door with a hurried step, but his hand stopped a moment before his fingers brushed the handle. His head turned towards her, just barely, so that she could only see his profile.

" _Why_ would you send her on a two-month B-class? She is overqualified for it and you never waste resources." He said quietly and there was a hesitancy in his voice that told Tsunade he already suspected the answer.

Tsunade had been hoping that Naruto would not think to ask that, but she should not have. The boy never came off as the brightest of the bunch, but he had never lacked the ability to analyze situations and come to the right conclusions - which usually led to him asking the right questions. And unfortunately, he knew her far too well – that was also a factor: Hinata would have taken on any mission her Hokage put in front of her, the girl was wonderful that way, but Tsunade would be damned before she sent one of her best specialized Jonin out in the field on what had looked to be very much like a wild goose chase – or so they had thought at the time.

That is, if said Jonin didn't look at her with eyes that were the epitome of helplessness, begging silently to grant this little something to the one person who had never one asked for a favour in her life.

Because if that were to happen, not even Tsunade could refuse.

But how to tell that to Naruto?

"Someone had to go - and she volunteered." Tsunade said simply, knowing he would understand the rest himself. What she didn't know was how much his reaction would affect her.

It broke her heart just a little bit to see his face crumble with bewilderment and sheer naked hurt as he turned to look at her more fully in the face. With all the anger and anxiousness and worry fallen away, what Tsunade saw was a twelve year old boy a breath away from tears. And perhaps for a fraction that pleading note in his look wanted her to deny it, to offer some alternate explanation, that maybe Tsunade had sensed something fishy about that mission, or maybe Hinata was the only one available and someone had to go… but Tsunade knew that the set expression on her face was a dead giveaway of the fact that there was no alternate reality here. There had been nothing strange about the mission and there had been plenty of shinobi more suited to completing it, but Hinata had _wanted_ to go away and she had wanted to _stay_ away…

Tsunade saw this realization calcify on Naruto's face just a moment before he turned away and smashed the door closed on his way out. It was not fast enough for her to miss the heartbroken look in his eyes.She breathed a heavy sigh then and slumped in his chair. Everything considering, this had gone remarkably well. At least the tower was still standing…But then she thought back at his hurt expression not a moment ago and she found herself rubbing her eyes furiously, as if wishing to rub it out of her memory.

"I'm so sorry kid." she whispered to the empty air.

oOoOo

The briefing was over in record time. Shikamaru had never relayed so much information so quickly, but bearing in mind the fact that efficiency was of the essence here, he also had extra incentive to be speedy. He was really none too keen on lingering when Naruto looked angry enough to spout off a tail (or four) and the usually so well-collected Hyuga Neji was radiating so much killing intent to give the chunnin in the next room a cold sweat. Sakura was frowning and kept looking from one boy to the other knowing she was caught between a rock and a hard place at the moment. Shikamaru didn't envy her in the slightest. Shino was the only one in the room bothering to keep the semblance of a cool head, and he was standing very still in a corner. Except it was easy to get the willies even from the always-reticent one, because his bugs were buzzing more insistently than ever.

Nobody had commented on Naruto's obviously broken cheekbone (even though his skin was cut and a trickle of blood was making its way down his face) or the blood on Neji's right hand knuckles. When Sakura offered to heal it, Naruto shrugged her off with a simple shake of the head – which somehow pissed Neji off even more.

In short to say that these four were troublesome was a serious understatement.

"Alright, I've give you guys everything I know." Shikamaru said, closing the file. He had anticipated that they would move as one when he was done, but still, it was something else to see it. Shino started for the door and so had the other two, when Naruto stopped them.

Shikamaru had expected that too.

"Wait… I can transport us to wherever Hinata is being held." And didn't he sound completely convinced, as if he would be doing exactly that whether the others agreed to it or not.

Sakura however was the only one that had something to say against this, or rather the general idea of it.

"You tagged her with a seal?” Her incredulous tone lasted only for the space of that moment. The she frowned in disapproval and a good does and anxiousness. “Those are _dangerous_ Naruto, they always wreck havoc with the bearer’s chakra system, I've told you that _a thousand times_!"

Her words made in turn made Neji scowl and Shino turn slowly to fix his stare on Naruto with the weight of a ton of bricks. The blonde didn’t move a muscle on his face.

"One way or another…" the Hyuga said deliberately, glaring at the blonde. “One way or another, this just keeps coming back to you, doesn’t it?"

"We can do this later at your leisure Neji. Right now, this is how it's going to work: you and Shino are coming with me to wherever Hinata is and give me cover while I grab her and transport her back here. Sakura, I want to you hold on to _this_ \- " and he passed her a tagged kunai, "-go to the hospital and be ready for anything, got it?"

Shikamaru shrugged. Not the most linear plan and definitely not a usual schematics for a mission, but then again, unusual and improvised was what was generally expected from Naruto…

"But… Naruto, you have no idea where you're going, you might need me out there." Sakura tried, even though she did so half-heartedly. She was one of the best kuinochi in her village, but it was as a medic that she was needed in this mission and they all knew that. There was no doubt in her mind that Naruto would be back with Hinata, but that would mean leaving Neji and Shino behind. A lot could happen in a few moments.

Sakura met eyes with her teammates…

"She's gonna need you in here more. You guys alright with that?" Both Neji and Shino gave curt nods and it was obvious that the question was more for Sakura's benefit than anything else.

"Then let's get on with it." Naruto said, a little more harshly than he intended.

He was trying too hard to keep his temper in check, to _focus_ on everything that needed to be done, what Hinata needed in this moment from him. And that was what the greater part of his brain was occupied in doing right now. But every five moments or so, his thoughts would slip down dark paths and his control would loosen just a little bit before he got it back together, causing something dark and dangerous within him to snap its jaws, growling for blood, while another part of him wanted to scream and cry and run…

It was all very confusing.

But that all faded as he brought his hands together to form the seals of his father's technique. Sakura was already running for the hospital, in a couple of moments that it would take Naruto to activate the seal he'd placed on Hinata, she would be there, in the middle of the E.R unit, waiting.

"I'm here. Good luck you guys. And hurry." Her voice was tense and clipped from the radio-com they all had strapped to their ears. Naruto felt Shino and Neji put their hands on each of his shoulders. He gathered his chakra and let it roll and twist into that of his two friends, as he searched for that one tag that would take him wherever Hinata was…

But moments passed and nothing happened.

"Naruto…"

But he wasn't listening.

 _Why_ wasn't it working? _Goddamit_ it to hell and back! He couldn't fail at this now, this couldn't _not_ work _now_! He'd perfected this technique, knew it like the back of his hand he could do it in his fucking sleep so why the _fuck_ wasn't it wor…

"Naruto damn it, _stop_! You'll tear the building down!"

Finally Shikamaru's voice filtered through his eardrums and into his brain and he stopped concentrating his chakra long enough to look around. Neji and Shino were against opposite walls, hands raised to protect themselves, likely form the wave after scorching wave of chakra he'd been accumulating. It was only then that Naruto realized he was a little winded and there were beads of sweat on his forehead. He’d been trying so hard to reach a connection that simply wasn’t there anymore, that he hadn’t realized how much strength he was putting into it, pushing, searching… _not finding_ …

Shikamaru's office looked like it had had a rendezvous with a small and tornado because of that little stunt: furniture cracked or pushed against the walls, every piece of book or scroll or paper strewn about, windows broken and the floor on his feet scorched.

_Well shit!_

"It's not working." Naruto said slowly through gritted teeth, hardly believing the words himself.

The crack on his self-control widened with every moment. The increasing paces of his heart were the proof of it.

He tried to make the seal again, but Shikamaru stopped him again.

"Don't even _think_ about it! You know you’re not the missing link here. They most likely found the seal you put on Hinata and broke it somehow." There was urgency in his tone that was unusual for Shikamaru… but that may be because Naruto had just demolished his office.

But Naruto couldn't give a fuck about that just now. For the first time, he was starting to feel fear. He _hated_ it when it came to this: all his power, and nothing to do with it!

He hadn't really been afraid when he'd known she'd been captured. He'd known that even if she was to the end of the world, he would find her. It would take him _a moment_ to find her. He'd been counting so hard on that, that now that the possibility was gone, he felt completely useless… All that strength, the power of a natural disaster within him– and he was utterly feeble right now.

But a more frightening thought was the reasoning of _how_ whoever had Hinata had found his seal.

Without meaning to, his blue eyes met Shikamaru's and there was the kind of understanding there that you could find only in someone unusually gifted at drawing the right conclusions. Shikamaru thought the matter was simple deduction: if you were Naruto, you only tagged someone if you cared for them and wanted to keep them safe… and if you were that someone's _lover_ , then there were more than a few places where you'd think of putting that little tag so that nobody but you would ever be able to see it…

So if whoever had taken her had searched Hinata thoroughly enough to find that seal, than there was no real telling in what state this squad might find the Hyuga heir.

And just as fast as Shikamaru realized that, he saw the same realization pass through Naruto’s eyes, darkening them with fear and rage at the same time, as if the blonde didn’t know which way to go and the split of his emotions was hurting him. The transparency of Naruto’s emotions made Shikamaru feel a little heavier and he looked away fast, not wanting to intrude.

Naruto on the other hand felt perfectly calm in a very natural way. He felt his heartbeats pick up and his hands suddenly felt cold and clammy, but he felt all this as if he as seeing and feelings things from out of his body. Even when he spoke, it was himself hearing the words coming out of his mouth. His lips felt so numb it was a wonder he could speak at all. "We're gonna have to do this the traditional way. Shino…"

The bug user didn't need any more direction. He took off, Neji behind him, and they jumped through the village and then into the woods. Sakura joined them a moment after.

Naruto was running but only half his mind was there. Most of his brain was trying to convince the raging savage part of it that it was not a good idea to rage away now. Now he had to concentrate on running for 200 miles faster than he'd ever run before, following a bug user that would take him to a girl he'd lost… someone who had loved him and who he had been unable to love as she deserved. Someone who was now in a basement somewhere, cold and hurt and alone and suffering, because of him. Love or no, Hinata had always been his friend and he treasured her life more than his own. Just the thought of her captive in someone else's mercy made his blood run cold.

Because it was just like Neji had said: one way or another, this was his fault.

Unbeknownst to Uzumaki Naruto however, that particular dark haired girl he was currently obsessing over, could not disagree more with the turn of his thoughts.

In some part of him, he knew that, knew that she would never blame him. Hadn’t blamed him even when he stood right in front of her and lied to her face. Knowing that hurt in a way that was starting to become familiar, but not easier to bear. There were other feelings in there too, adding to the heaviness of guilt,  anxiousness and utterly illogical betrayal. Things he had no right to feel, or that he didn't understand. Things, in short, that would have to wait, because right now, nothing _he_ felt was important.

Somewhere in the northeast province of the Fire country, in a basement that smelled of putrefaction and waste, Hinata was curled in on herself, and ironically, she was thinking the exact same thing.

o

TBC:::

 

**_  
_ **

****


	4. 3. That full moon night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Small chapter to give you guys in insight to Naruto's head. I for one always wondered what he thought about Hinata's confession and what he would have said if he'd spoke to her afterwards. Let me know what you think.

**_3_ ** _. That full moon night_

_‘There are no secrets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses.’_

_\- George Bernard Shaw -_

He had been standing outside the hospital for what felt like eternity. Between duties and pauses and meetings with friends or helping around wherever he might be needed,  whenever he had a moment for himself, he found himself always coming to this same spot: looking at the rows of windows and trying to guess which one was hers.

It was useless of course, he didn’t know and – ironically, the Village Hero didn’t have the balls to find out.

Between this moment right now and his coming to the village to fight Nagato, many things had happened, but what she had said to him, _that_ had been about him alone, it didn’t involve anyone else … and it was perhaps because of that very reason that he had no idea what to do about it.

What could he possibly say back to her?

He had felt stupid plenty of times in his life, but he tended to roll with the punches and find his own solutions eventually. Usually he didn't know what he was going to say until it was out of his mouth, but this time though, that wouldn't cut it. This felt too important to fuck up just because he hadn't thought it through. And maybe in the light of issues like mass destruction, death and world peace, personal matters should feel trivial… but they didn’t. It was right that they didn't, because they weren't. Because despite everything, despite the pain and the loss and confusion and despair, (or was it _because_ of them) whenever he thought back at what she had told him, there was a small tightening around the general area of his heart that whispered him the truth his brain couldn't form: that her words had _meant_ something. It was the same feeling that he got whenever he though back at her face and her smile or the trickle of blood against her white skin that in that moment had seemed to him more shocking than anything else he’d seen that day.

The words she’d said to him…

Plenty of people cared for him now, he had the best friends anyone would ever wish for and he knew that he had carved a place for himself in the hearts of many, had felt the warmth of love when the villagers had greeted and smiled and waved at him after Nagato had been defeated – they still did sometimes, every time they saw him.

But nobody had _ever_ …

Naruto passed a hand though his hair furiously and his clone (who was keeping watch as Naruto racked his brains) lifted an eyebrow at him.

Why couldn’t he just sort what was in his head and match it with what was in his heart in a way that made sense? Because he’d been really worried about that. He wanted to make sense when he opened his mouth in front of her. That was important, perhaps the most important thing. She had almost _died_ to protect him! The least he could do was not stumble with his own words like an jackass.

But how could he do that when his head and heart was so full of so many things at once and everything was trying to happen at the same time? Thinking about something so personal seemed almost a little selfish in the light of all the different ways the world around him seemed ready to fall apart… Nagato and Konan, the weight of his own promises and everything he wanted to do, Tsunade in a coma and Danzou as acting Hokage. So many things in so little time. The world was heading over the proverbial edge - he could feel it, that strange restlessness in his gut, the telltale sign of trouble - and there was no telling what how they would come out of this. Nobody knew what was on the other side and sometimes, no matter how strongly he believed and how hard he fought, he felt like he was fighting blind.

Blind and still alone, after so many years. Because now he truly was alone: the one man that had finally felt like family, was dead as well and to this day that was the greatest loss Naruto had ever experienced.

He still felt a little numb with the shock of everything that had happened in the last few days. Losing Jiraya had left him with a hole in his chest that nothing seemed to fill and he didn't even know how to begin to express that loss, or begin to deal with it. Losing people he loved was something he just _couldn't_ accept. Having them in the first place was something he would turn hell backwards for. Losing them was… it tore him apart from inside out. That bitter taste of loneliness ate at him and the only reason he hadn't fallen to it was because of the other ties that held him to this world. If it hadn't been for his friends he would have floated down and never resurfaced…

But he did have friends. And pulling him up whenever he was drowning was what friends were for.

And you owed it to friends to know what you were doing and take precious care when they put their beating heart in your hands so trustingly - like _she_ had done.Naruto felt like he'd never been gifted with something so precious and frail all his life. It wasn't unlike holding a tiny bird in his hands, feeling the flapping of tiny soft wings against his palms. Hope was a frail live thing… And Naruto knew enough of rejection to know that the smallest carelessness now would feel like cruelty and even the tiniest amount of thoughtlessness could be lacerating. 

It still felt surreal sometimes: he was loved. She had said so and he believed it. What other reason could there be for her to step into certain death, but love. Love, not of a friend, but something else. Love, as in ' _in_ love'. And it felt almost as a whim of fate because, despite everything - despite all the bonds he'd made and all the walls he'd smashed through - he could still hardly believe it that someone could actually _love_ a demon holder.

Which reminded him: what did _she_ think about the that? Did she… Naruto rolled his eyes at himself. _Well, of course she knows, stupid, everybody and their grandmother does -_ but she especially since he’d almost killed her when he  went full-on monster on Pain while she lay a rock's-throw distance away, bleeding to death! It was a freaking miracle he hadn't killed her that time.The thought alone made him shudder.

Another soft voice in his head reminded him however that she’d known about his demon before that.

And she’d _still_ said that she…

He looked down, teasing the blades of grass at his feet. Something in his chest starting to warm up, in a way that felt echoed both with familiarity and strangeness. Yeah, she’d said it, loud and clear, without stumbling and blushing once. And now that he thought about it, everything about her made sense – or at least more sense than it had before.

A small smile came to his lips despite himself.

At the academy she had been the only girl that hadn’t chased after Sasuke like a puppy with a concussion. At the time he would have guessed it was because she was too shy to do so, but the truth was far from that apparently. Who could have ever guessed that she was looking at the village idiot instead?Not said idiot, that was for sure! Not even when people said it to his face.

_'Oh yeah, she's always watching you.'_

_'Huh?'_

Naruto groaned and fell back on the grass, sprawling like a man without a bit of strength left. Wow, he felt like such a freaking _moron_!

Why was this so _difficult_?

He sat up again and ran his hands through his hair as if pulling at his scalp would make an answer come for form the dark depths of his useless brain. How in the world would he be able to do this? How do you tell someone you consider a friend, someone you admire and respect and who has, in turn, admired you all her life and has come to… to _love_ you - love…wow, _yes,_ love! How do you tell that person that you… you don't exactly feel that way. That you think she is pretty and graceful and so kind and smart… but that you also never saw her like _that_. And that while you know her for someone strong and dedicated and probably one of the bravest people you have ever known… you don't feel like you really know her that much as a person, and…

Naruto stopped, rubbing his face hard enough to peel the skin off. Oh, man, this sounded so, _so bad_ … and it wasn't even what he _really_ wanted to say, but there was little chance that she would listen to what _else_ he had to say after _that_. No, he seriously needed to find a nicer way to say all this because the last thing he wanted - no wait, he didn't want it _at all_ \- the thing the really, honest-to-god _didn't_ want, was to hurt the feelings of the first person that had ever in his 16 years of life, told him that she loved him.

(well, probably his mother and father had told him that a long time ago, but he didn't remember it - besides, this was _different_ …)

Which brought him right back to digging his brains and trying to catch at the threads of sense… which brought him to a headache instead. Wow, he'd never had to think about something so hard in his life just for it to prove fruitless.

Not for the first time Naruto thought that he really should talk to someone about this, someone that preferably had some experience and would know what to do. He feels like crying when automatically he thinks about his pervert of a mentor and his out-of-this-world advice when it came to women. God, if Jiraya ever told him anything about the opposite sex, most of the times the safest way to go was to do the exact opposite.Naruto wiped the budding tears before they could fall. There would be no crying tonight.

"Hey, look over there." His clone calls, and Naruto snaps to attention.

"Where?" He asks, immediately on his feet, hand reaching for a kunai just in case.

"On the window over there. Isn't that Hinata?"

Naruto looks over in the direction he is pointing at. There is only one person by a window in the whole building and his eyes land on her as if he'd known exactly where she was, even though he hadn't. And even from this distance he sees her clearly and so does she, because he notices how she startles just a little bit. A hesitant hand comes up and she waves at him. He can't really tell the expression on her face, but it doesn't matter because he has already waved back without even thinking about it.

He realizes this is his chance when he notices that she lingers for a moment with her eyes on him, and then smiles before retreating away from the window.

_What should I do, what should I do…_

“What the fuck do I do?” Naruto hissed out, still looking at her window.

"Stop being a pussy that's what!" His clone said to him with a scoff.

Naruto glared. "Shut it!" he snapped… but couldn't deny the truth of that statement.

Maybe he should just go over there and say hello or something. Say that… that he hoped she was feeling better. That he was so, _so_ very thankful for her sacrifice, that she was in his heart and always would be because he would never forget what she had made him feel that day. Tell her… tell her that he had always thought that he would have to fight for love the way he had clawed and fought for everything else, that he had assumed it so absolutely that now he almost didn't dare believe that he too, like everyone else, could be loved just because he was there, nothing more. But she had proved it to him: he _could_ be loved with the same ease that every one else seemed to be, just because he was breathing, even when he was an idiot, and that… _that_ meant the world to him. And on that note also tell her that nothing he had ever experienced in his life had ever taught him to expect that, to expect someone like _her_ , and that he was so, _so sorry_ for not seeing it sooner, and even sorrier that it took her almost dying in front of him for him to realize it.

Naruto felt his hands close into fists and he made up his mind. He felt no guilt leaving just a handful of his clones behind on watch duty. His shift had been over two hours ago anyway. In a blink he was jumping from one rooftop to the next and it was maybe five seconds until he landed, silent as a shadow, on the windowsill he'd seen Hinata.

He looked through the glass - only to jerk back so violently that he would have fallen straight off the fifth floor window, making a handsome hole in the ground below, if a strong hand hadn't roughly grabbed him by the collar and stabilized him. But from the look on those pale eyes, Naruto still stood a very real chance of ending up as an orange smudge on the sidewalk if he said the wrong word in the next few moments.

"Good evening Naruto." Neji greeted calmly, as if he wasn't holding the same young man out of a window, the threat to drop him implicit.

"H-hey there, Neji." Naruto replied trying to sound just as calm, but not managing to wipe the apprehensive note from his voice.

"Might I enquire as to why you're lurking outside Hinata-sama's window at three in the morning?" Neji asked in the same tone. Naruto tried to grin.

"Is that a trick question?" He tried, looking like a mouse caught in a trap. For all intents and purposes he could free himself with a little effort, but he wasn't of the mind to do that. Apparently something of his behaviour or words was right, because Neji pulled him inside and closed the window. Naruto looked around but could only catch a fraction of a glimpse of a figure under the covers of the only bed in there, before Neji grabbed roughly by the scruff of his neck and forced him to look away as he was frog-marched outside. After the door of the room was silently closed behind them, Neji finally let go.

"I saw her standing at the window and just wanted to say hello." Naruto said then, whispering.

"There are visiting hours for that." Neji said curtly. Naruto scowled.

"Yeah? Then what are _you_ doing here, huh?"

Neji fixed him with a cold look. "I am her protector. I go where she goes." he said simply, and Naruto felt his shoulders slump, all the front gone. He leaned against the wall, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"She won't be waking up till morning anyway. Sakura gave her some sedatives." Neji then said, a little more softly - which in turn prompted Naruto to frown at him, asking a silent question as their eyes met.

"She was having trouble sleeping." Neji then explained, in what was the code (universally acknowledged by shinobi everywhere) for nightmares. Naruto looked away quickly, fixing his eyes on a spot on the wall. He knew what she was having nightmares about… or perhaps he didn't. After all, there had been so much to chose from lately, blood and death enough to make a fantastic nightmare that would curdle even the blood of the bravest.

"You should come back tomorrow morning." Neji said offhandedly, as he went to sit on one of the chairs nailed to the floor on the waiting area. "She would be glad to know you are alright."

Naruto nodded. Yeah, he'd come back tomorrow morning. And he'd say what he meant to say then. With that in mind, he shoved his hands in his pockets and walked down the corridor, heading for his tent to catch at least a few hours of shut-eye.

He couldn't have known of course that the next morning he would have to leave for the Land of Iron. It would only be days before he was in Konoha again and by then, many things had changed.

o

TBC:::


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: This is also a missing moment chapter, from right after Sakura confesses her love for Naruto. I wrote the reactions of both Hinata and Naruto to that.
> 
> Ps: I apologise for the story's non-linearity, I should have said something sooner: this isn't gonna be very neat; it's just a series of moments more or less arranged to tell a story (two stories really - of the plot i have in mind and of what happened before that with the characters), but not nessecarity in an orderly fashion.

**_4_ ** _. Back when we felt so helpless…_

_‘… for we pay a price for everything we get or take in this world, and although ambitions are well worth having, they are not to be cheaply won.’_

_\- Lucille Maud Montgomery -_   
  


A few days, just a couple, could change everything. Every single thing you thought you knew could disappear in the blink of an eye.

He had been right when he thought that the world was about to tumble off the edge of a cliff. Between Sasuke being declared a missing nin (and every Konoha shinobi having the duty to kill him on sight) and facing the same boy as he once again tried to kill those who most loved him... well, passing out from the sheer exhaustion of it was not so strange.

After learning the truth of the Uchiha clan massacre, Naruto really didn’t know what to think or what side to take. He had never been one for sides anyway, always having his own corner from where things looked rather different... but he wasn't a kid any longer and he couldn’t just stand by anymore. He had to decide on what to do, lives depended on it. He didn't want to kill Sasuke to stop him but Sasuke was intent on starting a war that would get the rest of his friends killed... it was a loop without end, and Naruto needed to figure it out, better yet, figure out how to break it. He had to chose a course of action to follow.

Between so many sharp rocks and hard places, there was no shortcut. He would have to bleed and hurt if he wanted to achieve everything he had promised himself to - that didn't bother him. The problem was that he still didn't know how to get there... and nothing was making it easier. Everybody was determined on telling him the best way of action, everyone had their own reasons that drove them into doing what they did: Sasuke, Nagato, Konoha, Itachi...

_Sakura..._

Sakura and her confession of love. It had been so unexpected that he would have been less surprised is she’d slapped him. Her words still rang in his ears, especially after seeing the length she was prepared to go for him and Sasuke both.It wasn’t the same kind of love, Naruto had no illusions about that. What she felt for him felt so utterly different from what she felt for Sasuke. Not more or less, but _different_ in a way that mattered. At least to him it did.

And she’d still charged at the Uchiha with a poisoned kunai…

It was strange to call murder an act of love, but sometimes it was all that was left. When the one you loved sank so low that you didn't even recognize them anymore, when they turned themselves into your monsters... maybe ending their wretched existence was preferable to having them sink even lower, become even more twisted. Naruto could understand that logic perfectly – he just didn’t share it. He knew that if it came to it and he fought Sasuke again, it would be as he'd said: they'd both die. And as Sakura healed the wound he’d accidentally gotten from her poisoned kunai, he had seen that despair in her eyes, that so recognizable taste of defeat that turned the bones to water and he'd _known_ , so clearly that he might as well have heard it from inside her head, that she had not planned to survive attempt to end their teammate.

Was that why she'd wanted to go alone? Was that why she was so convinced that nobody else should ever shoulder the burden of Sasuke's death?

Was she _insane?!_

Naruto sighed.  No, Sakura was not insane. She was foolish, that's what it was. Naruto was foolish too, but at least he had a reason. All _she_ had was her love.

What she’d said about him, about being in love with _him_ … it wasn’t a perhaps an outright lie, but it was not the truth either and Naruto had known it, even if a part of him had hoped it to be true.

 _‘…someone who keeps getting father away from me.’_ she’d said.

Naruto smiled a little sadly. That didn’t matter though, did it. _Distance is nothing to people like us._ It was just another obstacle to surpass before getting to what they wanted. That was perhaps the only thing that the members of team Seven had always had in common.

Naruto closed his eyes and leaned back, trying to get some sleep, knowing he wouldn’t. His head was too full, so was his heart.

She should have known better. She should have known it wouldn’t have worked. Naruto knew what that the kind of love she professed looked like. He had felt it, seen it in the eyes of those that were strong with the conviction of it, even when it lead them into doing things others thought of as insanity, things nobody else but someone in love would ever understand. He had seen it in Sakura's own eyes, when time and again she did the unthinkable, the unreasonable, just for the sake of that love.

She proved it herself, not even a few hours ago…

If he'd been a  lesser man, he'd be angry at trying to be manipulated by the strings of his heart like that... but he wasn't. He was himself: Uzumaki Naruto, and he could see Sakura's actions for what they were: not manipulation, but an act of desperation. He understood that sometimes love, in any of its forms, required sacrifice and trying to pass her feelings for what they were really not – perhaps even for what she wished they were - had been Sakura's sacrifice for him, because she wanted him safe and didn’t want to lose him, not even for Sasuke’s sake… because she _did_ love him.

Strange wasn't it, how it kept coming back to that.

Love and hatred – his father had warned him about it, so had Nagato, so had Jiraya before them. It would _always_ come back to that. Those who love too deeply can never recover from losing that which makes their heart beat. Those that have the heart to love, have the potential to hate… even if its selfish, even if its pain. Those that lose everything , forget that it feels like to hope.

_I love you…_

_I hate you…_

Just three simple words that held the potential to destroy the whole world… or to make it anew.

Maybe Sakura did love him the way he’d always wanted her to and he’d been wrong to doubt her. Maybe she was just trying to tell him that it didn’t matter anymore, that she didn’t want him chasing after someone over whom she’d already given up… maybe she had just been trying to give him something in return for making him let go of a promise he’d made her years ago, a promise he’d made to himself. Either way, whatever angle he chose to see it from, it didn’t feel like an absolute truth, it didn’t feel like a sentiment that could live on its own. It couldn’t have been – the relationship between the members of Team seven was too complicated and thorny for any emotions to float freely and without strings attached to everything else around it. What Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke shared – lately they had even ensnared Sai as well - was a micro-cosmos of wishes, dreams, violent passions and bitter regrets, all into itself, and so strong was its gravitational pull that sometimes it was impossible to imagine there was a whole world out there, outside of their little dysfunctional imitation of a family…

But the world had no intentions of waiting for him, not for any of them. The course of collision had started and if not by Sasuke’s hand than it would have found another way, another to push it. It was tumbling now, falling and Naruto was part of it... and he knew that if he didn't find the answer that would lead them all out of this destructive course, nobody ever would, because it seemed that he was the only one that was willing to try.

Solitude sometimes, had nothing to do with numbers and Naruto was slowly starting to understand that.

oOoOo

When Hinata had been told that Sakura had left for the Land of Iron to tell Naruto herself of the decision Konoha’s 11 had taken regarding Sasuke, the brunette had not been surprised. She did not know if she should wish Sakura luck or not however, seeing that she had left on what had all the premises of being an assassination mission, the target of which was her old teammate… and the boy she’d loved once.

Hinata could not help but admire Sakura’s determination in that. She was sure that she would have never had the courage and strength it took to even _think_ about hurting the one she loved. Would she even consider it, Hinata wondered, if the survival of the village was as stake? Hinata didn’t know and, though it might mark her as a coward, she was rather glad that she didn’t have to find out. Even if love wasn’t involved, even if it was just a teammate, that did not mean the choice was easier. Hinata cared deeply for both her teammates and had the kind of relationship with them that she had with nobody else. It would ruin her heart to even have to contemplate hurting either of them.

And speaking of said teammates – Kiba had been back a couple of hours ago, and in typical fashion, had not stopped complaining since. He’d been poisoned apparently, by Sakura during the course of their mission. Which was why he had shown up at her door, groaning and holding his stomach with his sensitive nose reddened and his eyes watering, because the gas had not been worked out of his system yet. So she ushered both him and Akamaru through the back, and for starters gave the huge dog a bowl full of various leafs to chew on in the garden (which sweet Akamaru did, even though he whined all the time at the taste, just like his master), while she sat Kiba on one of the kitchen chairs and made him a  strong tea of rare herbs that would help purify his organism.

By now she knew that telling him to go to the hospital, where they’d be able to help him much more proficiently than herself, was a waste of breath, so Hinata helped him any way she could this way. After years of getting used to each other’s strength, one learns to deal with each other’s weaknesses as well and Hinata knew how to help whenever it came to superficial things like this, with teas and ointments and things of the like. Learning to heal on a more proficient way however, using real medical jutsu… well, that was why she’d applied for training at the hospital. After Pain’s attack she had found herself severely lacking in healing skills and that had made her feel worse than useless, when there had been so many around needing that kind of help. Their Hokage’s sacrifice had resonated within her strongly.

But that was another matter entirely.

“Drink slowly, it’s very hot.” She said as she put the steaming cup in Kiba’s hands and sat down in front of him, taking her own green tea and giving it a small sip.

Kiba took a gulp and winced.

“Don’t gobble it down, it’ll burn.” And no matter how many times she reminded him of that, he still did it. Somehow, Kiba lacked the ability of paying attention to things that weren’t immediately lethal. Hinata tried not to roll her eyes at her long time best friend. It wasn’t really surprising that most of the scars he bore were from stupid accidents – a fact he’d made her solemnly swear never to divulge. 

“This thing tastes as awful as always.” Kiba hissed, his face puckering up like he’d just sucked a lemon dry.

“Then perhaps you should learn how to avoid knock-out gas.” Hinata returned, ever so calm. To say that she was curious for details would be a serious understatement, but she was hesitating. After all, his mission had been high A rank. Perhaps he wasn’t at liberty to discuss details.

“No, what I should do is _never_ team up with Haruno _ever_ again! The chick is _seriously_ off her rocker, she almost killed us. I mean, she could have politely asked for us to stay back and let her deal with her own issues - for which, with all dues respect, she needs some professional help, probably from someone with steel nerves - but _no_ , she _has_ to knock us out with semi-lethal gas reserved for viscous enemies.” Kiba ranted out, still obviously gnashing his teeth over the whole thing. Then, just as Hinata decided to ask him discretely why she would have done that, she caught the look he was giving her… as if he was about to tease her about something, but then thought better of it and looked away.

Hinata cocked  her head on the side a little. Kiba was one of the most sincere people she knew, but he had almost no filter between his brain and his mouth. Whenever he held something back, it meant the issue was serious. And him avoiding eye contact meant that he was _hiding_ something and not simply holding back, something he felt guilty about.

“What is it?” She asked, fixing Kiba with an unblinking stare that made him wiggle a little in his chair.And though he would _never_ admit it out loud, he desperately wished that Shino was there because when it came to putting his foot in his mouth Kiba was a master and Shino was usually the one to stop him with a harmless slap at the back of the head or something… but now he was stuck and _man_ , he was gonna hurt her feelings and he _really_ didn’t wanna do that, but he couldn’t _not_ tell her either, that would be worse, and where the fuck is that bastard bug-boy when you need him, huh?

Finally Kiba decided to treat it as a joke and he gave her a big grin.

“Well, whatdoya know, looks like you have a rival, Hinata chan.” Kiba said, giving her a wink and a cheeky smile. Hinata however didn’t catch on immediately, and Kiba felt the extreme desire to facepalm.

Could he be _more_ of an idiot?

No, don’t answer that!

He sobered up, pretending never did him any good anyway - Hinata could see through freaking walls, let alone his lame-ass pretences. She would tell one of his fake smiles from… what was the distance now, ten miles? Lying to her was always a bad idea.

“When we got to Naruto, Sakura didn’t tell him about us deciding to kill Sasuke to stop the war. I dunno what kind of marbles roll in that brain of hers, but she ended up telling Naruto that… well, ya know…” No, fuck it all, but she really didn’t! _Spit it out, you little coward_! “She kinda confessed to him or something, trying to make him give up on Sasuke and come back home.” Kiba finally got out.

He couldn’t have said it more awkwardly, but he thought he got the main point across as clearly as possible. The hard thing to watch was the frozen expression on Hinata’s face, her lips falling just half-an-inch open, enough to tell him she was shocked. She looked away from his face, eyes fixing on an indefinite spot on the table for a few moments.

“And that’s why you thought she was my rival?” Hinata asked slowly, looking up at her teammates with shiny eyes… and a smiled that seemed more like it was painted on. He knew she wouldn’t cry and that was about the only thing that was keeping him from panicking. Hinata never cried. He hadn’t seen her shed a tear since… maybe since as far back as the Chunnin exams. Something inside her had hardened after that, and it was like all her tears froze before they even made it out of her.

“Sakura-san has never been my rival Kiba, nor will she ever be – well, the right way to say it is that I can’t be hers.” Hinata explained as she took hold of the kettle gently and poured him some more of that god-awful tea. And if her hand shook just a little bit, Kiba pretended not to notice.

“I can’t be her rival… because she already has Naruto-kun’s love. There is no competition there, you see.”

Finally Kiba exploded. Tact wasn’t really his thing anyway, he told himself.

“Oh come on, you _gotta_ be kidding me! She doesn’t even love him for real!”

Hinata’s pale eyes snapped to his face and for a single moment - so fast that anyone who didn’t know her as well as he did would have missed it - that very vague similarity that she had with her cousin came to light in the way her eyes sobered and focused on him so hard he felt the weight of it like a brick to the face. Neji's _'stare of doom'_ was even more lethal when it came from as an unlikely place as Hinata.

“Kiba… do try to be more linear, I’m afraid there is only so much of your train of thought I can follow.” She said, eyeing with both suspicion and surprise, and Kiba thought that he really didn’t like it when she talked to him in the ‘Kurenai-sensei’ voice, it made him feel like a kid, but at the moment that was beside the point.

“The Orange Idiot doesn’t think so at least. Haruno went all soulful on him, mushy ’n grabby, the whole nine yards - and at first he looked right scared, and thought she was shitting him, right, kept telling her to stop joking. But Sakura wouldn't quit and that was when our resident hero went and told her that she was lying to herself and - get this - he hates people who do that.” Kiba concluded with a self-satisfied smirk. He had high difficulties finding sympathy for Sakura at the moment, for a wide and colourful variety of reasons… but even he had to admit that, if Sakura’s feeling would have been as honest as she professed them to be Naruto's incredulity and the way he shut her down like that would have been seriously cold… and it also went a long way to hinting at some of the more marked dynamics between those two, but Kiba didn't want to get into that. The whole phyco-babble thing was not his forte - that was more Hinata's thing.

“Personally, I think she was pulling his dic- I mean, his heartstrings, trying to get him to come back to Konoha because the Akatsuki are tracking him and he doesn’t seem to give a shit. I can’t believe the words are coming aouta my mouth, but I gotta say, I agree with the Supreme Idiot on this one: she was lying.”

“Sakura-san wouldn’t do that.” Hinata said firmly, looking at her cup of green tea. She spoke softly, as she always did, but there was no mistaking the conviction behind her words, she believed it. Kiba however snorted audibly, causing him to inhale some of that tea and then sneeze loudly… making Hinata smile a little despite their current discussion.

“Hello, we’re talking about the same crazy bitc- _bird_ that knocked me and two others unconscious and left us out in the open while her sociopathic ex-teammate was on the loose in the area. I’m lucky I’m alive here Hinata-chan.” Not to mention that she’d looked ready to beat up Naruto for not believing her… but Kiba didn’t mention that. He didn’t need to give Hinata the gory details, he felt bad enough as it was.

Hinata gave him a reproachful look.

“I’m sure you’re just exaggerating, as always. Sakura-san would never risk the lives of her teammates so carelessly. In fact, she probably knocked you out to keep you away from Sasuke-san’s notice.” Hinata rebounded with the same certainty as before.

Kiba frowned. “Huh?”

“I suppose she thought she had a better chance on her own, perhaps counting on him seeing her as an old teammate or a friend, and hesitating. I doubt Sasuke-san would show any of us the same courtesy.” Hinata speculated, though she knew she was just grasping at straws. Some said that Uchiha Sasuke was completely insane, and if one chose to believe those words, there was nothing to suggest he would hesitate for _anyone_ , least of all Konoha nin, if they tried to harm him.

“That’s beside the point.” Kiba waived dismissingly as he always did when he sensed he was losing an argument or when he was too lazy to continue the debate. “And what’s that about her not being your rival? Of course Sakura’s into him now that he’s all heroish and shit. Every airhead in this village is having the same reaction as we speak. What, you’re gonna let ‘em have him?”

Hinata sighed. Her mood had plummeted and soared and plummeted again and she was starting to feel the consequence of it – she had not been this tired before Kiba told her the news. She felt cold and her hands were clammy where they were holding her forgotten cup of tea. She didn’t even have the energy to blush at Kiba’s implications.

“Sakura-san is hardly an airhead, Kiba, and she has been Naruto’s friend long before he became a hero. It’s not the same.” Hinata pointed out, knowing it to be the truth. They were friends, perhaps a lot like Kiba and Shino and herself were friends. They were teammates… and Naruto had always chased after her, ever since at the Academy.

“But…” Kiba started, and when he didn’t continue, she looked up to at him. “But, you’ve totally liked him longer, though god knows why, cause I sure don’t!”

This time Hinata did blush a little. At Kiba’s so honest bewilderment, her mood was starting to resurface a little. He was so naturally goofy, though she was sure he was puffing it up a little for her benefit, just to make her feel better. That, among other things was what made him such a good friend.

“I don’t think that matters, Kiba-kun.” She said with a small smile.

She believed that too. If he loved someone else, but it remained unrequited, she might, with persistence and love and dedication, win him over. But if the girl he’d loved, loved him back, than that was it, there was no room in that picture for Hinata. Because in the end, it wasn’t about _her_ , or what _she_ wanted or how much _she_ loved him… it was about whether or not he could come to loving her back. The kind of love she had for him demanded it: it needed to be met, to be equalled in every way. It wasn’t ornamental, she didn’t want to be by his side just because. She wanted to be there because it was _him_ she loved… and she wanted to be loved back the same way.

Anything less than that would not be enough and she’d starve for that affection that she so desperately needed. And that would be a slow and painful death. Not being enough always was, and Hinata knew that better than most. It twisted her heart to admit it, but she knew she’d rather be alone than be with someone that didn’t really want her, someone who wouldn’t ever love her because his heart was already full of someone else. She didn’t want to be compared to the image of a stranger her whole life. If that was the case, she’d rather not be with him at all and continue to have that same admiration from afar.

It wasn’t lack of determination or confidence, if she thought for a moment that she could win his love – which she did – than she would fight to the very end for it. But she was not going to settle for being second best, not in this. Her life had been too full of people that had always compared to someone else and found her lacking. At least in love, she wanted it to be different … because if not, than Hinata could honestly say that she could imagine no sadder fate for herself.

Her grim thoughts must have shown on her face, because when Kiba spoke next, there was apprehension and some strange form of apology in his tone, as if she was begging her of something with his eyes.

“So… what, are you just gonna give up?”

Hinata looked at him, her spine straightening, her lips pulling in a half smile that was much more real than the one before it, which had even a bit of a challenge to it.

“I _never_ give up.” Hinata said clearly, looking at him in the eye unflinchingly. “I thought you knew that by now.”

Kiba gave her a fantastic grin… inside feeling relief that he hadn’t been the one to break her dream with his abnormally tactless self.

Of course, when he relayed this conversation to Shino later, the potency of his friend’s glare could be felt even through the dark lenses that the bug user always wore, and Kiba swore that the slap he got at the back of his head was so strong that it actually shaved off a part of his scalp… but he didn’t do anything about it because in some part of him, he knew that though Hinata hadn’t shown it, she had been hurt by what he’d told her. And Shino didn’t do anything else either to Kiba for telling her, because the inevitable truth remained that Hinata had to know.

After all, they couldn’t let their teammate go into a battlefield without telling her where the traps and exploding tags were. It was simply what teammates did: they looked after each other.

o

TBC:::


	6. Chapter 6

**_ _ **

**_5_ ** _. That which cuts though everything_

_… a favourite quote of mine goes like this: 'Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.'_

_\- Joseph Campbell –_

Some time ago, when the Hokage realized Hinata's potential, she took an interest. Most would be flattered, but not necessarily glad. Their Hokage after all was a woman worth fearing for a reason. But Hinata thrived at any challenge because she had only once fixed goal: to overcome it. And that was how, at the Hokage's command, Hyuga Hinata did what few had done before: nine months of intensive training in the ANBU Behaviour Analysis and Interrogation Unit.

Yes,  _that_  place. The place where terrors and horrors go to relax and be themselves… Or so she was warned it would be, when she first started. The truth turned out to be not so far off, but not as gruesome as Hinata had anticipated either.

In the end, the result was that the gentle Hyuga with kind eyes learned a whole catalogue of cruel and unusual ways of getting answers out of somebody without necessarily laying a single finger on them. And  _that_  perhaps was one of the reason why Hinata wasn't incapacitated by the uncertainty and dread that usually came when one is captured. Nor was she terrified when they came in – three men - and gave her a sound beating, mostly because she'd expected worse. Not that she wasn't aching: her whole body felt like one giant bruise, but she knew that this was nothing.

But then they proceeded to rip her dress right off her… and at first the shriek was unavoidable, but then instead of cowering in fear, she punched one of them with enough chakra to give him a brain haemorrhage and kneed another so hard she saw three of his ribs break and puncture his lung. She hoped he died suffocating in his own blood.

In turn they beat her harder, stepped on her broken toes and gave her a second fracture on her left ankle. She tried not to scream for as long as she could, in the end it proved unavoidable. But though the breaks were messy, they hadn't cut through muscle much (getting dressed in those old fatigues they had thrown her though… well, as Kiba would say, it had been a bitch and they also injected her with something and by the smell, she could surmise it was antibiotics… All that, taken in context with the fact that there had been no actual torture, no questions for information, led her to only one possible conclusion: there was something else they wanted from her more than they wanted information, something which apparently precluded any serious damage to her person.

 _Three guesses what that is_ , a voice whispered in her head, one that sounded a lot like her old sensei. It didn't take a genius to figure it out of course: they knew she was a Hyuga and they wanted her eyes.

Hinata could see it – especially in the eyes of that one shinobi with half his face covered. He watched her with the carefulness of someone who is studying some interesting phenomena. That man was the leader. If the rest of them seemed to be good ninja, but nothing outstanding, that one was definitely S rank. It was rare to find that kind of shinobi that were still labelled as missing nin these days, but there were a few out there. He was among them – or at least Hinata thought so. His appearance was completely unfamiliar though.

As far as she figured from her limited interaction with her captors, though still very new at this (which explained their greed and was the reason why she wasn't killed on the spot) they had multiple resources and, judging from their diverse fighting styles, they came from different nations; there was a hierarchy, they were disciplined and used counter-surveillance and used it well, which was possibly one of the reasons she was caught.

All that spelled terrorist organization… one that was holding Hinata prisoner, with its fungus-faced leader wanting to gauge her eyes out.

_Outstanding!_

A part of her brain, the part that had been prodded into being after training with Konoha's best assassins, thought that this was the lesser of two evils, because if one thought a little harder about it, there were more  _creative_  ways to reproduce her gifts.

But this was not like that time when she was two and was kidnapped at the order of a foreign nation. This man wouldn't want to spread the Byakugan to tiny children that would later be used as weapons. He wanted the eyes for  _himself_. Which was just as well, because if he so much as  _thought_  about getting his dick anywhere near her, she'd have to do something drastic and tantamount to suicide, since it would probably get her killed within seconds by the rest of his men.

Hinata huddled a little closer to herself, trying for warmth, in vain.

Once you made Jonin, you were given a cyanine pill, and told all about the perks of suicide in case of capture. And though she could rationally understand why death would be preferable to some other forms of enhanced interrogation – at the end of which you'd be killed anyway - there was a large part of her that rebelled violently at the thought of taking her own life. It was that part of her that was adamant to live. That same part that was stubborn and relentless and fierce. To the core of herself, she was still very much in love with life.

In love with life, and spring and the warmth of the sun on her face…

It was strange how that thought only brought heartache. Ridiculous really that even here, trapped in any shinobi's nightmare, the only true hell she could conjure, was an existence without him. She could almost scorn herself for feeling this way, but then again, even her scorn was born out of love: she had lived through abuse, rejection, invisibility; defied death and lasted through war and slaughter, and  _still_  held on to hope fiercely, never stopped believing.

It had taken heartbreak to take that away from her.

 _Almost_  take it away, Hinata amended… because though it might be easier and perhaps even wiser, in truth she really  _didn't_  really find it ridiculous that even after all that had happened, when in hopelessness, her thoughts turned to him.

It wasn't a weakness. It was a matter of truth.

 _Almost_ … that seemed to be the key word of her existence. A whole life lived by halves: almost an heir, almost a daughter, sister, teammate… lover.

She always tried so hard, gave her everything into everything she did, but it seemed that not even her all was ever enough, not to those around her. In comparison to others who seemed to shine like bonfires in the night, her brightest flame felt like the twinkle of a star in the sky: faint, distant and fickle… and nothing more.

That thought made her feel more lost and wretched than even her current situation.

And there it was, finally cast out into the metaphorical harsh light of day - the  _real_  reason she got caught in the first place: she had been too distracted and physiologically unstable for this kind of high-level mission, or any kind for that matter. As an intelligence operative, she should have known that what is on paper is never really a match for what you find on the field. She had underestimated her enemy and it had come back to bite her in the ass. Civilian infiltration – piece of cake, right?

No.

In a way, she deserved it, for letting her guard down, for taking on more than she should have, risking not only herself but the mission also. She had known she needed more time to work through her emotions, but she had also known that her whole life wouldn't be enough time to get that kind of pain out of her system. There was nowhere to go but move forward. And the temptation of just getting  _out_  of the village had felt like a reprieve at the time. Being there, where every leaf in every tree and even the rocks in the river reminded her of him, felt like torture.

And now she was god-knew-where, probably hundreds of miles away from wherever he was… and he was still haunting her.

By now, she knew enough to stop resisting.

For the first time in almost two months, her hand went to that nameless place on her side: somewhere too high to be called her thigh and too low to be part of her hip - a place that one night among many, he had named ' _no-man's-land but mine' …_  and to prove it, that was where he had put a mark that looked a lot like a tattoo of swirling symbols. Now, there on no-man's-land, instead of that small circular seal that that spelled his name and that of the technique that would always bring him to her, there was a set of bloody cuts carefully intersecting and deliberately done to ruin that mark she'd liked so much.

They hadn't recognized his seal for what it was, if they had she'd be dead. But they had still preferred to err on the side of caution… which unfortunately for Hinata meant they were either smart, or freakishly paranoid.

Hinata shook those thoughts away, telling herself to keep focus on the things that most mattered at that very moment. There was no time to dwell on her feelings, none of that mattered right now. She had a mission to complete and to do that she had to get the hell out of here. She had been taken over by her own stupidity once, it would not happen again.

So she took deep steadying breaths and forced her system to slow down as she kept channelling chakra to her wounds the way Sakura-chan had taught her to. She was lucky they hadn't bound her chakra system, though she knew that would not last forever, which was why she needed to do this as fast as possible. She could feel the bones slowly mending, and though healing them with her rudimentary technique felt no less painful than breaking them, she gritted her teeth through the pain and didn't utter a peep.

She would need all her strength for when the right time came which was why she couldn't afford to lose concentration on things that were over and done with now. Now she needed to be a kuinochi.

But instead of trying to clear her mind of all things and emotions, Hinata focused on what gave her happiness and peace, on what had  _always_  given her strength to surpass herself. She would think of her sister and how first thing in the morning she looked like a large brown-feathered bird had died on her head; and how Neji's smile was always a little hesitantly given, as if a little shy. She would think of Shino and how handsome he was under his getup, and Kiba playing with Kurenai's little girl, pulling Akamaru's ears. She would think of family, and they would get her through this, because they were her happy place and that's where she needed to be now.

And she would think of  _him_  also, because he was the sun on her face on a warm spring day; and this time she would try to think of him not as someone she'd lost, but as someone she had always cherished instead. After all, that was how she'd always thought him of.

It couldn't be so hard to love him from a distance once more… could it?

oOoOo

Distance was a relative term. Contrary to rational belief, it was not at all about the space between two points, but rather what awaited you once you got there, and how badly you wanted to cross said distance to find it.

To him, distance had always been something to cross, just another obstacle. Nothing more.

During his not so long life, Naruto had felt the urgency of a missed moment quite a few times. It was when every heartbeat seems too fast and every second is keeping you away from that which you want most, that the race becomes a battle with time and against your own body. But the truth of it is that though your heart may reach out (its aching being the best compass there ever was) your body known its own limitations better than your will does, and you have to learnt to cooperate because in the end, the brain wins out: you know that there is nothing to be gained by getting somewhere faster, if you're in no shape to fight once you're there.

That was what Naruto tried to tell himself when they made camp after two days of nonstop marching at top speed. According to Shino, tomorrow they would be within the 50 mile range where Hinata was being kept and they all needed their strength. Camping out was logical, a good night's sleep would do their exhausted limbs good and they needed to formulate a plan. Shino had their camping site surrounded by is bugs for almost three miles – not a breath of wind would move without him knowing about it.

That said, it was not worry over the fact that it was imprudent not to leave a guard out, that was keeping Naruto up. He simply wasn't tired enough to pass out and he just couldn't quiet his head down enough to find some rest.

But then again that was nothing new. Rest had been hard to come by these days.

It had been more than just a few days. It had been over two months. Seventy-two days. That was ten weeks and two days… He could tell you how many hours there was in seventy two days, even how many days within a single night of that time-stretch.

Seventy two days could be an eternity… but it could also be just a moment ago when she shimmied slowly out from under his arm and the covers, taking extra care not to rattle him off his sleep - which was useless of course, because the feeling of another warm body so close next to his was so new to him that it would take as little as her changing breathing patterns to pull him out of unconsciousness.

The first time she'd gotten up in the middle of the night he'd though that she was going to slip out and go back to the Hyuga compound. Well, he'd thought  _that_  later; the moment he had felt her trying to move away, he hadn't been thinking much of anything beyond the fact that she was leaving him and he didn't want her to. His reaction was on instinct alone, self preservation most likely, since the thought of her leaving had spiked a strange brand of anxiety, born by a completely irrational fear of being left alone in his own apartment after she had been there to fill it with her scent and presence and scattered clothes.

That was why he moved so suddenly, his arm tightening around her, effectively trapping her against himself.

"Stay …You promised you'd stay." He'd mumbled to the back of her neck, his breath travelling down her spine, raising goosebumps that his lips followed, and if he sounded just a little bit desperate, he didn't care.

It wasn't often that she could afford to stay the night and actually  _sleep_  together and Naruto had learned exactly how much he hated her leaving, the morning when he woke up and she was still there tangled with him, warm and soft and sleeping half on top of him.

He felt a gentle touch, the tips of her fingers tracing a line down his cheek.

"I was only going to the bathroom." Her whisper sounded loud in the moonlit darkness, her voice devoid of anything other than warmth. It made him feel less of an idiot at least.

He'd loosened his embrace and watched her slip through, hand reaching out hunting for something to put on. It was no wonder that she always came up with his t-shirt or jacket, seeing that her clothes were always much harder to find since he slingshot them around the room in all the enthusiasm to get her out of them.

He'd watched sleepily, half of his face sunken in the pillow, as she pulled on his T-shirt and rolled up the long sleeves so that she could see her own fingers. The memory to her tiptoeing to the bathroom with the hem of his shirt barely coming to the tops of her thighs was burned in his memory. He had smiled slowly at the sight at the time, and warmed in anticipation: it was fantastic to let her go, just for the sake of feeling her return again, sleek and warm, keeping her cold toes away from his so that she wouldn't shock him with the feel of them – until he had to tangle their legs together in what was always a fun game and she'd be forced to give way with a smile. There was nothing better than sinking his nose in her hair and letting his hands glide over the lines of her body, searching for a comfortable place or just a close feel.

He had learned to tell the difference between her getting up to leave and her waking to go to the bathroom... or her jolting awake with a shiver and a cold sweat. That happened too sometimes.

But it was only when she knew she had to be back in her own compound that she would deliberately wake him up also, with light kisses soft as butterfly wings falling all over his side and his chest and his face, until she sat astride of him again and he let himself be kissed... kissed deeply with so much love it made his heart clench both desire and longing, even as she was right there. And they would roll together in the warmest embrace he'd ever known, arms and legs tangling, the awkwardness of those first times forgotten as if it had been a long time ago. Together they were perfect, so much more than either was on their own. Natural... he'd never known anything else that had felt easier or more right. They had fit together and he hadn't known fitting that way was even possible.

There were nights when he stayed awake for as long as he could after she had already fallen asleep, feeling her skin under his palm when she was so still and calm, watching the play of moonlight on her hair, the shadows it created on her body. She slept so silently, so peacefully… and when the night was dark or he'd had a rough day, the sight of her so close, made him feel strange things.

It was on those times that the deep part of him where all the shadows of his soul laid quiet, he was most surprised that she was there. And it was to that part that every kiss, every touch and smile, felt as shocking as the first, as if nothing he ever did or learned prepared him for what he felt, how strongly he felt it, and nothing he could ever do would ever get him used to it. It was nice to feel that kind of surprise, in a way it felt like allying in love with her all over again… but he dreaded it too. being surprised was at its seed, a doubt, and he didn't want to have them. He didn't want to taint what he felt with them. but he too, as everyone else, had a darker corner in his mind, in his heart. He could not help it, could not eradicate it. There was no light without the dark.

Now - outside in the open, with a thousand other thoughts running through his mind - it was perhaps strange that the part of him that most raged at her not being there with him, was precisely that dark corner of his should that had most often doubted everything about her. Perhaps it was because that was the only part of him that never softened even a little, even for her. The rest of him was aching so deeply over that single memory of her tiptoeing in his clothes around his shoebox-apartment with his, that he turned to hide his face in his sleeping bag to muffle the heavy breaths, his chest feeling like it had forgotten how to expand to accommodate his next breath.

Maybe it was that surprise on those dark nights that was the seed of his mistakes… there was where his every irrationality began and ended.

Seventy two days... Seventy three nights that were the loneliest of his existence. Because distance was relative and it had nothing to do with space. She was  _always_  in his mind, but she wasn't tangibly there and it wasn't the same – and sometimes it was, because he couldn't evict her from his heart the same way he had from his life. And it was for the sake of distance that he'd gone and ended everything. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time.

The next moment it had felt like the stupidest thing he'd ever did. And the look on her face...

 _...god,_  the  _look_  on her face...

Naruto pulled at his hair hard, trying to concentrate on the burn of his scalp instead of the memories that were trying to eviscerate him with guilt. He had never felt crueller than in that moment, when her heart broke so loudly, he heard it even over his own.

She had been so shocked, and perhaps that was why she'd hadn't shed a single tear. He could see the irony though, over the fact that he had been the one to cry like a baby.

He had developed an unhealthy (and unfair) habit of trying to spy on her after that. But it was easier said than done when it came to a girl with razor-sharp senses who could see through walls for miles, and who along with her two best friends (with whom she spent a lot of her time) made up the best tracking team Konoha had had in generations.

It was fair to say that under those conditions Naruto had had to get creative, in a way that would have made even Jiraya proud.

But he had to end his newly-developed obsession fairly soon, because if passing whole days without even glimpsing at her once felt unbearable, then watching her as she trained herself to utter exhaustion, until she had to drag herself back to her compound… well, that was worse. Watching her slip under the covers of her futon and stare at that stupid stuffed fox he'd given her became torture and he just couldn't stand seeing that look in her eyes sometimes, when she lost focus and stared at a spot on the wall for hours.

Naruto derailed his thoughts with the same force that he would use to punch a hole clear through a tree. He had to think about something else, something that would give him some kind of quiet, some measure of peace…

But for the life of him he couldn't move past that one memory that had decided to torment him tonight. Maybe it was because tonight, more than any other night she had not laid by him, she was not simply safely tucked in somewhere else. And because, for some reason he really didn't know how to put into words, he missed her now more than ever; more than he had missed her every night he'd been without her put together. Tonight, he could hardly  _breathe_  for the need to have her close, and for some godforsaken reason, all he could think of right now was the first time they had slept in each other's arms. Perhaps it would have been easier to dredge up that particular occasion if it were a slightly happier memory, but it wasn't. He'd been drained, bleeding, smelling of fire and brimstone, the scent of the battlefield following him even after he'd left it, its great rumble echoing in his ears, even after roaring stopped and night cloaked all with immense silence. It had been one of the most painful times of his life and they had been both so miserable. The only thing to be grateful for was that he had not had to be alone through it.

But among the grief and immense loss, it was that sliver of comfort they took in each other's presence that he ached for now… and that nothing and no one could replace.

o

TBC:::


	7. 6. And I held you with bloodstained hands…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: In this chapter i tried to describe a Hinata that in my mind is changed from what we know her as. (In the mange we also whitness the result of her maturity, thought its not explained taht thoroughly) I tried to be as clear as possible, without being obvious or redundant, and I really hope that though less the blushing and stuttering girl, she is still Hinata, that is, still in character.

**_6_ ** _. And I held you with bloodstained hands…_

_'You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.'_

_\- E. B. White, 'Charlotte's Web' -_

It was a strange thing, the silence after a battle. It pushed at your eardrums, not because it was too still, but because it was only after it was over that the roaring noise of the fighting finally started to hurt. When you were in the thick of it, the adrenaline so high, the heart flying and your muscles feeling immortal, the blows almost didn't hurt and you fought tooth and nail for every inch, you did extraordinary things because there was someone by your side you wanted to protect, someone for whom you'd even lay your life.

She had come to understand something important in this war, something that she had known for a while, but if was different seeing it so widely, admits so much death: at the seed of themselves, those who fought hardest did not do it because they hated what they were fighting against, but because they loved those they were fighting by their side. That was why she was immune to the games of the mind that their enemy had tried to play. Immune to the draw of hatred and nihilistic denial of life… because she loved, she always would. She was filled with love, and nothing reminded her better of it than fighting side by side with those she had sworn to protect.

It was strange perhaps, but it was so.

And that was why now she felt like something inside her was torn and bleeding inwardly, so much so that she was drowning with it. Because she loved with all her heart, and therefore also suffered just as deeply. And though throughout the years she had schooled herself to deny tears, sometimes the heaviness of grief was just too much to contain and you had to let it out. She knew she had to, because sometimes strength meat letting go.

…There are some emotions the body simply isn't built to contain.

So she made herself move from where she had first collapsed after the troops retreated, and the only place she could think of going was… away… somewhere where the quiet wasn't so deafening, inside a place she could be on her own. But in a camp of several divisions from several different countries, privacy was a luxury that not many could afford. She had shared a tent with Ko, but he was in the medics tent.

And Neji, with whom she'd also shared quarters… he was not there either.

The urgency of her tears was what made her move. In the end, she only had to think of him to feel the hole in her chest expand and overwhelm. Like a fresh wound, it bore no teasing lightly. It hurt like nothing had ever hurt before… and this time Hinata didn't deny it: it was loss, it was pain and the unspeakable desolation of being left behind. It hurt… and she needed to wash herself in it, feel every bit of it, before she could ever even consider being able to live with it.

oOoOo

He went to her without premeditation, without even thought of where his steps were leading him or what he would do once he got there. It was a simple matter of need, of something that felt as unavoidable as that part about a rock coming down after you throw it in the air. The thread of her emotions was so strong that there was no resisting, the thought didn't even cross his mind.

Out of an entire division, she had been the one to seek solitude… and that was something he couldn't ignore because it was so unbelievably unfair. For a very brief moment he was resentful. Did she not really believe what she said to him? Were those words she spoke to him with such conviction, just words and nothing more? Didn't she know that by keeping to herself her pain would fester, like a bad wound? Sorrow like that couldn't be shouldered alone, you had to bear it with friends, because it was the only way to survive it.

So he went to her: because she would the one of those that was hurting deeply, and she was also the one that was alone in it… and also because she was the one that was there to grip him and steady him back to his own purpose when he wavered, reminding him of himself better than any mirror. It would be too unkind and shamelessly ungrateful not to be there when she was the one most in need of a friend.

Besides… there was nowhere else he could think of going. That was where the inevitability of it came into stark relief.

So when he reached her tent, he knocked just once but didn't expect to be invited in. He knew he wouldn't be. And when he opened the flap and did what he would have never done in any other circumstance, he saw her, and even that flimsy rebellion he'd felt before fell away into oblivion, leaving him only with is feelings that so mirrored hers at the moment.

Because she wasn't isolating herself, or hiding, or simmering.

…She was just crying.

Her protective vest was thrown where she'd taken it off, somewhere near the entrance. She was kneeling on the ground, close to one of the bedrolls but not on it, looking as small as a child with her face sunken into a pillow like that, to muffle the heavy sobs that were shaking her whole frame. And it was just by chance, or maybe not, that he thought she looked just like he once might have looked when he was a kid and hid away to cry alone in a corner, so that nobody could ever witness it.

She looked up and he saw that her tears had made pale runs down her cheeks, clearing tracks the dirt that had accumulated on her face, and smearing in other places in a more messy result. That face that had been so familiar was now so marked by the violence and death that it seemed to belong to someone else.

The girl he remembered was gone.

She too perhaps had just died with her cousin…

As she noticed who it was, her face crumbled anew and she turned her face away… not to refuse him, because he knew by now that she would not do that, but to hide her tears and all that which was so transparent on her face. Had she been anyone else, he would have granted her that privacy. Emotions so intense were almost indecent to witness and everyone had the right to shed them in private… but not this time.

He stepped closer, but had to stop again when a hand that was stained in dried blood and dirt, came up to halt him. Her shoulders shook and he could hear her trying not to hiccup with the effort of holding back.

She spoke, and her voice was thick with tears.

"I'm fine. I a-am. Please, I just… I j-just n-need a m-m …"

But he didn't let her finish, even if she could have been able to. He took her hand in his, that same hand that was raised to stop him, just as the other went around her shoulders to pull her close and hold her there, without hesitation or the barest uneasiness. He felt her freeze in his hold, for a moment she didn't even breathe, but he didn't let go and brought their joined hands over his heart between them... and that was all it took.

Strange how sometimes you can hold your composure and be proper whenever the occasion calls for tears, and then just as someone shows you the tiniest bit of kindness, you completely fall apart.

Hinata proved to be like that. It took that contact between them for her to crumble; and maybe she did because she couldn't hold back any longer, or maybe she could break that way because it was him and no one else... it didn't matter. Naruto felt her weight fall on him as she let go of all the defenses she had left. She folded into him and wept with a kind of desperation that could break stones, her sobs so violent they seemed to come from the bottom of her soul. She sounded inconsolable and Naruto had no idea what to do but hold her tightly enough to remind her she was not alone and let her hide her face in his chest as she wept without barriers or control.

His own tears ran down his face silently. He cried for many things: for the friend he'd lost and the pain it caused him, for every moment throughout the rest of his life when Neji wouldn't be there and Naruto would miss him. He cried for the girl in his arms who was suffering so deeply there could be no meeting her in the middle, and for the countless others who had also lost friends and everyone who had laid down their life. He cried because this was a moment when it would be alright to do so, to just let it go and leak some of his emotions out without restrain.

It should have been embarrassing to be laid so bare, because the soul is appallingly self-conscious about its deepest, darkest emotions, and that self-consciousness is a horrible and overwhelming thing... but at the moment nothing seemed to matter, because they were both so overwhelmed by their emotions that there was nothing left to be embarrassed by.

…

It felt like hours before her tears too turned to being as silent as his. And though she still shook and shivered from time to time, it was not as before when she'd felt like a leaf in a violent storm.

They sat there in silence for a long time, each lost in their own mind, not bothering to move because neither saw the point of it. Now, in both their minds there was that strange quiet that often follows immediate grief, one that usually people mistake for clarity, but that it's really just another form of shock. Naruto had come to lean against one of the poles of the tent and she was seated where he'd manoeuvred her, almost laying over his chest, using him as a kind of pillow with a heartbeat. Neither had a particularly clear idea how they had ended up where they were, and  _if_  the very remote chance of either of them coming to wonder of it, the only pause their current placement would merit was to acknowledge how things had changed from merely some weeks ago, when the sight of a girl in tears would had terrified Naruto beyond imagination, and Hinata would have blushed like a fireball at the mere thought of holding him, let alone leaning against him so freely for so long.

But then again, nobody better than shinobi knew just that there were some things one could not share with someone else without feeling much closer to them, or how much deeper a bond of friendship gets when you risk your lives for one another. And so far Hinata and Naruto had inadvertently shared more with each other in a few weeks than they had their whole lives: dangers, death, loss and heartache; that terrible void of someone that is not there, that indescribable solidarity that comes from one kind gesture when it feels most needed.

…and also something else that hung between them, some words and feelings that, at the moment, were more of a blanket of comfort than anything else: they both held the unspoken, but undoubted, understanding that they cared for one another. How, and how differently, remained peripheral because it didn't matter, not right then. When the world is falling apart and you're the one trying to hold the seams together, any touch of compassion is a gift more precious than anything else. And there was a strange, new kind of safety – especially for Naruto - in knowing you are in the arms of someone that cares for you warmly.

Some things it seemed, needed not to be spoken. Some things just were. And they were friends... and perhaps a little more than that – or was it, a little differently friends from all those he had called friend before - because they shared something just slightly out of the schemes. She had  _love_  for him, and he knew of that love, and that alone was enough to create a whole new dynamic between them that he'd never had with anyone before, even if it was silent and nothing was accepted.

But they were always, first and foremost, friends.

And it proved a great thing, to have a gentle friend. Especially when you feel frail enough that by the wrong brush or at the wrong word, you could crumble in a dust pile and be swept away by any breeze.

…

Perhaps it was proof of how the battlefield had sharpened her awareness, or how years of drilling it had finally proved useful, but when Hinata woke up hours later in the depth of the night, her first thought was about assessing her surroundings: she was in her tent and laying on someone's shoulder – and Neji was gone, her heart clenched painfully – and she hadn't done that since that mission in Wave when the younger part of Team 8 went and got so drunk that they'd practically passed out on top of each other (she using Kiba's shoulder as a pillow and Shino using the small of her back the same way).

She found that she had no recollection of laying down in the first place, and that – strangest of all, but she'd realize that one much later – beside a slight apprehension for her current situation (and undeniable gladness that he hadn't gone and she didn't have to be alone), she could not bring herself to feel much else. There was a strange void in her, something she had never felt before… or perhaps it was matter explained as a sort of numbness that stood like a tall five-foot-thick wall between her and her emotions.

Ephemeral… inconsequential – those were words that could fit her state of being right then.

How would she ever grasp the strength she'd need to keep fighting?

She could of course, the proof was the very underlying current beneath the thought itself: that she would do it by every means necessary. That she would fight for all those that remained and that she would fight alongside those that were already gone where she couldn't yet follow. She knew that she was strong enough to do that.

But not now…

Now was the moment she'd allowed herself to fall and break and come together again. There would be no other, this was a luxury that would not repeat itself. So she did what she felt like doing and cried some more, this time quietly because she didn't want to wake him who was sleeping beside her. He deserved rest more than anyone.

He'd been so brave, so strong. He'd fought with all his heart and gave it his all. But looking at him now, sleeping so close, his face almost relaxed and unguarded… he seemed more like the boy she remembered than the hero everyone saw him as.

Of course, those aspects of him were not mutually exclusive, not to her at least. To her he had always been a hero – for smiling when it hurt most, for struggling with everything and everyone, but never giving up. For daring to believe in radical concepts like ' _peace'_ in a world where death was a form of art, and having the strength of will to say it aloud, over and over again until it was heard over the laughter and ridicule of those that were not as brave to believe - until it was undeniable, and they  _had_ to.

He had always been a source of courage, someone that banished fear with a smile. It was so when she was a child and needed a sunny thought to hold on to, and even now, when she was an adult and rattled by grief that had felt so like fear.

And though she was still hurting, she was not afraid anymore. She knew that would never be the same nor  _should_  she be the same nor should she  _want_  to. That crack in her heart would never heal, would always hurt, but she did not mind it. She'd never minded scars and it was in the scar tissue of the heart that those that love us and leave us, live forever. And that was alright. It had to be… even in those moments when grief felt like a window that opened in its own accord and you were so helpless against it that all you could do was shiver with the cold it let into the room. It had to be ok, because no matter how great her heartbreak, the world would not stop for it. Her heart was her own and only she could shoulder its pain.

Loss of family, unfortunately, cannot be shared - you'll feel them missing every day of your life, in the void places that their absence has left being something nothing else can fill but the memory of those that are gone - … even though it does warm the heart a little not to be in that cold room alone.

_'The darker the night, the brighter the stars.  
The deeper the grief, the closer is god.'_

_\- Fyodor Dostoyevsky –_

o

TBC:::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I used quotes from several authors to enspire me for thsi chapter and some pasages ended up here.
> 
> \- Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship - but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering." s. Plath  
> \- It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses. ― Colette  
> \- You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to." ― Elizabeth Kubler-Ross  
> \- Grief is a most peculiar thing; we're so helpless in the face of it. It's like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. ― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha


	8. 7. Standing on the same side of the river

**_7_ ** _. Standing on the same side of the river_

_'Island calls to island across the silence, and once, in trust, the real words come, a bridge is built and love is done – not sentimental, emotional love, but love that is pontifex, bridge-builder. Love that speak the healing word which is: God be with you, stranger who are no stranger. I wish you well.'_

_\- Frederick Buechner -_

Hinata woke with a start that shook her whole body and for that moment between sleep and awakening, she didn't know where she was or with who. But then, since her sitting up so suddenly startled awake the person she was with, she was very quick to remember.

"What? What is it?" Naruto mumbled, eyes open only half way and yet reflexively clutching a kunai in his hand already and halfway sitting up.

She automatically reached out to put a hand on his arm to stop him getting up all the way, to calm him. It was what she always did with Kiba or Shino, ever since they were children sleeping on the same tent in missions. It was only after she felt the rough fabric of his jumpsuit under her palm that she remembered the acute difference, and somewhere inside her, that square inch that was still weary of being within a foot of this boy, blushed deeply.

The rest of her was still on autopilot.

In the end, it worked as it always did with her teammates… but differently. Where Shino or Kiba were used to her making contact and calmed immediately, soon falling into sleep again, Naruto was not. The hand on his arm got his full attention, waking him up completely, his eyes suddenly alert and his focus sharp as it settled on her face with a clarity that made her uncomfortable, because it seemed to Hinata that he knew exactly what had startled her awake so suddenly… and perhaps it was that clearness of vision, or maybe her sudden hyper-awareness of her situation, but she withdrew her hand fast, her skin shivering on the inside as if it was suddenly stretched too tightly over her body.

It was her telltale sign of deep embarrassment.

She just hoped she was still too tired to blush properly, or he'd think she was just being silly.

"You alright?" he asked seriously, and it was the way he was looking at her so attentively that made her aware of every inch of her skin, every ounce of dirt on it and the way she must look first thing in the morning – something that she had never been too much preoccupied with – or what he must think of her after falling apart so completely…

Both thoughts were dismissed as soon as they were formed on the account of being utterly ridiculous.

"I'm fine. Just a dream." Came the softly spoke answer. She couldn't look him in the face however, so her eyes focused somewhere on his shoulder as she sat up fully, sitting cross legged on the bedroll. She couldn't bear to think that he'd slept just a bare foot away from her, so she distracted herself with making lists on her head until she knew she was calm enough.

The silence between them stretched a little and Naruto could feel its weight. There was something strange in the air between them, a stillness that seemed to have no name yet, as if neither was too sure if this was beyond strange or simply natural. Naruto didn't know what was off with this moment, but he could however tell that something was bothering Hinata - she was sitting there, hands rubbing her eyes in a way that made her look even younger than she was - and though he didn't know what was wrong with her, it was starting to bother him too a little… so he did the only thing he could think of: spouted off the first thing that came to his mind.

"You have any idea what time it is?"

The exceptionally mundane nature of the question helped. Hinata stopped staring blankly at a spot on the tent's surface and pulled back the sleeve of her zip-up to look at her watch.

"Four thirty." She informed the blonde as a hand went to her mouth to his a yawn. She could not help the small smile that turned the corners of her mouth up when, hearing how early it was, Naruto flop back on the bedroll with a groan, an arm coming to cover his eyes.

"You think we might be needed out there?" He asked, and from the way he spoke, she thought he might be falling back asleep… and Hinata realized from his utterly relaxed manner that she was the only one between them that was over-thinking things and being overly embarrassed about them. He was so at his ease… but then, wasn't he always, Hinata reminded herself with a smile. And strangely, as if it was contagious, his causal manner helped her get around to being the same way, because if he was not uncomfortable than she should not be either.

"I doubt it. I we were, someone would have called us." Hinata finally said. After all, it wouldn't have been hard to find them.

"Hey Hinata…" the hesitation in his voice got her attention immediately. He never hesitated about anything. "Do you remember you mom?"

The question was so random that it took her a moment just to absorb it, let alone start thinking about answering it.

"I… I think I do, yes."

There were so many reasons why he could have asked that. She was sure he didn't have any idea who his mother was, he had been an orphan since he was very small.

What it would be like, she wondered, not knowing what the woman that birthed you even looked like? She didn't remember her mother very well, but she knew her face, her smile, the hand that used to pet her head whenever Hinata handed her a flower. They were vague memories, but they were all she had and therefore cherished. The emptiness of not having even that was… unimaginable to her.

"I never remembered my mom, didn't even know her name. Didn't know who my dad was until recently either, but it was my  _mom_  I always wanted to meet for some reason - maybe cause everyone had their mom and I was the only one that didn't… I did meet her though. It was like a dream come true."

She didn't need to look at him to hear the smile around those words. But she did look at him, because what he was saying was impossible… wasn't it?

"She's a total babe by the way, prettiest woman I've ever seen, with this long shiny red hair and eyes just like mine." He said and the smile on his face turned cheeky for a moment, and Hinata smiled at his expression. Down the line someone would probably tell him that you're not really supposed to call your mother a 'babe', but she was not going to be the one to do that if it always brought that smile on his face.

Then his eyes turned serious again and he stared at the tent's ceiling.

"She was so young when she died. My father too. Maybe a few years older than what we are. …I was dreaming about her just now." And he didn't know if it was just an image his brain concocted or if that really was his mother's spirit speaking to him through dreams, but she'd held him close and told him everything was going to be alright, and in that dream, it had felt like the truth.

Hinata sat perfectly still as she listened to him. His words were softly spoken, but in her head they sounded as if he'd yelled them. She didn't know what to say, so she said nothing, but it was physically painful for her not to get a little closer and hold his hand. The look on his face made her heart ache.

When his eyes finally looked away from the ceiling of the tent and found hers, she felt a tiny shiver go down her spine.

"You think it's stupid to miss someone so much even though you've never really met them?"

"No." she didn't even have to think about it. No, it wasn't stupid. It was the only way to ever miss someone.

Then his smile got a little wider. "Aren't you gonna ask me how I met a woman that is supposed to be dead for the last 17 years?"

Hinata smiled back. "No. But I'll listen if you feel like telling me about it… though maybe you should sleep a little more." She added looking at the dark circles under his eyes that persisted no matter how much sleep he got. Promptly, his mouth opened in a huge yawn and Hinata felt her smile widen just a little bit.

"Yeah, maybe I'll do that." he mumbled and Hinata nodded, stood and grabbed her backpack.

The movement got his attention and Naruto peeked at her from under his arm.

"Hey! You can't tell me to go back to sleep and then get up! You need to rest too you know!"

"Yes - " Hinata admitted, but there was something that she felt took precedence over sleep right now. The more time she spent in those fatigues she currently had on, the less human she felt. Perhaps it was fastidious of her, but she wanted to wash off the grime of the previous day before this one started. And as she thought of how to explain him that and came up blank, she decided that she would speak as if he was not Naruto, but Kiba or Shino, and that this was just another mission. The answer came more easily then.

" - but I really want to clean up a little."

"Girls." Naruto snorted and flopped around on his stomach, face half sunken in the pillow. "What's the use of getting cleaned up if you're gonna get gritty in no time all over again?"

Hinata resisted the urge to roll her eyes. That sounded a lot like something Kiba had been saying for years.

_Boys…_

"I suppose I'm finicky that way." She said with a shrug. His snort this time was louder.

"No you're  _not_! You just like being clean. I really should follow your good example…" But instead he gave a yawn so wide that his jaw seemed to unhinge and Hinata felt something melt and flutter in her insides. He was so cute without even meaning to sometimes.

"You can do that later. I'll wake you at dawn… if you like." And she added that because she almost forgot that he was not her teammate and didn't know her mannerisms as well.

In the back of her mind she rather liked that she could speak to him with the same ease she spoke to lifelong friends, when she was not minding the fact that he was _himself_. But she had come to an important realization which had turned into an immediate decision, the day she had almost died for him back in Konoha: she would not let her feelings get in the way anymore. There was no point, especially when he already knew about them. But if she kept blushing and stuttering and being weird, then he'd never know her at all, and then where would the point be?

When she turned to look at him, she saw that his smile had turned playful.

"You're not gonna wake me with an electrical bolt up my foot are you?"

Hinata blinked twice… then smiled. She could guess how he'd been given that particular rude awakening.

Once, when they were in wind country on a mission, Kiba was so slow to get up in the morning that Kurenai sensei had ordered her to hit him with a jet of ice cold water where he lay – and hit him none too gently either. The memory of Kiba's girly yell and his jumping a good three feet in the air never failed to bring a smile to her face. He hadn't talked to her for three full days that time, but he was never slow to wake up again.

"I won't, I promise." She said and this time she even sounded like herself, her voice not quite so flat and rough.

It was just before she got out of the tent that she stopped and halfway turned towards him… unable to meet his eyes this time.

"Thank you Naruto."

Her whisper was so soft that he barely heard it, her hand fisted on the tent's flap, and he realized that saying ' _you're welcome_ ' would cut it, because though it might seem as if he was there only for her last night, that wasn't the whole truth and knew that now as he'd known it when he first came in. They'd helped each other, and there was no need to say thank you – but since she insisted on being proper, than he would follow her example.

"Thank you, Hinata." He said back easily, the inflection on the first word as if he was the one that said it first. Her surprise was in the way she turned and finally looked him in the eye for a moment… and then smiled ever so faintly, eyes lingering on him just a second too long before she turned and walked out of the tent.

It had been that almost imperceptible shift in her eyes, something in the turn of that smile and how it gave her face such incredible softness… it gave him pause and made him gulp a little, for the first time since he woke aware that he had just spent the night not just with a friend, but with a girl who loved him. ( _Loved_  him… Aww man, he was so unfamiliar with the concept that he couldn't even get his brain around it – it was like trying to hug a boulder without being able to get your arms full across it.) A girl who, even after everything that had happened to her, to them all, could still look at him in a way that made her love more vivid than when she'd spoken the words to him.

He hadn't thought about that at all last night… but he did now. It didn't change anything, he didn't regret anything or wish he'd done anything differently… but the awareness he suddenly felt settled inside him and felt both heavy and light at the same time. He didn't know what to name that feeling that was evolving somewhere between his insides, except for maybe closeness. That felt right, it felt warranted. It was the same feeling he got whenever he felt seen, accepted. It was very close to the feeling he got whenever he had smiles directed his way. It was close… but not the same.

He didn't even realized he was smiling.

oOoOo

She ran. She ran as she'd never run before In her life, barely avoiding collision with some and not managing quite so well with others. But there was the kind of smile one her face that made her a rare sight in a war camp, so nobody said anything - in most cases the indignant ' _Hey_!' or ' _Watch where you're going brat_!' stopping just on their lips the moment they saw the radiating happiness on her face.

She was so tired, she didn't think she'd been more tired in her life - every ligament of her body protested t the movement and her chakra system was so depleted she'd barely been able to activate her byakugan just to find him - but none of that slowed her down. Because this couldn't wait, it mustn't. And if the grin on her face made her look stupid, so be it. When she came by their campfire she called his name and it wasn't very much above her usual volume but her sudden entrance and the fact that she almost doubled over trying to catch her breath, effectively snatched everyone's attention and for the firs time in her life, she  _honestly_  didn't care!

She didn't stop to compose herself of regulate her breathing, didn't even pause to consider that she was in front of a formerly passed Hokage, now a living legend and an elite Jonin that was almost as famous.

She had eyes only for Naruto, and she wasn't even embarrassed by it because this time for a different reason.

Her next words danced on a breathless laugh. "He's alive."

His confusion made him frown. "What? Who? Who's alive?" but that glint in her eyes and the biggest smile he'd ever seen on her face already had him hoping.

"Neji! He's alive! Don't ask me how, I don't know. Sakura just told me… and I ran here… to tell you…" the pauses between the words were used to draw much needed breath and to giggle like an idiot, in a way she never had before. But the happiness was so overwhelming, it overshadowed everything else so much that her eyes were watering from it.

He was already getting up and smiling as if he didn't dare to hope. Just when she was backtracking, ready to start running back to the medical tents (hopefully without collapsing or Tsunade-sama would give her hell for it), sure that he would follow, maybe even surpass her there, he stopped her, snatching her wrist and pulling her towards himself with only a brief ' _Come here_!' as warning. He moved so fast that her only possible reaction was a small, almost inaudible ' _Eeep_!'. It was all she could do not to trip on her own feet and still, she ended up crashing against his chest anyway just as, even more nonsensical, he put his arms around her and with a only a brief ' _Hold on_ ' as preparation spoken around a huge grin, he put his hands together for a hand-sign she didn't know…

It all happened so fast that she didn't have even the remote possibility to react. Just as his hands came together the breath she had been drawing got stuck in her throat because she felt the world go dark and an immense pressure came over her, as if she was being compressed into a tiny space and undone at the same time. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't scream, there was a roar in her ears and a deathly silence in her head… and if it had last more than that fatal fraction of a second, she knew she would have been unmade for real.

But that was all it lasted, just the fraction of a second.

One moment her breath was stuck in her throat, the next as awareness hit her like a ton of bricks as her feet found the ground again and she inhaled like a drowning woman, her knees suddenly feeling like water and giving out. She would have fallen face-first on the mud without the energy to even whimper if a pair of arms hadn't held her up like cables of steel.

"Wow, you alright?"

Her heart was going insane, trying to drum its way out of her breast. She tried to take a breath, it reached her lungs and she could almost tear up in relief; tried again, and the colours started taking shape, his voice sounding right by her ear, feeling as close as the clothes on her back.

"…know you were gonna react like that, I'm sorry." he said again. Hinata started to get the feeling back to her extremities, and realized that she was holding on to his jacket so hard that her fingers were numb.

"I…I… What happened?" She finally asked, voice rough.

"I used Hirashin - my dad's technique. He taught it to me and I… It got us here, faster but I'm such a dope, I shouldn't have taken you with me before asking if you were feeling up for it, I'm so sorry Hinata-chan, really."

She had the impression that it was not the first time that he was apologizing, but her ears were still ringing a little.

"I'm fine, just a little…" faint, boneless, utterly drained, unable to stand? "Just a little shaken, that's all." Hinata finished, sounding breathless even to her own ears.

"Let's not do that again though." She as fast to add, and heard the rumble of his laughter start from under her ear and travel to his lips.

"Yeah, I'm with you on that one. Sorry."

"It's ok… just give me a minute, I'm not sure I can stand move just yet." She admitted, to her eternal embarrassment.

"Take your time." He said back and there was a hint of amusement in his voice there, but her brain felt slow… even though with every breath she was recuperating a little more.

And when she calmed her breath and thundering heart enough tohearanother heartbeat under her ear, that was when her situation sunk into her understanding and she became aware of her position… and started feeling more and more like herself with every moment that she held it, in direct proportion to her rising embarrassment. She was holding on to him for dear life, only now beginning to loosen her death-grip on where she'd fisted his jacket, right over his chest even though she knew she could not let go yet. She didn't dare look up, already knowing how close they were: she could feel his every breath chase down the side of her jaw and neck, tickling the skin under the collar of her uniform. The warmth she was starting to feel originated there and was slowly spreading to her whole torso. Hinata tried her best to keep the little tremble to herself, but it was so unbidden and they were so close that she doubted she could hide it from him.

She took a step back, taking care not to be too hasty, because she did not want to make him think something was wrong. When she did feel confident enough to meet his eyes it was because she had put a good foot between them, a socially acceptable distance, and was sure enough that her face did not resemble a tomato, mostly because she did not have the energy for that kind of blush. At most, her cheeks might be red… but that lightheaded feeling suggested she was even paler than usual.

"You're really tired huh?" he asked softly when their eyes met, his voice low and in his eyes an expression of such tenderness that she was for a moment entranced by it, hardly able to resist the very real urge to look over her shoulder and see if there was someone behind her he was looking really at.

Had anyone else pointed that out to her, she would have been embarrassed at her lack of stamina… but there was no mistaking that look in his eyes for anything resembling a critique.

He was just being a friend… same she would have been for any of her friends.

"I'm alright, considering…" considering she had been through a day of gruelling combat and then a shift of six hours in the medical tents, helping the medi-nins as much as she could before her chakra ran out completely. She was not complaining, not even in her head: the best way for her to feel good was to do everything she could to help, until she could do no more. But she was however quite thoroughly exhausted, and it was no wonder that Naruto's S-class technique had nearly knocked her out cold, even though she was only a 'passenger', so to speak.

But then again she had no right to point that out since there were people like Sakura-san who had been on her feet healing people for the last 48 hours or so. How that girl kept moving was wonder… and an inspiration.

"Yeah, Im really ok." Hinata reaffirmed more strongly. One look around told her where she was and she started to her left, to make the turn that would bring her to the entrance of their improvised hospital.

"Come on, I know the way. We have to hurry, I think he's going to be transferred to Konoha soon."

"Wait."

One word, that was all it took to stop her immediately and look at him. Just as she looked at him with a question in her eyes, she felt his hand come and take hers in a familiar grip, and her eyes snapped to his, wide and surprised.

Then she had that feeling again, that sensation that was both alien and familiar at the same time, one that reminded her of stepping into hot water for how soothing it was and how it revived her, dampening her exhaustion. And this time the way his energy slipped into her veins wasn't invasive, she didn't wince or feel like she could explode with raw power that felt too strong to contain. Instead she took a deep breath and held it, her fingers flexing and tightening around his, not daring to look away because she felt frozen in this moment. If she concentrated, she swore she could almost feel the tendrils of his chakra travel up her body, loosening everything inside her, warming every corner, until the warmth enveloped her chest and her fluttering heartbeats calmed into a more normal pattern, no longer straining to support the demands of a body to its limits.

Hinata took a deep breath and felt it reach her lungs with ease.

_Wow…_

His smile was the one that was so characteristic of him, wide and self-satisfied. The only difference was in his eyes.

"Better?"

Hinata nodded, gulped before she answered. "Much. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Come on, let's go."

oOoOo

For a moment after his son disappeared, the silence between Minato and Kakashi held, until the Fourth angled his head towards his former student with a knowing smile on his lips.

"He's not very smooth though, is he?" Minato pointed out, sounding resigned.

"Even less than you were, sensei." was the perfectly calm answer.

"Oh no,  _that_  he gets from his mother!" the Fourth was quick to point out. Naruto and Kushina shared more than the lineaments of their face and the cheeky smile. They were both so aware and good with people when it came to making an impact, but for the rest - for example knowing that you couldn't just randomly pull girls into your arms and transport them away, no matter how suave it sounded, especially when you were not suave at all - they were, both mother and son, completely oblivious. Hell, in Kushina's case, it had taken him saving her life to make her realize he existed in the same plane that she did. But then again, Minato had to remind it to himself that she might have taken notice a lot sooner if he'd stepped up and actually talked to her.

But he had been just a boy then, and frankly Kushina, though amazing, was still pretty intimidating with her loud ways and brash attitude. Even as they grew up, she hadn't gotten more approachable or less overwhelming, he just got better at handling it, Minato thought with a smile.

Kakashi saw noticed that very small smile on his sensei's face and looked away, allowing for some privacy - that is until another heavy sigh resounded and Kakashi looked up to see such an honestly dejected look on the Fourth's face that it was comical.

"I gotta say though, I'm starting to feel a little upstaged. Here I am, living legend… and a youngster like that doesn't even look at me once." Minato admitted, missing the way Kushina would have snickered at him for almost pouting like that.

"Don't feel so bad sensei, Hinata-chan never notices much whenever Naruto is around." Kakashi said pleasantly giving his sensei a crinkled-eye smile and flipping the page of his book.

"Is that so?" Minato asked himself, eyes very soft all of a sudden. And Minato was so obviously surprised by those words that he even forgot to berate his former-student for the newly discovered perverted habits, and the fact that he was so insolently unashamed of them. But then the sound of turning pages got his attention, and Minato immediately got back on track.

"And when exactly did you pick up the habit of reading pornographic material in public, Kakashi? Are you trying to give Jiraya's reputation a run for its money?"

Kakashi didn't even change breathing patterns.

"Too late for that sensei." He said drolly, making his mentor sigh in defeat and slump his shoulders. After all, there wasn't much one could say to ones ex student, especially when said student was at the moment older than you, for circumstances that the universe was currently laughing over, in some part of the deep space.

Oh well, you couldn't have everything apparently. Minato sighed. He'd just have to settle for stealing those books.

He looked up at Kakashi and gave the silver haired Jonin a wide smile, which instantly set the older man's teeth on edge. That smile had always been the telltale of trouble. It rang his alarm louder than a kunai to the face.

"Say, Kakashi-chan…"

_Oh, hell…_

 

o

TBC:::


	9. 8. For whom the heart beats

**_8._ ** _For whom the heart beats_

_Frederick Buechner once wrote of truth this way:  
'The paradox is that part of what binds us closest together and makes it true that no man is an island is the knowledge that in another way every man is an island. Because to know this is to know that not only deep in you is there a self that longs to be known and accepted, but that there is also such a self in me, in everyone else the world over._

_So when we meet as strangers, when even friends look like strangers, it is good to remember that we need each other greatly you and I, more than much of the time we dare to imagine, more than more of the time we dare to admit._

 

They came when it was early morning. The sun wasn't up yet and she had been asleep, but the slide of the metal bar against the door was something akin to nails scrapping on a board, so she jerked awake like someone had pulled her leg. Then she remembered to lay very, very still.

She had thought about ways of escape in her lonely hours. Unfortunately the chances were not looking very good. Physically, her conditions were not optimal: she was hungry and tired and aching, and her chakra supply was well diminished. The air venting was nonexistent and she was locked behind what looked like two feel of solid chakra reinforced steel. The place where she was being kept was like an underground maze, and now as she looked at it, she felt like she was looking through a misty haze… which was impossible and for a moment she felt her heart leap in her throat. Then she saw the inscriptions – or better to say seals – carved in the walls and she was not surprised any longer. The reinforcement seals hampered her range, but not her ability, not entirely. That wasn't the issue anyway, since she had already memorized he map of her prison. The problem was, even not counting the four men always outside her cell, the place was crawling with people. She had counted at least forty men last night, almost all of them shinobi judging from their chakra systems - which was a freakishly large number for an organization of this sort.

Just what were these people up to? Did her getting caught speed up whatever they were planning? Was that why the activity seemed so frantic?

In the long run, what that meant was she had one shot of escaping and that was when they least expected her to.

Which was why she was relatively calm when the door opened and two of her guards came in. Hinata watched them coolly, as they kept their distance. The one with the half bandaged face - to which Hinata privately referred to as fungus-face because his squashed nose and beady eye kinda made him look like one – was right after them.

"Don't have to looks so alarmed, nothing is going to happen to you yet." he said calmly. And then, in a move so fast she barely tracked him, he shot a dart at her that ebbed itself right on her shoulder. Hinata had to bite down and just take it. She could  _not_  move. It was risky, but there was no alternative.

She had expected the wave of dizziness that came at her, and then the paralysis, even as she felt herself being picked up and carried out of the seedy cell and down one of the corridors.

She did not however, expect her Byakugan to fade out. That made her breathing speed up and her struggling increase, just before she had to remind herself that she had to still her movements to a minimum or she'd be screwed for real.

"It's just a relaxant…" A voice from too close for comfort explained, just as she tried to feel the damage that had been done to her. but her chakra was so slow, it felt almost as if her whole system had done numb.

"…We don't want you struggling and getting yourself hurt now do we."

Especially after what she had done to his men. The last time anyone went near her and she was conscious and able to mould her chakra, she had killed three men.

He was going to make her pay for that as well, but all in due time…

But Hinata was not paying much attention to fungus-face anyway. Her limbs felt as if each weighted a ton and she was trying to make her chakra work the poison out of her system through sheer strength of will, even though for all her efforts, she might as well be trying to push a boulder up a mountain – meaning useless. She was not Sakura-chan, she had not built her poison-immunities for years and she was not a medical ninja. She was herself and currently she was being helplessly carried through a door into a sterile looking room that had little in it but a flat table and trays around it full of chirurgical pieces. She had seen the instruments too often in the hospital at Konoha not to know exactly what was going to happen in the next few hours, unless she found a way out of this.

Hinata felt herself being dropped on the operating table with more care than she expected to be. Then she felt her hands and feet being restrained by what felt like thick leather belts. Her head was next. By now she could only see the blinding light above her.

But she knew there were two men in the room because though she could still feel hands touching her, the voice that kept coming was moving in the opposite direction, sounding far from where she was confined.

"You have probably wondered why, during these days you were our guest, we never paid you a visit for a friend one on one chat about who you are and who sent you and what you found out."

Yeah she had. Not that the 'why' wasn't by now obvious.

"But the point was moot, seeing that I already know who you are, and who send you, and the fact that you discovered nothing of consequence."

Her heart was drumming against her ribs and she felt the paralyzing agent start to fade. She could move now, not that it did her much good, since she was restrained so heavily that she could barely shift and inch. Her head was completely immobile on the other hand, the leather strap biting on her forehead enough to give her a headache almost immediately.

_Figures…_

"You can move now, I see. That's good." And his satisfaction was too real to be faked or even sarcasm. He wanted her aware…

The meanings of that started floating around her head and the tint of red permeated her thoughts.

_Stop that!_

Hinata took a deep breath and with every ounce of mental strength she had left she went to that place of fallback that she had developed during nine months of gruelling training.

The moment. Focus on the moment, she kept telling herself.

The only place you exist is in this moment. Feel it, live it. There is no life but right now, no other truth.

There is no fear. Fear is an emotions connected to a future moment that is not here yet.

Fear… is not real.

_So what do you feel?_

Hinata took another breath and smelt the clean, almost nauseating scent of a sterile ambient. Smelt the powder on the hands of the silent medic, the penicillin and other antibiotics she was injected with in the arm. The needle pickled and she wished she could scratch it. Her body was whole, and felt fine, though her limbs were bent funny.

"Your Byakugan eyes are very famous where I come from. Did you know that for years Kumo had a special division in the Research and Development that was dedicated entirely to figuring out how to get these eyes from you?"

He kept speaking and in the meantime Hinata made not of how his voice was a little rough around the edges. Had he slept at all these days?

Probably not. Too busy figuring out how to rip her eyes off.

"I was even part of it for a short while. We learned a lot, mostly though hit and miss trials."

And now the voice sounded closer, just above her. The next moment she saw the outlining of a second head above her.

"We learned for example that when the subject is unconscious, the seal you people place on the back of your children's head activates twice as fast, even before we try to detach the eyes from the body."

Hinata didn't explore the meanings of his statement, the implications of it. she rather concentrated on the feel of her chakra through her system, on the fact that she could not feel it go through her hands because most probably those leather straps were also carved in seals that would stop her from doing just that.

She could not help but feel his finger tracing an invisible line on her forehead, but did not concentrate on that either.

"And we learned that those with the caged-bird seal on their forehead – that's what you call it, isn't it? – might as well be left alone, because they screamed our ears off every time we tried to part tear them open, and ended up blind and dead even faster."

His chuckle was cold and there was a tint of dark amusement in it that reminded Hinata of a shark's smile for some reason.

"Have you ever seen a body of your kin after the eyes have been removed? Have you seen what's going to happen to you?"

His whisper in her ear was almost indecent. But he was so close now that she could feel his heavy breath on her face.

"It's funny." He said suddenly, more jovial than he'd ever sounded in those short moments. "You won't even be able to blame us for the pain. You can thank your ancestors for that!"

And he dropped close to her face again. And this time she focused on him, took in everything about him, every nuance she could catch, every tilt of his voice and all that he was unconsciously telling her. She could almost see the outline of his eye, and she could definitely see his smile. She'd been right to think of a shark.

"And rest assured, there's gonna be plenty of pain, whether I get what I want from you or not." He hissed, and a spatter of his spit fell on her cheek.

_Eww, gross…_

Kurenai always liked to teach her genin about the perks of psychology and human behavior, so much so that it was really no wonder that all three of them were so observant. Her sensei used to say that the true strength of illusions lay not primarily in the technique or the chakra control, but the man you cast it against. That means you have to carefully study the mind you're trying to trap. Like a fox, you have to have the patience and cunning to know you enemy. And Hinata had studied and catalogued her subject with the great care and detail of a behavioral analyst, the way her tutors in ANBU had put her through great pains to perfect: seeing through his every move, his every habit, from the way she spoke and acted to the twitch of an anonymous muscle in his jaw.

Now was the time to put that to good use.

"You won't get anything out of me. I'll die screaming on this table and my eyes will burn before the optical nerve even detaches." Hinata hissed back. His every word was a provocation and she loathed to give him the satisfaction, but she just couldn't stand to lay there in silence any longer.

"Maybe, maybe not. Who knows. The doc here is very good at what he does. And as for myself… I am what you might call  _creative_."

She saw him gesticulate at the medic and the next breath she felt a tiny prickle against the left temple.

"That is a local paraphilic agent. It slows down the chakra pathways in a specific area of the body – in our case your head. That way, your chakra and nervous system won't know whether your suffering from a bad headache or whether I'm tearing your eyes out. Neat, isn't it?"

Not particularly, but Hinata kept that to herself. And when she felt a sharp pain go straight through her skull, she tried not to hiss.

But her gritting teeth gave her away.

It made his smile wider.

"That's the side-effect you're feeling right now. You see, this thing has the nasty habit of interfering with neurological activity: basically what it does is fry your brain after a while." The jovial note in his voice and that tiny laughter made him sound maniacal, but Hinata knew that insanity was not his issue. Sadism however might be a serious concern here… among others.

But then the playful banter was over and he was brusque with the medic, who had been silent and waiting for his orders all the while.

"Do it." was the command and a sort breath after Hinata felt the first incision being made, just a little under her eyebrow and extend all the way around her lid. The cut was deep and precise, the hand that made it steady as only a medic would be. He was going to peel off the skin, she supposed, and then take out her eyeball. Her head throbbed so painfully that it was a wonder she was still conscious, but she was, and she needed to keep it that way.

Just when she thought she could not stand it anymore without screaming, Hinata felt a completely unfamiliar burn at the back of her skull and extend through her head, until it felt like her right eye was on fire.

_It's happening._

She shook and her teeth rattled. She didn't need to look to know that the medic had backed away, not wanting to damage her eyes, perhaps waiting for the convulsion to be over.

"No…  _no_ , it's too soon!" fungus-face breathed out.

But it wasn't. It was exactly right.

"Not for the heir it isn't." Hinata ground out, trying to smile in victory at having robbed him of something he wanted to badly, but she couldn't keep it up because the next wave of pain almost had her arching off the table. She gritted her teeth against the scream threatening to scrap her throat raw.

He saw her eyes rolling in the back of her head, the left one leaking tears of blood. And even though he knew it was too late – her lips were alredy blue, her skin had a grey pallor t it that was very familiar and deepening by the second - he still screamed for something to be done about it.

" _No_! Stop her! Knock her out!" he screamed at the medic, and this time his voice came from right over her.

_Now or never…_

Nothing beyond this moment.

Hinata felt her breath hitch as every single inch of her body felt like it was tearing apart. The next sound she made was a scream that pierced even her own ears.

oOoOo

They found the hideout zone pretty soon.

Shino's tracking bug led them to an area of about 15 miles within which Hinata could have been taken. From there, Neji started scouting the terrain and so did Shino with his bugs, as Sakura prepared her chakra for release and Naruto tried to sense Hinata's familiar signature in the surrounding area.

"What makes you so sure?" Sakura asked Shino who was perfectly still beside her.

"The particular species of female Hinata had on her when she was captured is bred to track the person he is put on. It was around this area that she disappeared." Shino explained succinctly. Sakura couldn't say that she understood the full technicality of it, but at the moment she didn't really care much about it. If Shino said that this was it, then this was it. The bug user had rarely been wrong before, and in those occasions it had never been about his bugs.

"There's a disturbance northeast from here. The terrain underneath one of the hills is strange…" Neji mumbled, as if he was unsure of himself.

That immediately had everyone's attention.

"What do you mean?" Naruto asked immediately.

"I mean I can't see through it, which is not natural and definitely not normal." And he'd squinted now even more now. "The place is surrounded with traps and explosives for almost three miles. That's  _it_ , that's their perimeter."

There was a distinct note of relief and tension all at once in Neji's voice as he said that, and Naruto knew what the Hyuga was thinking because the same thoughts were running through his own mind. They were here and they were so close, but instead of calming he felt more anxious than ever, because he didn't know which was worse: the fear of being too late, or the fear of her not being there at all. It would be an easier question to ask if it was 'which arm would you rather cut off?'

They already had a plan: Naruto would make a copy of himself, get himself caught and taken inside, place a tag and then transport his real self inside as Sakura Shino and Neji raised hell outside to distract them, until the real Naruto found Hinata and brought her out.

Simple, effective… hopefully also quick, because every second that passed felt like a second less she had to live.

oOoOo

When Naruto felt the ground shake, he knew now was the time to hurry. The unmistakable vibration and booming echo of an explosion was not something to be taken lightly, and nobody in an underground facility would hesitate to check out what was going on.

Of course, they couldn't imagine that that had not been a mighty explosion – just a tiny pink haired girl that could crack mountains.

But he had to hurry, so he took on the henge of one of the (now passed out) shinobi that had taken him and started running, his inner compass telling him where to go and where to turn. It was as if she was a blip in his imagination and he was trying to get to her. He could feel her life force somewhere ahead of him, a little to his left, then a little to his right. He ran into a few shinobi who were all running in the opposite direction and if that caused them to wonder, they didn't stop to question him, because the sounds of multiple explosions and several screams were getting so loud that they had already penetrated the corridors.

_Where are you?_

This place was a fucking maze, left, right, turn, dead ends with no doors. Who the fuck were these people? The hadn't seen anything like this since they found out Orochimaru's lair in grass country years ago.

A pull somewhere in his gut stopped him dead. He almost reached out a hand. She was  _right there_ … perhaps just a few walls between them.

Naruto's heart picked up.

_So close!_

He started running ahead and then turned to make a right that would lead him right in front of her, except… there was  _nowhere_  to turn.

No corridor, no door…

 _So_ make _one!_

His only pause was to make sure that she wasn't right on the other side of that wall, that she wouldn't get hurt. Then the rasengan blew that barrier to bits and the smoke hadn't even cleared when Naruto launched himself through it.

The sound of something sharp slicing the air for his head was so distinctive that he had raised his kunai to intercept it before it made contact. The shurinken were thrown off their trajectories and Naruto had his arm ready to launch his own weapon before the little throwing stars even hit the ground, when the hesitation he rarely felt stopped him.

Because there was only one person standing there in that corridor and his every sense but his eyes told him that was her… because it felt like her.

That was her chakra running through those veins, even if instead of a girl whose head barely came up to his chin there was a tall man standing there, dressed in dark blue fatigues and with various weapons strapped on. A man who, even as Naruto stood there wearing someone else's face, had already launched three kunai at him and was now running in the opposite direction.

Naruto dropped his henge, just to test a theory.

"Hinata, wait!"

And that was when the world stood perfectly still and his heart seemed to crack his ribs from the inside, because that man stopped in his tracks so suddenly that the floor might have easily been made out of glue. He stopped and turned and when those unfamiliar dark eyes met his face, the illusion dropped so suddenly that it was like the flicker of a mirage. And Naruto wondered if he had been holding his breath until then, because once he saw her, saw the state she was in, he sucked in a sharp inhale that felt much needed but did nothing to steady him.

A whisper in the back of his mind reminded him that he hadn't gotten to her fast enough,  _again_. But at least this time she was dying because of it…

In a few fast strides, he was right next to her. He felt his heart shiver with the way she was looking at him and he had to look away because seeing her so bloodied up was making something in his come lose and that was not a good idea because they had to get out.  _She_  had to get out, get healed.

Automatically, just as that thought ran through his brain, a hand made its way to his throat where he pushed the button that would send his voice to his teammates that were raising hell outside.

That he'd forgotten all about them when Sakura's fists were still making the earth shiver was perhaps a testament to how rattled he felt at the moment.

"I got her, meet us at ground zero." He said loud and clear and then proceeded to expend a hand to her.

She hadn't spoken, hadn't blinked once.

"Let's get out of here." He said softly, and for a moment she just stared. But then, finally, she moved.

Even if it was just to shake her head in the universal sign for 'no'.

"I have to get something first. Help me."

Her voice sounded rough, like she hadn't spoken at all in days. Maybe she hadn't.

And Naruto would have protested. It was right on the tip of his tongue to say something along the lines of ' _no way in hell, we're getting out now_!'… but then she took his hand and pulled him through a corridor and the words died in his mouth.

He would have followed her anywhere. He would follow her to the last corner of the earth and then over it… but he couldn't do that now, not in the state she was in.

She was paler than he'd ever seen her, almost greyish, there was blood on her hands, on those clothes that were too big to be hers (and made her look even smaller…) and he couldn't tell if those bloodstains were was hers or someone else's'. Her hair was a dirty mess so there was no way to search for any head wounds, but she was limping and her other arm was cradling her side, so that was definitely a cracked or broke rib. And her face… her face was the most difficult to look at.

Bleeding from a cut somewhere along her lid, split lip and reddened jaw that would soon bruise and swell, where a lucky punch might have landed – they had distorted the delicate lines of her face. But that was not what was freaking him out; he'd seen her worse for wear before. What had alarmed him was the redness of her left eye, those trickles of blood that seemed to have nothing to do with the cut, and more than anything, those strange marks (kanji characters, a seal?) that stretched from the middle of her forehead to the beginning of her cheek, and that seemed to be ebbed with fire on her skin, because the tissue around those lines was reddened and swollen, closing her left eye almost entirely. The whole left side of her face was turning into one angry contusion.

What the  _hell_  had they done to her?

He found he could hardly swallow for the tightness in his throat, let alone speak… but even though it came out strangled, he did get the words out for her.

"You're not well enough to explore, you need a medic right now." he said, just as his fingers tightened around hers.

"Yes. Yes, but… there's an office here, just down this corridor. And there's a safe there and we really need those documents, or all this will have been for nothing."

And she kept pulling him, holding on to his hand so tightly that he barely noticed how badly that hand was shaking; until she showed him the door, one of dark wood that looked like it might be resistant enough not to be blown up with the average explosion. He barrelled through it with a kick, and stood guarding her back as she opened the safe with the ease of someone that already knew the combination – which she doubtlessly did. Afterwards he did exactly as she told him: unrolled a standard empty scroll, did the necessary hand-seals and then sealed all the documents they found inside it.

And then he turned to her and looked at her in a way that he hoped was not too transparent, just as she was finishing telling him that if he could, he had to come back and apprehend the men in the facility – especially one with the right side of his face bandaged, because she really didn't know anything about what they planned to do, but she did know they were going to do it soon.

She reached the end of her tirade just as he held his arms out, waiting for her to step into them so that he could transport them out,

For a moment, just one very short moment, he thought she wouldn't come that close to him at all.

But then she stepped in close, her unsteady breaths puffing along his collarbone, smelling of blood and sweat and sterilizing alcohol that instantly reminded him of the hospital, and shaking and twitching so badly that he knew immediately she has something foreign in her system.

She was close though, close and  _there_  as she put her trembling hands on his forearms lightly just when she felt his chakra engulfed her completely… and Naruto thought that that too was a kind of embrace. A kind of it, because even though his arms were around her, he wasn't holding her, no matter how much he felt he needed to. But then, just before he connected the hand seal that would transport them out in a patch of forest fifty miles away from this hole in the ground, he had the distinct impression of her leaning into him just a little bit, in a way that was so familiar it made his heart clench… And if maybe, just  _maybe_ , his head tilted forward enough for his lips to barely brush against her forehead, he could always say that it was because of reflex, or because he had to lean forward to get his balance right, or because the pull of is chakra that millisecond before they disappeared threw him off balance that tiny bit necessary.

The truth would belong only to him really, so it was a moot point. Mostly 'cause he knew that she wouldn't mention it, because that's just who she was. If he needed a soft almost-kiss that pretended to be a harmless brush, then she would give it. She always had, ever since the beginning.

Perhaps that was why he felt so bad for stealing that little something that meant nothing to anyone else but him.

The next moment they were whisked through space and landed in a sunny patch of forest that was starkly peaceful in comparison to the underground they'd just left behind. And even though the transport only took less than a blink, Naruto had to reach and catch her the second he was able, because she fainted the moment the ground beneath her feet felt solid enough to do so.

When he let go of her to Sakura's care, who'd pounced on them the moment she saw them, Naruto looked at his hands and there it was, that confirmation of that warm and wet sensation he'd had while holding her, written in vivid red across his palms… and he stared at it as if he expected her blood to come up with some kind of explanation as to why it was there.

During his life as a shinobi, he had attacked with intent to kill very few times, and even fewer and farther in between were the times that the reasons behind his bloodlust were personal. There had been that time when he'd fought Orochimaru and ended up spouting four tails. And that other time when he transformed again, while fighting Pain. And then there was that other time… that time when rage has simmered and set root, and he'd hunted down and killed, like a common animal. That was the time he'd felt most like a monster…

All three of those times, he had felt his fury obscure his reason and it had taken over like the moon sometimes obscures the sun and he'd wanted to rip flesh from bone, feel warm blood wet his hands. He'd wanted to kill with a passion that was vicious and unforgiving, and it would have been easy to say that those emotions weren't his, that they were there because the demon was there, but that would be a lie. Kurama had serious anger management issues, but Naruto could felt the ownership over his own emotions and it was something unmistakable. Nothing tainted them, he was himself even when he hated, even in violence. Those too were shades of himself that he'd embraced once, under a waterfall in an island far away.

And that was why this day, as he stood on a peaceful meadow in the middle of nowhere with the blood of someone dear to him on his hands, he was not at odds with the brutal surge of violence that rippled through him. He accepted it, let it boil him from within, let it consume him in that moment. He did not fight it, knowing it was useless. Instead he stood very still watching Sakura's hands glow green as they searched Hinata's body, identifying wounds and healing them. He saw his teammate pull out a small three inch dagger from Hinata's side, one that had been buried there to the hilt and he wondered how the fuck he hadn't noticed that before. He'd thought she'd cracked a rib… but the truth was that probably Hinata wouldn't even have flinched something like that.

The truth behind that was that he still, somehow managed to do what she hated most: he underestimated her regularly.

Or maybe he was just afraid.

Naruto stood there in the open until her blood dried on his hands. That was how he timed it. When he headed back, Shino in tow, to capture everyone within a hundred miles of that base, he was still angry enough to be a small disaster waiting to hit shore… but her blood was dry on his hands now, and that was how he knew he wouldn't kill. That was what he promised himself.

He could not have made that promise to anyone, not even to her, while he could still felt his palms wet and warm with that which should flow in her veins. Unfortunately for the world and everyone in it, not even Uzumaki Naruto could promise that, because he too was just as human as everyone else, and just as flawed, just as fallible.

o

o

o

TBC:::

 

_End of **Part I**_

 

_Disclaimer: that whole part about 'there is no fear, fear is not real' isa rop-off from After Earth, because i liked the concept and it striked me as somehting they would try to teach in ANBU._

_So... penny for your thoughs? - insert cute puppy eyes here -_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: that whole part about 'there is no fear, fear is not real' isa rop-off from After Earth, because i liked the concept and it striked me as somehting they would try to teach in ANBU.
> 
> So... penny for your thoughs? - insert cute puppy eyes here -


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ok, the last chapter was the last one of the first part, the one i call the 'present' timeline. Now we're gonna jump back to what happened and how it happened and how they fell in love and what went wrong between them.
> 
> This chapter didnt turn out as i imagined, but as i finished writing chapter 8 and had such fun seeing Naruto from Minato and Kakashi's perspective, i had this idea of giving the evolvement of Naruto and Hinata's relationship through the eyes of people who see it happen as well, to create a more rounded picture of the two of them toghether.
> 
> I hope you like it!

 

**Part II**

_'… but where to start the understanding of why it happened this way and not another, other than at the very beginning of us - in that place where things changed without us knowing; start there and count the turns we took and trenches we dug, just to be_ here _… where I was already half in love with you and still looking for the day when it had all begun.'_

 

 

**_9_ ** _. Mirrors: Childhood eyes_

_'My own sex, I hope, will excuse me, if I treat them like rational creatures, instead of flattering their_ fascinating _graces, and viewing them as if they were in a state of perpetual childhood, unable to stand alone.'_

_\- Mary Wollstonecraft, A Vindication of the Rights of Woman -_

When Aburame Shino was placed on Team 8, he thought he was very close to despair – which was saying something for him. InuzukaKiba was loud, impulsive, absurd and immature – he seemed to exist just to summarize all the traits that Shino found irritating and inferior in a human being. And Hyuga Hinata was nothing like the reputation of her clan would have it: she was shy, painfully withdrawn, clumsy and incompetent. They would be a disaster and probably get him killed in the mean time.

He made no effort whatsoever to engage with them at first. The Inuzuka seemed to live just to damage his calm, and the Hyuga might as well be transparent for all the use she was. She even stuttered, so that led her to keep her silence rather than open her mouth and irritate everyone with her speech patterns.

But time and danger are not gentle friends, and it's hard to remain cold to people you spend the most frightening moments of your life with. It was so even for someone that rationalized every emotion and situation like Shino always did. It wasn't that he felt a particular bond with them, but more time together gave way to closer scrutiny… and Shino was pleasantly surprised to realize that, after careful reflection, he should reconsider his first assessment of his teammates. Time didn't make Kiba less annoying, but at least Shino discovered that underneath the boy's erratic behaviour and impatience, there was a rational thinker that could keep his feet on the ground when needed, and his straightforwardness and integrity were traits Shino could appreciate. As for Hinata, Shino learned to tolerate her, mostly because she went above and beyond, just so that she wouldn't be a burden to her teammates – which was more than Shino had expected from her.

The main problem with Hyuga Hinata was her nature: she was as emotional as Shino himself was rational, something that the Aburame perceived as an indisputable flaw. She processed the world through their emotions, which were by definition, subjective and indefinite, therefore unreliable – which in turn made her unreliable in a fight, and that meant she was potentially dangerous to herself and her team.

But Shino re-evaluated himself again: he learned through experience that Hinata was capable of sharp intellect and adaptability, and it was that very same Hinata he had deemed useless that saved his life once or twice, when he least expected it, and most needed it.

After that, it was hard to judge her over anything…

Mere tolerance grew into appreciation, even respect for her courage in spite of her own fear, for her relentless striving to be better, without realizing that the only thing standing in her way was her own opinion of herself. It seemed irrational that someone like her, who could so easily perceive the best of everyone, was so blind to her own potential.

But then he came to know her family - her father and her cousin, the elders of her clan and what they thought of her - and suddenly her shyness and painfully reserved nature made so much more sense.

It was then that Aburame Shino discovered that his appreciation for Hinata as a teammate had taken stranger, softer shades. That before he had realized it himself, she had become the first person he ever cared for as a friend… which did not surprise him after all, because in one thing she was intrinsically different - and  _better_  - than anyone else he had ever met in his short life: she was a genuinely kind person. And the first to treat him with the warmth of friendship as if he was entitled to it, despite his aloofness and disregard - until one day he could not disregard her any longer.

Working together changed them, to the great delight of their sensei. It taught them to trust each other enough to depend on each other. And with Hinata in the middle to balance out the competitive edge between the two boys, the bond between them shifted slowly from the realms of simple teammates to something deeper and stronger.

It was when they really came to know one another that they became a true team; it was then that the realization of something truly amazing came: the three members of Team 8 complimented each other perfectly, in a way that was almost flawless. Where Shino analyzed a situation in analytically, rational terms, Hinata's awareness of the world around her was based on sensitivity and a sharp intuition, catching the delicate shades that Shino's eye missed. Along with Kiba, who could notice the shifts of even the most insignificant details, it meant that together they could do a full assessment of any given situation in moments, without missing a single detail. Shino's preference for thinking ahead and a natural inclination to devise strategies coupled with Kiba's uncanny ability to improvise and think on his feet, resulted in flawless strategies - to which Hinata's versatile techniques had little difficulties adapting to.

All that not counting Shino's kikaichu, Akamaru who so much part of the team he was its fourth member, and Hinata's eyes. By the time they were 16, they had grown to be one of the best tracking teams of their village, very close to being the best in what they specialized in.

But despite the great pride he took in being the best he could be as a shinobi, there was something else that Shino valued just as greatly, and it was something precious that he seemed to have found, something worth fighting for, and even dying for: friendship, people who he could count on if need be, and who he could trust.

That was mainly the reason why, when he found himself side by side with Hinata and Kiba in a war unlike any that had been fought before, he knew he'd rather have nobody else watching his back and that he would place his life in either of their hands and feel safe in knowing they would keep him alive until there was breath in their bodies, and he would do the same for them. That was what teamwork was all about: complete trust in each other's ability to keep each other alive. It was what Kurenai sensei had gone to extraordinary lengths to teach them and it was what experience and come to hammer into them.

Now, with days of backbreaking combat behind them, as he sat around a big fire with some of the original Konoha 12 and other nins from other countries, Shino felt what could be called a momentary lapse of peace. He was never in his most comfortable around many people, but when Hinata had come to get him from his watch duty, to make sure that he ate and rested properly, he had been unable to deny her. She had made it her mission to make sure that between one battle and the next, Kiba and Shino took care of themselves properly… and Shino could not resent her for that, not when he felt the same way. That too was usual for them, to think for each other.

Now with Hinata sitting by his side and Kiba sleeping in his tent, he did not feel so uncomfortable as he listened to the chatter that went on around him lively. He took satisfaction that his friends were there. That they were alive still.

Naruto had proved to have a strong capacity for keeping his friends alive.

Shino glanced to his left to that very same blonde. He hadn't missed how, even though there were plenty of empty seats around the bonfire, Naruto had crossed a little around it to come and sit by the Hyuga, or how he kept glancing at her from the corner of her eye.

"You know," the blonde said turning to Hinata, who looked at him with her usual quiet fascination. "- when I was a kid, I used to think that someone had poked your eyes and all the colour had leaked out of them from the hole."

People chuckled, or affectionately murmured 'idiot', or in Sakura's case rolled her eyes without hiding her smile, but it was something else that shocked all those present and overshadowed every single reaction: Hinata laughed. A clear burst of laughter - sudden, as if she had taken even herself by surprise - that sounded throughout the night clear as a bell, before she could put her lips together to enjoy her amusement in a more quiet manner.

Everyone present – or to better say, those who thought they knew her well enough to presume she was incapable of laughing at out, Shino pointed out to himself without being able to contain the biting tone of his thoughts – seemed very much surprised, if not pleasantly so, at that display. Naruto too had been surprised, as a matter of fact he was still looking at her, but not with the somewhat indulgent expression of the others, but with eyes full in mischievous interest and a dash of wonder, and if Shino hadn't known for a fact that Hinata liked the blonde hero, he would have given the boy something painful to think over, for daring to be so forward.

But then again, he dint need to.

Quite on the contrary from Kiba, Shino had always been of the opinion that Hinata could handle Uzumaki quite well on her own and that was perhaps the one area that she would never need help with, because there seemed to be nobody that had a better reading on the blonde than Hinata did.

No, what actually managed to scrape at Shino's nerves was something else: Naruto shouldn't be so surprised by something so simple as an unexpected burst of laughter, and neither should anybody else. Hinata was a person just like them, who suffered and laughed and played and cried (though very rarely and never in front of anyone) - just like them. But then again, none of them really knew his reserved teammate, Shino reasoned. Nobody did but for close family and her team, so perhaps in his resentment he was being unfair. After all, people around her only saw what she wanted them to see nowadays. She had gotten very proficient at that as she grew up – a part of him thought that she had taken a little from him there, just like she had taken some of Kiba's inclination for teasing. They had all benefited from each other in some way, balancing each other out.

But Hinata still only ever displayed herself as she was with those she felt comfortable with: with Kiba and himself and sensei, she was not so shy, not so reserved. She spoke freely and teased and laughed clear as a bell. And her smiles were something special, because whenever she did smile - truly, from the heart and without holding back - it was in a way that completely changed her face into something remarkable and it made you wonder how could you possibly have ever overlook that face before, when it could shine so much in happiness.

Shino had been watching Naruto closely, waiting to see if the blonde would show a little perceptiveness and catch that difference before it eluded him… and he  _did_.

The bug user saw the realization stamp itself on that goofy face, marking it blank for a moment before he blinked and quickly looked away, as if afraid she could look at him and know exactly what was going on in his head. Because Naruto was so tanned by the sun, his blush was difficult to notice in the dark… but not for someone who had been paying attention. And Shino had been paying attention sharply.

Shino user looked back into the fire, without being able to help the small smile he hid under his collar.

Hinata was always cute – if she didn't hide so much, she would be easily attractive - but smiles changed her, mostly because to everyone who thought they knew her, her smiles and laughter was unexpected, like a gift you unwrap to discover it contained what you've always wanted. And apparently around Naruto she felt free enough to be herself... that too was a surprise, this time for Shino himself.

He had always known that she looked at Uzumaki with admiration, and when they were younger it was hard to realize why, until Naruto's spirit was so obvious that nobody could deny it. With her all-seeing eyes, again Hinata had seen what nobody else had, but Shino knew that it wasn't her bloodline that was responsible for that, but her heart - the same heart that had seen behind Shino's social ineptness to find that part of him that cared, the very same that took Kiba's sometimes brutal comments in stride and knew he meant nothing by it (except maybe inanity, but that was Shino's opinion). When that admiration grew into affection, Shino was puzzled, even more so when her affection became undeniable and persistent. He had never understood what exactly she saw in him, not because Naruto was impossible to like - quite the contrary - but because they were… they were so undeniably  _different_ , like night and day.

Then Shino got to know Hinata a little better and realized, perhaps the difference between them was precisely the point, just like the difference between the members of Team 8 added to their strengths and made them an unbeatable tracking squad.

And he had also realized something else, something that was not pleasant, but that was true: that there was a certain sadness in Hinata, one that was set deep in her spirit and that lived in the scar tissue of wounds that were taken very early in her life and that would never truly heal. That sadness showed in her eyes sometimes, when she was sure nobody was looking and thought things she never voiced to anyone; and it was only when Shino saw what true joy looked like on her face, that he was struck by the depths of that occasional unhappiness.

Oh, she never complained; she applied herself with diligence and was always ready to take more than her fair share of work with an honest eagerness that was admired by both her teammates, as was the quiet dignity she had cultivated in herself, so unsullied by arrogance. That was something else that distinguished Hinata: she had the strength to change, to make herself anew without fear, without hesitation. She was flexible, to the world around her, to her own desires. She had faith in herself now, and that was something that nobody could take away.

But not even Hinata, not anyone, could build on air. She was gifted and strong and bright… but she had to build on what was already there, and those new layers of herself she had so carefully developed sometimes echoed with old pains of years ago, pain that Shino could perceive, but could not understand.

Sometimes he had this idea, like a perception without any factual base, that there was something missing in her. that she was like a perfectly shaped diamond – precious, beautiful - but with an empty spot at the heart of it.

Perhaps it was for precisely this reason that Hinata and Naruto could make sense. Maybe it was that shadowed place in her that Naruto's levity and his always good spirits would contrast and lift up, lighten a little more often that seriousness she surrounded herself with like a blanket.

Maybe, but he'd never been sure… not until that night around that bonfire. It was that night that Shino realized how easily those two spoke to one another. Naruto spoke easily with everyone, but Hinata did not, and there was the surprise. He made a difference in her that was palpable, just as surprising and sudden as her laughter had been, for the first time bursting out of her carelessly.

Looking at her speaking with the blonde quietly, smiling and joking with him, in her usual smooth way, Shino didn't know what to think.

Perhaps the root of the difference between this Hinata that was willing to be a little more free with herself, and the Hinata Shino had always known, lay in her almost dying at the hands of Pain - a sacrifice that had changed her  _so_  much, changed the way she related to the world more than anything else ever had. Maybe it was the war and what she'd seen in it, or maybe the blonde sitting by her side... maybe it was all of the above.

And maybe it didn't matter at all why. What mattered was that she could smile that way and not care where she was or with who, her so acute self-consciousness left aside, even if only for a few moments. That she allowed herself happiness without thought of consequences and without restrain.

And every time she did that, a little piece of that hidden sadness chirped away, leaving her clearer, more alive. More herself. With every smile, if one looked closely, they would be able to see a glimpse of how much she could shine, if she just allowed herself to.

And maybe these people couldn't see that. Perhaps they could not notice the difference and why should they, they did not know her. But Shino had known her for the better part of her life, and with that in mind, he could not say anything but how much he wished he could see a free smile on her face more often.

If that was because of one Uzumaki Naruto… well, so be it.

o

o

o

TBC:::


	11. 10. Anew, again...

**_10._ ** _Anew, again..._

_"There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tower high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach."_

_\- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King -_

She watches him quietly, from corners, from afar again, but this time it does not feel the same. She is not hiding anymore.

She watches, and learns to like him all over again. Remembering, learning something new about him. He changes constantly, but he is always Naruto. He is his usual self even here, amidst the worst of human nature. He reminds them all, and helps them remind each other, that power does not come always with terrible consequences, that there is such good in this word that its worth fighting for, dying for.

He is so strong… but so kind, so generous.

Gentle when he senses he should be, loud and brash when he wants to make an impression, when he wants to pulls someone out of their shells. It works, Hinata knows it firsthand... though perhaps with her, gentleness and patience work better.

He is capable of both - she knows that too.

He uplifts people's spirits just by being himself, in all his totality of adorable, lovable qualities and incorrigible little flaws. And because there is a kind of innocence in him that has not been taken away yet, a sense of purity in the way he chooses to see the world, people seem to love him now more than ever. They gravitate around him, and it's his great strength in overcoming sorrow is the greatest force behind the Allied Shinobi Forces.

He is the single more important being their this war and he takes it all astride, with a crooked smile and determined eyes that can – and will – barrage through anything. To his core, he is humble.

She cannot help a smile. Just when she thinks she loves him most, just when she is sure that she could not possibly feel any more strongly... he does something, or she notices something, and she is filled with love anew, as if she'd just fallen for him, just realized it.

He comes and sits with her sometimes when their downtime overlaps and they talk, about things that Hinata has always taken for granted and things she'd never told anyone. It so easy to be with him, so comfortable. It's almost surprising how easy it is.

She's never felt this way around anyone, not at once.

She is always guarded, controlled. But not with him. He makes things look like they're on their natural course, like there nothing to be worried about.

It the certainty she has of him, she realizes. That belief that wherever he is, there its safety, there is peace. It's a knowledge she carries with her and it infuses her wherever he is close, that makes her heart beat a tad faster and makes her skin feel hotter.

But she can look him the eye now. They talk, they laugh together; he tells her things about himself, things she admittedly already knows, but it's so much better hearing it from him. It's not like it used to be anymore (and she can't help but be proud of that achievement). She has finally accepted herself as she is, just when she admitted out loud that she loves him.

She can be fearless now. She can be brave with him too. She has no hesitation, no reservation.

She is capable now of jumping over the edge with her eyes wide open and a smile on her face and the reason for that was so simple that she is not surprised people will miss it; the simplicity of her being is it perhaps why her sudden change confuses everyone so much: she had jumped off that cliff a long time ago – there was no holding back in the fall and the landing wasn't getting any softer anyway.

So why bother?

Why waste time that was never coming back?

The war enforced this belief in her, turned a decision in her head into actually perception, into behavioural patterns, until she lost all hesitation when it came to her heart - when it came to  _him_. Closeness with death teaches you the value of every minute, teaches you to live every second, because you might not be alive the next... but war was not what brought this new-found shade to her personality. It had happened before that.

She had always known the truths of the world in an instinctual way that was inherently proportional to her sensitive nature. It was how she processed things, slowly, from the inside. She caught the shades of the world that to a practical eye would be invisible, absorbed information through her senses and she felt…  _everything_.

So when the shock to her system came, it was violent, and painful and it changed her irreparably, shattering pieces of her that never came back together the same way.

Nor did she want them to.

She comprehended fully the true uselessness of hesitation when it comes to love. She came to understand that there could be no holding back - that once you're in love you have to  _say it_ , say it  _loudly_  and  _strongly_ , because if you don't… the moment will be gone and there may never be another.

She had been one to miss many moments, waiting for the right one, the perfect one that seemed never to come by. Years of missed chances that could have been full of happiness if she'd only stopped searching for that right moment and fearing rejection.

And then came the day that she saw him pinned to the ground by someone that wanted to suck the life out of him and she knew, she  _knew_  that she'd been an incomparable  _imbecile_ ; that there  _never_  had been a perfect moment, but instead an infinite chain of perfect moments that stretched with time, each more right than the last... and she'd missed them all and now there would not be a next time because he was about to die.

That moment was her apocalypse. It was when the world as she knew it was over.

She came face to face with her stupidity that day... and was unmade by it. Her whole life shrunk into that violent comprehension that shattered her insides, and then evaporated like inconsequential smoke into thin air, unimpressive as ever… not because she wasn't good enough, but because she always thought she wasn't good enough.

Because her reasoning had been circular and  _stupid_  and  _pointless_.

She'd been so afraid. Like the flowers she so loved to press and conserve in time, so she had sought to preserve her emotions from the pain of rejection, but for the first time she began to realize the useless beauty of something so frozen.

_Wasted…_

She hadn't wanted her life to go so pointlessly. She had wanted to give meaning to that desire, that dream that had given her strength when she'd thought she'd had none. That was why she'd told him that she loved him that day.

If he died, she'd die.

If she died without telling him, it would be worse then death.

So she had to tell him. at least he had to know. And if she could buy him some precious moments to get free, she would be able to say that she had given her life gladly.

In the end, she'd faced death with an even soul. She'd been calm, she'd been still. She had been unfulfilled but not bitter as she waited for the end.

Which did not come.

She had been given another chance that day, something that she was thankful for every morning she opened her eyes. Every day after that day had felt like a gift.

This was her second chance at life, to do it over, do it right this time. Not to wait, not to fear. To jump, to laugh, to struggle against great odds and never be afraid of her own heart again. To feel everything to her very marrow and not hide, and when the time came, not to realize again, that she had not lived.

So when he came by her side as she polished her weapons, she smiled at him freely, watching the every present pause it gave him and not minding it. He was not used to her being so open, he did not really know her... but he was starting to. And he liked her, she could tell. It was in the way he looked at him, in the way he smiled. It filled her with the kind of happiness, so total, so devastating, that she had to remember herself to breathe.

It was a strange coincidence, a strange fate, that she should find such life, such vividness here in the middle of war. But she didn't mind, didn't over-think it. Life had to be lived the way it came.

No perfect moment, only  _now_  - just like Kiba always said after all.

She had finally come to terms with it, finally accepted that there were things beyond her control and that that was alright. Loss of control was also a form of freedom. She could accept that. And she had accepted him a long time ago.

So when he got his own set of weapons out and started to lay them in a precise order close to hers, she handed him a rough cloth, a sharpening stone and some oil, asked him how was his shoulder doing, got him to talk.

She listened and was happy, because she was no longer afraid.

oOoOo

Naruto fell to his knees and heaved a great breath. For the first time in days, the forest was still, even in the middle of the day. The sky was clear and the day was sunny… and they had won.

Just now, they won.

It was over. There was no more war because there was nobody left to wage it.

He looked around at the faces of his friends all about him, all wearing that same expression of exhausted satisfaction, looking at him with awe and shock, the beginning of the same realization that was making its way through his own bones, starting to make its way into theirs. He felt like laughing, and it was only then that he realized it was a freaking miracle he hadn't passed out yet. But he didn't want to miss this. This moment right now, with his friends by his side as he realized that it was done and they were still there.

His thoughts were slowing to a silly mush, but he was conscious enough to be happy. Happy without restrictions, complications or heavy burdens. All was done.

No more death, no more.

He looked to his left, to Sasuke and Sakura, who were breathing hard and had sat down as he had - or had he collapsed? Had they? – and even Sasuke was smiling ever so faintly, in his own ' _I'm such a superior bastard_ ' way. Naruto didn't think he'd ever seen a better sight.

He laughed, felt his head fall forward and he caught himself from falling face-first in the dirt by putting out his arms to hold him up. His fingers met soft earth and on impulse, or maybe to hold on, he sunk his fingers into the it, feeling the wetness of the ground… and closed his eyes because for a frighteningly real moment, it felt like blood. Sadness touched him then, of a kind he had never felt before, and he found out that sadness was a heavy feeling to support when you had no more strength left, he found that his body felt like it was double its own weight and the earth was trying to pull him under in the dark depths that were going to swallow the countless he could not have saved.

They had wanted blood, and blood had flown, blood of those that had been bravest and had died before he could do anything to help it. No he hadn't stopped it all, but it was over. It was over and all those that had died to make sure that the world born from their sacrifice was a better one, they were the heroes that he thought of now, they were the ones to whom he made a new promise: that he would do honour to their sacrifice.

Only the dead see the end of war, someone had once said.

He would prove that someone wrong!

He would find peace for those that lived on. He would find it and hold it tight and teach other to find it and never let it go.

That was a promise as well.

He felt he was already halfway there.

His head fell forward there had to be a reason he hadn't passed out cold yet, but hell if he knew it! He couldn't even feel his arms and legs anymore he was so tired. Man, the first thing he was going to do was lay somewhere and sleep… for a month or so…

Another laugh came out of his lips and it sounded choked. He just couldn't make his fingers dig out from that patch of warm earth… until he felt a hand come to rest over his shoulder, and then another and another, and the voices reached him.

"You did it kid. You did the impossible." someone said and that opened the floodgates. People started talking all at once, and it wasn't the whooshing sound of the ocean roaring, it was a soft hum in the background, because nobody was strong enough to be too loud.

That would be for later.

Naruto smiled to himself, but couldn't move. He could feel Sakura real close by him, her breaths were calming but were still short and her heartbeat erratic. Sasuke's presence was like a hovering storm to his left, standing there like a silent shadow. Neither had moved, and little could give Naruto more comfort than feeling them by his side, together again after so much time and blood and tears.

_Together, finally..._

All would be well.

He honestly hoped so, because too much pain had touched this earth for it not to be.

All had to be well. He would see to it personally.

It was when he felt long fingers come to wrap around his wrist gently, that he looked to his right and found there another familiar face, battered and exhausted, with a soft smile just for him. He looked at her and kept looking, fixing his eyes on hers, so pale and shiny under the sun. She was looking at him in a way that he didn't know how to name... but it made something inside him move, come loose a little from the tight clench it had been in just a moment prior, prisoner of sorrow.

When the end started making itself clearer and they had all stood together as one in front of their enemy, she had been by his side, just like she promised, watching his back the whole time, just like his teammates, doing everything she could, doing her part. And now she was here again… and it felt like he to hear her say something, because usually she said something real smart and now he really needed that ache in his chest to stop so much that he would have welcomed any kind word from anyone.

"It's over Naruto kun. It really is over." She said softly Naruto nodded mechanically.

_Yeah, it was wasn't it?_

"You're alive and so are your friends. Alive and together. Think about that... and nothing else." And this time her words were spoke so low that there was no doubt they were meant just for him.

_Alive. Alive and together. Alive with his friends._

Yes. Yes he was.

"Everything else will pass as well. Just give it time." Hinata said, this time her other hand coming to join the first and he let his fist loosen, allowed her to pull it out of the earth and start wiping the dirt away from it slowly, with the corner of her sleeve. It doesn't do much for cleaning, but the action is comforting in its bare simplicity.

In the absolute affection it conveys so very simply.

He feels himself steady, feels his bones heavy in his body, the weight of his own emotions. It's there, but not overwhelming anymore.

There is hope, of course there is. Grief is there too, but that's also part of life. He cannot let it tear him down. Not now.

Because it's going to be ok. Her eyes say so and they tell the truth.

_Alive, and with his friends… together…_

Her steadiness pulls him back, it calms him, grounds him. It feels like taking a deep breath after being underwater for too long, that first inhale of oxygen that goes straight to your brain, granting lucidity.

Whatever else is going on, however hard the world is falling… she can still make sense.

It's the second time now; it's starting to create a patter.

He doesn't mind, he is grateful.

Humbled by the totality of her belief, her confidence in him, in a hope for the future… and he feels he can do anything as long as there is one person out there that still believes he can. As long as there is a single life that he can fight for, whether he's right on the edge of a precipice of doubt and guilt, or if he can't see the something new and real come out of the destruction he'd left behind, he will overcome himself, and fight again, and again, until there's no more fight in him, or nobody to fight at all.

He would like to ask her what it is she thinks about when she feels herself slipping down a dark path. He makes a note to remember, but knows e will forget.

Maybe he will remember again sometime…

She kneels there, hands steady as her voice … and it calms him.

That someone like her can keep existing in this, that she can find the words to say to make it better for him, for herself.

 _That_  is the meaning of hope.

That she can believe in those words she speaks - that is hope too.

He doesn't need it for himself, not now, he just needs to see life in others. And she reminds him easily, with just one look.

Hope seems to burn brightest in her eyes these days. They're like pale flames in the night, and he follows, desperate and exhausted, needing to believe there is life beyond the horizon.

He smiled at her, unashamed of the telltale prickle of his eyes, knowing that he was tearing up and probably would be crying in no time. Honestly, he was too fatigued to even begin finding the strength needed to hold it together.

Where was the point anyway?

He turned his hand and caught her fingers, lacing them with his and minding how slimmer they felt in his hold, how tiny that palm that could do so much damage. He opened his mouth, without even knowing what to say, but when she did look at her… she was gone.

Her face had changed, that softness lost in favor of a fierce, suddenly very tense concentration. The veins along her eyes bulged a little more and usual, her face hardening in a way he knew too well.

"What is it?" he asked immediately, his fingers tightening around hers, but without the strength to move.

_Shit!_

He was tired enough to be useless. Almost without any conscious thought, he started sensing and collecting natural energy, in the eventuality he might need it. with his peripheral sense he checked out for danger, but could feel nothing. Around them other sensors were having Hinata's same reaction. Yells started to alert everyone into position again and Naruto tensed... until a hand on his chest stopped him.

"Wait." She said, her tone harder than anything he'd ever heard her use.

"What do you see?" Naruto heard Sasuke ask.

"I'm not sure, I... There's an incredible surge of chakra northwest from here. It's farther than ten miles, but…" but then she sucked in a sharp breath and screamed so loudly that his timpani must have broken.

"Everyone  _get down_!"

Similar yells sounded throughout the battlefield and Naruto felt himself being pulled from the back of his shirt just as he was pushed down by the girl at his side. He winced in anticipation for the hit his head would make once it slapped on the ground, but it came softer than he thought it would… because he'd landed on her arm.

Then he didn't think about anything else because a great shockwave almost picked him up to throw him a good hundred feet away... except he didn't move because someone was on top of him, chakra strings like steel connecting them to the ground, protecting them. She was using herself to cover his torso, his face, surrounding his head with her arms as wave after wave of the faraway explosions rippled over the field, shaking the trees and shocking the earth around them. Naruto fisted his hand on her flank jacket and held on, and to his regret, that was all he could help her with, aside from commuting violence on himself just to stay conscious. The heat scorched his face and he hid it in the crook of her neck, her hair billowing around them. His other free hand went on top of her head and pulled her into him more firmly, trying to protect he from the flying rocks that could seriously hurt her if they connected anywhere particularly exposed – something he was immediately proven right when one of them jabbed his hand and he ended up bleeding. Better his hand than the back of her head.

The fact that someone had set of an explosion not too far from there, connected in his mind almost faintly, as if he was disinterested on the fact, even though that explosion's shockwave was what they were feeling and it had no doubt been strong enough to level a small mountain.

When the air was still again, Hinata released the tension that had accumulated over her, and she flopped where she was lying, breathing heavily as if she'd run for days.

"I'm sorry... but I really can't move." and it was such an honest truth that she felt not even too bad for near fainting half on top of him. She could not, literally, move a single finger. Her body felt like it weighted a ton and the heaviest was her head.

"Pff, don't mind me, I think I'll pass out and wake up next year."

Her chuckle made him aware that she had her face right on the crook of his neck - he could feel her breath tickle his ear and the skin behind it and even through his dulled senses,  _that_  made its way through to his brain.

"Hey Hinata..."

"Hmm..."

Great, she was two seconds away from passing out. He had to be fast about this.

"When all goes back to normal, you think maybe you and I could go on a date - a normal one, with lots of awkward silences and me staring at you like an idiot?"

She went still only for that one moment owed to surprise. The next he felt the beginning of a laugh in her, but apparently she didn't have the strength to finish it because it turned into a soft cough. Then she gathered all the small amount of strength she had left and raised her head to look at him. Her lids were heavy, pearly eyes unfocused, but her smile, though the most battered and tired he'd ever seen, shone with happiness so undiluted that he felt himself mirroring almost instinctively.

"We can do whatever we want, Naruto… I promise." she said before she let her head fall on his shoulder again. He felt it in the way her body slumped completely that she had passed out. She'd used up the last of her energy to keep them rooted in place during the shockwaves before, it was no wonder that she was out cold.

He wasn't worried. Her heartbeat was strong, her breaths even, tickling his jawline ever so softly.

Naruto took a moment to finally savour the peace that was starting to make its way into him, finally.

"Out of all the bad moments to ask someone that, you chose the worst." Sakura said, a lot more subdued than usually, mostly because she didn't have the strength to mock him properly. "You're hopeless Naruto."

But the blonde didn't mind much. The moment was starting to slip away ever so slowly. He turned his head to take a good look of his teammates, and found his lips brushing against Hinata's forehead instead. Naruto lingered for a moment. He seemed to give away his kisses accidentally... but it didn't matter this time. And just to make a point, he chose to linger his lips on her dirt-and-sweat-sleeked forehead, because if he was to give her his first kiss now, then it wouldn't be an accident, it would be deliberate.

Naruto blinked and found that his lids wouldn't quite open anymore, not the whole way. The next time he tried they didn't open at all. He heard Sakura's voice calling his name, but couldn't quite find it in him to answer.

So he let go, and fell into welcome oblivion.

o

o

o

TBC:::


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ok, here's Kiba for all you guys who love team 8 as much as I do (you know who I'm talking about dont you, YungHime ;P). I have to confess that up til now, he was the most fun to write and this is my favorite chapter yet for some reason. :D

**_11_ ** _. Mirrors: Protector of the soul_

_'People can have their opinions about everything in the world, but people's opinions end where the tip of my nose begins. One is only allowed to have an opinion of me, if that person is done educating him/herself on everything about me. Before people educate themselves on everything about you, they're not allowed to open their venomous mouths and have an opinion about you.'_

_\- C. JoyBell C. -_

You gotta understand that it was weird, even for me who have known her my whole life, to see her with that guy.

Or maybe especially for me, I dunno.

Not the point anyway.

The point was that seeing her like that was a shock because I had never seen her be like that with anybody else. It went against what  _I'd_  always known of her, let alone other people who didn't know her at all. But she was at her ease with him, or at least as relaxed as Hinata can be. She smiled despite her blushes, looked at him in the eye and didn't hold back around him, didn't fade in the background anymore. To see her behaving with him the same way she behaved with us, her teammates, was… well, it threw me.

Can't say I loved it.

Inuzukas are territorial, we're jealous as fuck of what we feel as ours and nothing has ever felt more mine than Hinata. I mean… she knows me like nobody else, she takes care of me, cares  _about_  me and though nobody, and I mean  _nobody_ , really knows all that goes on inside her pretty head, I can say that at least I know her  _some_  of the time and I take care of her too and care about her always. She's my best friend for fuck's sake, and I only have two of those, and Shino is so different from her that he is practically his own category, so to me, Hinata is pretty unique.

So anyway, watching her with Uzumaki was strange, mostly because she was so… so freaking  _transparent_  about it. Her passion, her fascination, her enthusiasm – she was alight with it all, I'd never seen her like that before. Hinata didn't do that kinda thing, it just didn't match up with the girl I knew in my head. Fuck me for saying this, but I just didn't think she could be like that for  _any_  guy, not even Naruto.

I imagined…  _aww man_ … ok, so, if under torture I actually  _had_  to think how she'd be romantically… I suppose I'd imagine extensions of her personality: gentle, loving, warm, kind… reserved, shy, slow to come out of her shell, slow to trust…

Oh to hell with it! What do I know anyway? I mean, it's not like she isn't passionate. Oh, she can burn you right up alright, the girl lives through her feelings, she's practically the most sensitive soul I've ever met, in the meaning she feels freaking  _everything_  – but she just doesn't  _show_  it. Self-possession, composure, those were always absolute with her; by controlling herself and learning to put on a cool exterior was the only way she could survive in that loony-bin she called home. And she was always such an intensely private person. Public displays always made her uncomfortable; she liked her space, she liked her rules, you'd never hear her gushing over stupid things with other girls, even if she had any girlfriends – which she didn't. She was always too mature for that shit, even as a kid. And though Shino likes to think that he's so cool with him being all rational an all, she's the one that is more grown up out of the three of us, always was.

And yet there she is, looking at him and smiling at him like he's god's gift to human kind, for everyone with peepers to see. And that adversity for PDAs, she's so over that apparently - he reaches out for her and it doesn't matter that she doesn't know where he wants to go or what he wants to do, her reaction is always the same: she reaches back immediately, as if taking his hand whenever she saw it reaching for her was instinct. He wraps her into a bear-hug of the likes only Uzumaki is capable of, practically lifting off the ground, and she smiles, lingers, doesn't pull back even a fraction of a fraction.

It shouldn't really surprise me that she's so relaxed around him though. She's always been good with the borderline unhinged aspects of humanity. She respects it I think, everyone's right to be whoever they chose to be. I used to think it was because it made her feel less weird for being the black sheep of the Hyuga, but now I know that it's just how she is: she believes in everyone's right to their own quirks and loves getting to know every single one.

I think it's exhausting.  _She_  thinks its freaking fun.

And it fun she's having now, getting to know him...

She's so in love with him. Even I can see that, and believe me that means that it's as obvious as it can get, since, my awesome eye for detail aside, I have _zero_ capabilities when it comes to identifying and handling other people's emotions. Probably why everyone thinks I'm such an insensitive motherfucker, now that I think about it…

Anyway, the conclusion I've drawn is that, for Hinata to be so obvious, she either doesn't know how transparent she is, or doesn't care.

Either way its fine with me. It don't bother me to see her so happy.

But nothing is the same for everyone, you know. People seem to have something to say over everything. It's not that she does it to attract their attention, but attract it it does. It's something that happens if you date the hero of 5 nations I guess. I dunno how she copes with it, she's never been one for liking being stared at. The rumours are the worst though. I mean, I've always known that people can be bitches and girls are pretty mean… but you gotta learn to appreciate the sick and diseased stuff that can lurk in some people's brains. And I can't even beat 'em all up cause I'd end up in brawling with half the fire country.

Hinata doesn't even notice I swear. She is aware that she is suddenly every much more recognized (which is saying a lot, since hello, Hyuga heir we're talking about here). She notices the increase of attention 'cause it makes her squirm on the inside, but she doesn't realize how much people are talking about her and, thank god for that, what they're saying about her. She isn't used to keeping an ear out for people's whispers: she's never given them an excuse to nail her and she is so absolute in her respect of people's privacy that she can't even  _begin_  to realize how little of it she actually has for herself.

People think he won't be with her long, that it's just gratitude or whatever. They think she's this tiny little girl you know, that she doesn't know how to use her mouth, that's she's a void spot, someone with zero personality; too tame, too quiet, too yielding… a little rock where Naruto is a freaking tornado.

I say fuck 'em.

Hinata's been proving people wrong all her life, she's turned it into an art form. She'd prove them wrong this time too.

They say she's pushover.

I broke the nose of the asshole who said that.

This brand of bullshit usually comes from the mouths of people that don't have the  _briefest_  idea of her, that weren't there when she time and again risked her life for that blonde idiot, or when she saved all our lives…  _agh!_  What's the point? I don't need to tell this shit to myself, I already  _know_  it!  _They_  don't know it! They don't know  _her_ and they don't even know  _how_  to! To most people she's like this blank page or an encrypted message they don't have the source code to. She's nice and polite and so very proper and that's her way of keeping everyone pleasantly at a safe distance, trusting only some select few.

Well that's called  _privilege_ , assholes!

And it's something she really can't help you know. I mean, she's not like Naruto that way, who makes friends left and right and opens right up, totally fearless. Hinata's first instinct has always been about protecting herself because nobody ever protected her; her first reaction about letting someone in was always a cringe, because she always expected a lashing out. Nobody ever protected Naruto either, that's true, but sometimes its better, I think, not to have a family at all, than having a family that scorns you and wants you dead.

It's different now, almost in every way, but some things you can't just change through force of will. She'll always be reserved. And thought everything has changed, that doesn't make me like her fucking father any better, never mind the repentant cousin or the snooty sister. Geez, how Hinata can ever be related to those people beats me. And it may be forgiven, but I haven't forgotten and I never will. I admire that she is so willing to give second chances after being burned so badly; god, I could never imagine being that strong! But I also think she needs someone to have a long memory for her, and I'm willing, cause maybe she doesn't know it, but I think she still needs someone to protect her heart. We all do, cause we're all human and as long as our hearts are still beating, they can still hurt.

Point of fact: she's my shield as well. She considers herself as such and I accept it without any reserve. I need it.

And I know for a  _fact_  that Shino feels the same way, but that'd be a huge tangential leap in this conversation and I don't feel like taking it.

Hinata, a pushover! Well I'll be damned if people aren't blind!

If anyone on the face of this earth can handle a freak like Naruto without killing him, that'd be her. Hinata is one of the few people I know that can practically withstand _anything_. Nothing breaks her, nothing. That cousin of hers that now goes around calling her Hinata- _sama_  tried to kill her once, the hateful little shit, and she  _still_  stood there refusing to roll over and play dead just because it would be easier – and I'm not saying that with any degree of admiration you know. Her life would be so much easier if she weren't so stubborn about the things she chooses to be stubborn about.

But they are so very few, those things. Everyone's entitled to that.

When we were kids and she finally started trusting me enough to allow me to get to know her a little, I made it my job to make her smile. She liked my sense of humour and I tried to get her out of her head as often as possible. It used to be a pretty dark place in there back then. And now I see her with the blonde idiot, see her talking to him so effortlessly with that brand of animation that is so specifically hers: all about the glint in her eyes, the excitement on her face, that half smile even as she talks. Her gesticulations are always minimal - Hinata doesn't waste energy on anything - but words can take life when she's excited about something, and with him, she looks exited  _all the time_. She can tell you about the most mundane things and make it sound sacred… and would you look at Naruto! Just  _look_  at the poor bastard… he's sitting there staring at her with a look on his face that is a cross between him feeling like he's been hit by lightning and him thinking he's never seen her before.

He laughs loud and long at something she says and I can understand why. People don't figure, but she has this wicked sense of humour, that has in time lost its delicate roundness for something a little sharper, borrowing from me ('cause I'm awesome!) and from Shino too 'cause she actually  _likes_  the bastards sarcasm. He's infected her.

Obviously though, Naruto likes it.

It's weird how he always knows where to find her. She moves around all the time, going on D missions from people who sometimes can't even pay her (you break my heart Hinata) roving under the destroyed properties in the village trying to find their stuff (roping me to do the heavy lifting… who the hell can say no to puppy eyes from Hinata? She knows it too! She's such an emotional blackmailer!) or in the hospital doing a shift or even outside the village on missions with us… and he still manages to find her every time. It's like a shadows her or something. Of course it's easier to do when you can sense the chakra signature of everyone you know, but personally, I think he's just discovering the good old-fashioned stalker in himself.

Not that Hinata minds you know. She lights up like a beacon every time she catches his face and the vibrancy her of emotions is impossible to miss. And her happiness is so plain, so total, that I gotta wonder if I ever saw her so happy before… and that's a place I'd rather not go, you know, cause it's not so fun to admit that sometimes you can only do so much for someone and that the rest really isn't up to you, not when something inside them aches for something else.

They talk for hours. It's no wonder to anyone that Naruto can mouth off into a thousand directions but nobody ever knew Hinata ever had that much to say… and that's when my bullshit-meter starts to vibrate again. Hinata  _always_  wants to talk. She'll get you going and she has this way of making you spill things you never did before, because she listens like it matters. And it's not just me! Shit, she can even get Shino to string more than three sentences in a row and that practically qualifies as a freaking miracle! And maybe she can make me uncomfortable sometimes cause I really don't know how to talk about my feelings and shit, and other times it almost feels like she's nagging me, yapping on and on about how I need to learn to express myself a little better… but then I'll be depressed or upset or plain desperate, and she's right there, saying  _exactly_  what she knows will make me feel better, cause she actually  _listens_  and that's how she gets to know you: by unravelling you gently when you're not paying attention… just like she's unravelling poor Naruto now with him being none the wiser.

But the truth is he was doomed from the beginning, 'cause she's been his stalker for years.

They spend so much time together and I got nothing against that, but it's when he comes to hang out with us or help us on missions that its fast getting a bother. They're getting slowly but steadily impossible to stand – they basically make the air thicker whenever they start looking at each other without blinking, it's a wonder they don't start any fires. Hinata's mild – she mostly holds herself back because she's probably embarrassed, but Naruto knows no such tact, nor has he any consideration for my poor psyche.

The girl practically  _lives_  in her fatigues man, stop staring at her like she's naked all the time! Fucking uncomfortable!

It's all tension though, I know for a fact they haven't even kissed yet.  _How_  do I know? Cause I  _notice_  these things. The tiny little things that nobody else ever bothers with. And maybe everybody thinks that Naruto's this big pervert – he may actually act like it too – but the truth is that he's so fucking innocent its almost heart-breaking. And let's not even talk about Hinata. No, seriously, I don't even wanna go there, it's way too weird. Besides, like I said, Hinata's just too freaking transparent: when it comes to her lover-boy, she's kissed her careful restraint goodbye (…pun intended there in case you were wondering). I bet whenever it does happen, it's gonna be like she has it tattooed over her forehead and everyone will know.

Now that I think about it, gotta warn her about that, after I tease her into the blush of her life over it, obviously.

But those two really did me in. I wasn't even anticipating it… and I don't have the words for mocking, cause it's not the kind of thing you can make fun of. Cause, you see, we had to leave for Wave country sometimes in the middle of march. Important mission, huge pay, we knew the terrain well and besides, best scouts of Konoha here, hello! - it practically  _had_  to be us, the damio had done everything but specifying our names. So we got ourselves a meeting point and I'm late as usual and rushing to get there right. And I'm with the wind behind me so I don't even smell them. I swear to god and whatever the fuck is holy that I  _never_  would have gone in that direction if I had known they were there.

Not that they noticed. They were so wrapped up in each other they wouldn't have noticed a tornado.

 _That_  was their first kiss. I know because… I just  _know_. You don't look someone with that kind of wonder in your eyes, as if you've found the answers to all possible questions, if it's not the first time you discover them.

I mean, it's either that, or love. But come on, nobody falls in love in three weeks, right?

… right?

o

o

o

TBC:::


	13. 12. The wild calm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ok, this one is form Naruto's pov. I had to take it easy on him, go back a little to the moment i last left him. And I've also tried not to make this all about Hinata, because as i see it, he has a lot going on in his world at the moment and evevrything is a mess.  
> But there's planty of Naruhina at the end.  
> This is actually mean to be the begining of their relationship. Let me know your thoughts.

**_12_ ** _. The wild calm_

_'How to recognize what is real? To know the layers and depths of oneself, to know how to open, to know how to fill a capacious hold-all, to know one's own quirks and nervous twitches, cravings and transparencies, and, above all the force, literally the force, of events, connections, the wild calm in every thing.'_

_\- Shawna Lemay –_

Naruto came to the front after the war had begun. He ran like hell, heart in his throat and barraged straight into the middle of battle. Once there he had only a breathless moment to take in the enormity of it, the overwhelming numbers. Then it was all out hell. He'd experienced, after, the mobility of a base camp, the hustle bustle and close quarters only during the so called 'down time' between one battle and the next, but he had not been part of a real mobilization. Didn't know what it meant to be one of thousands moving from one location to the next, or from camp to base, the constant drive, the huge size and sheer effort behind it.

He didn't experience that when the war was over either.

The demilitarization of battle sites began after the last clash, and five divisions were moved to base camps while the Kages held another summit, deciding between them everything, from the peace treaties, friendship treaties and diplomatic ones. There were economical engagements to regulate a much easier trade between the five nations and be the basis for a new relationship between countries that had been always been at odds with each other and setting up permanent representation in different countries and… a whole new world to explore.

Naruto had to be told all that. He was passed out, in a sleep so deep that almost a coma, in the medical tents at home base, a huge construct built around a hospital, settled at the border between fire and earth country. The site was chosen for a very simple reason – it was in the middle, the shortest distance between all the battlegrounds, so that the wounded wouldn't have to travel too much. Naruto's bed was between Sasuke's and Kakashi sensei's because apparently Sakura was too busy to spend energy being at three places at the same time, so she had put all three of them together.

When Naruto did wake up, he found himself staring at a pair of brilliantly green eyes like pale emeralds that were so unique he began to smile lazily before he even saw the rest of her face. Next he noticed her smile and the fact that her eyes seemed so brilliant because she had tears in them. She burst into a wet laugh and gave him the most careful hug he'd been given his whole life.

"It's good to see you awake Naruto…" She said as she drew back, passing her hand over her cheeks casually, as if that wasn't her tears on those cheeks.

"Hey Sakura chan." He said in a gruff voice that didn't sound like his at all: it was all gravel and the only reason he claimed ownership was because he felt the scrape of it over his throat. God, it felt like he hadn't talked in…

_How long?_

"How long have I been out?" He asked again, sounding even worse this time. Trying to cough to free his throat made him almost choke, and Sakura passed him a little water before as she answered.

"Twelve days, give or take. You woke up one or twice, but I doubt you remember, you were pretty out of it." And as she put the glass down, she passed a green-glowing palm over his chest, stopping at his heart, checking the functioning of his organs without the benefit of a scan.

Naruto breathed deep, feeling the soothing of Sakura's chakra going through his system, mending him, relaxing him even thought everything was alright inside him. there were things aching and twitching, but nothing too bad.

"How is everyone?"

Sakura snorted. "There are thousands of shinobi here.  _'Everyone'_  is a loose term. Be specific."

Naruto gulped. This time it was easier to talk, and only after Sakura handed him the water was he beginning to realize how thirsty he was. But he'd been in a hospital times enough to know that nobody was gonna give it to him.

"What kind of losses did we suffer." He asked this time, sounding so serious, so… so unlike the usual Naruto that Sakura stopped a moment, looking at him briefly before continuing to check his charts.

"Hospital's full. I've been on call nonstop, we're overstretched and everyone with any healing abilities is being 'drafted' for extra shifts. Tsunade's been running the critical cases. We've lost plenty, we've saved more. If you want specify numbers you're not gonna get them from me, ok."

Because she didn't want to go there. She remembered every face of everyone she couldn't save and Naruto know better than to make her go through the list.

"Right. Right… how's Neji?" And then a thought hit him. "Hinata?" And then many other thoughts. One for every friend whose face he saw behind his lids.

"They're all fine. Neji's stable, looking good. Konoha 12 made it intact. We're lucky bastards."

Naruto grinned lazily. His eyes were already closing. "We're tough."

Sakura's eyes were real warm as she looked at him, her smile sweet. "Yeah." She said softly.

Just as Naruto was slipping back into sleep he thought he felt a light touch on his cheek.

"Go to sleep Naruto. Everything will be fine."

He only hummed.

oOoOo

Sakura sighed. This was the third time he woke up and always, he stayed awake enough to be mumble for some water, ask about everyone and mumble something else, then right back asleep.

Today he'd been conscious a little longer, looked a little more lucid. Maybe he'd remember this time, cause every time he opened his eyes and asked the same questions always broke her heart just a little.

It was hard, truly impossible really, not to feel like crying and hugging him every time he opened his eyes. Every time he did she was grateful to see them so blue. Grateful that he was alive. The feeling pervaded her, filling her with the kind of calm that was almost like happiness.

oOoOo

Only the all-merciful gods knew how the hell he survived under Sakura's care and Sasuke's company both at the same time. Sometimes he found himself thinking it was a shame that Madara hadn't killed him, but those two though, they were coming real close.

It was the best time he'd had in a long time.

Kakashi kept reading with his usual nonplused-ness, Sai and Sasuke couldn't hate each other more and Yamato was a breath of much needed awkwardness with his little comments that hung ungracefully in the air. Sakura had tried to stab him twice. How was it that she could be a medic and try to make him bleed to death at the same time? Naruto was sure there was a line of insubordination somewhere in there, but when Yamato suggested anger management classes Sasuke had smirked ( _smirked_! the bastard never changed!) at the bulging vein on Sakura's forehead and her murderous looks.

"Wow that's impressive." Sai said in flat fascination, leaning in to get a closer look, thus exposing his jugular to Sakura's snapping jaws. Didn't he know you're not supposed to do that?

"I can actually see it bulging like it has its own little heartbeat." Sai continued.

With a roar that made Naruto twitch and Sasuke's eyebrows rise (Oho! That's right he hadn't met the new and improved Sakura that didn't hold back so much… not even in front of him. Hehe!) she grabbed Sai by the collar and started shaking violently, screeching with a voice that reached waves so high only dogs could hear, about rudeness and assholeness.

Team Seven at its best baby!

Tsunade wanted to lock them up in the psych ward.

Naruto had rarely been so happy.

oOoOo

She went to see him late at night, just as she had finished her rounds at the end of her shift. He was sleeping… on his stomach, face sunken on the pillow, one arm hanging off the bed, sheets tangled around his feet. She couldn't help smiling at the sight he made; he slept like a child. Out of habit she picked up his chart without even tearing her eyes from him, and only when the papers were in her hand she flicked through them, very careful about not making the smallest noise.

He was mending. His vitals were strong and if she didn't know any better she'd say he was in perfect condition – but she did know better. He had been exhausted after the final battle, and there was only so much that chakra could heal. Sometimes it's better to let the body recuperate on its own terms. Hinata couldn't blame Tsunade-sama for keeping him in his bed either; the chances of Naruto actually taking it easy, as he should, once he got out of here were pretty slim. She was sure that in no time he would want to get up and start moving around anyway though.

Hinata put down the chart and went close to his bedside, kneeling to the floor so that she was on the same level with his face. She watched the line of is jaw, his mused hair even more unruly than usual, his straight nose and the curve of his ear. She wanted to touch him so badly that she had to link her fingers together on her lap just to keep herself still.

Standing so close was enough to make her heart beat just a tad faster, feel just a little fuller...

She didn't know why she couldn't smile looking at him. There was something that felt… strange about this moment, because it was rather unfamiliar, intense and foreign, as if she couldn't breathe that well around him… or rather his space.

And that's when it hit her.

The smile came about two seconds later, and so did the blush. She'd just never been this close to him before, she felt almost painfully aware of him even as he slept. That was why she felt uncomfortable. Or, well, why she felt so hyper and her heart was beating just a little more strongly at her ribs.

She didn't stay long. She got up silently and stepped out of the room, not even stirring the air the wrong way. She was as silent as the shadows in the room, but then again, Sasuke Uchiha had not survived so long without knowing how to tell how many people were in the room with him even in his sleep.

There were two pair of eyes that followed her out of the room. Ironically the only one that didn't wake was the boy she had gone in to see.

oOoOo

Those very first days of being back into the world were strange. There was so much happening, but it was hard to remember that there was a whole army - or at least half of it - out of their little room. He spent as much time as he could talking, especially telling Sasuke what their lives had been like in the years they had spent apart. Naruto started first, as usual, telling him… well, just speaking aloud about really, about his training and the cool tricks he'd used every one in ahile and how awesome his father was. Sasuke just listened, his head tipping on the fun parts or the exiting parts… and he almost choked on his water when Naruto told him about that time when Jiraya had decided that he needed a broadening of his shinobi education - so he took him to a brothel.

Kakashi sensei as suspiciously quiet.

Naruto proceeded to tell Sasuke all about the women there and how they looked like they could drown him between their breasts.

And  _that_  was when Sakura came in and almost blew a gasket - and his face.

Sakura on the other hand wouldn't talk to Sasuke at all. She came in, did her usual checkups on all three of them, answered the questions she could, especially Kakashi sensei's about Obito, screamed occasionally at Naruto and also smiled at him, snapped at Sai when he was there… total radio silence to Sasuke, except for where it convened medical issues. His answers were minimalistic, but he always looked at her right in the eye when he spoke and she never looked back.

Strained was an underestimation between them.

Too stubborn, Naruto thought to himself. Both of them.

Well, Naruto didn't have scruples of that kind. He was the first to ask questions too. Where had you been, what have you learned, the battles you've fought, the stupidest adversary you faced. He didn't need to ask about the strongest, cause that he already knew, and he also knew that Sasuke wouldn't want to talk about it.

Through it all, a lot of people came by to visit, mostly to talk to Naruto. Only the bravest weren't discouraged by Sasuke's death glares.

At the end of every night,  _every single night_  throughout the whole three weeks that he was kept in the hospital by a tyrannical Sakura and a murderous Tsunade, he searched for  _her_  just before he fell asleep.

He could sense the chakra of almost everyone he knew and hers stood out like that first bright star you see, that appears every night before the sky is even completely dark. She was easy to sense even among hundreds because she was familiar, because he was used to reaching out for her to make sure she as around, that she was there. It reassured him, that she was there, in a way that was almost unconscious, so much so that he couldn't even logic or understand his way through it.

She came to see him, though she was not comfortable talking that much in front of Sasuke and Kakashi sensei. Kakashi sensei read and was silent when she was there but Sasuke stared so hard that he might as well be drilling holes in the back of her head. She could feel it too, even though she tried to ignore him. What Naruto asked what the hell was his problem, the Uchiha just 'hnn-ed' as usual and looked away, staring at the blank ceiling above them.

_Bastard._

But then after a while he got to move around and he tailed her… if it could be called that. Whenever she was stationary in the hospital corridors, in the halls or in the lunchroom. She always smiled when she saw him. It was a kind of smile that made him feel strange… something he could not quite explain.

Maybe it was because he knew what was behind that smile, the feeling that caused it… but Naruto preferred not to think about that. He couldn't, it almost made him lose his nerve if he thought about it too much.

She was the same as she'd always been, but not quite. It felt that way perhaps because the more he spoke with her the faster he realized that he knew  _about_  her, but didn't really know  _her_ , and was only now starting to. He was realizing that now only because  _now_  he had the time and opportunity to actually dwell on it. Before things would just happen and he would live in the moment, but then he had to store it away behind double doors in his mind to protect it, to draw form it the strength he needed, yes, but without being able to really think through it to the end, to what it would mean for him in the future.

Now the future was here.

She kept the standard chunin uniform, but did not keep the green vest – none of the medics did. They didn't wear uniforms, most even chose to keep civilian attire because they were more comfortable, but medics were always recognizable because instead of a standard shinobi pack, they all had a utility belt that was full of the strangest things – none of it combat equipment. Naruto supposed it was for emergencies. Hinata had one too. All the black gave her an even more sombre look, but then again, she always kept her hair up now: in a bun on top of her head in a ponytail or a braid and it gave light to her face in a way that seemed to catch his eye no matter how far away he was. And the way she smiled had nothing to do with sombre at all.

She looked always so serious, so focused when she was working, but she was cheerful when she was with him.

His favourite days were those when they could have lunch together. A whole week of lunches, the last one he spent in the hospital. The favourite of the favourite were those days when she'd pin her fringe back as well and he could see her whole face. Her eyes seemed to stand out even more and it as only then that he realized just how pretty she really was, all by herself, even when she was tired enough to have dark circles under her eyes. They didn't mention the date, it seemed it had been postponed for in an indefinite future and he could just savour the pleasant possibility of it floating in the distance like a promise. Of what he wasn't sure. In the meantime enjoying the very simple, very thorough reality of  _her_  - here, now.

She asked him things and she liked to listen to him, she could tell, because she listen to him talk in a way that made no excuses for itself: as if she liked to know everything about him, whatever he chose to say. She didn't listen just with her ears: she listened his her eyes, so focused, so clear and sharp; with her body, leaning forward a little, drawn; her hands, the way the clasped together or flattened them on the table. She listened to him with the same focus most people do things that matter, with her whole brain, her whole self.

He liked to hear her talk too (liked the way she spoke, and how it made him lean in to hear her better even without him realizing it, liked that it gave him an excuse to look without staring), but soon found out that getting her to speak more than a few sentences in succession was all about what questions he asked. She was uncomfortable talking about herself, but she liked to talk about what she was learning. She was the one person to call granny Tsunade patient, and that was a hard thing to believe. In all the years he'd known her, that old hag had had a monster temper that was never reigned in. It was as if the Hokage never even bothered to, as if it was below her taking notice. The truth was it was below her caring. But Hinata practically adored that screeching old woman… and in honest truth, Naruto couldn't blame her.

She told him about the people she'd met and befriended and what it was like being a medic. She liked working in the hospital, healing people. She liked doing useful things, being productive, though when it always hit her hard when they lost someone. She didn't say so – it was obvious from the look on her face, the way it went so utterly still and how her eyes narrowed just a tiny bit before she looked down.

She was new at this. Didn't have that desensitized exterior Sakura armed herself with, hadn't had time enough to learn how to build one. But perhaps she wasn't like Sakura at all and it was wrong to compare. Maybe she wouldn't ever build that hard shell, to make it look like it was always ok. Looking into those pale eyes that were always so alight with emotion, with life, Naruto couldn't imagine ever seeing them distant, cold. Emptiness would suit Hinata badly, he realized just as she talked to him about learning how to extract poisons, all excitement and sparkling life.

"Sakura helps me a lot. I'd be behind most of the time if she didn't take the time to teach me things carefully, so that I don't make mistakes." She said one day, a smile so small and private on her lips that he didn't understand it.

Sakura had never taken the time to teach him anything.

"She doesn't yell at you does she? If she does, just think about something else while she's through, she never means any harm, not really." It was a difficult thing, imagining anyone yelling at Hinata, but it stung a little differently when doing that was Sakura. He didn't really know why that was, couldn't think about it at the moments so he filed it in his head for later.

But Hinata was quick to amend. "Oh  _no_ , she never does. She is demanding and strict, just like Tsunade-sama - she has to be to get anything done here." The respect and admiration cold not have been more clear. There was even the budding warmth of friendship and Naruto made it a note to ask Sakura about Hinata later. "- but she's so patient with me, and she explain things so well that I really don't ever have to ask her for a second time."

Naruto smiled in his crooked way. "Or maybe you're just that good."

Hinata blinked – he had learned that she did that whenever she was surprised – and then returned his smile, thought it was very faint, not like her usual ones. It was as if she was thanking him out of politeness, and then looked down to her plain rice - for the first time looking away from him.

That was the day he learned she didn't like compliments very much. They made her uncomfortable for some reasons. The look on her face made him think of someone handling a brand new weapon for the first time: like you don't know where to grab it and how to swing it.

She told him all she knew about everyone's condition, taking his question of 'how is everyone' very literally: she actually ran through the list of every single person they knew that she had treated, or knew something of. It seemed that doing that almost tranquilized her worry for them. That was the most he'd ever heard her talk ever since they started having lunch together.

Sitting through her facial expressions during that time was really something. He found he was too used to being around either very expressive people, of very blank people. With Hinata was different: she never hid anything, never downplayed, never misled. Where her friends were concerned, she was completely honest - plain with her feelings, her worries, her thoughts. But she didn't overplay either, you had to be observant to catch the differences in her tone, in her expression, the emotions behind a differently pronounced word. But he understood her so quickly, read her so easily, that for a bewildering moment, he had a very strange, piercing sensation: he felt as if he was only now truly speaking to someone for the very first time.

There was something disconcerting about feeling that way, especially because he could see it in her eyes, in the way she looked at him and the questions she asked him, that she understood him in the same way: flawlessly. It wasn't a sensation he could explain, it wasn't even something that he knew how to react to. He just knew that he liked it. That it surrounded him the cocoon of a very special kind of safety, one he'd never felt before.

Jiraya had once said that being understood was the rarest, most precious gift you could ever be given, and naruto thought he'd gotten the meaning of that at the time.

Now he was relearning it again… differently.

He spent three weeks in the home base camp – which was really just a huge hospital in the middle of nowhere, as Naruto came to see it. His life was permanently changed those days, in ways that only much, much later he would come to realize.

He mended tears with people that he considered family and that was what most mattered to him. It was a foundation. He was bombarded with the sense of a new world rising from ashes and almost overwhelmed by the enormity of what was being created sometimes. Throughout all of that, she was there. Not part of the slam to his senses that was the world again. She was more like the soft hum of the background and soon he found himself looking forward to talking to her again just because the way she spoke about the world and the things she saw in it were enough to remind him of what calm felt like, what it meant to be at peaceful stillness that vibrated with immense life.

It was a strange feeling, being so excited and soothed at the same time. It should have felt contradictory but it didn't. It felt familiar.

Being close to her started feeling like meditating: feeling the unbelievably strong energy of nature seeping through you, making you feel so strong, as if you were brushing closely with invincibility, breathing it in… and yet infusing you with that clear, sharp balance of the world, the natural equilibrium, just as if infused you with the vibrating strength of that same peace.

It was exhilarating to be able to get that from one person. A person that smiled at him in a way that nobody ever had smiled at him.

A person to whom he was starting to learn to smile back the same way. It wasn't hard. He had thought at first it would be some great mystery that he would not be able to unravel, that he was too confused, too ignorant… but the truth was that nothing had ever come to him as easy as liking Hinata did. Just talking to her over lunch seemed to do the trick.

He could understand her easily, nothing she said was too vast for him, or too complicated for him. Maybe she kept it simple for his benefit, but somehow Naruto didn't think so.

It was something new to be able to learn so easily how to gravitate towards one another. A new feeling. Strange, sure because it was out of every scheme he had ever experienced… but he liked it.

o

o

o

TBC:::

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I realize that this story doenst have a lot of dialogue so far, that its very internal. I never thought about it before, and nobody has mentioned it as a bad thing, but i still feellike i should ask: Does that bothery you guys? Is it too much to take in?


	14. Chapter 14

**_13_ ** _. A hundred shades of blue_

_'As yellow is always accompanied with light, so it may be said that blue brings a principle of darkness with it. This colour is a peculiar and almost indescribable effect to the eye: as a hue, it is powerful, but it is on the negative side and in its highest purity is, as it were, a stimulating negation. Its appearance is a kind of contradiction between excitement and repose._

_… But as we readily follow an agreeable object that flies from us, so we love to contemplate blue, not because it advances to us, but because it draws us after it.'_

_\- Goethe, 'Theory of colours' -_

When he returned home, he did so knowing that she would not be back in Konoha for weeks, maybe months. Medics – even those that were just beginners like her - had different timetables and they went where they were most needed. She was most needed at the frontier.

But the village was hectic enough while rebuilding normalcy that it swept him off in everyday life and the rumbling pace of it all. There were missions that were handed with an insane frequency, of all kinds of ranks. They just needed to get done and the first shinobi to have a free minute was instantly called, even when said shinobi was Uchiha Sasuke and he had to fix a leaking roof.

The bastard had scowled something fierce, but he hadn't uttered a single word of complain.

His trial was set after the Hokage got back on active duty. For now the council had decided – though begrudged to be so strictly on the Hokage's orders – that he was to be treated as a man on parole. His 'officer' was none other than Naruto himself. No need to say that Naruto had the time of his life fucking around with the Uchiha about that, until the dark haired boy snapped and they erupted in a fully-fledged fight far away from Konoha where the villagers would not be able to feel the earth cracking.

That had also been fun, though it did leave him with bruises.

He realized something was missing that first night he was back, right before he fell asleep: as was his nightly ritual, he stretched his senses to pick up the life around him, surround himself with it like a cocoon of warmth… and she wasn't there.

Her absence rang loud in the darkness and the night took on a strange kind of stillness. The sting in his chest was familiar in the way emotions echo sometimes through each other, borrowing shades off each other. But it was also new - the absence of her wasn't just a fact of life: he  _missed_  her. That was not the point though, at least not the most important part of it. He'd expected to miss her. The point was the reality of the feeling, the particular shade of it, which startled him.

He'd thought he was pretty well versed in missing people. But this was something else. He missed her in a way that was very different from any other, with a kind of longing that he'd never really felt before, ever, and one the feeling was there and he took awareness of it, what he missed about her became a long catalogue of tiny details that he hadn't even known he'd noticed.

That was perhaps the first time he realized just how much apart she was from everyone else he had in his life.

He'd had a crush before, he knew how to recognise the symptoms. He'd known for a while now. But knowing without a doubt that this time there was reciprocity, it was… the pervasive thrill of every flicker of emotions didn't –  _couldn't_  - even compare. Not to anything. It was like walking to a whole different side of the moon.

He wasn't just crushing; he'd already crashed. That night was the night he realized the actual size of the crater he'd made while landing.

The next morning, he got up two hours before he usually did, picked up a notebook and a pen, and wrote the longest letter he'd ever written in his life. He told her everything, all the details of the journey, of the previous day, things he would have told her had they met over lunch in the cafeteria of home base. He asked her what she'd done the lately, what she'd learned, told her to say hi to everyone around her that knew him, told her a couple of stupid jokes… She was more than a hundred miles away, but writing to her felt a lot like talking to her.

It turned out he wrote ten full pages of nothing, but he still folded them carefully so they wouldn't smudge, put them in an envelope and went out to hunt for someone that could take it up north.

He could not have imagined the pure shock on her face when among her usual mail, from family and her teammates and her sensei, she found also a letter from Uzumaki Naruto. The smile that had split her face had literally caused double takes from those around her.

Sakura had grumbled, face almost sunken in her cereal.

"We just got off the graveyard shift." She complained in a gravelly voice, as if her fellow medinin's happiness when they were both too tired to even smile was a personal offence. "Whad'ya got to be so happy about?"

Hinata made to answer, but had to stifle a big yawn first (and as if on cue and in a way that was almost comical, the women around her, Sakura included, yawned as well).

"I got a letter from home." Hinata explained.

Sakura smiled tiredly, mostly at how easy Hinata made happiness look. Man, how she missed that simplicity, that ability to find joy in the things that mattered and not be buried under a pile of shit that might be the current period of her life. Hinata had that. She was a positive sort of person, and not in the exhausting, upbeat way that Ino was. It was actually nice to be around the Hyuga heiress most of the time, something that to her shame Sakura had only found out when they'd practically  _had_  to spend time together.

But just as she was thinking that, Sakura – honestly without meaning to – caught sight of the careless way the address had been written on the back of the envelope, and instantly recognized the horror that was Naruto's handwriting.

She couldn't help herself, the surprise was just too great.

"Is that from Naruto?" she immediately asked, exhaustion suddenly forgotten. Hinata looked at her with a hint of surprise and a little embarrassment and Sakura instantly regretted her outburst.

_Smooth, Haruno, real smooth…_

"Hm… yes." The Hyuga heiress answered simply, a little hesitantly.

Sakura felt like she wanted to drown herself in her half eaten cereal. But she was just surprised, that's all. She'd never even seen him write so much as a note, let alone a letter to someone.

"Way to put your foot in your mouth Forehead." Ino suddenly piped up, choosing to rear her ugly head at the worst possible moment. Then her smile turned to Hinata and there was such a predatory glint in those clear blue eyes that the girl almost backtracked.

"So… are you two a thing now?" Ino asked slyly.

Hinata tried dodging, thought only with scarce hopes. "A… a thing?"

"Oh c'mon! Are you his  _girlfriend_ , is he your boyfriend?"

Oh, that was a much easier questions. "No, not really."

But instead of quietening her, the answer seemed to spur Ino on: she was being gentle about this, Hinata had to appreciate that and no doubt was weary of her because of it. After all, Ino had been doing more than just dabbing in interrogation during the war. She was even better than her father when it came to uncovering secrets… even though after finding them out she has the nasty habit of mouthing them to anyone with ears.

_Oh well…_

"But didn't he ask you out? I heard he did. And you've been all lovey-dovey while…"

"Shut it Pig." Sakura finally snapped savagely, cause she knew that Hinata was way too green to Ino's manipulations to handle her. Then she turned to Hinata, a much more gentle look on her face. "You should go rest a while Hinata-chan." She then said absentmindedly. "I'll catch up on some sleep, and then I'll show you how to fully knit nerve-endings together before I go into surgery, ok."

Hinata let herself be saved, not without being grateful. She really didn't want to be rude to Ino-chan, but it that improvised interrogation had gone on, she would have had to be.

"I will. Thank you Sakura-chan."

Sakura smiled back, but there was something strange in her eyes, something that was a lot like sadness, though not quite. It was another kind of tiredness, Hinata realized, a tiredness of the soul that a girl as beautiful and bright and brilliant as Sakura had no right feeling. But then again, weren't they all touched by sad memories, every once in a while? Her own dejection and only now been lifted. The thick envelope in her pocket, mixed with the rest of her mail, was the centre of her new-found happiness.

"You're gonna have to read it slowly though." Sakura added as an afterthought, a glint of teasing in her eyes, gloom fought down by sheer strength of will. "His handwriting takes 'awful' to new and improved levels."

But Hinata just smiled, and it was a real smile.

No, she wouldn't mind reading slowly. She would have read it slowly even if his calligraphy had been perfect. She would take her time with every single word, and then go back again, to read it over.

Ino sighed as she watched the Hyuga go.

"That girl is so head over heels for that idiot that the world upside down could make sense to her, never-mind his handwriting."

Sakura smiled, but there was something off about her expression, and Ino took all of two seconds to think about it because prodding.

"What's with you?" And then after a beat - "Don't tell me you're jealous."

It was meant as an atrocious joke, something to rip some kind of reaction that would lead Ino to the truth, but Sakura's actual response made her frown.

Sakura pinned Ino down with sharp green eyes, suddenly much more alert than before.

"Don't be ridiculous Pig. Why would I be jealous?" Sakura asked, tone biting, perhaps a little more than needed.

 _Yes_ … Ino thought, frown deepening.  _Why would you?_

She wouldn't have dropped the topic for the world, and perhaps Sakura knew that because before Ino could open her mouth again, she was on her feet, announcing that she had to catch up on some shut-eye since she had major surgery scheduled for tonight. Ino watched Sakura's straight back as she left the cafeteria and for a moment, the blonde had the impression that the pink haired girl was actually running away from something.

oOo

It's almost three months before she comes back to her village, her home.

She's been counting it in letters.

The stack was growing, since she got one almost every week. The direction of the mail kept changing which told her he was moving around a lot, probably going on mission. She didn't know how to express what her heart felt when she thought about him in a tent or under the stars, writing to her… thinking about her. His letters were always long and his speech so characteristically his, even on paper, that it really did feel like he was right there with her sometimes.

She'd missed him so much that it was sometimes overwhelming, it put the time she'd missed him when he'd been away for two years training to shame. She kept herself so busy though, that there was really no time to be sad.

She was just a beginner at learning the healing arts, but in time she could learn to be a good medic and though she didn't have Sakura-chan's innate talent or her prodigious chakra control - nobody did - Hinata was very much aware of the fact that her ability to see through flesh and bone and know exactly what was damaged and what she was healing was something that eased her progress exponentially. Working blind, with only the knowledge your chakra provided you was a delicate task, one that required years and years of experience – Hinata did not have that problem, which made up for her being a beginner and assured she made leaps that others couldn't.

In turn though, while she was the most accurate of the group, she was also the one that needed to be most careful about her chakra reserves as well. Soon she learned to rely on her chakra more and her Byakugan less, saving it only for cases when careful handling was needed.

All the while, she worked hard and learned all she could, grateful for the chance to learn it from the best. And whenever she would have a free moment, she would read his letters over, and write him something as well – sometimes a full page, others just a few lines. She spoke of everyone and everything and in the end added something about herself as well.

And when she was just falling asleep, curled in her hard bed, she always thought back to that day when he'd just shown up behind her, right there in the hospital corridor, closed her eyes with one hand and told her to 'guess who'. He gave himself away immediately of course, and she was sure that her heart had started beating so loudly that so did she, in more subtle ways. It sounds so awfully trite to say that when she turned and found him there, smiling at her, all blue eyes and blonde hair, her entire world just screeched to a halt, but that's exactly how it felt. The sight of him, even dusty and sweaty as he was, was the most violent thing that had ever hit her senses in a while.

She came close to fainting from excitement that day, closer than she had in years. But he'd just laughed it off.

"Breathe Hinata, 's just me!" he'd said jokingly, a hand coming to take her forearm and shake her a little.

Yes, it  _was_  him. After not seeing him for almost four weeks, it had been  _him_ , right here, a foot away from her. What was the 'just' doing in that sentence? It was unfair the way he dismissed himself.

…didn't he know?

She'd felt her eyes tingle and blinked rapidly. She would  _not_  make a fool of herself in front of him and she  _most certainty_  would not make him uncomfortable. So she'd given him a smile that hopefully wasn't too wobbly.

(but he saw though it, noticing her jumping pulse and her suddenly even paler face and the knuckles turning white where she was clutching the medical charts so tightly to her chest. He perceived her emotions the same way he perceived her appearance, all in once glance from foot to the tip of her nose, a little upturned in that cute way that was absolutely hers.)

"It's good to see you Naruto-kun." She'd said simply, (a little too breathily for her liking but that couldn't be helped) dulling down the truth so that it wouldn't shock him.

The silly grin slipped off his face and it turned into a different kind of smile.

"It's good to see you too." He'd answered softly, feeling the words she was not saying as if they were real things piling up in corners.

How could something that you can't hear, smell or see, feel so warm, so inexcusably  _yours_?

And how the hell had he managed to pipe it down when he saw her? He thought the whole way he'd been travelling that the moment he'd see her, he'd shout her name so loudly that the whole camp would hear it. And then granny Tsunade would kill him for yelling in the hospital, if Sakura didn't get to him first – but it would be worth it.

But he hadn't. He'd seen her standing there reading the charts on the wall carefully, and the words got stuck in his throat for some reason. So he got real close, real silent, and slipped a hand over her eyes, standing so close behind her that when she startled, she bumped her back against him... and if he did sneak up on her just to have an excuse to touch her, so what?

Ero-sannin would be proud of him, Naruto berated himself, cringing internally a little.

"So, did you miss me?" he asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes, an attempt to get back to a self that got suddenly too confused with her standing there. It was supposed to be a joke, it was supposed to make her smile. He was good at that, she always smiled around him.

"Yes, I did." She said softly and for some reason that honesty – so naked and vulnerable, and yet so bold because of it - stripped him of even that last innocuous pretence and replaced it with something alive and fluttering in his stomach, that started to vibrate.

Before he spoke, he swallowed down the sudden fur-ball that seemed to have appeared in his throat.

"I missed you too." He said then, lamely, but with her same kind of honesty.

That's when she'd smiled: brightly, her whole face lightening. Naruto gulped a little, the silence between them feeling charged, like gravity had switched direction.

"What are you doing here?" she then remembered to ask, after the initial shock had been forced to fade, and so her initial reactions. She pushed her needs aside, looking at him with curiosity and happiness.

"Well, it's kind of a long story and I have probably, possibly broke a few real important rules… but…"

Hinata's smile widened. He'd stayed for two days, until Tsunadesama had practically  _thrown_  him out, yelling  _'to get lost or I'll give you a real reason to be in the hospital.'_

…

He hugged her when he had to leave. She felt his arm come around her and something from the back of her mind reminded that one horrible night some time ago, a night she wished she never had to relive, when he'd held her for hours and she'd fallen asleep in his arms, while neither had been too aware of it as if it had been something they'd been doing for years.

But  _now_  it didn't feel that way. She was pulled to him lightly - almost as if not he wasn't so sure if he was allowed to - barely making contact with his body, and yet it made her quiver like a plucked string.

_Oh…_

She'd sucked a sharp breath and the scent of him burned her, fried her brain completely. She'd been too surprised and frankly, too overwhelmed to relax and maybe that's why he let her go so soon – he'd felt her discomfort, probably thought he was pushing the limit. Just as he started to pull away, her brain kicked in gear, jolting her in the present and -  _stupid, stupid, stupid…_  - she called her frayed nerves and all her boldness, strained her neck to kiss his cheek (lingering a tiny moment without even realizing it, to breathe in close to his skin in a way that made every little hair on the back of his neck fizzle), just before she stepped back from the awkward embrace – her fault that. She dared a look at him, feeling her face burn so hard that it was no doubt putting a radish to shame.

But the look in his face was worth it.

He was looking at her the way she's never thought she'd every be looked at: like she was the most unexpected thing ever to happen to him, like she was…

What she thought she saw in his eyes had her forgetting about her own self-consciousness for a moment, unable to look away from his eyes because caught in the feeling of it, the surety of that single glance. Because there in those blue eyes Hinata thought she saw a glimpse of what she'd been feeling for such a long time, and even the  _possibility_  of such a thing was enough to make her giddy with happiness.

…and admittedly, the faint blush on his cheeks was cute too. It was a drop in the ocean compared to her own, but it made her feel a little better, as if she'd made up somewhat for her lapse a moment ago.

A kiss equals a hug then, was that it? Did that even make sense?

Her incongruous thoughts were interrupted by the cheekiest grin Hinata had ever seen on Naruto's face.

She smiled back in her own way.

oOo

Three miles out of Konoha, a returning Hinata was met by Shino, an enthusiastic Kiba whose smile was going to split his face in two and an even less contained Akamaru. Between Kiba practically tackling her in his haste to hug her and the huge dog bouncing around them, trying to lick her face, she was red and laughing in two seconds flat. They hadn't seen each other in almost three months – to this day it was the longest time Team 8 had spent apart, so she could honestly say that this time she didn't mind Kiba's overzealous display. It was obvious that even Shino had missed her just as much as she'd missed his silent presence, since, once she was free of Kiba, he put an arm around her and held her firmly to himself for a moment before showing her one of his rare smiles.

She was beaming, resplendent with happiness that was practically spurting out of her every pore, not bothering to hide it.

"I can't believe you were gone for so long!" Kiba started to say, one arm around her shoulders. They paced their walk slow, to keep up with the caravan of people with which Hinata had been travelling, but also because Team 8 was finally complete and they liked to take their time. Both Kiba and Shino knew that once in the village, they'd have to share her.

"I know. Three months…" Hinata said pensively. "It's not the end of the world, but it felt like a lifetime sometimes." But then bright smile made its way to her face as she looked at both her teammates in turn. "I learned so much though. And sometimes Tsunade-sama would teach us herself, especially when it came to poison extraction."

Her smile turned playful, as if she was thinking about a private joke that the other two didn't know – and that's when Kiba felt the distance, more than he ever hand during the past months she'd been away: there were jokes he was out of now, punch lines he didn't know.

It had been  _way_  too long.

"Sakura-chan thought she just didn't trust anybody else to do it, but I always had the impression that Tsunade-sama used that as a last resort to get out of boring briefings." Hinata finished, chuckling.

Kiba rolled his eyes. Trust the legendary sucker to use  _poison_  to wiggle her way out of things.

"It's good to have you back Hinata." Shino said evenly, looking at her through his glasses. "You can't imagine the gruelling experience these past few months have been, with only Kiba's intellectually challenged mind for conversations."

Hinata was caught by surprise by the joke, as she always was because of Shino's deadpan manner of delivering them. Laughter burst out of her indiscriminately, even though a hand went to Kiba's arm to reassure him that she was not laughing at him, just near him.

"Oh yeah, you ungrateful bastard? You should thank me for putting up with your weirdness!"

"Don't be mean, Kiba kun." Hinata said just out of habit.

This banter had been going for years, it was just innocuous fun… until Kiba launched himself at Shino, trying to tackle him. But that point in the conversation seemed still pretty far off. She listened to the teasing between her two best friends and couldn't help smiling widely. It had been so strange to be out on her own, that more than once she found herself getting lonely not because she was alone, but because her best friends weren't there with her.

Out of the blue, she put one arm around each of their necks and pulled them down close to herself, much to their surprise.

"I missed you two  _so much_!" She said softly, words dancing with laughter and emotions as she pulled their heads close together. Kiba chuckled and Shino squeezed the hand on his shoulder once, which was his way of saying he'd missed her too.

And when they straightened she had to let them go, because if she held on, she'd end up swinging from their shoulders. How come she hadn't noticed it before that they were so tall?

The answer was easy, Hinata thought with a serene smile: neither of them ever loomed.

oOo

He is meditating when he feels it for the first time: that flickering feeling, a familiar signature, one that is so unexpected that it shocks him right out of meditation and he snaps his eyes open, looking around as if he expected to see her right there – which was ridiculous since he'd felt her at the outskirts of the village.

He runs over rooftops, flashing by ANBU guards that follow him with startled eyes. But apart from the urgency and his insane speed, they don't sense danger, so they don't follow.

The first glimpse of long deep-blue hair he catches makes him stop and pace himself. He takes her in in one glance before he jumps down from the roof and lands a few feet away from her.

She is surprised to see him. It's in the pause of her movements and expression that fraction of a second before her smile wins out and bursts into being. And this time he doesn't hesitate or second guess. He runs there and swipes her into the most outrageous bear-hug he's ever given – loving her little 'eep' close to his ear. He ignored Akamaru's growl and Kiba's outraged shock of: ' _What the…'_ and immediately after that:  _'Hey_ retard _, put her down before I start picking off limbs!'_

Put her down, because he has really lifted her off her feet – her toes are barely touching the ground. He expects her rigidity this time, and holds on until he feels her relax – which she does, to his amazement and delight… an' it's a whole new world that makes him start running warmer from the inside out, the way she fits herself against him this time. He feels her hands come up to take purchase on his sides and her emotion is in the way her fingers fist his jacket's material tightly and hold on. It's in that small (maybe a little nervous) chuckle that sounds close to his ear and makes him feel funny in a whole new way, heightening his sense, brightening his smile.

The whole thing lasts just enough to time for him to take a deep breath off the skin where her neck becomes her shoulder, and then he has to let her go because he can feel her face heating up a storm somewhere near his throat and he knows that any longer and she'd be beyond embarrassed. So he puts her down, holds her at arm's length to absorb her smile.

"Hello Naruto-kun." She says through that smile. Her blush is the most adorable thing he's seen since… since he last saw her, actually. The lightness he feels bursts out of him in a loud laugh that makes Kiba stare at him like he believes Naruto's just lost even those few marbles he had left.

Naruto of course doesn't have a single thought to spare for dog-boy.

"Welcome back Hinata-chan." He says enthusiastically. And then he tilts his head a little. "You changed your hair!" he points out and she can't help the hand that goes to the clasp that she is using to keep her long fringe pinned to the side and out of her eyes. It had been getting long enough to almost reach the tip of her chin and she'd let it grow because it was easier to pin it out of the way as she worked.

"Y-yes, I did."

"I like it, it suits you." He says honestly – loving the fact that now she can't hide behind her bangs anymore when she blushes, which is good because he's really starting to love that – and then frowns a tiny little bit, as if unsure. "I mean, not that it didn't before. You looked real pretty then too… I mean…"

His momentary embarrassment helps her get over the first flush of her own, knowing she is shuffling it hastily away just to save the moment, and that she'll think about this later for long, because the boy she loved called her pretty after all, that doesn't happen every day.

"Thank you, Naruto-kun." She says softly.

Her smile is starting to hurt her cheeks, but she doesn't put it away. It seems for a moment she is swaying on her feet, but that's just the happiness she is floating in. She feels so light she could almost jump into flight, if she but had the wings to do it.

"Stop usurping my team-mate, Uzumaki. Get lost, this is Team 8 private time!" Kiba growls and grabs Naruto by the back of his collar, pulling him away, putting Hinata between himself and a very still, ominous-looking Shino.

Naruto lets himself be pulled, because Hinata seems so obviously amused by his over protectiveness… and because he knows that team 8 is one of the most close-knit teams in of the original Konoha 12, and he respects that.

"Whatever dog breath." Naruto says dismissively. And then as if remembering, a mischievous smirk started stretching over his lips. "Say, what are you guys going afterwards?"

oOo

The bar is full to bursting and to move around she had to sometimes bump into people. It's so loud and lively in there and in order to hear one another they have to almost yell across the table sometimes, but it's fun. It's past midnight, Sakura knows that, and her bones are feeling it after a whole day of being up and around. But considering how many graveyard shifts she's gone through, this is nothing. And besides, she's been looking forward to this: they had gotten three tables together and _all_  of Konoha twelve was there, Sasuke-kun too (with what exactly Naruto had threatened him so that he'd show up Sakura didn't know and she had a feeling she'd rather not find out'). Even Neji was here tonight, she had cleared him herself, reminding him in a stern voice that at the barest hit of something wrong, she would pack him home herself and Lee had been instructed to carry him (the Hyuga had winced at that, much to her delight). But going from the watchful eye Tenten was keeping on the proclaimed genius and war hero, Sakura knew she would have no trouble.

Which was good, because judging from how distracted Sakura was, remembering her duty as a medic was going to be a challenge.

Was it chance that had her sitting right across the table from those two?

No.

Naruto and herself had been flanking Sasuke, sitting him between them so he didn't prove to be a hazard to someone that didn't know how to interpret his 'hnn-s'. But throughout the evening and his adventure-telling, Naruto had somehow manoeuvred himself to the seat right next to Hinata (when had Kiba moved? Sakura hadn't even noticed. Had Naruto been watching, waiting just for that?) and every so often he would turn to ask her something or tell her something and she would smile or giggle or outright laugh, hiding her mouth behind her palm or biting her lip as she always did to keep her amusement to herself.

Did he notice how he kept stealing little touches: brushing her arms with his when he shifted, lingering his hand when he passed her a glass, fingers brushing, smiles getting just a little more private before they averted eyes from each other. Was he even aware that when he leaned back on his seat his hand went to twirl the ends of her hair between his fingers?

Hinata sure was aware of his every single breath. She watched him with the kind of concentration that was usually reserved only for her training, or for when Tsunade-sama was speaking to her. And when Naruto turned and found her eyes so steady on his face, she looked at him the kind of intensity that was perhaps a little too bold ( _unbelievably_  so in Hinata's case, Sakura pointed out to herself, shocked that the shy Hyuga didn't even blink, much less look away, no matter how hard she blushed), even a little improper maybe, since they were in the middle of a crowd and yet looked at each other as if they were completely alone, the space between them made infinitely smaller by the intimacy in that single look.

It was shocking to see Naruto, someone who she had known all her life, look at someone else that way.

She was happy for them.

She  _was_.

_She was, damit!_

But her insides disagreed with some part of that just couldn't shake the shock off for some reason even though she knew, rationally, that she had no right to feel so shaken.

When telling that to herself didn't work, she found she had to look away. And when that made no difference at all, she got up and headed to the bar, putting much-needed distance between herself and those two. She would have gone home immediately, if she wasn't still worried about Neji and felt bound by duty to be within reach should he even so much as cringe. He wasn't supposed to be up and about after all, but he'd wanted to be there to welcome his cousin home and Sakura hadn't wanted to deny him. They had learned through experience that shinobi of his calibre and inclination didn't take well to isolation: they rapidly fell into depression and became even harder to treat back into health.

She reminded herself of that, of the reason why she had to stay, as she downed a shot in a breath, relishing the burn all the way to her stomach and then sinking her head in disappointment when not even the strong sake managed to thaw her insides.

Sakura had watched a little in wonder… perhaps even in envy (and trying her damn hardest to be covert about it) as both Naruto and Hinata mowed stubbornly through those first awkward moments of their meeting tonight, all for the sake of being close to each other. The blush that tinted Hinata's cheeks seemed to be permanent, only shifting in hues, and yet she didn't retreat into her shyness. She smiled with what seemed like trepidation and excitement both, when Naruto had plucked himself close by her side. When he frowned at her as she reached to take her glass she didn't understand at first, and jumped a little when instead of her drink, she found her hand in his as he inspected her palm closely.

Sakura knew what Naruto was frowning at. It was all that was left of a cut that had bisected Hinata's palm from wrist to the tip of her index finger, a clean cut but deep enough to almost reach bone. Deep enough to scar, even though it was Sakura herself that healed her.

The pink-haired medic watched Naruto look up and ask about it just as he absentmindedly traced the line with his thumb from one tip to the other and poor Hinata blushed all the way to the roots of her hair.

They'd had a delusional patient, he'd been poisoned with gas and no nurse could go near him because he used his chakra to form lethal blade-like extensions on the tips of his fingers. Hinata was the only one that had been on call that night that could have handled it: hell her  _junken_  was practically perfect for it. Yet she'd ended up begin injured anyway as she closed his chakra points so that the medics could heal his system from the poison.

'I was careless.' she'd said later, sounding annoyed at herself. 'I didn't want to hurt him too badly, so I hesitated.'

Sakura hadn't been able to heal the wound perfectly. Something about the nin's chakra prevented it – therefore the scar that now Naruto was tracing with his fingers, making Hinata stutter as she explained.

It was then that the smile on his face changed, softened almost, reflecting some strange emotion that was also on his eyes as he looked at a girl he'd never noticed for years. He was smiling at her in a way that Sakura had never seen him smiled at anyone, ever. This was a side of Naruto that she'd only had glimpses of, rarely, hesitantly, as if never truly able to trust her reaction to that particular shade of him.

There was nothing hesitant about him now though. He seemed so confident in his tenderness.

Sakura felt a pang in the general area of her heart.

It was when the hand that was not holding Hinata's came close to the girl's red face, brushing a finger along Hinata's flaming cheek with such open affection that Sakura could hardly believe it… that was when Sakura finally snapped.

She felt like she couldn't breathe all of a sudden. The look that had passed between the couple sitting at the other side of the bar… it froze the air in her lungs and turned it into lead.

She found herself in the back alley behind the bar before she even knew how She'd gotten there, hands on her knees trying to convince herself not to cry and struggling to remember how to breathe again without choking. And when a soft arm settled around her shoulders, she startled but didn't pull away, because she could recognise Ino's perfume anywhere. She didn't fight when she was pulled into a hug; she was that starved for a little affection.

Sakura let herself be petted down for a few minutes, enjoying the blonde's silence while it lasted, tears wetting her friend's shoulder. And when Ino pulled back to look at her in the face, the compassion Sakura found in those ice-blue eyes stunned her so much that the question the blonde asked didn't even sound as blunt as it usually would have.

But perhaps that was because Ino was speaking so very softly.

"Did you accidentally fall in love with Naruto, Forehead?"

Sakura closed her eyes and breathed deep.

"It's not like that Ino, it really isn't."

She had thought it was like that herself for a while, but it didn't take much to realize the truth. Sakura had never been one to deny herself her real feelings: she didn't even when they were tearing her apart. But it had been different this time, harder, to admit that those feelings weren't even there anymore.

Ino frowned and Sakura could understand the disbelief. After all, staring at a couple like you were having your heart ripped to shreds and then almost having a panic attack just because you team-mate was holding hands with someone else… well, it tended to give the wrong impression.

"Then what is it like then? Cause to me, it looks like you're hurting."

Sakura looked down, sitting on the dirty sidewalk and not caring. Ino followed.

"I… I am. But it's not because of Naruto." Then she felt she had to explain. "I love him I really do. But… I don't love him the way I wished I did, a while ago. I just can't."

That,  _that_  was the heart of her confession: she simply  _couldn't_. But Ino didn't get it right away.

"So… you  _don't_ wanna bang him?"

Sakura looked at her with wide eyes and even the first hints of anger.

" _No_ , Pig. Jeez, do you have a one track mind?"

Ino shrugged. "What? It's complicated having a hot teammate. Reaction to sexing them up is really the only way to tell if you love 'em like brothers or like lovers. So then… you're not  _in_  love with him, obviously. So what's up?"

Sakura sighed again. Ino was so brutal sometimes. But then again, so was she.

"Is this about Sasuke?" Ino suddenly asked, tense as hell and not able to hide it all of a sudden, though she did try to tone it down for Sakura's sake. It was a valiant attempt, but with poor results: Ino had never been good at masking her dislike for someone. She was way too blunt to pretend.

"No." Sakura said simply, shoulders sagging. The emptiness that rang with that word made the walls of her chest feel like they were going to implode from the void she felt there.

"It's not about anyone, and that's the problem." Sakura whispered, tears springing to her eyes again as if they'd been waiting for this moment. "My heart feels empty Ino. And it hurts… so bad."

She finished with a sob and started crying hard, as if something inside her had broken a long time ago and was only now sliding loose, because only now was she letting it.

It had taken as little as watching a small caress to remind her of what she'd willed herself to forget all this time. An honest smile, a tender touch, and she was slammed suddenly with the reality of how still she felt inside, how lifeless.

Ino put her arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

"It's gonna be fine Sakura. Just cry it out." She mumbled close to her hair, rocking Sakura gently. Out of everyone she knew, Sakura was the one that had kept her heartbreak most deeply hidden. But Ino knew better than anybody that the mind and the heart had different walls and that in the end, none of them held up forever. You couldn't just turn you back on your emotions indefinitely, they always found a way to come back and bite you in the ass – and the harder you overlooked them, the deeper the fangs would go.

Learning to feel again hurt like a bitch.

"Don't worry Forehead. This is good." Ino continued, stroking the pink hair of her friend gently. "Its gonna be just fine, you'll see."

o

o

o

TBC:::


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ok I admit it, I splurged like hell in this one. So without further delay:  
> WARNING! Sugar rush ahead!  
> Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this chapter.

**_14_ ** _. The warmth you feel through the palm of your hand_

_'Sensuality is the total mobilization of the senses; it's observing your partner intently, straining to catch every sound.'_

_\- Milan Kundera -_

He wonders sometimes, when he's alone: how was it possible that he didn't notice? That she loved him, that she watched him? He's wondered this before. The only answer that he came up with is that he didn't expect it. He didn't at all, but there's more than that. He's usually so aware of people. He was always good at reading them when he really needed to – even now, he has the kind of understanding with her that seems not to need too many words. And its surprising that other people think she's such a mystery, because she's not. Her every reaction is clear to him, his like she writes it on her forehead.

Is she different with him?

That's a trick question, 'cause he knows the answer is both yes and no. She's nice to everybody, even bastard Sasuke who only knows how to glare (and who, for some godforsaken reason that Naruto sincerely can't understand, doesn't seem to be able to warm up to her), but with him – with Naruto - she's different. Different in a way that makes him feel it, in a way that leaves a sign.

Some part of him likes it a  _lot_  that he's the only one that gets her  _just_  right most of the time, that whenever she is talking about something he knows what she means, but more importantly, that he can sense what she means even when she's not saying anything at all. And he likes it that he's the only one who will ever know why she finds Sasuke's glares so funny or why she always smiles when someone mentions porcupines.

Sometimes he plays a game with himself: will he be able to guess what she's thinking this time, what she'll want this time, her favourite colour today - cause it changes every day, her favourite fruit, cause that one changes too (but he knows mostly its oranges and the grin the thought gives him is 'eerie' according to whoever is in the vicinity).

But there are things that elude him, even now. Secrets behind her eyes, things she won't say and that she hides behind her smile.

The way she looks at him those times makes his skin shiver in the inside, makes his bones vibrate. It feels strange, foreign. He is not sure what it is, but it's there on the border between freaking amazing and terrifying beyond belief.

But then, as if she knows that she's freaking him out and the silence has stretched too long, she looks away and he takes the moment to say something that will start a conversation, or draw her attention to something he knows she'd like to see or talk about.

He wonders when he'll have the courage to just let the silence be, and see where it takes him.

oOo

They go out sometimes, and other times she comes to his apartment and she lets him pretend he is helping her cook, because he likes to mess around in the kitchen when she's there, but mostly he just likes to look at her.

The first time he invited her over he was so nervous. She lives in a freaking  _compound_  for god's sake, his apartment is a tiny little shoebox in comparison. And she's so neat, so tidy, very minimalistic. It had surprised him somewhat, that trait: she didn't accumulate stuff like the other girls he'd known. She kept only what she couldn't live without and that relaxes him, because if she doesn't like junk, than she won't mind how bare his apartment is, as well as small. He doesn't possess anything he doesn't strictly need. In that aspect they're the same: shinobi.

But she's so tidy though, so he took measures and cleaned his place up from top to bottom before he invited her over.

It took exactly five seconds of having her in his home for him to realize that he loved her being there. She stepped in after him and they both put the bags they had in their arms on the counter, started unpacking various sorts of food Naruto ad never bough before in his life as Naruto talked excitedly about something idiotic, just to make her laugh.

"How about xxx for desert?" she asks then, as she turns to him to take the oranges from his hand and he just freezes, just for a second.

She notices. Waits, as he orders his thoughts enough to say something. Naruto limits himself to nodding, smile coming on his face real slow.

He can't explain to her what has just gone through his mind, in that flash of a second. There are no words he could describe a lonely childhood with, the things he never had - even the minimal ones like someone asking him what he wanted for dinner and if desert was ok – things he always, always wanted and never stopped looking for, building his own family with friends and people who loved him so much they would literally go to war with gods for him, die and live for him. But the cracks of missing family remained, even though they got so small in time that even Naruto himself doesn't know they're there still… until she pokes at them with a harmless question and he feels the band-aid ripping open, a small sting somewhere inside him as an empty place is filled.

He never thought that both getting hurt and getting better would hurt the same way. It's a little unfair, he thinks, but it makes sense. Setting bones hurts too…

But then he feels her long, rough fingers come to link with his and his eyes are drawn to her pale ones, he  _has_  to look. She'd noticed the lapse in him, even though it lasted barely a flicker of a moment and he pretended his best to hide behind his usual self. There isn't much her eyes miss. She didn't miss this either.

She hands him the knife, jerking him out of his lapse again, for real this time. "You chop them, I'll do the rest." She says with a smile and Naruto grins. It's a fair deal after all: anything other than instant ramen and he'll burn it. That doesn't stop him from hanging around though.

He'd never confess this to anyone, but every ounce of intimacy he shares with her is shocking on some level, perhaps deeply affecting him because everything they do together is new. People go shopping together for food almost always, for example, it's a chore. But Naruto had never done it before not with someone else and not like that. His range of food was limited, first because nobody would sell him anything, and afterwards because it became habit. So it was new even when she links her fingers with his and pulls him outside to take him to the market, telling him that he needed something other than canned food if he wanted her to make them dinner properly.

He doesn't tell anybody these little secrets, because they feel like they belong only to the two of them, together, and he likes to keep them tightly wrapped in his chest… and also because he knows that these are things that appear so amazing only to him, while other people have been doing them with their own families for years.

Secretly he loves it that she does things for him too, things nobody ever did before: bring lunch to share after training, walk with him, hold his hand, kiss his cheek, make even freaking  _vegetables_  taste good… His tiny place has never smelled as good as when she's in it, whether she is cooking something or not.

He loves how she learns to touch him casually, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder or his arm to get his attention, or when she sits close to him and put her head on his shoulder when they watch his old TV without really watching anything. He is usually more concentrated in her hands going up and down his arm than whatever the hell is on the screen.

It was the first time that happened, perhaps not even two weeks after she came back to Konoha, that he realized his perception of her had changed drastically at some point and he hadn't even realized how, or why, or when, until he was already halfway in it and the door from which he'd entered was nowhere in sight anymore.

It simply happened, like the most important things happen: while we're busy making plans and thinking about something else.

It's the little things, or maybe it's just all of her, he really doesn't know, doesn't care. But her fingers linked with his made him want to hold her hand tightly and the way she moved her palm up and down his skin started to give him shivers. His palms itched to touch, and suddenly he knows the secret her silences keep, and he  _wants_  it. The more he thinks about it, the more it provokes him, the more badly he feels he is chasing after it (and whenever he thinks back at the fact that this was  _her_  secret first, that she was the one that looked at him that way before he even knew what it meant... he can't bear to think about it now because it inflames him in a way that he isn't sure its altogether healthy.)

It's how he begins to notice that he notices things a little differently now, how for example, he can tell apart the exact shade of her hair from a thick crowd or how he doesn't think of her skin as pale anymore - now it looks exquisite. There are plenty of people whose skin is soft and clear and healthy, but that is not the point. Something about  _her_  skin, the blush of her cheeks that he provokes and that he always itches to touch, that patch on the inside of her elbow or the side of her throat… it just  _announces_  that she is alive.

She likes walking barefoot and there is something about her ankles that makes him immediately look away because he starts feeling like a pervert.

He almost feels guilty about it, but never quite manages to. It doesn't feel like something he shouldn't be doing, especially because the way she smiles at him makes everything seem like it's happening the way it's  _supposed_  to be happening. She smiles to him in that way that belongs only to him, and everything feels like it fits, like it was always meant to. Desire makes sense when she's there, even when it's pungent, even when it fogs his brain.

But the trouble is that it's everywhere, all the time and suddenly even simple things like leaning in to hear her better become all about taking a deep breath in her vicinity and letting it slam into his senses. Because even though it confuses him and leaved him feeling hyper aware, something sparking in him that makes him almost uncomfortable, it's also the best feeling he's ever had. Like being zapped by lightning, only  _better_. He breathes in again and the scent of her is trapped in his nostrils, something floral and fresh that mixes with the warmth of her skin and scores him from the inside until he has to carefully breathe again and this time take her deep inside his lungs, feelings as if he has the taste of her skin in his mouth…

He is learning that words have a scent, a taste, a colour: Hinata's skin, that patch right under her ear, that must be what ' _swoon'_  smells like.

Looking at her while she is eating, something that they did all the time before -and which ended up with him telling her she even  _eats_  pretty (to which she laughed, said thank you, and reached over to wipe the corner of his mouth with a napkin – which had shocked him so much he hadn't even remembered to smile until half a second later) - now becomes a strange kind of torture. He finds himself looking at her mouth more often than not… studying the shape of it, the roundness of her lips that look… he doesn't know, he needs a new word for how her lips look. Soft just doesn't cut it.

For one moment he can't stare at anything  _but_  her lips though and how they close around the pieces of fruit she's eating and he wants to kiss her so much that if he did lean in, in that precise moment, he wasn't even sure he'd be able to stop himself from nipping, sucking at her lips till the taste of her is in his mouth and he can find a name for that too.

The image invades is brain, spouting branches in a thousand direction, almost making his ears ring for a moment.

The next moment he realizes he wasn't breathing, because she asks him if he's ok, her cheeks tinting pink just the way he likes. His voice was a little deeper than usual when he says 'Yeah, fine, perfect' a little too fast, hand scratching the back of his head (and he should kick himself cause he couldn't be more obvious if he tried…), but smiled anyway and her blush deepened as she looked down. He almost panics when he wonders if she really can tell what he was thinking just by looking him in the eye, but calms right after, because, come one, even  _he_  is not that see-through. He does however try to stare at her mouth less after that, tries not to obsess over the fact that her upper lip was a little fuller than her bottom one and shaped in the cutest arch that would make her pouts heartbreaking, if she ever wanted to be coy, he just knows it.

It was just before she had to go on a scouting mission in Wave country that it happened. The first mission she'd gotten after coming back on duty that would take her outside Konoha for days. She'd be back next week and he went to see her off a little early, because he didn't want to miss the chance to say goodbye, and he was sure that nobody but Kakashi sensei was hours late on mission days.

When he got in front of the gates, she was the only one there.

He couldn't recall now how exactly it had happened – or to better say, what had happened  _before_  he leaned down and kissed her. Somehow everything else paled, blurred, in comparison to that part. Thank part stood out like it had scorched itself on his memory, on his skin.

He didn't even remember what the hell he'd been yapping about, just that one moment he was holding her hand, the next his fingers had sneaked up to her wrist and her arm, settling on her bare elbow ( _god,_ was she  _soft_  there...soft everywhere...), so very thankful for the heat that made her take her jacket off and the T-shirt she was wearing beneath it, even as her hand mirrored his hold and she got closer. His heart had been hammering away in his chest so hard, he couldn't even hear himself think, and yet every breath she took was perfectly clear to him, as was the flush of her cheeks, her fluttering heartbeat and the even more vivid than usual deep pink of her lips, so close now, parted just a little bit.

It was only when he felt her soft hair in his hand that he realized he'd buried it at the back of her head, his thumb tracing her delicate jawline. The feel of her skin under his palms was probably the finest sensation he'd ever had, the warmth of her seeps through to bone in a way that has nothing to do with heat, even though the feeling is sizzling.

Everything about her called to him he feels like he is falling, unsure of where the centre of his gravity is anymore.

There was however something he did remember saying, and not only because it was so incredibly stupid, but because of how she'd answered him.

He had been practically resting his forehead on hers at that point, breathing in every breath that came from her mouth just to tease himself and yet unable to just lean down and  _taste_  what he so coveted - and he doesn't even understand why.

Or why he blurts out the very thought that has been banging around his skull for minutes now, barraging through everything else.

"I wanna kiss you  _so badly_ …" he breathes out and feels her blunt nails bite on his forearm a little, sending a tremor up his spine. Her breath puffs out as if her lungs have stopped working tingles his lips.

"…w-what's stopping you?"

The question comes so softly, but it's so clear. He looks into her eyes and they're blurry with emotion, dark with desire, and those lids that he had thought would never dare lay heavy on her sharp eyes, they are almost closed and she's looking at him through thick lashes. He's never seen anything more seductive than the way she is looking at him then, and that look pierces straight through the core of him.

He doesn't even realize he's shaking, but she does. She knows a lot more about him than he thinks she does. She knows for example that he is one of the bravest people she'll ever meet, that he is fearless and he is selfless almost to the point of denying all self for others… and that there is also a part of him that is very small and hidden behind all else: a part that is the vulnerability of someone that is on some level always afraid of being turned away.

Which was why she couldn't resist showering him with love every chance she got, lavishing on him such open affection that he'd never have reason to doubt, wanting to drown out the part of him that is still surprised to see her there.

And its why she doesn't hold back now either, but rather loops her free arm around his back and pulls herself flush against him, before she has time to be embarrassed or self-conscious about it and praying to all the gods that are listening that she doesn't faint, no matter how fast her heart is going or how hard she is blushing. She doesn't leave a single inch between them, and before her question is all out of her lips, she is already reaching up to brush them against his briefly, an invitation, a promise.

She shudders at the feel of it (and there's no doubt he can feel that, but it's ok. She'd recklessly risk all of her heart, just for the sake of him opening his), at how her lips tingle and her whole self aches, at how hot his lips feel, even so briefly touched, soft and smooth and how badly she wants to go back and sink into him completely, kiss him hard and deep and let him know just how much that tiny sound at the back of his throat unhinges her every reserve…

But then she doesn't have to do anything but kiss him back because he's already caught her lips, moving his head just slightly, brushing sensitive flesh together in a way that she feels throughout her whole self, as if every nerve on her body has a direct line with her lips.

It's so unexpected the way opens for him, how she catches his bottom lip and sucks, and his whole body arch towards her without his permission, shocking him, straining, reaching and forgetting all about the hesitation of a first kiss. The hand on the back of her head pulls her closer and he tilts his head to the side a little more, slants their moths together and moves his lips against hers, catching, moulding, nipping, feeling every delicious friction go through him like tiny arrows of unparalleled pleasure.

She arches into him with a helplessness that has no fear, only trust, and the feel of her body is overwhelming but it's at the mouth that he is living, and it's there that his every obsession now discharges, because her mouth is exactly as soft as he imagined, only better, and he feels light-headed as their lips move together but he only pulls away for a breath and then goes back to her with a need that borders on desperation, but is just so much  _sweeter_.

Sweet like her mouth.

Her mouth is what ' _heady'_  must taste like.

Funny, how he'd been obsessing over everything for days on end, when all he wanted was a kiss.

He couldn't have imagined – or maybe he had... - what a taste of her would do to him. How, after he got one, he wanted another, and another, and another  _again_ , until he lost count really, and the only reason he didn't feel stupid reaching for her mouth again was because she was right there with him the whole way, holding on to him tight, blunt nails scraping his scalp gently, making him hum in her mouth.

He knows that he is holding her just a little too tightly, but when she doesn't complain he starts to realize she likes it. Sensation takes over and he lets it - there is no avoiding it - of her lips and her hands and her breast pressed against this chest, and it's the most wonderful he's ever felt, so much that they're both shaking. He wonders, somewhere in the back of a fuzzed-out mind, why people think that kisses are given just with the lips: they're not. She didn't kiss like that, she kissed with her whole body, from the tip of her nose against this cheek to the tips of her toes, straining up to get her closer to his mouth; with her hands roaming his hair, his back, his arms and everything in between… everything in between and completely his, in a way nothing's ever been his before: from the heart.

He knows that, he can feel it in the way she holds him, in the language of her kiss that is made of breathy moans trapped between them, tiny explosions of pleasure up and down his spine and tectonic plates shifting beneath his feet.

Much later, when she's already gone and he's thrown himself down in the grass, looking at the skies and reliving the past moments in his head, lips still tingling as if he's just made out with a lightning-bolt and not the softness that is Hinata, he will think: ' _best first kiss_ ever _, dattebayo!'_

 _When I wake again, he is still looking at me,_  
as if he is eternal. For an hour  
we wake and doze, and slowly I know  
that though we are sated, though we are hardly  
touching, we are entering,  
deeper and deeper, gaze by gaze,  
this place beyond the other places,  
beyond the body itself, we are making  
love."

_\- Sharon Olds, The Knowing -_

o

o

o

TBC:::


	16. Chapter 16

**_15_ ** _. Black mirror: He who triggers fire_

' _Out of all the elements, water is the one that is ever undefeated: it tames fire, wear out the earth, in perfect harmony it conducts lightning and uncontainable, it shatters even rocks._

_But water also shapes around you, carries you afloat wherever you need to go. Water moulds to your every wish and takes on every colour of the world around it without ever needing to change its teaches us acceptance; because water is the flowing element, the element of change._

_\- Shinobi guide to Elemental Theory –_

When he first heard that the idiot had gotten together with the Hyuga heiress, he thought nothing of it, beyond the usual mental shrug. It was Naruto's business who Naruto chose to waste his time with, and the Hyuga was altogether harmless he supposed.

He remembered her from the academy, dimly. Remembered that she was utterly unimpressive and mediocre as a shinobi, and pathetically insecure (how the hell could someone like that be with Naruto – or Naruto be with someone like that for that matter, Sakuke didn't know, and didn't care) Mostly he'd been impressed by how generally unimpressive she was, and also because she had seemed to have more sense than all the other girls of her age put together, since she had been the only one that didn't squeal after him, or show him any kind of attention for that matter.

Now it was clear that she had reserved her girlish fantasies for someone else.

That was another thing that now, years later, made him wonder. Had she really been after Naruto since childhood? Could she really have seen in him back then what nobody else saw… or was she just being a silly girl and he was overestimating her.

But there had been plenty stupid girls around at that time. None but her had spared a single glance at the blonde cast-out.

Years later, she's not what she used to be, but she'd not exceptional in any way either. She is sharp, he admits that, perceptive in the way only people who like using their brains are. And now that she keeps that hideous fringe out of the way, her intelligence is almost immediately noticeable in her eyes and forehead. She's graceful, poised, but he's seen better, and though she's not ugly, she is not the most beautiful either. All in all, she is rather ordinary - even though Sasuke has to admit that, considering Naruto, he could do way worse. Her blind faith however makes her infatuation seem childish and after some consideration, Sasuke has come to the conclusion that she doesn't know his teammate at all, and only likes to  _think_  she loves him. What she loves, is the idea of him up on a pedestal, an idea that will fracture given time and that will disappoint her, as first love always disappoints.

In the worst case scenario, by then perhaps she'll have his heart and she'll shred it.

The thought makes him glare at the back of her head like it's a target.

But what is much more likely is that they are both too young and too stupid and they're wasting each other's time, feeding each other's insecurities in a twisted version of emotional transfer: she is drawn to the image she has in her head of him, he is drawn in by her showering him with the attention he's always wanted.

He never thought they would last the month, when he first heard.

When they did, he had to re-evaluate.

There are a lot of rumours flying around about her, about  _them_. People said plenty of stupid things about those two, they attracted gossip like a carcass attracts flies. But Sasuke was shrewd enough to pry apart the bits that were rooted in truth. They said she was kind, and Sasuke didn't need rumour to tell him that. They said she was strong, fierce in battle – though looking at her, it wouldn't seem so, even though her own cousin, the so called genius, spoke of her as an equal. Some people said that she had dared death's scythe unflinchingly for Naruto more than once, one time even just to buy him a couple of minutes, just for the sake of a chance. Her life, for a few more moments of his.

It seemed… incongruent with the superficiality he attributed to her feelings. But then again, people who thought they were in love did stupid things for the sake of that emotion.

But if Sasuke had to be entirely honest, he'd have to admit that beyond critique and superficial judgment, beyond even his doubts about the consistency of her feelings, there was just something about her that he simply  _cannot_ stand. It repelled him, irritated him; something that was both undefined, because he couldn't seem to put his finger on it, and intrinsic about her, because he simply could not find a side of her character that didn't irritate him on some level. It scratched at his nerves in a way very little could, and no matter how many times Naruto called him a bastard, Sasuke never made the barest effort to be less of one with her.

oOo

One of the very first times he speaks to her, it's on provocation. He sees her out in the street and changes his direction almost without realizing his feet had decided for him. He doesn't thing about it too much, doesn't linger. He is already formulating what he wants to say.

Out of all the Chunnin up for evaluation, she is the one with the most resonant peculiarity. She was promoted to Jonin, yes, but that was nothing special – almost everyone of Konoha's 12 was promoted when the time came. No, the strangeness began when Naruto, the thunderous idiot, announced as loudly as he could that  _his_ Hinata-chan is training with ANBU and that ' _she's gonna become so good at picking brains apart that she will put the Yamakas to shame'_. Sakura had tilted her head, curious, but not contradicting – she's not so well informed on the Hokage's inner workings now since she spends most of her time either in the field or in the hospital.

But Sasuke flat out tells the blonde to quit yelling and start thinking:  _if_  the Hyuga had really been handpicked for ANBU, then her identity would remain secret and Naruto was being… well, he was being his usual self by doing the stupidest thing possible given the alternatives.

The perfectly logical observation however had only earned Sasuke a flip of the bird from his blonde teammate, and a muscle had ticked in the Uchiha's jaw.

Naruto started explaining then that she was not an ANBU, only training with them, ' _cause she's_ that _awesome_.' He ranted for hours, just wouldn't shut up about it, so much that Sasuke got up and left.

Just out of the irrational desire to rub Naruto's face in it, Sasuke had done some research himself, and what he had found out was... well, it was basically what Naruto had  _told_  him he'd find out, much to the disappointment (and frankly speaking,  _surprise_  also) of the brunette. She really  _was_  training with ANBU. Behaviour Analysis and Interrogation Unit, the very same one that was the 'promised land' of every shinobi worth his salt, and the nightmare at the same time, if you ended up biting the wrong side of the kunai with those guys. They had the reputation of spouting off some of the most twisted, dangerous individuals you could be locked in a room with – Ibiki was a perfect example of that, and didn't Sasuke know it too. The fucker had taken his sweet time interrogating him and to say that it hadn't been pleasant was the euphemism of the freaking century.

What the hell did  _those_  guys want from someone like Hyuga Hinata?

It wasn't really about skill in the field anymore: the girl was good – not great, only very few could really reach greatness - but good enough to be dangerous, if you weren't paying close attention. She was sly when she fought, ruthless in a way that was surprising and made him realize the exact extent of her deceptive appearance. But she was not like Naruto, or Sakura, and even Sasuke himself, who fought like they loved every moment of it. Hyuga Hinata didn't have that. She was talented and she was relentless, but fought because she had to. She didn't have the instinct, the killer in her was mute. Sasuke had changed enough to know that that was not a bad thing, but it did make her somewhat unfit what usually the people in the Behavioural Analysis and Interrogation Unit, or ANBU in general, were trained for.

Or so he'd thought. Apparently the Hokage disagreed.

So here he is now, five steps away from her in the market in broad daylight, pushed by curiosity, and a sense of nagging irritation.

What the hell is it with this girl that everyone gets but  _he_  seems to miss?

She senses him close, turns, blinks once in surprise at seeing him there, and then finally decides to remember manners.

"Good morning Uchiha san."

He wonders if he should just go straight to the point.

"Good morning." A pause there, because… how long has it been since he last repeated that to a person? He dismisses the thought – it doesn't matter. "I heard from Naruto that you got promoted. Congratulations."

He doesn't sound like he's congratulating her, but she bows her head a little anyway. She doesn't have any idea that she is the only person he has congratulated over this, apart from Sakura – mostly because it would belittle him, since he is after all, still a Genin. But she doesn't seem to be thinking about that at all – that small, almost invisible smile on her lips and that softening of her expression is not for him.

"Thank you, Uchiha san."

Lately, Sasuke has had to consider the remote possibility that maybe she is not as simple as he'd first thought her to be – and not because she was promoted or the whole ANBU issue. It's mostly in the little things that hang around her when she is not looking, or not minding her expression: like right now, just because he said Naruto's name.

He really doesn't understand why that irritates him so much.

"Naruto wouldn't shut up about you making ANBU either. I haven't heard him brag so much about something since we were genin."

She blushes a little, her smile widens, and even looks at him with a certain kind of amusement, though she doesn't say anything, and for the first time he knows what it feels like to be on the other end of a silent conversation. The irony isn't lost on him, and dimly he wonders if this is even worth it.

"I was surprised as well." The Hyuga finally offers, as if sensing his indecision and deciding to lend a helping hand.

He is not about to thank her for it – on the contrary, he grabs on to the straw using it like an opening in her defences and immediately launches his attack.

"Were you?" He jabs, watching the warmth in her face fade as she almost bristles at the barely veiled harshness of his tone. "As for myself, I've been hearing so much about you, Hyuga, that I didn't know what to believe."

For a moment she seems not to know what to think, from which side to catch his comment and how to turn it, in the light of him being who he is, and Naruto's best friend at the same time. That was when she looked to meet his eyes and  _there_  - and not in the words he spoke or his tone, so belatedly provoking - did she find the truth, in those remote eyes like dark pools of midnight that watched her a little more closely than they should, as if it was his right, when they both knew it was not, for it was rude… and he didn't care.

In the end, it was to his insolence she responded, not to his challenge – and he could tell the difference because it was only once she caught his shameless appraisal that she held his eye firmly and without blinking, almost… reproaching, he noted with growing amusement.

"Believe everything." Hinata stated simply, repeating her sensei's words without conscious decision to do so. "And then make up your own mind… Uchiha-san."

And his name was added with a pause that was not for effect but because she had to remind herself manners with him apparently; she who was always so careful to be polite and refer to everyone by their proper title. It seemed that he had managed to irritate her. Or perhaps she didn't think him worthy of the honorific, Sasuke thought with a smirk. She was almost a head shorter, beneath him in talent, skill and status, and yet she dared to think she could look down on him?

Even the thought was ridiculous.

(It never crossed his mind that maybe she just didn't take that well to being loomed-over and that her dignity wouldn't bend anymore, not to him or anyone else who treated her with such open disdain.)

"That's sound advice, Hinata-chan." He said with a smirk, the turn he gave her name so unfamiliar in his mouth that it sounded strange even to him. "Thank you."

And this time she did bristle, eyes wide with shock before she frowned in concentration.

"Are you here just to mock me?" She finally asked, and there was something in the question that made it seem as if she was almost amused by it.

It caused him to raise a brow at her. "You find the thought of being mocked funny?"

Never mind that the thought of going out of her way just to ridicule her, or anyone, was idiotic to him.

The Hyuga shook her head. "I simply thought it would be beneath you."

The answer shocks him for only the fraction of a second. He rebounds fast.

"I'm not trying to mock you. I'm actually trying to understand you." He admits, against every instinct, almost honestly. Provoking her to unravel her through her reactions seemed like a good idea, before he found out how resilient she was to frustration. Yet he could not shake the certainty that understand her was the fastest way to get rid of that irritating feeling at the back of his skull that flared every time he set eyes on her. He didn't like the idea of not being able to control his feelings in any regard, much less like this, and he intended to find out exactly what it was about her that provoked him so unfailingly.

Unfortunately, he didn't make much progress. Every inch of her scratched at his nerves, even the way she was so polite and spoke so softly. It was illogical, and Sasuke disliked her all the more for it. Which was circular and added another layer to his annoyance.

Her smile, private and small. "I suppose speaking to me is as good a place as any to start." She says easily, and had any other girl on the face of this planet said that to him he would have thought they were trying to be cute and would have scoffed and walked away. As it was, she was so obviously blindsided by his team-mate that just the thought of her trying anything with him was absurd - which meant that he only left, without resorting to his usual disparaging manner, instead using a more traditional nod of the head and a generic 'good day' for parting ways.

Maybe he hadn't made any progress in filing Hyuga Hinata among the other generic acquaintances he knew with this little stillborn conversation, but a startling feeling began to grow in the back of his mind after speaking to her even so shortly: that he didn't really dislike the Hyuga girl for who she was, but rather, what she represented. He had began to catalogue her and found out that she was different from him in every single way a person could be different from another, and every time he saw her she seemed to become a living black mirror of everything that was not quite right with him, as if she existed just to remind him of the possibilities of normalcy he'd lost a long time ago.

It was something she could not help and he could not avoid. And yet Sasuke found that he could not teach himself to tolerate her more for it.

oOo

Hinata admitted to herself openly that when it came to Uchiha Sasuke, she did not know much but for what Naruto-kun told her. She only knew the boy through his teammate's eyes and there she was at a disadvantage because the Sasuke Naruto-kun knew existed only around Naruto-kun. With everyone else he was moody, taciturn, withdrawn and most of the time disparaging. On a good day, he was simply silent. Mostly he did not provoke anybody without reason - but that was what she had realized while watching him interact with other.

With  _her_  however… well, that was a different story, and Hinata didn't quite know how to handle it, except for, in Naruto's words, 'winging it' as best as she could without being outright as obnoxious as he deserved - something which she found very hard to do, no matter how much he irritated her sometimes.

The best way she had to cope with him was to partially tune him out, to spear herself and her own nerves from a person who seemed to watch her with a steady dose of irritation and whose every word or glance seemed to invade her space, even when he was nowhere near her.

It was only after a while that she realized what he disliked about her.

They had been at Ichiraku's and as usual, Sakura-chan and Naruto-kun had sat Sasuke-san in the middle, while Hinata took her seat to blonde's right. Naruto had been eating and talking about how mind-blowing he'd been in his mission (Sakura-chan irritatingly telling him to  _'stop speaking with your mouth full, you pig'_ ) when he suddenly tensed and his face blanked. A moment later he had disappeared leaving behind only a whiff of smoke, in that characteristic way he did when he got reverse-summoned by the toads, leaving only an empty seat and a half-finished bowl of ramen behind (luckily for him it had been his fifth, so at least he wouldn't be too hungry)

Hinata picked up his chopsticks and put them over his bowl, a small smile coming to her lips inevitably as she imagined exactly the look on his face as he complain loudly to whoever faced him at Mount Myuboku, that they could have waited at least until he was done eating.

She could always make him dinner, to make it up for it. Yes, she decided, already imagining the grin he always gave her when he came home and found her there. She would cook something colourful, perhaps a…

"What's with the smile, Hinata-chan?" Sakura asked as she leaned over to see her past Sasuke-san. Hinata caught herself, but didn't smooth down her expression. She gave a vague shrug.

"Just thinking."

Sakura-chan rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face was amiable, amused even.

"I'm sure you are. It wouldn't have anything to do with the idiot that just puffed out of existence would it?"

Hinata smiled wider, eyes twinkling. "It may have."

What she  _wanted_  to do was scream ' _Yes_!' at the top of her lungs.

Sakura seemed to guess the exact direction of her thoughts because she chuckled as she got up and passed a hand over Hinata's arm as was her usual way to say goodbye.

"See you later Sakura-chan."

"Bye Hinata-chan. Sasuke-kun."

The boy only hummed in response, which was, as far as Hinata knew, his usual way of communicating with the pink-haired medic, at least when there were other people around.

Hinata turned back to her food, becoming aware only later that she was left alone with the Uchiha, and only because she felt that familiar prickle at the back of her neck, a sure sign that someone was staring at her very hard.

She turned and met the full power of his cold flat eyes.

This time, though she was caught as unaware as always, she did not look away. Instead she put her chopsticks down and turned to face him fully.

"You don't like me." She stated, watching his face for a reaction that did not come. "You don't know me, but you don't like me."

That got her something.

"I know enough." He said slowly, convinced.

Did he? After that morning in the market, he'd hardly spoke to her, unless it was one of his usual glares or cold stares or little comments filled with subtle irony that never hinted at anything in particular, but neither did they point towards something good.

Hinata tries again, of not for anything else than for the same of Naruto, because this person, no matter what his faults and imperfections, is the best friend of the man she loves and though Hinata knows she does not have the kind of impact on people that Naruto-kun has, she is still very much willing to give it a try to at least get them to be civil to one another.

"If you told me what it is about my person or behaviour that you disagree with so strongly, I would do my best to avoid it in your company." Hinata said, honestly meaning it.

But it only seemed to make him heighten the irritation behind his eyes.

"Explain me something." He says so suddenly that she is surprised by both the words and the way they vibrate with a hidden emotions that is not at all harmless. "What do you get out of it?"

To say that Hinata is beyond shocked would be to underplay her feelings. There are so many thoughts shooting through her mind that she cannot grasp at just one, nor can she uncover whatever it is he is hinting at.

What does she get out of what? What is he…

And then, with the violence of a slap to her face, his meaning clicks into place horribly, and she blanches, her heart sinking with the absolute certainty that  _yes_ , she does know what he is talking about. In a way, she has known all along: it's in the sum of every look he's given her.

He thought she was just another lightweight. That she didn't love Naruto-kun at all, that she was just pretending, or worse, lying to herself. That she was just in love with the feeling and not the man himself.

_But how could I? How, when I loved him for years and it caused me nothing but heartbreak, with only a naked hope to sustain the wish that he'd but just look my way, if only once._

She wants to say that, but she can't… because that is too private and she could never speak to Uchiha Sasuke so candidly about things he has no right knowing. But mostly she  _won't_  say that, because she is angry, because – insult to her self and emotions aside - there is an intrinsic abuse towards Naruto-kun too in the Uchiha's inability to believe that someone could love him the way she loves him: easily, without strain, without even trying.

To her its natural, it's the only way she has ever loved him.

To him its… irrational to the point of it being untrue, a lie.

And just when she opens her mouth to say that, she stops, and remembers something very important that her sensei once told her: people don't see the world as it is, they can't; the world is too big a place for even the vastest of minds. Instead people see the worlds as  _they_  are.

And just so, she realizes that this is not about her and Naruto-kun at all. This is about Uchiha Sasuke, and his inability to see what's right in front of him.

It's almost sad.

"I owe you no explanations …" Hinata finally says, speaking calmly, steadily.

(he didn't miss a single one of her reactions, not the shock that made her go pale or the way the colour rises to her face again in a vivid display of anger would have surprised the hell out of everyone who swore by fire she had an even temper and serene countenance. But where he expected a whiplash, she disappoints.)

"… but even if I tried, you would not understand. You never will, because you don't trust enough, Uchiha-san." Hinata said s she put a few coins close to her bowl and got up, smoothing down her uniform.

The matter-of-fact way she speaks to him, the sheer nerve of her, unhinges him as much as her steadiness does and for the first time he has the urge to really snap at her and make her regret ever trying to be a smart ass around him. The only thing that stops him is the absolute certainty that he is the one that started it, the one that provoked her and retaliation for a reaction he enticed would not only be wrong, but also despicable because it would be the action of a bully.

She wishes him 'good day' before she leaves the ramen stand and he is left with only silence to stew in.

But not even in his anger can Sasuke shake the feeling that is slowly creeping up his spine… that maybe he was wrong, and maybe there is no pretence. That maybe she really is in love with his best friend and maybe… maybe he just savagely hurt the feelings of someone that never did him any harm in the first place.

The tiny drop of guilt that creeps up at him irritates him almost as much as everything else. In passing he catches the watchful eye of the daughter of the cook, and the girl ducks immediately behind a wall at the barest hint of his glare. He's never liked beings stared at, and in this moment, he is liable to snap for no reason.

He doesn't know if it's better, or if it just makes matters worse, that she seems so genuine in her affection. That part really is none of his business, never was – the bone he had to pick with this particular Huyga didn't really have anything to do with her relationship with Naruto, but now that he is starting to believe in it's being genuine, he realizes that the extra variable only complicates things. Because Sasuke knows better than most that just because someone loves you - no matter how much, or for how long - they can't make you love them back, even if you sometimes want to. In the end, it only closes in disaster and pain… and if, as he thinks that, he feels a twinge of sympathy for the Hyuga, he blames it on the residue of guilt he felt a moment before and dismisses the feeling immediately.

He can see it clearly though, the way their relationship is going to end, though he seems to be the only one with such clearness of vision unobstructed by hope: whichever way he slices the issue, what those two are, is each-other's first heartbreak.

He could say that that is also none of his business… but the truth is that, no matter how much they banter and quarrel and fight, the blonde knucklehead is the closest thing to family that Sasuke has had for a very long time and apart from his blood brother, Naruto is the one that never, not for a moment, gave up one him. Coming back to a semblance of normality, even so much as  _thinking_  about a life outside hatred and vengeance, would have been impossible if he didn't know that Naruto and Sakura would always be there for him, ready to catch him, and help him back on his feet and smack him around the head when they had to.

The Hyuga is someone else's problem, but the prospect of seeing Naruto in pain agitates Sasuke in a way that he cannot say he knows how to deal with in a healthy way. It's been much too long since the last time he had to worry about someone this way, he almost didn't remember what it felt like.

Now he does, and he doesn't like it one bit.

oOo

The first time Naruto sees her in a dress, he almost chokes on his food.

Team seven had just gotten back from an exhausting one-week diplomatic mission in Kiri. They were tired, hungry - Naruto's stomach was rebelling loudly – and dirty so naturally, the first pit stop before they even went home, was Ichiraku's.

Naruto was gulping his ramen double speed when he suddenly started sputtering and choking on his noodles.

Sakura reminds him, irritated, that _'there's a reason why people have to chew their food idiot!'_ (even though she does pass him a glass of water) while Sasuke only raises an eyebrow. But when Naruto says nothing, they just follow his eyes to the other side of the street and see Hinata there, with another girl that looks so much like her that it has to be her sister. They are looking at the shop windows, perusing the various exposed weapons.

In her so simple white dress she looks as unassuming as the next person and the first thing he feels is an incredible rush of longing that makes his limbs twitch, and he has to remind himself that he really can't go over there looking like he crawled from underneath a rock and then pass out three minutes later cause he hadn't eaten anything in two days.

But he can't tear his eyes off either way, not even to keep eating.

The dress is not even that outrageous, on the contrary. Compare to what most ninja wear – hell, to what even Sakura wears – it's very simple and modest: elbow length sleeves, a couple of inches over her knee, clinging to her rather vaguely because for some reason that is utterly beyond him, she is incredibly self conscious about her body. But Naruto can't help but stare anyway, because – apart from the obvious - meaning that he's never seen her in an actual dress before - he hasn't seen her  _at all_ in almost two weeks: he left for Kiri a day before she got back from Kumo (and he had given granny Tsunade a serious evil eye for that) and the need to see her (hold her,  _kiss_  her till he was breathless and trembling and she's forgotten her own name) had ran through the mere fields of longing and was now beginning to explore the borders of physical ache. If he hadn't known any better, he would have thought that she had materialized there on the other side of the street through the sheer strength of his need to see her there. But he  _did_  know better, because though he imagined her in many ways, he knew his imagination could never compare to the reality of her.

He could have never imagined, for example, the exact way her calf curved, or the shape of that dip at the back of her knee - who knew such an interesting place even existed! But it does and he is looking at it, following the line of her legs as they turn into her thighs and disappear too soon under the fluttering hemline of her dress. He can appreciate the arch of her shoulders better now as well as her shapely arms, stare at her nape and the line of her neck as it turns into her upper-back for the length of exactly three vertebra before the neckline of her dress covers them - cause her hair is gathered out of the way, in careful bun on top of her head. He bets that if she turned around he would be able to see her delicate collarbones… and that's exactly when an irrationally fierce desire grips him: he wants to see the shape of that little dip between those collarbones that her forehead-protector usually hides; wants to see it so badly that he is ready to leave his ramen and go over, or yell her name across the street just to have her turn so that he can see that line of her throat and how it arches, the way it moves when she breathes in and out.

But then someone from the inside someone waves her in enthusiastically – he can tell it's Tenten, it's her father's shop - and Hinata smiles, waves back and walks in, pulling a begrudged-looking Hanabi behind her with just a gentle tug and when she turns he can see a part of her profile, the tiny and a little upturned nose, the full lips, the delicate cheekbone.

He's almost ready to get up when a voice he knows all too well barges through his thoughts, the monotone interrupting his musings so violently that he might as well have been hit on the back of the head.

"I don't understand why you bother with her." Sasuke said flatly, not giving that little comment even the decency to be spoken while he looked at Naruto in the eye. He said it offhandedly, as if it was something unimportant, flippant.

Naruto stiffened in his chair, first in surprise, then something else, and Sakura, who had been sitting between the two, couldn't help but notice his sudden stillness, the tension in him. The situation lost its previous levity with alarming speed and she wondered why Sasuke was doing this. One could argue that perhaps he was bored, but then, that 'one' wouldn't know shit about the Uchiha's head and its architecture: Sasuke never did anything in vain, never an action was not calculated along with even possible reactions and repercussions.

So what the hell was his damage?

 _Huh, where to start_? a catty voice peeped from inside her head, but Sakura ignored it. This was  _so_  not the time.

Naruto's silence was uncharacteristic. It was as if he was giving his friend the chance to explain. Vaguely he wonders if Sasuke is still pissed at how hard Naruto pushed them on their way back, just so he could get home a little sooner.

But that's not it, he can sense it…

"She's never going to be able to keep up with you, no matter how hard she tries." Sasuke went on flatly. "You'll be bored with her in another month, and by then she'd have her hopes up and you'll end up breaking her insignificant little heart."

Sakura had to put a hand on Naruto's shoulder and grip it hard to make sure she had leverage, and that was when the certainty of his anger made itself known for real: it felt like touching live wire even through the layer of his jacket. That was the first time she felt she  _had_  to play referee between the two boys that were each other's best friend despite the fact that they butted heads with each harder other than they did with anyone. Naruto knew Sasuke's quirks, knew that the dark Uchiha didn't have any scruples, nor tact - or even saw the need for it, because he really couldn't care less for the consequences of his vicious truths since the people that could make him regret his unkindness were so few and far in between.

But the fact that he could say something so… so  _brutal_  in such a careless way was something new and it surprised Sakura greatly as something rather out of character for Sasuke. Others would not have been surprise to see cruelty in the Uchiha, but Sakura knew better. Even though he had tried to kill her more than once, a goal-oriented person that didn't waste energy on being unnecessarily cruel. He was cold and bare those times, but never one for carelessness.

But what he spoke of now - it  _stank_  of carelessness, almost as if… as if he was doing it on purpose, just to add insult to injury.

Naruto, instead of replying, slapped the money for his meal on the counter harder than was needed and left the little stand in a brisk walk, disappearing into the crowd.

You had to truly know him the way both Sakura and Sasuke knew him, to appreciate how angry that little offhanded comment made him.

Angry enough to avoid confrontation about it, Sakura thought as she watched him disappear in the distance, because he didn't want to go where that confrontation would lead him.

She turned to the Uchiha with a severe frown on her face.

"What the  _hell_  is your problem?" She asked fiercely, scowling and not bothering to hide her anger, but the Uchiha was nonplussed. His answer came smoothly.

"He's too careless and he doesn't even know it." He said and this time it wasn't so flat. There was something sparking behind those black eyes, some emotion that Sakura couldn't read. He was still so unfamiliar in a way, learning him was like forming a puzzle only from memory.

When she opened her mouth to disagree with him Sasuke stopped her with an almost imperceptible narrowing of his eyes, as if she was daring her to contradict him.

"Don't even try, I know you think so too. I can see it in your eyes every time you look at them." And he was looking at her so hard that Sakura could not hide her true feelings. Yes, she had a couple of times thought that, she admitted to herself almost guiltily, but that was beside the point right now. The fucking point was that Sasuke was being an emotional retard again.

"I know this is real difficult for your genius brain to wrap around, but there  _are_  ways of pointing out your concern without being a total asshole about it." Sakura snapped, narrowing green eyes at him.

She might as well have admitted that she agreed with him – but she realized that a fraction too late.

"My concern is not for  _her_ , it's for him." And that usual irritation flared in the Uchiha, one that Sakura didn't understand at all and to which she'd never seen its likeness in her teammate before. Sasuke never admitted to actually 'liking' anybody, but he didn't particularly dislike anybody either, hadn't for a while now. And yet, though unfailingly polite and so freaking easy to be around, there was still something about Hinata that Sasuke didn't seem able to stomach, and even Naruto knew it (and it never failed to irritate him).

Frankly, Sakura was sick of it. Sasuke refused to explain, didn't want to give reasons and still pretended that she should bear with him.

_Well, those days were over, pasty face. No more free rides with Sakura…_

"And what is that supposed to mean this time?" She asked instead, just a hint of impatience showing, because really, she had to learnt to control her temper and what better place to start than around the boy that most irritated her lately.

Sasuke picked at his food and stayed silent for so long that Sakura actually thought he would ignore her question altogether.

"That girl is in love with him." He said suddenly, making Sakura almost choke on her noodles. His last confrontation with the Hyuga had led him into realizing something very important, something that Sakura either refused to see or didn't want to admit, and something that Naruto wouldn't realize until it was too late.

"She's  _in love_  with him and he is barraging though her life as if she's just some idiot with a second-hand crush."

Sakura was watching with steady eyes, trying to read his expression, the seriousness of his statement.

"What are you saying?" She dared, not wanting to put words in his mouth when he seemed so willing to speak them himself. And if there was a part of her, far and deep in her mind, that wanted to know his reasons for her own benefit, then her Inner self punched that part of her to the ground and sat on it.

She needed quiet right now, 'cause this was something she wanted to understand.

"I'm saying to you exactly what I said to him: he's being careless and he's going to pay for it." Sasuke fixed his dark eyes on Sakura's emerald ones, trying not to read anything in what a careful study she was making of his face. "You tell me how much Naruto is going to enjoy breaking her heart when he realizes he's never going to be able to give her what she wants from him."

What Sakura wanted to say to that was: ' _transfer much?_ ' and raise an eloquent eyebrow, but that would have been cruel and uncalled for, and a low response to the rare sincerity Sasuke'd just given her.

Without mentioning the fact that, on some level, Sakura too had thought the same thing once or twice, justifying her doubt with the fact that someone had to be afraid for Hinata, because the girl seemed to be completely incapable of it when it came to Naruto. She just threw out her heart at him with a smile on her face, in a way that Sakura had not been able to do for a long time. The pink-haired medic didn't really know if that was true bravery, or simply recklessness.

But then again, Hinata had not tasted the full extent of heartbreak yet - and Sakura hoped to god she never did for that matter. That more than anything gave the Hyuga the prerogative to be bold, she supposed.

Another problem, if one wanted to be cynical, was that Hinata trusted Naruto so much… perhaps a little too much. Sometimes Sakura felt like telling the girl that perhaps she shouldn't, because for all the friends and responsibility and sheer strength of heart, Naruto had never been in a relationship before. He could hurt her so easily, without even being aware of what held Sakura back from interfering was the fact that Hinata was a smart girl. She knew what was good for her, and she had the right to her own mistakes as well. It wasn't really Sakura's place to butt in (something Sasuke didn't worry about, obviously!)

"You don't know that." Sakura said instead, much more softly than she intended, turning her eyes at her bowl of half-eaten ramen. "He's seems well on his way to being in love with her, to me."

"You can't  _learn_  to love someone." Sasuke snapped. " -and Naruto is not 'in love' with her. He is  _needy_  of her, there's a difference."

A difference that someone as shrewd as the Hyuga was bound to notice sooner or later. And with two people that were as driven by their emotions as those two, that was a problem because neither would settle where feelings were concerned.

Sasuke could see it clearly, that little knot that was so important but that Naruto missed: she cared too much, he didn't care enough. Their relationship was destined to fail and fail it would for one of these two very simple reasons: because he couldn't love her the way she wanted to be loved, so he'd leave her and her heartbreak would hurt him badly because he was  _that_  kind of idiot. Or he wouldn't leave her, sense of honour winning out because he would think he  _made_  her love him; in which case, _she_  would leave  _him_ , because she was too sentimental, and unfortunately for her, too in love with him to accept his pity. And Naruto wouldn't take that well either.

The idiot was fucked either way, he was just too wrapped in his hormones to see it.

And  _her_  stupidity was not to be underestimated either (bloody  _unbelievable_  how her IQ instantly dropped to a double-digit number whenever his idiot team-mate was concerned!), because she insisted on not just keeping her heart on her sleeve, but damn well practically putting it in his hands. Watching her made Sasuke cringe sometimes - every survival instinct he had rebelled against it: it was like watching as a person continually strip themselves of defences, until there was nothing left between the kunai and the heart – not even flesh and bone.

Naruto wouldn't see that until it was too late.

And once he did realize just how much he could (and would) damage that girl… he was going to get seriously fucked up over it, love or not.

"You're wrong you know." Sakura said and there was such a certainty in her voice that he had to know what he was wrong about. When his silence offered her room to fill it, she continued.

"You  _can_  learn to love." For a blinding moment, he thought the ' _you_ ' referred to  _him_  specifically, and he felt a strange, incongruous rush in the general area of his chest. But then she went on, and the sensation that the feeling left behind tasted a lot like... disappointment. "I think that's the only way real love can actually happen."

"Love is an absolute, Sakura." Sasuke said slowly. "You can't have half of it, or just a little of it. It happens, or it doesn't."

And like everything else, it can die out as well, he found himself thinking. And even as he spoke, he couldn't believe he was discussing  _this_  with  _her_.

Had he fallen into a gegutsu without realizing?

Sasuke barely kept himself from physically flinching from his own thoughts. Was his IQ starting to drop too now? There was no freaking gegutsu on this planet strong enough to trap him without him knowing about it, for god's sake! It was just Sakura.

And just as he thought that,  _'just'_  Sakura snorted in an unladylike manner at his reply.

"Yeah right. Cause you and I grew to caring about Naruto the very moment we met him."

Her sarcasm was too obvious in his opinion, she needed to learn subtlety.

"That's different." Sasuke dead-panned, completely unmoved in his conviction.

Strangely though, Sakura only sighed, in a manner that struck him as strange because it sounded as if she did so almost in defeat… and sadness.

"No Sasuke-kun, it really isn't."

They ate the rest of the meal in silence, each trapped in their own thoughts.

Naruto on the other hand didn't speak to Sasuke for two weeks on account of the Uchiha's little blunder. To appreciate the full discrepancy of that fact, you had to have spent a few years with someone that refuses to shut up unless it because of a punch in the face.

But that was not the issue here: Naruto's anger was. Two weeks was the longest timeframe it had ever had.

It surprised even Sasuke himself.

The day he started a conversation with Naruto out of his own volition, and actually kept it going until the blonde finally was his usual irritating self with him again, was the day Sasuke admitted that what was meant to happen would happen and that there was nothing he could do to stop it. There were some things, he realized, that one is not supposed to be protected from, nor can he be protected. Trying to mess with the inner workings of a relationship had made him uneasy from the very beginning and after he saw Naruto's reaction, he decided he better go with his instinct and leave it alone.

After all, he should know better than most that getting between Naruto and whatever that idiot wanted was like trying to change the direction of gravity: meaning fucking impossible... even when what Naruto wanted was to freefall without any kind of security net to catch him.

So be it, Sasuke decided. Let the knucklehead do things his own way, since he didn't know how to do them any other.

Once he did admit that though, Sasuke found, much to his surprise, that tolerating the Hyuga was not that hard after all.

o

o

o

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: the fourth part of this was tricky (the whole 'why do you bother with her' part) – it felt like it was weighting the chapter down a little, as if I was stating the obvious at that point, but I wanted the whole 'Sasuke' issue to be resolved within one chapter like all the other pov-s, mostly to keep a sort of constancy with the way I've been telling the story so far… and because I didn't feel like writing about Sasuke for longer than necessary (not cause I dislike him, but cause i find him so very hard to write.)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ok, this chapter is a monster – more than 10.000 words and an emotional roller-coaster too, from both Naruto and Hinata's pov. I know it's a lot but I couldn't split it in two chapters because I do that only when I move on to another part of the story - meaning their relationship. Anyway, I hope you like.
> 
> One of my reviewers at fanfiction(dot)net had the smarts to come up with a very simple way to distinguish between timelines for those that have difficulties doing that (my apologies again): dbtiger63 suggested that I use 'BB' for the chapters Before Breakup, and 'AB' for those After Breakup. Nifty, huh!  
> So here it is: from chapter.10 to here, it's been BB (and it's gonna be for a while). And trust me, you'll know when it's AB, cause I'm planning on following through linearly until we get to the actual break-up and Hinata taking her 'last' mission.

**_ _ **

**_16_ ** _. Quickening_

_'…_ _How is it that one day life is orderly and you are content and then, without warning, you find the solid floor is a trapdoor and you are now in another place whose geography is uncertain and whose customs are strange?Travellers at least have a choice. Explorers are prepared._

_But for us, who travel along the blood vessels, who come to the cities of the interior by chance, there is no preparation. We who were fluent, find life is a foreign language… and that somewhere between the swamp and the mountains, somewhere between fear and sex, passion_ is _, and the way there is sudden, and the way back is worse.'_

_\- Jeanette Winterson -_

He walked aimlessly throughout the marked - dirty, sweaty, bone tired and still hungry – thinking he was not intending to go anywhere. It was only after he caught a shimmer of her blue hair in the crowd that he realized he'd been looking for her all along, eyes following ever flicker of indigo or white in the crowd that was  _not_  her… until it was.

She has her back to him again, talking to the woman behind the counter, and some of his sour humour retreats as he stops and looks. Why did she let her hair down, he wonders vaguely. What changed in twenty minutes? He has a moment of random indecision wondering if he preferred her long hair loose and falling heavily to the middle of her back, straight as arrows; or if he likes it better when it's up, lending the stage to her graceful neck, exposed and practically begging to be kissed...

 _Either_ , he decides with a smirk.

_Both…_

He smiles crookedly when Hanabi, the little monster, catches him standing there, rolls her eyes (though Naruto doesn't miss that covert smile, no matter how much that little spitfire tries to hide it!) and knocks a bony elbow into her sister's side, jutting her chin in Naruto's direction with all the haughtiness that Hinata lacks. His smile widens just half a second before she turns to see what her sister is pointing at, a tiny frown of curiosity on her brow. And he wants to freeze this moment exactly  _there_ , when she sees him and a smile blooms, literally  _blooms_ into life on her every single feature (even her nose smiles at him, crinkling a tiny bit adorably) – and replay it over and over in his head till he's happy again.

He watches her manoeuvre through the crowd fast, without brushing a single person; she's thrown her arms around his neck before he can even take three steps in her directions. He catches her reflexively, lifting her off the ground and forgetting that he probably smells evil and looks worse, because she holds him tight enough to make him think she doesn't want to ever let go, just as he feels the familiar touch of her lips at his temple and the shell of his ear (he still hasn't found a subtle way of telling her that she  _really_  shouldn't do that in public… mostly because he likes it so damn much!).

She feels softer than usual, closer, because that dress she has on is simple cotton and doesn't hold back or hide as much as her usual uniform. Every soft plain and high curve of her moulds against him and the feel of her so immediate is enough to relax him and almost make him purr. She feels wonderfully his in that moment.

God, he loves the way she holds him, the way she lets herself  _be held_ …

In that she has been always the same, even at the very beginning when she was eager, but still so shy around him and didn't know how to touch him. Even then, she'd still let him hold her just like this and he could tell that she relished it, melted in his arms every time he wrapped them around her and pulled her close, breathed her in. He can't help the smile when he remembers how she used to blush so hard when he so much as held her hand (she still does sometimes) and yet snuggled up to him with so little apprehension, arms around his torso holding on tight, burning with a blush she tried to hide by pressing her face in his chest, but never relenting her hold. And it's not like he was any better: he didn't dare kiss her until she practically had to do it herself, but he had no qualms with feeling her pressed against him from head to toe… probably because she held on just as tightly.

Maybe that's why holding her feels so special. Before they did anything, they used to hold each other. Her holding him was how he always knew that she cared deeply; that her hesitations were not refusals; that she wanted so much, but was so shy still, and being with him that way was so new that she didn't know how to speak through intimacy yet.

Now it feels like they have a language of their own sometimes.

"Missed me did you?" His tone, though playful as always, this time lacks a portion of the usual bursting liveliness, and he bets she notices too.

She sighs softly. "I did."

"Well, it figures. My astounding awesomeness is bound to be missed."

She makes a noise that is between a laugh and a snort, so close by his ear that it makes his spine quiver.

"Your astounding self is also quite smelly." Hinata points out gently, voice riding her laughter, hands continuing their undisturbed exploration of his scalp, and he smiles because he knows she doesn't care.

"Yeah, sorry. Just got back from Kiri. I  _hate_  marshes." He mumbles back. "Remind me never to take another mission through them again, ok."

She loosens her hold on him then, feeling her hands sliding down his arms as he puts her down, eyes finally finding hers. With the sun on her face like this, he can tell apart the different lavender shades in her iris from the slivers of grey that are woven there between them, thickening into a pool of pale silver where her pupils should be, making it seem like she has no pupils at all.

He leans down just a little and flicks the tip of her cute nose with his and she beams at him. From the very first time he kissed her, that small action never failed to provoke a smile unlike any other.

It was her ' _I'm so happy_ ' smile.

At the sight of it he feels both better... and worse.

 _Why the_ fuck _did Sasuke say that?_  Naruto wonders, anger suddenly spiking again and he closes his eyes so that she doesn't notice it. (he doesn't even realize he's leaning down to put his forehead against hers, until they touch and he sighs, releasing some of the tension) The bastard loves to spout off all kinds of cocksucking bullshit like it's the wisdom of god, and he always did it with a perfectly straight face too - Naruto knows that. He's even been amused by it sometimes… but why did Sasuke have to say  _that_?

God, he almost wishes he could turn back time so that he could plant a good right hook on the Uchiha's mouth and make him swallow his teeth as well as his words. If the bastard knew what he was talking about, he'd give himself the precious advice of pulling that legendary stick out of his ass and actually take notice of Sakura every once in a while, for example. Fuck knew the girl was still miserable about him from time to time, though she hid it so well that it was barely even there.

Not that the bastard deserved her attention!

He feels fingertips whose texture is familiar, come up to trace his whiskers gently and Hinata's silent worry and care resonates through that simple touch so strongly that he can't help but turn his face a little to the right, lips skimming a kiss on the centre of her palm.

_Bored with her my ass!_

The Uchiha bastard has  _no idea_! He didn't know how to  _find_  the Idea with both hands and a fucking map! He wouldn't have an Idea, if the Idea was a D-size wonder-woman dancing in front of him naked and bitch-slapped his pale ass all the way to the heights of Kumo.

And Naruto didn't even want to  _think_  about what  _else_ the bastard had said - but there it is, those words, in that sarcastic I-know-it-better tone -

_'…insignificant little heart.'_

\- they ricochet through his thoughts like an activated explosive tag just waiting to blow his thoughts apart and finally make him snap, so much that Naruto can feel his blood re-boiling steadily and he has to do the whole deeep-breaths-calm-the-fuck-down- _now_! routine all over again.

"Naruto-kun…"

Her saying his name that way – both embarrassment and apprehension in her tone - makes him snap his eyes open immediately, and when he finds her red-cheeked and wide-eyed right up close on his face, his anger fizzles out immediately like thin morning fog. Its only then that he realizes he has fisted her dress at the small of her back and is holding her to himself so tight that she has to arch her back to keep looking at him.

He releases her and takes a step back - but she follows him, eyes asking silently what's wrong even as she does nothing but hold his hand. He starts to say that it's alright, that it's nothing… but the so honest concern in her eyes stops the words right at his lips.

He sighs.

"Sasuke's being his usual bastard self." Naruto exhales with a shrug. And when he says it like that, admitting it out loud, he feels the last of his tension leave him and all that remains is incredible tiredness and a sadness so fine and subtle that he can't even tell where it comes from.

He focuses instead on the way her expression changes, becoming infinitely gentle as she links her fingers with his. And when faced with such open affection - the way she always looks at him - Naruto can't help the fact that he loves it, that he wants her to  _always_  look at him like that, that he has that look practically sculpted in his memory because sometimes it's almost hard to believe that someone like her could see in him something that was worth the kind of look she gave him.

But he also can't help the fact that, if she were to ask him, right now, if he loves her… he wouldn't know what to say. He knows that he wouldn't lie… and that would hurt her so badly, he just knows it. His chest feels too tight for his insides just at the thought of doing that to her.

And therein lies the seed of that guilt that blooms somewhere on top of his stomach and drives a hole there, taking the place of the usual warmth that pervades him every time she's close by. It's the ugliest feeling he's ever felt. Like biting into a fruit expecting sweetness and finding out the inside its all rotten. The bitter taste just won't leave his mouth and for an irrational moment, he's even afraid to kiss her, in case she should taste the nastiness of his doubt and recoil from him entirely.

Fucking Sasuke, putting stupid thoughts in his head!

But Naruto knows that he can't blame the Uchiha for that, not really. Because the truth is simple: if Sasuke was really talking out of his ass… than why did it hurt so god damn much?What he'd said, it wasn't the truth, not even close, but… but neither did it feel like a lie. And not that bullshit about him being bored with Hinata – but the part about him hurting her, _that_  felt suddenly very real to him.

And he was afraid in a completely unfamiliar way, he couldn't even tell of what. It was such a mess. And it hurt, for so many reasons, but most of all because he feels horrible, like he's betraying something frail and new in him just by thinking about it…

"You look tired too." Hinata says softly after a moment. In truth he looks so very sad that she feels her heart clench, but she doesn't voice that because pointing out the obvious never helped anybody.

"Nah, just hungry." Naruto smiles weakly, and then looks at her with hopeful eyes, his smile widening by the moment - and she can practically hear the turn his thoughts are taking. She can't help the answering smile on her own lips.

The heaviness surrounding him momentarily effort to be causal is so charming… mostly because it's hopelessly transparent.

And he's giving her his very best puppy eyes too!

Hinata turns the laughter that bubbles up into a quiet chuckle. Oh, he knows too well how to manipulate her: two seconds and she's ready to say yes to anything when he looks at her like that! He's too charming for her own good and she has no defences against him at all, but luckily for her he only asks for simple things: food, love, hugs, kisses, teases… all of which she would give him freely even if he didn't ask. But she does love it when he does however. And it's worth it to see him make those cute faces every once in a while!

Naruto watches her beam at him and he knows that he's got her. It provokes a goofy grin and his hands slide down her arms, feeling the soft material of her dress and then the bare ( _smooth_ …) skin of her forearms and her hands, fingers linking together almost without thought.

"Get a room already, for god's sake." Hanabi interrupts without the barest hint regret, smashing the moments to bits with great satisfaction.

Frankly they were making her gag.

"You stink like a three day old corpse in Suna, Uzumaki." The younger Hyuga added in distaste, the corners of her mouth tilted downwards as she looked him over.

"Don't be rude Hanabi-chan." Hinata chides gently, because she just can't stop herself. He didn't smell so bad – she should know, she has been on a team with a dog for years, she knows all the possible variations of smelly.

Naruto though only snickers.

He had soon learned that Hanabi was nothing - meaning seriously  _nothing_  - like her older sister; and even those patches of character where they were a tiny bit similar, she sure as hell did not display them in public. She was tough as hell outside and twice as much inside, but though she was as harsh as a whiplash (and even a little vindictive), in the end Hanabi was fair… which in Naruto's case made her bark worse than her bite. He could say he almost liked her at this point… even though she was a lot like a steel-toothed vicious dog. But everybody seemed to have one of those kind of brats in the family: the annoying spoiled squirt that always wants to have her way and is always backbiting about it.

Naruto is honestly amused by her, mostly 'cause she had a wicked sense of humour-  _aaand_ shemade fun of Sasuke like her life depends on it. The way Hanabi's offhand comments could make the bastard twitch was really somethin' else. And it didn't hurt that she practically worshipped Hinata either - though Hanabi would rather die than admit that one out loud.

"Hellooo imagery. Always a treat, aren't you, brat?"

"Don't call me brat, idiot!" Hanabi snaps and Naruto wants to laugh at how predictable she is getting. This is almost starting to sound like banter.

"Then stop acting like one." Naruto continued, rolling his eyes.

"Who are you to tell me what to do anyway, you litt…" One cursory look at her sister and then she was  _really_  pissed. "And look!  _Look_  what you did to her dress!" Hanabi snapped and both their eyes went over Hinata's dress, making her feel a little uncomfortable at the scrutiny: there were smudges of dirt and grass on her once-spotless white cotton and now that Naruto looked at her more closely, he'd transferred a speck of dirt even on her cheek where she had rubbed it against his.

"Aww, sorry Hinata-chan." His hand rising to wipe it off is immediate, but all he does is smudge her cheek more and it's all he can do not to moan in dismay.

Hinata only shakes her head nonchalantly.

"It's fine, Hanabi-chan's just being dramatic. It'll clean up in a second. So, what do you want for lunch, Naruto-kun?"

"You choose for me." 'cause he likes everything she cooks.

Hinata's smile widens. And then she remembers…

"Hanabi-chan, you want to join us?" she then asks and, much to Naruto's relief, Hanabi scoffs.

"Ugh! And do what: watch you two make kissy face the whole time? I'll pass thanks." she says flatly and turns to leave.

Naruto turns to Hinata with a conspiratorial look on his face. "Are you  _sure_ she's your sister by birth? She seems more like Neji's sex-altered clone to me."

Hinata masks a laugh as a tiny cough. "Naruto-kun!" but she doesn't manage to sound quite as outraged as she should though.

Hanabi turned around so fast her hair flew about her dramatically.

"I heard that, you douchebag!" she hissed, minding the volume cause they were after all in the middle of the street, her inner Hyuga reminded her. So she covertly flipped him off before turning the corner, leaving Naruto to mutter something that sounded a lot like ' _shrew'_  as his eyes follow her retreating back. But he doesn't really mean it though, especially since he feels Hinata's hand run down his arms and pull him towards his apartment.

He follows her without even thinking about it and, that easily, the rainclouds that had been following him around ever since the Uchiha opened his gob, stays behind.

oOo

There was something to be said about getting out of the shower - even as you were jumping up and down with your head tilted to the side 'cause the water got in your ear  _again_  – the grime and stress of three-day's journey scrubbed off and finally feeling like a human being again, just to smell the most delicious smell to ever grace the inside of your nostrils.

His nose pulls him towards the kitchen like a puppy on a leash (he's drooling like one too!)

"It'll be ready in a minute, Naruto-kun." She says absentmindedly as she moves about and it makes him smile how she knows where everything is and practically owns the small place more than he ever did - or will for that matter.

She's pulled her hair out of the way in a bun and changed into  _that_  T-shirt – the sunflower-yellow one that she'd borrowed from him indefinitely and which is so big on her that it's just a few inches shorter than the dress she was wearing before really (which is now pristine again and drying out in the balcony). He can see the white shorts peeking from under the T-shirt - those too are his, though it surprises him that she is wearing them. She never has before…

Looking at her now it's easy to pretend – even though the shorts reach almost all the way to her knees - that she's just in his shirt and nothing else… And isn't  _that_  a happy thought! One that could get him in trouble and make him blush as easily as she does.

Wait - now that he thinks about it…

_Hehe… this is gonna be fun!_

"Ok." Naruto says vaguely and it  _works_ : hearing his voice makes her turn her head in his direction and she catches him standing there, wearing only the occasional droplet of water and a towel around his hips…

She blinks twice at the sight of him, takes him in from head to toe, and the way her wide eyes linger in certain places, makes his skin heat up as surely as if she were touching him. He can't even distract himself from it because in -  _three…two…one…_

 _\- yup_! Naruto thinks with satisfaction that translates into a broad smirk,  _there it is_ : the supreme blush that stretches from the root of her hair to her chest and past neckline of his shirt.

Wondering just how much further it goes gets him in an even better mood than the prospect of food and he turns and practically swaggers to his room… at least until the kitchen towel connects with the back of his head with a wet  _plop_  and he muffles a tiny curse as raucous laughter bursts out of him. He practically runs into his room and closes the door fast before she throws something a little more consistent at his head.

He is sure that his laughter, though muffled, can still be heard through the door, but he makes no attempt to keep it down.

She has gotten more resilient to blushing in time – though is seems like she'll never grow out of it, nor does he  _want_  her to. It's freaking adorable and he loves to find out new ways to push her boundaries with little pranks like this one that always make her yelp and duck her head trying to hide the burning cheeks. He bets that its then when she most misses the fringe that once used to cover her face so well. Naruto on the other hand doesn't miss it  _at all_. Even when it was long enough to pin to the side, he had a habit of pushing it back with his hands to fully uncover her features, until the fringe grew out past her chin to frame her face without getting in the way.

In his opinion, she was way too pretty to hide it, and he made sure to tell her that often enough that she didn't feel uncomfortable anymore when she heard it. Now she just smiled and kissed him.

By the way – he hadn't even kissed her properly yet!

The smile on his face turns foxy. Maybe if he's lucky and she's not too annoyed at him, she won't poke him with a chopstick if he tries to make up for it now with a sound kiss - or five.

Maybe if he is real sneaky about it…

…

He couldn't be more obvious if he tried, Hinata thinks as she watches him set the small table.

At every chance he gets, he brushes against her – his hand, his arm, a shoulder - smiling in that crooked way that practically  _announces_  he's up to no good. And it doesn't help that he is just in a white T-shirt and shorts that are the exact replica of the pair she's wearing – except where on her those shorts reach almost all the way to her knees, on  _him_  they are practically are mid-thigh and… Hinata can't help herself really, she just  _can't stop staring…_  and fidgeting… and she's already burned two fingers on the stove, damnit! Which is all his fault for prancing around almost naked and… and…

Nope, there's no moving beyond that.

Her brain has been frozen in that moment, and she just can't get past it… the expanse of his skin, bronzed by the sun in a way that she loves and envies, the shape of him, of every plane of his body. She can see him now in her mind and her hands start tingling…she's stuck on it and feels a heat wave coming over her like she's standing near a bonfire, except the heat is coming from the very inside of her bones and keeps pulsing in strange places like it has its own heartbeat and…

 _Oh_!

Her breath catches as she realizes… and then immediately feels like a fool for it taking her so long.

 _Ooh_ … she's in  _such_  trouble!

But Hinata already knew that. She's known for a while now.

She's knew it one night when a goodnight kiss ended up with her against a wall and left her briefly wondering which one she was pressed against harder, the sold concrete behind her, or his body. Knew the extent of just how much in trouble she was only later, when a curious hand slipped where it had never gone before and she had to bite her pillow.

Just the thought made her blush so hard it was a wonder her face didn't combust.

But there's no way she's going to give in that easily after the stunt he pulled earlier. She should at least make him sweat a little - because she knows that he likes the teasing too, as much as he loves the abandon.

It's a bizarre game they have invented: he came up with it really – turning her shyness into play, teasing her gently until she lost most of her bashfulness and just laughed and let herself be touched, kissed without thinking about it so much. Now it's evolved into something else, a game they play together, always silently and covertly: they stay off each other as if it's a race to see who will hold out longest, who can drive the other farther up the wall sooner. But it's also contradictory, because there's a strange eagerness to lose that no other game she's ever played has ever given her. Usually it's a teasing kind of fun, the stretched anticipation makes her tingle with awareness before she's even touched him…but she hasn't seen him in two weeks except for in her dreams, and she's missed him so much that now she wants nothing more than to wrap herself around him and just  _breathe_!

But he wants to play and she's not one to back down from a challenge even when it's silent and that's how she ends up in this mess, so high-strung she can feel his _every_  move, her body's memory stirring so completely that it she's  _aching_ for him and it's all she can do not just shove him against the nearest wall and kiss him till his knees give out…

The thought popped in her brain like it was evacuated there from the mind of someone else, and her bashfulness makes her blush over it - but there is no doubt that she owns every single angle of that thought: from the way she'd hold him to the way she'd kiss him to the particular brand of need she has for him, one that is unhinging her to this point. She might be shy and squeamish, but she is so full of love that she barely has any space left for self-consciousness anymore. Most of the time she is so comfortable with him that before any other instinct full kicks in, her need to hold him has already pulled her towards him…even though she's still lightheaded at just the _thought_  of any kind of boldness.

_Not that that's been stopping me lately…_

She slips up on that thought like someone might slip on a wet pavement and  _physically_  trips over it – which ends up on her grabbing on for balance at the side of the counter and half dips her hand in the innocent bowl of soy sauce that was there- which flips and falls off.

She cringes, expecting to hear the crash of the glass on the floor, but it doesn't come. Because of course he's turned and caught it, without spilling so much as a single drop and amusement both spike in she is, still so out of it that for the first time in her life she's knocking on things, just so that she can turn around and see how perfectly  _un_ affected he is in his ' _I know exactly what you're thinking_ ' dopey looks at him, fully aware that she's maybe pouting just a little and not bothering to hide it… that is until she met his eyes.

The clear blue of them is darkened and he's looking at her so intently that there's no mistaking his face heats even more, because that first second their eyes meet is enough, she already knows: the game is over.

And just like that, every drop of blood she has in her body rushes to pump as close to the surface of her skin as it can, making her nerve endings tremble with anticipation and her heart drum impatiently in her hears.

She is sure she'll faint when he so much as breathes on her.

But she doesn't.

He takes her hand without looking away from her, just as she tries to reach for the sink to wash the sauce off her fingers. He's standing so close that their thighs are almost brushing and she can feel the heat coming from him and she honestly thinks he's going to cause her heart failure when he puts one fingers in his warm mouth with nerve-wrecking slowness and  _sucks_ , tongue circling, a whisper of teeth against her skin. His eyes snap to hers – and they're darker than ever - as he closes his lips around another finger. She feels her grip on his shoulder getting stronger – in direct proportion with her lightheadedness, unable to neither stop nor honestly _believe_ the little noise that makes it past her lips when he teases the skin between each digit as he licks her palm clean.

It should be ridiculous, it should be  _insane_  - just what is he doing? - but it's not. It makes perfect sense because it feels exactly  _that good_  and all over, as if his lips are kissing her everywhere until the feel of his lips shooting straight through her to soft, sensitive places that burn and bloom to life in a way that earns him an almost sob…

It's what makes her step closer, a hand that grabs at the collar of his T-shirt and pulls him down to her mouth. And if her nails scratch him just a little neither ever notices.

She doesn't have to tease him to open his mouth and that's good because if she had not had found him already reaching for her the same way, perhaps this kiss would have turned out differently. But as it is, she kisses him recklessly, nothing but sensation and need as she dips her tongue in his mouth, enjoying the way he shivers like water in her arms. And perhaps it's strange considering how unsure she is about everything else, but when she feels this way… there is no more room for anything but heat between them, because out of everything in her life, he is the one thing she's never been unsure about, because that's how she wants him. She wants to invade him, conquer him, and feel exactly  _this:_ the almost desperate need she causes him when his arms wrap around her a little too tightlyand he falls on her so helplessly that he bends her backwards in his haste to get closer and be kissed harder. He doesn't push her back, he enjoys her in his mouth almost as much as he enjoys the feel of her everywhere else – she can tell he does, because he's vocal about everything and unlike her he doesn't bother to muffle the pleasure he feels. The truth is that he loves it when he feels her passion taking over and she knows that. She also knows that she is shaking like a leaf beneath those hand, that are now travelling up and down her back, but she can't help it. The only thing she can do is touch, and feel and try to breath in between.

And when she feels a wide palm come to grasp the back of her thigh and pull her up, she is surprised but doesn't even think about resisting: she goes with him, and finds herself sitting on the edge of the counter. Their kiss interrupts just enough for them to look at each other I the eye and the sureness they find there is worthy of a smile just before he dips back his head and now it's her turn to taste him and have him explore and make her shudder and moan, as she wraps her legs around his hips, pulling herself closer… It's both of them that start looking for a way to touch that does farther than kisses, starting from his hand on her upper thigh, his fingers caressing the skin there like its' his new favourite the haze of that dominates her brain she is almost ready to do anything,  _anything_ , just to align their bodies in the way she instinctively feels she needs to, so one of her hands unwraps from around his shoulders to find purchase on the flat surface beneath her – just a little, _really_ , just enough so she can push herself a  _tiny_  bit more forward and ease the steady burn between her legs that is starting to drive her to tears.

And when she does move that indispensable inch forward and their hips meet, the feel of it snaps her back taught like a thunderbolt's run through it (and it  _did!_ ). they simultaneously unlock from their kiss, but don't move away, breathing heavily close to each other, seeing in each-other the same shock and list, hearts beating in their ears and bodies reeling from the shock of that delicious feeling still reeling in their veins.

He is breathing heavily but standing so still, hand gripping her thick so hard that she knows she'll have bruises. And for one moment when they stand so close but so frozen, all the shyness that had abandoned her a moment before rushes back in and a heavy blush floods her face in red… making him smile at her so sweetly that she can't help but gulp down her discomfort (with herself) and smiled back. His embrace softens, a hand comes to the back of her head, gentle… she feels her love answer back to his tenderness as if he had just called her name.

They don't move away from each other and it's not very clear who starts it again, if its him bending down just a little, or her reaching up. But they did meet in the middle, in a kiss that is a world away in chasteness compared to the torrid ones they shared before and she feels the love she has for him open up her chest until she is sure that if he reached out, her heart would simply jump into the palm of his hand.

They open up to each other again, slowly, cautiously, because they haven't moved away from each other, she is still with her legs crossed behind him, holding him. The urgency is kept down by a warmth that doesn't burn like wildfire, but steady, like molten lava. And perhaps it's that steadiness that makes the acuteness of them being so close together bearable. They barely brush against eachotherwhere it most matters,, as softly as their lips touch, and that caress of bodies leaves them both trembling, breath short and heart flying. She feels like she'll soon explode… but where he lights her up like wildfire, the caress of their aligned hips makes him, by contrast, infinitely tender and gentle. So very careful.

Her hand dips in his hair and she knows there is no contradiction. That there is just Naruto and the way he decides to love is his own way… because in that moment that's how she feels: loved…

She doesn't worry about where this is going. The future isn't there yet, and she's not even sure if she knows anymore.

His lips turn up in a smile against hers for some reason, as his hand tangles in her hair trying to undo her bun. She might as well, she decides, after all, it's already hanging off the side with how many times he carelessly tried to undo it before. So she lifts the hand that was balancing on the counter to loosen her hair… and accidentally bumps against the faucet.

She wouldn't even have noticed it, if freezing water hadn't spouted out, catching her squarely on ass.

He'd sat her  _that_  close to the sink?

But perhaps the more interesting question was: hadn't she noticed?

But all that paled into utter insignificance when she let out a high-pitched yelp like the girls she was and twitched in his arms, wringing as she tried to get away from the freezing water and Naruto has to loosen his embrace because if he doesn't she'll never go anywhere.

She jumped down, dripping on the floor and reached to turn off the faucet before she dared look at him.

He is looking at her with blue eyes sparkling and the effort to hold back his laughter is making him twitch. Annoyed, she looks at him through narrowed eyes and he bits is lip.

It takes a second of them holding each other's eyes for both to give up the effort and just burst out laughing at the same time in a fit that came and went for a good five minutes. She wipes the corners of her eyes as he holds his hand to his stomach, before impulsively throwing an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close, still chuckling.

And thought the moment was as marvellously doused in cold water as soundly as her ass was, the heat of it hasn't dissipated. If he wanted, if he so much as reached out, she'd fly in his arms and they could pick up from where they left off, they could do anything,  _everything_  – she trembles on the inside when she thinks about he takes her wrist, fingers caressing the inside of it where her pulse is still thumping hard, and it's a soothing caress. There's such affection in his eyes when he looks at her that she has to touch his arm, for no other reason than feeling the wonder and joy of his warm skin against her palm.

He pulls her to the table and lands the softest of kisses on her temple before he lets her sit, fingers skimming the side of her neck as he plops himself in his own chair.

The feeling that absent-minded gesture of affection gives her is so overwhelming that for a moment she can't breathe. Her love strangles her, it infuses her, and she's sure that if her heart stopped in that moment, that love would restart it, bring her back to life again, it's so strong. It feels strong enough to fill the whole apartment and have them swimming in it. She doesn't want to resist the giddiness: the table is so small and she is so happy, that she takes advantage of it in a way she never has before: her knees traps one of his between them and she loops an ankle around his.

The spark of surprise and then playfulness lights up his eyes - something deeper moving in them, something intense that makes her catch her breath - and he smirks before he digs in.

The coarse hair along his legs tickle against her smooth calves and she loves it. She loves how he looks up at her from time to time, as he talks, and how relaxed he is. She laughs when she finds out that he is ticklish at the bottom of his calves of all places – she was rubbing her foot up and down when he yelped and twitched, looking at her with darkened eyes and a still expressing with which he always looks at her before he kisses her. She doesn't do it again, but she files the information for another time… maybe when they kiss again with the kind of recklessness they were before.

It's because they missed each other, she knows. But it's also something else. Of course it is.

He lets her go so gently, she thinks. She knows he wants her. She can feel it clearly. It's in the linger of his every touch, it fills their silences with its heaviness. It's in the way his eyes linger and heat up, how he blushes and his stare pierces with intensity. He couldn't hide it from her even if he wanted. But he always pushes himself back, maintaining such a careful, tender hold on her that her love for him in those moments increases exponentially… as does her want for him. But from the way he holds back… if she didn't know better she'd think she was alone in how brightly, how fiercely she burned for him.

She knows that the most logical reason why he doesn't push is because he thinks she's not there yet. Maybe he's afraid that he'll end up asking more than she can give. It's a wonder he doesn't understand… but then again not so much. Because she too is holding back and he is so aware of her that he can sense it, even though perhaps he doesn't understand the real reason behind it. If she were just a tad more selfish - of perhaps if she were less so – she would have given in by now. She knows she wants to and she doesn't have any regrets… but this is not just about her and she has to force herself, every time she touches him, to remember that she has to keep her desire separate from his. That she can't be overwhelmed by it, or by her love, because this is as much about him as it is about her.

It's about him caring for her too, and about him wanting her… him l- (does she dare? …oh yes,  _yes_  she does…)  _loving_  her, maybe. If she's really, really lucky.

He thinks he is holding off for her sake, but the truth is that  _she_  is holding off for  _his_. Because she doesn't want to confuse him, because he wants it to be  _real_.

Real for  _him_.

It has to be. It's the only way it could ever mean something true. It's how she knows she can't get lost in her own emotions or infuse him with them. He has to come to feel them on his own (and she must never make the terrible mistake of confusing them).  _He_  has to want her, he has to  _know_  it, feel it, live it.

She knows that whenever that happens, he'll be so aware of her that he'll see right through her and there will be no hesitation in him anymore, no turning back. When he reaches his own certainty he'll read in her eyes  _exactly_  how much she doesn't want to pull away, and then…  _that's_  when she'll be in  _real_  trouble.

The thought makes her smile and blush, trepidation and anticipation wrapped close together in a nerve-racking embrace.

But the truth beyond that is… that she can't wait!

…

Later, she is standing by that same sink as he washes up and passes her the dishes to dry. He was telling her about the mountains of Kumo and the Valley of Mist was appropriately named because looked from above it seemed like it was an impossibly wide river of white, so thick was the mist that settled there every morning.

Naruto doesn't know exactly what it is that triggers it. If it's her smile, or the look in her eyes, or the fact that she looks so beautiful to him just then… it doesn't matter what it is, what happens is that he stops speaking and looks at her for a long moment, so much that she is made curious by his silence and looks up.

She notices the way she pauses under his so careful scrutiny, as if ensnared by his eyes almost as much as he always is by hers.

Her smile is soft, warm, barely curving the corners of her lips.

He was kissing those lips, perhaps an hour ago.

"You're dripping all over the floor, Naruto." She says - and he wonders, was he drooling that obviously? - but then she takes his hands in hers, to dry with the same kitchen towel that she threw at his head earlier.

He can't help the smile. The feelings rush into him, filling him with a kind of joy that is light and fluttering at the same time.

And then, as if he's done wrong on some part of the universe by being so happy, the memory of what happened at Ichiraku's rushes back into him and he realizes that he can't blame the universe, nor anything outside himself really, because he's the one that has stupidly tied his feelings to that guilt he can't get rid of and that weights him down.

"You're looking at me that way again." She says then and the way she says it snares his attention fully, sobering his mood even more. His heart jumps just a little. She couldn't read him that well…could she? She couldn't know just what's going through his brain right now.

"What way?"

He doesn't even realize he's speaking so quietly it's almost a whisper. There's something so frail about this moment. He doesn't understand why now, how it came into being. It wasn't there a second ago.

But it is now and suddenly the joy evaporates and only apprehension remains.

He hates it.

"Like you're sad about something." She answers and there's something of the vague about it, as if what she actually wanted to say but didn't was  _'Like I'm making you sad…'._  But he dismisses that thought, because he is too afraid of her understanding him that well. Maybe her answer just feels incomplete cause she's resolutely  _not_ looking at him, focusing instead on his hands as she keeps rubbing with that towel even though they're dry.

She realizes this, and puts the cloth down.

It hurts him in a strange way (irrational!) that she doesn't take his hand after. He tells himself to stop being stupid, and takes her hand instead. Immediately her fingers hold on to him, and he knows that it's not passivity that is keeping her at bay.

She can feel the strange air between them too.

He wonders – should he say anything. And if yes,  _what_  should he say?

What is it that he  _wants_  to say?

He racks his brains hard, looking at things from all angles. Finally he decides that his best shot is telling her how he really feels, and saying it in a real simple way that won't allow him to mess this up. He knows that she won't begrudge him neither the simplicity nor the sincerity - that one the contrary, she'll appreciate both. And it's a relief remembering that: after all, they've always been so honest with each other.

And he needs her to know this.

But where to start?

"Sasuke said something to me today, and I…" He looks down to their linked hands, frowning deeply. He doesn't want to tell her what the bastard said. It'll just hurt her without need and the thought of her hearing that almost makes him just as angry as he was this afternoon. No, he shakes his head. He won't tell her what he said, it doesn't matter.

But he will tell her what he feels.

A strange urgency grows in him. A need of her to understand.

"You know that I'd never hurt you, right?" And his eyes fly to her face, intently watching. He feels his heart beating hard in his chest all of a sudden, and this is the most vulnerable he's every felt around her… because suddenly he's so afraid. Afraid of being stupid and saying the wrongest thing. "That I'd never ever want to."

His words, his tone, the way he was looking at her right that moment… it stops her. She wasn't moving before either, but the kind of motionlessness she falls into as his words leave his mouth is one that is different from simply standing still. It's as if her whole self simply pauses whatever it was doing and when she looks at him, he can feel the force of every ounce of her concentration on himself, as if nothing else exists in the world outside him and her and that one foot of space between them.

She is careful, so very careful, he realizes suddenly, about keeping her expression perfectly neutral. That's something that her ANBU friends have taught her and he knows that whenever she wears that face, it's bad news – because that's so _not_  her. Hinata is always so transparent with him, she never hides anything; it's how they can have a conversation just looking at each other sometimes.

But she's trying so hard to be composed and the only reason behind that is that she… she really isn't.

He's freaking her out, Naruto realizes.

"And that I care about you a lot." He takes a gulp of air like his lungs are burning for it. Her eyes so intent on his are the only thing that is keeping him going and suddenly he has a new appreciation about how she feels when she fidgets and blushes and bows her head in apprehension.

The hand that is holding hers tightens around her long fingers and he gulps before he speaks again. "You're special to me, the way nobody is - or ever was for that matter."

Emotions flooded her eyes and it's only now that she started breathing again that he realized just how much he'd scared her.

What did she think he meant?

"You know… when you first told me that… that you…" he feels his ears burn and he knows he is embarrassed. Why can't he say it.

Maybe because she hasn't said it since that one time, almost a year ago.

A moment of silence falls and just when he thinks that he'll never be able her own words back to her so lightly, she fills in the blank, saving him.

"That I love you." Her voice comes soft in his ears, and his fingers tighten around her hand instinctively, bringing her just a little closer as he finds the courage to look at her again, warm and accepting as she always is, and he has to physically restrain himself from kissing the lips that speak those words, speak them so sincerely that she doesn't even bat an eyelash.

Instead he limits himself with taking her other hand in his.

"Yeah…" he says softly.

Yeah, that she loves him.

Loves – as in  _now_. Loves, still.

He can feel it now, what it means. She's so good when it comes to showing him what she feels that he's honestly come to believe nobody else could possibly love him the way she does, simply because nobody else looks at him the way she can, or touches him the way she does, or laughs and jokes with him like she does. The thought of kissing someone else is a moot point because even in his imagination whoever he kisses  
always has her 's filled his life and his fantasies with herself and it's like she's always been there, it feels so right.

But he knows better – no, she wasn't always there and life wasn't always so sweet.

And that's precisely what makes her so precious.

"It used to freak me out real bad you know." He finally admits. "I didn't have any idea what to do or what to say, couldn't even begin to wrap my lobes around it. And there was so much happening back then that…"

The memory of her falling down completely motionless beside him in that crater – what was it, almost a year ago, now? – it blackened his mood and made him frown.

"It didn't help that I had to watch you die in front of me right after either."

He realizes that he's holding on to her hands too tightly, and he immediately relaxes his grip.

"I had to do that." She says softly, almost sympathetically and when he looks at her this time she blinks in surprise, because he knows he must look like a freak staring at her like he's trying to stare through her.

"You didn't. And I want you to promise that you'll never  _ever_  do something like that again."

Maybe she's startled by his intensity all of a sudden, and he hopes that will get her to agree just to placate him… but he should have known better.

"I can't promise you that, Naruto-kun." She says softly, almost whispering it, and the way she looks at him it's like an apology and a pleading at the same time. His chest tightens with a feeling that he can't name, but it's so intense it stagers his breath; but instead of going off at a tangent, he takes a deep breath and forces himself to calm down and get back to the point.

"We'll come back to that and I  _will_  make you promise… But that wasn't what I wanted to say anyway." He opens his eyes, finds hers. "What I wanted to say was… well, you were actually the first person ever to tell me that you… that you love me."

Oh wow, that was the first time he said that out loud. He's impressed with himself… even though judging by the heat he feels on his ears and cheeks, he's blushing up a storm, enough to rival even her.

The thought makes him smile. They're not really that different are they? He's just a little louder, and a little bolder. But peel back those layers and you'll find out that where it really matters, where he's never opened up before, he'd just as bashful as she is.

"It means something really special to me." He says then. "And… and…"

But he's lost. Doesn't how to speak what he has in his heart, doesn't know how to put it into words. The frustration he feels almost makes him wanna scream. If he wasn't so  _stupid_ , maybe he'd have the perfect words to tell her  _exactly_  how much she means to him! He'd find the perfect way to say that she seems to add layers to everything; that he can't wait to see her every day, just to spend some time together; that he wants every moment and the one after and he runs twice as fast when he's away just for the sake of that difference. That she's found a way not to make a place in his heart, but rather surround it completely, wrapping herself around him and making him feel things that he's never felt before.

Like safety in something as simple as a kiss. And happiness that has nothing to do with anything but her. And that feeling he gets that seems to make his chest inflate whenever she holds him. Or even the simplicity of having her near and feeling the sheer rightness in being looked at with  _such_  love.

A precious gift…

And there he is, with nothing to give back - and it  _eats_  at him. He feels like such a selfish bastard.

One of her hands untangles from his – for just a second his heart seems to stop because he thinks that this is it, that she's gonna know now that he really can't match what she is always giving him and will leave and… – but the irrational train of panic stops just as that same hand comes to cup his cheek ever so gently. He dares a look in her eyes and what he sees there… she is looking at him in a way that she's never quite looked at him before and he feels himself being wrapped in the warmest embrace he's ever known even though she's hasn't moved.

"It's ok Naruto-kun." She says softly. "It really is ok."

And he knows what she means. It's ok that you can't say it back right now, its fine. She doesn't want to pressure him into anything, she doesn't to make him feel any less happy than he usually does… but he can't believe that she doesn't want to hear it.

She does.

But one look in her eyes tells him that she is willing to wait for him.

"I don't wanna hurt you Hinata-chan. Not ever." He feels like he'd rather die than see her getting hurt, but maybe that would be a little too extreme so he doesn't say it.

Her eyes are a little sad for a moment, but then she smiles at him.

"I know you don't. I don't want to hurt you either. But I'll take the chance of getting hurt if I have to, because I want to be with you… because you make me so very happy."

And she means it, he can see it. It's why he can't help himself. "I wanna be with you too… With you it's the happiest I've ever been." He says softly, almost bashfully, completely at odds with himself and yet, he's never been more himself than right now.

She gives him that smile again, holds on to his hands tighter - proving her point. He does make her happy.

"You were wrong you know." He says suddenly full of conviction, and watches her tilt her head to the side in invitation to explain. "When you said that you we're always running to catch up to me - you were wrong. I'm the one that has a lot of catching up to do."

Her expressions falls into surprise and then a smile comes over her, so brilliant, perhaps more so because he didn't expect it. The blush on her cheeks intensifies and her hand goes from his cheek to his nape, fingers threading through his short hair.

"Well, I had I head-start there." She says without lessening her smile. "But it's ok, because I'm willing to wait."

And he is reminded then of something very important: who he is standing in front of is a very special person, one that does not exist or come by very often. It surprised him how much she could trust him and how deeply she could love him in spite of everything.

"You really are something else, aren't you?"

And the moment his lips form the words he wants to smack himself, because wow, could he ruin the moment any more thoroughly? But then she laughs and he realizes – she doesn't see any ruined moments. They don't exist for her. They're just moments and she lines them up and smiles at all of them.

But then she looks to the side for a few long minutes, a frown between her eyebrows that was slowly making him nervous. When she looked up she seemed so serious, grave almost, and for a second he thought he was having palpitations again, because whatever she wanted to say to him when looking at him with those eyes, it couldn't be good.

A thread of alien fear tightened around his heart and squeezed.

"Naruto… you have to promise me something." She says deliberately slowly as she stares at him with wide eyes and he finds himself nodding before he can even realize he's moving.

"You have to promise me that you'll always see me as I am." She says softly and the look on his face must have reflected his confusion because she went on. "I don't love you unconditionally, Naruto-kun."

And the admission seems to make her retreat somewhat, as if she's ashamed of it, because suddenly she's looking down, hiding her eyes from him.

"I wish I could say that I did, but… it would be a lie."

He can see that her heart is beating really fast, but she is not blushing, and she keeps avoiding his eyes, so she can't see the look he is giving her.

"I want things from you, I… I want  _everything_  from you, one little bit at a time. Everything you could possibly give me, and then I want some more, just because I don't think I'll ever have enough. Those  _are_  conditions Naruto."

He was almost reaching out to touch a finger to her chin so that she'd look at him when her eyes snapped to his and there was such intensity there, such certainty and strength that he fell breathless, motionless… waiting.

"I love you with  _every_  part of me… but I'm not flawless or perfect. I have… issues and quirk and I make lots of mistakes – just like everyone else." the intensity of her eyes softens, making way to a note of pleading that makes his insides unravel into liquid. "Please don't forget that Naruto-kun. And in turn I promise I won't forget that you're not perfect either."

"I won't forget anything, I promise." Naruto says quickly when she leaves him a momentary window of silence, looking at her with his heart beating in his throat. He says it with the same conviction he puts in each of his promises and he feels this one fall weighty between them, as alive as a frail little bird between his hands. That's when he knows without reason or shadow of doubt that this is  _important_ , that it matters in a way that is different from every other before it, because it's a promise that practically has its own heartbeat. He can feel the difference: this time, instead of giving something of himself, he has taken something in.

And though she did not expect him to say that, the smile that flickers on her lips is a happy one and her eyes don't look so grave anymore. But he can tell she is not done, because she is still torturing the hemline of his shirt and there is growing dread in her eyes. Whatever she wants to say is coming hardest to her than all of what she's said before combined, because she opens her mouth and stops several times before she can bring the words out.

And even then, the sentence is broken into tiny vulnerable parts that just can't bear to strung together properly.

"And if y-you ever… if you ever feel like you c-can't… if you don't want… then y-you have to tell me, because I…"

One he got where she was getting at with this, he interrupted her.

"Aww, Hinata-chan, we were doing so well. Why ruin it?"

She looks at him in surprise and then a smile begins to form, soft and sweet because she understands his meaning. A wave of tensions releases from her so palpably that he too can feel it and he realizes just how much it cost her to say all that she said… and finds himself in awe of her again, of how much she dares herself for his sake and for her own. Suddenly he wants to see her eyes, wants her to see  _his_  and look through them into him the way she so easily can and know that he  _understands_. But he can't because she's looking at somewhere in the general direction of his torso, denying him, the way she does when she feels overwhelmed sometimes.

She never shuts him out, but whenever she doesn't want him to know what she's feeling, she looks away from him till she can carefully compose herself, absorbing her own emotions till they don't burn out of her anymore. And if before he didn't understand what she was doing or why she was hiding, now he does. She does it so that she won't freak him out, so that she won't scare him… with how strongly she feels for him.

Now that he knows what that little silence in her was… he feels like a douche for ever wondering.

And also like smiling.

Because it's such a Hinata thing to do that he should have figured it out sooner.

Hasn't she understood yet that he's beyond that? That her love, though it doesn't draw him in on its own, it does make him feel the safest he's ever felt, it make him relax and be a self that he's never quite explored so much with another person not, he thinks. So he leans in a bit and cups the side of her face with a hand, his thumb tracing the line of her jaw from under the ear to her chin – which effectively made her look at him again… and that love that she confessed so strongly again, is whispered to him in silence as she looks at him now.

"You know Hinata-chan, this is me and you we're talking about: I think we can do whatever we want." He says simply, believing every word. More than anyone perhaps, she should be the one to understand him there: they have both the same outlook on life after all, as she has so often reminded him.

Her smile widens, relaxes.

"I think so too." She says softly, eyes shining with emotion.

And he knows she means it, he knows she's not just saying it, because he can tell the difference between a placatory word and a truth whose roots go deep and are strong.

"Let's not freak each other out like this again, ok." And though he infuses his words with as much confidence he can, he knows that she sees through it and as she takes his hands in hers and nods, she also touches him, ever so gently, right where he's most vulnerable, so careful not to bruise tender spots in the way only she has ever been.

Finally he feels free to wrap her in a hug, one of the special ones they share and that brings them close enough to feel each other's every breath. Silently in his head, he repeats it again: that he'll never forget what he promised her here today.

…

Later -  _much_  later - he will rage over a little thing called 'irony' and at how a stupid little word like that could possibly encompass the massive scale of destruction that he brought on himself. He'll hate with a poisonous passion the fact that it really does. Because Irony is the way Cruelty's snicker sounds behind your back, when you're busy bleeding on the floor. It's that subtle hint of ' _I told you so_ ' life mocks you with, the hidden face of every disaster.

Irony, he will find, is a lazy way of saying liar, of that he is  _most_  convinced… because, out of all the promises he'd made in his life, the one he made to her – the one that most mattered to his heart - was the first one he ever broke.

That – is irony.

o

o

o

TBC:::

_AN: OOOH my god! Im so tired! I've worked on this for hours on end! How do you like it?_


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok! Hello there! It took a while for me to write this one and maybe the sheer amount of time it took for me to finish this chapter should give a fairly accurate idea of how humongously difficult this one was for me to write. I don't write this kinda thing often, because those few times I've tried I was a freaking disaster! Let's just not go there.
> 
> Revision that deviates from canon: for the purpose of the story (and my peace of mind), I have decided to add two years to everyone's canon age in this story: meaning that everyone is here 2 years older than the manga (Naruto: 19, Hinata:19 - or 18 depending on sources, since I read somewhere that she is a year younger than Naruto or sth… - and so on.)
> 
> \- B.B. chapter and no reference as to when this is happening, apart from the fact that chronologically, it happens after the events of the last chapter.
> 
> \- Warning: it's in second person (I beg for your patience there); you'll soon realize why I did it though …I hope.
> 
> \- 13.731 words (sorry!) worth of fluff and a little angst and… other things (my god, I still can't believe I wrote this…)
> 
> I couldn't very well write the whole poem as a quote, but to tell you the truth, that poem is what this chapter dreams about being... read it, and you'll understand: Neruda - Every day you play.

**_17_ ** _. A place in the sun_

 _'My words rained over you, stroking you._  
A long time I have loved the sunned mother-of-pearl of your body.  
I go as far as to think that you own the universe.  
I will bring you happy flowers from the mountains, bluebells,  
dark hazels, and rustic baskets of kisses.

_I want to do with you  
what spring does with the cherry trees.'_

_\- Pablo Neruda –_

That thin line of division between reality and dream-state never feels as good as it does when you can wrap yours arms around the object of your dream and feel the solidity of her through the layers of hazy sleep, breathe in the scent of her skin that adds consistency to the images behind your eyelids, making them so superbly yelp in the general position of your throat is almost as pleasant as the softness you find yourself pressed against. That more than anything jars you into reality, your body waking before your mind, as you already search her face for a kiss.

Your lips land on her forehead and hear her chuckle.

"Wake up…"

The familiarity of her voice is like a warm blanket that makes you wanna burrow into the bed, into her, even further. Her hand in your hair makes you purr like a big cat. She pets you like one.

Warm, soft lips on yours… and it's awakening, just to kiss her back.

The best way to wake up, you realize as you open sleepy eyes and find her blurry face there, smiling. A blink later she is clearer and you smile back and hide your face in her hair, because you feel so defenceless for her in these moments that you're almost too afraid to let her see it. A gentle caress at the nape of your neck reassures you that you don't need to hide… it always does. You save a thought for her as you drop a kiss on her neck, before mumbling about the time.

"Seven thirty." She says, a hint of laughter in her voice.

You groan.

"It's  _Sunday morning_ Hinata-chan, have some mercy…" and your whining is practically that of a child, but you don't really mean it. Especially as you wrap your arms around her tighter, rubbing your nose there behind her ear and delighting in her answering little tremble as much as you enjoy the heady scent of.

You don't mind the early hour because today it's  _that_  Sunday: the last day she can spend however she likes, before she has to get ready to go on a mission that will probably keep her away for a good two weeks, maybe more. It was your idea to spend the whole day together, away someplace where you could have her all to yourself. You know it's not going to make the next two weeks any more bearable, but it's still the very best way to spend a day. It's getting more and more difficult to monopolize her lately... or maybe it's just you that are getting more demanding.

She shifts to get out of bed where you pulled her, and you allow her to believe you're gonna let her go… and then, just as she sits on the bed and makes to get up, you wrap an arm around her waist and pull her back fast. She falls on the bed with a yelp, looking at you with surprised eyes. And the surprise turns to Hinata's version of 'oh shit!', understanding you perfectly and hands going to your wrists to pull them off but it's too late. You start tickling her and the reaction is immediate: she yelps, wiggles violently, laughing against her will and in between telling to 'stop!' or 'don't!'. She shrieks when you tickle her sides, jumping up with her hips trying to throw you off and it's so sudden that you lose balance and end up toppling off the bed with an exaggerated ' _Aaagh_!' complete with flailing hands and silly expression – taking her along too.

She falls on top of you just as you smack your head against the floor.

_Motherfu… Shit, that hurt!_

"Ouch…" with a hand behind your hair, rubbing your aching skull. Your back is still raw from training with Kiba and Lee yesterday so it almost numbs out from falling on it again.

_Damn…_

Kiba had really done a number on him… Dog-boy enjoys the chance to pound on you a  _liiitle_  too much, you think.

A glowing hand is immediately behind your head, but from the look of her, she is biting her lip not because she is mortified but because she's trying not to laugh. Her amusement is making the light in her eyes dance.

"Yeah sure, go ahead and mock my pain…" you say with a sigh, giving up the whole rubbing motion and slumping on the floor dejectedly, eyes closed. Her laughter doesn't come out, but you feel it because she's practically laying over you and her chest trembles faintly with the effort of keeping herself composed.

"I'm sorry…" She consoles, but besides the raining small kisses on your face (that miss your pouting lips on purpose, you're sure!) she doesn't sound sorry at all.

"- but you should know better by now." She adds, and this time her laughter is more evident. Her amusement is starting to get to you.

"That you wear an invisible sigh on your back that says 'tickle me at your peril'?" you ask, opening an eye to look at her, the answering smile immediate when you notice just how widely she is smiling.

A hand does to touch her blushing cheek. That is an immediate reaction as well.

"Yes." She answers calmly… and finally she can't help herself and bursts out laughing but at least she has the decency to hide her face in your chest. You surrender to the happiness pervading you and start chuckling as well, mostly because her laughter in contagious.

"I think I'll take my good morning kiss now." You say, both hands wrapping around her waist and you move her up on your body, enjoying the acute surprise that is the feel of her against you. Her head is on your level now and her hair fall around your face, as she lightly bumps the tip of her cute nose against yours and steals a smile before giving you that kiss with almost-wet lips. The hint of her taste clings to her lips always, it teases you until she decides to open her mouth and let you in, and there…  _there_  she is, warm and soft and open, alive against you and in you as you meet each other softly. A hand tangling with her hair at the base of her neck, bringing her closer, going in deeper… making her hum in your mouth with delight… delight of  _you_.

The thought is thrilling, because you enjoy her just as much.

Kissing… you used to think it was such a fun way to pass the time. When did it become so essential?

Kisses that feel like breathing, that feel just as indispensable as air, even though it's the very act of taking the next breath that makes you separate at the very last possible moment.

One gulping breath close to her, and you're at her lips again.

A hand on your cheek tracing soothing lines with long fingers tells you to slow down, and you have to. Its only then that you realize how much you're getting ahead of yourself, kissing her like you want to never stop and holding her to yourself like you plan to crawl beneath her skin (because you  _do,_ you  _need_  to! And you can't…)

You are always a little bit out of control in the morning, probably because a part of your brain is still trapped in the dreams of her you just woke up from. But most of the 'why' goes further than that. It's in the way waking up to her feels so… indescribable to you, on levels that go deeper than just desire. Having her there in the morning translates, in some obscure part of your brain, into having her there  _always_ , into  _having her_ , period - in all ways a person can be had by another… and that's when you have to let her go, unless you plan to make the situation very uncomfortable for the both of you. When your mind goes down that road, keeping distance is always the better solution… even though the last few weeks, distance has been literally the last thing on your mind.

It's getting persistent and it makes you feel ridiculous and a pervert to boot, because you know that it's gonna go nowhere - even as the kiss slows down and then you break apart breathing heavily, and she lets her hands roam over your shoulders, your arms, hiding her face in your neck, breathing you in.

It's too much for her; too soon, of that you're sure.

You read it in the way she gives and gives, but never actually  _takes_  anything from you, not in the way you want to be taken - you read in that missing action a hesitancy that goes deeper than the reluctance she doesn't show in your arms.

You've always felt that between the two of you, you were in sync, pacing with the same step towards each other, as if you've always wanted each other in the same ways. After all, you started so slow that finding equilibrium was (or it seems now?) inevitable. You've always met in the middle in a natural, effortless manner that had created in you a conviction of rightness that nothing can shake.

 _Always_  - except in this.

In this, it feels like she is…  _waiting_  for something, and you don't know what that is. She has never mentioned it, but it's there; you can feel it, because she doesn't move towards you in this, has never pushed back. Sometimes it feels like there is a barrier between you, and it's not lack of desire. You know that she wants you, you can feel it - her every kiss tastes of it. Sometimes it only takes a caress with the back of her fingers, a look on her eyes and it's there: a longing that seems to burn. It fries you brain when she looks at you like that and you wonder if she even knows what she does to you, or that those looks are more intimate that then most secret touch.

But it never goes beyond that, for her. She doesn't reach for you when she most wants you, and it physically hurts sometimes, so see her push it back, contain it. Not because she denies you – that pales completely in front of that brittle doubt, one that has no basis but something you sense in her - that somehow she does not trust you enough, not that way.

It hurts in a secretive way, because it's just a doubt –  _your_  doubt. You have only a sensation, an intuitive understanding of her, one which, granted, has in time made her almost transparent to you… but nothing more than; only her deviation from that which is the Hinata you know. She is cautious in desire the way she has never been with anything else. She's always given herself so generously and it turn that called for the same reaction in you, even when you didn't know what you were doing or even when you were scared. The way she trusted you with herself always made you feel like you wanted to wrap yourself around her and protect her always from everything, even a harsh wind… but in this she has chosen to protect herself.

She has all the right to do that and you respect the boundary (if that is what this is. Is it?), but… (you  _hate_  that there's a 'but') you just wish you could understand  _why_.

Perhaps if you did understand than you wouldn't be so tormented by the doubt that it's something  _you_  did, a misstep  _you_  took somewhere that cause her… that caused her not to trust you with herself that way.

Doesn't she know that she doesn't have to doubt? That her trust, the faith she always had in you - so bravely unconditional - has always meant something precious and that you'd never forgive yourself, ever, if you gave her reason to step back, to look at you with suspicion. That this instinctive awareness made you a little afraid of her - _for_  her - because you've always been brash and loud and careless and you thought you'd hurt her just out of stupidity, because would didn't possess the necessary _everything_  not to. Afraid perhaps, because you've always known that being left outside her trust would hurt worse than anything.

It's exactly what you think you've done now.

But then she pulls back from where she hid her face, at the crook of your neck, and she looks at you with hazy eyes that are a bit paler than usual, as her fingers trace your cheek… and you realize, again - there is no barrier here; she looks at you the way she's always looked at you: in love.

_God, in love._

There is the reassurance that warms you. When she looks at you, everything falls into place again and her hesitation, your doubts - they are all forgotten. It becomes easy to dismiss your thoughts as nothing more than insecurity and it's even more probable that you're just reading too much into things. That there's nothing wrong and that she is simply not ready, that though she wants you, she needs time to get used to it.

It doesn't matter. You can wait.

There is actually a strange satisfaction in waiting: finally  _she_  doesn't have to! Though this is a wait that is not really waiting, because though you want her (god, if it were possible to burn up for someone you'd already be ashes in the wind with how much you want her sometimes…) you feel so deeply for her that it makes you only want what she wants - so in the end, you're both in the same page no matter what.

She smiles and then rolls on her side, jumping up and handing out her hand for you to take. You do, and are reminded again, when she easily pulls you up, that beneath that soft pale skin there are muscles of steel and that she is a kuinochi that can rupture organs with a touch.

Its thrills and fascinates you how, despite that, she touches you with nothing but gentleness, always.

"Why did you wince?" she asks looking you over, and then genuine worry floods her face "You didn't hit your head that hard did you?" And before you can even open your mouth – "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

Her 'sorry' taught you how to tell the difference between someone who means it and someone who doesn't.

But nobody ever means it the way she does.

You take her hand; rub your thumb against her pulse point. "I trained with Kiba and Lee yesterday. They whooped my ass."

Realization. "Oh…" and then "Where are you hurting?"

And you know where this is going. You smile. "My back feels like it was run over by a battalion." Which was a good approximation of the effects of Kiba's new technique.

"I think Kiba doesn't like me very much anymore." You say then, pouting just a little only because whenever she sees the expression she automatically reaches to kiss it. But this time she is concentrating on something else as she steps into the circle of your arms, hands going around you to rest flat on your back as the veins around her eyes bulge infinitesimally.

"He likes you. He likes to punch you a little more though." She says, that unfocused look on her face that tells you she is studying your insides. It should be creepy but it only makes you smile and you settle your forearms on her shoulders, lips landing on her forehead because the height difference between you makes it a natural kiss, as if you were made to fit together that way.

"You have severe bruises all over." She says and there's that familiar note of gentle reprimand in her voice. Good for you that she didn't see you yesterday then.

Her chakra as she checked your condition, was like a tickle at the inside of your skin, but now infuses your system gently, delicately. It's not the soothing warmth of Granny Tsunade's healing, and not invasive and immediate, like Sakura's. Hinata's healing is precise: she can see exactly where she is going, what she is doing… and it infuses you in a natural way that feels completely in harmony with your own system. She feels cool and welcome in your body, over your aching muscles and immediately makes you relax. She follows the flowing of your blood and strength and in the meantime repairing any damage without you ever feeling what she is doing. You just feel better.

Your muscles loosen and relax, days' worth of tension simply disappearing – and that is not a medical technique. That is Hinata loosening your pressure points with the precision that only the Byakugan can give.

Your smile widens.

"Thank you." You say, forehead touching hers.

She smiles back. "You're welcome."

"Ready in five minutes!" you say as you jump for the bathroom. Her chuckle follows you even after the door closes.

oOo

The day is perfect. In Konoha, late spring and the beginning of summer blend together in a fantastic way that means a sky bluer than any other time of the year and a sun that warms but doesn't burn, heat that doesn't become a bother and that can just be enjoyed.

She enjoys the sun and you know that – it's why you thought that she's like this field of tall grass, why you brought her here. It's impossible to have privacy in the village, even you have noticed that, but out here, you can do whatever you want. You can hold her as much as you like and kiss her whenever you feel like it (which is really only half the times you want to) and touch her in ways that make her sigh and blush. And you can run – like hell, trying to catch her, watching the flutter of her skirt behind a tree. She is so good at hiding now that not even you can find her, even with the way you sense chakra – which is saying something, since you are so in tune with her essence that you feel her even in your sleep.

You try to use Hirashin while she is holding on to you, and it still leaves her breathless, but she's better at handling the technique now. Still, she can't do it more than four times - you learned that the hard way perhaps ten days ago, when she fainted in your arms and your heart almost stopped.

Sakura came  _this_  close to chopping off body parts – literally - when you explained what happened.

And it's now that the moment comes, the one that you've been waiting for. You're both sitting on the faded red blanket that she has brought and that is spread on the soft grass, she is eating an apple and you're peeling your second orange.

"I was thinking…" you stop. How to say this?

The answer is whispered in your mind: say it simply.

"I was thinking that maybe, if you want me to, I could put a mark on you."

And it's out.

She looks at you in confusion.

"A what?"

Ok, curiosity is a good sign. "A mark – I call it that because…"  _stopswerving!_  "Anyway, not the point. It's the seal that anchors the transportation. It's where I end up. And if you have one on you always, I mean a permanent one, then I can come for you always… I mean… you know, if you ever need backup or anything."

Because you know that the missions she's started going on are no joke and neither is her training. She reads  _all the time_ , books that looks like the sink of someone's kitchen and tomes that are so big you actually have to help her carry them out of the library. And you've seen her riddled with bruises whenever a kiss slips too low or wondering fingers search for the inside of her elbow. And you know that's just the tip of the iceberg. Some nights she'd come to sleep in your apartment because she's too beaten up to get to the compound at the other side of Konoha. The first time she showed up on your door was months ago, and when you offered to carry her home, she just smiled (you didn't realize right away that she came over because she wanted to be with you just as much as she did because she was tired).That first night though, you didn't sleep at all… because you wanted her to take the bed, and she insisted she wouldn't move you and that there was room for both. She was so exhausted that she fell asleep on the spot – and left you staring at her for the better part of the night, feeling her weight on your bed, the feel of her legs that tangled with yours, the feel of her breath close to your collarbone.

It was fantastic.

The very next morning you gave her a key and told her to come over whenever she wanted, even when you're not there (and how glad you were later, that you added that part, especially when you come from a mission and lay down, and the pillow smells just like her…)

"You don't have to worry for me Naruto. Ibiki-sensei keeps me safe, he knows what he's doing."

Just the mention of the man's name set off something in you that is very close to anger. But you clamp down on it. It isn't the time – nor will it ever be because Hinata respects the hell out of that psycho she has for a mentor.

You limit yourself to nodding. "Yeah I know, I… but just in case."

The case being that you want to have the assurance that you can go to her whenever you need to, in a second's time. That you have a door that is always open, that…

How can you transform into words that nagging, relentless sense of worry that permeates your every second when she's away. How to phrase it without making it sound like you don't think she's good enough to handle herself? The problem is that  _she_  is not the issue here:  _you_  are. You and the anxiety that you can't control whenever you even think about her getting counterproductive and intensely stupid, when you think about the fact that she is a  _kuinochi_  for fuck's sake, one of the best of the Leaf. That she toes the line with death and danger for a living, just like the rest, and that she is very good at it to boot.

Sakura, Tsunade, Ino, even Tenten - they would have already punched you to the ground. The reason Hinata hasn't is because she's too nice to do that, but probably she isn't too happy about you doubting her either.

You sigh and look down at your hands. The truth is that this is your problem, and you need to deal with it… you should start by learning how, because you seriously have no idea. You've never felt this way about anyone before.

Long, graceful fingers take the half-peeled orange from your hand and replace it with themselves.

"I can't carry a seal with your chakra on it, because it would interfere with mine." She says slowly, and you detect the great care she is taking in trying not to sound like she is rejecting you. "You see, I have this technique that allows me to mask my whole chakra system and be practically invisible to detection, but I can't control your chakra as well as I can control mine and because of how strong your energy is…"

 _Damn it!_  You hadn't thought about that…

"It would be like a beacon to anyone looking for you." You add, half dazed, just realizing it yourself.  _Well, shit…_  thank god she is smarter than you are, or you could have ended up getting her in serious trouble just because you're not in the habit of thinking things through.

_But…_

"What if I could make it like any other seal?" You ask enthusiastically, the idea developing in your head as you speak of it. "I mean, not activated by  _my_  chakra, but by _yours_. Think about it, like a communication seal, it would be dormant the whole time except for when you activate it with your chakra, when you need me - and I'd have to have one like it, so I could feel it when you activate yours and then I could come to you only when you want me to!"

_That's it! That's brilliant!_

Hinata however was looking at you with wide eyes and completely motionless.

"You… you can do that?" she asks slowly, looking at you not with disbelief but… in awe almost.

You shrug. "I can work on it. No big deal."

She lets out a breathy laugh, still looking at you strangely… until of course you realize that she is amazed by what you just said and you feel the tips of your ears starting to feel warm. You're not very used to anyone looking at you like that and you don't think you'll ever be used to  _her_  looking at you with so much admiration.

You gulp a little. "I just wanna make sure that I can help you, whenever you're in trouble, that's all. That I… that if you need me, I can be there."

Silence follows your words. After a moment though you fell her thumb starting to move back and forth soothingly over your knuckles.

"You're worried." She states simply. What she means is  _'I'm listening'_ , and waits for you to fill in the gap.

You give a soft snort. "More like paranoid." You confess… and then look up at her, your eyes doing the apologising for you.

"Do you want to spar?" she offers and you know what she means. You feel horrible.

"No." You say with decision. "I  _know_  you're good – hell, you're great. I know it." And there isn't the faintest trace of doubt in your tone, not even a hinted 'but'. You've trained together before. She is strong and capable, sneaky and unyielding, fights in a way you've never seen anyone fight before: she adapts to everything, learns her opponents style as she goes along until she knows exactly what they're going to do and when, and she's there a moment before it happens to deal a fatal blow. And not to mention she is impossible to find whenever she is trying to stay hidden.

She is still waiting for you to go on, and the best explanation you can give is that… you don't have one.

"What I feel… it's not rational. I don't even know where to begin explaining it." You mumble, looking at the blanket and since for a few moments its only silence that answers you, you have to look up… and when you see a smile on her face you're astounded that it's full of understanding.

She takes your hand in both of hers.

"You know, I used to be afraid for you all the time." She says looking you dead in the eye. "Remember during the war…" oh you remember everything about the war, but you don't remember her ever showing the kind of compulsiveness  _you_  feel towards her. "…I used to check up on you every night, looking through you to find if anything was wrong, if you were hurt somewhere and weren't telling us."

You are reminded of the way you look at her up and down when she comes back from missions, or the new habit you've picked up, one that is almost a compulsion - to touch her all over, just to make sure she isn't hurt anywhere.

"When you had heart failure in the battlefield… I've never been so afraid my whole life. It felt like the whole world just… stopped with you."

The echo of pain in her voice makes your chest tighten in response, as if you can't help but hurt with her, but it's in the past. You're fine now, and… and you smile, because it doesn't matter, does it? That's what she's saying. And she'd holding on to your hand so tight that you believe it. When she looks up at you, her eyes are hazy, but then she blinks and she smiles a little at you, and there's something in that smile, in her eyes just then: a vein of knowledge that she has about the world that you can never hope to match or perceive on your own. It's something that you have to wait for her to share with you, because that is the kind of smile she gets whenever she looks at something ordinary in her own way, making it fantastically new.

"That kind of fear, once you taste it, its stays with you. It's never going to go away. I'm always going to know what it feels like to be in a world where your heart isn't beating, even if for a moment. I can't unlearn that."

"So… I'm never going to stop worrying?" you ask, already knowing the answer. But there is something else you want to know now. "Well, how do I control it? I mean, you don't go around acting like a crazy person. How do I do that?"

Her frown is amused and confused at the same time. "You don't do that either."

But you snort. Maybe not to her face, but you were like that all the time in your head. "I control myself. Yeah, hard to believe isn't it? It's the new me – world beware."

She chuckles at you so obviously self-depreciation tone and a hand comes to your cheek, a caress that carries such care.

"I think it's harder for you because… well, you don't respond to danger with fear, you usually take it head on, with determination."

Oh yeah. Which is why it's freaking you out and you're handling it with as much grace as you handle just about everything else: meaning none.

She smiles and shakes her head, and you look at her in curiosity, asking her silently to share.

"I was thinking about you, and Sakura-chan, and Sasuke-san… I don't know if you were always like this, or if it was something that Kakashi-sensei taught you but, all three of you act as if fear is a luxury, as if you can't afford it." She pauses, waiting for a reaction from you.

All you can think of doing is giving her a nod, because now that you think of it, yeah, the three of you are exactly like that. It wasn't something specific that was taught to you however, it was just the result of exceptionally fucked up infancies in your case and Sasuke's, and in turn you fucked up Sakura as well, because she had to be like you to toe the same line, to keep up with you.

"I was never like that. I've been afraid my whole life, of almost everything, even myself. I was such a coward." The way she says it makes every nerve in you zap in denial.

"You're not a coward. You're the braves person I know!" you say loudly, as if saying it loud enough its gonna make her change her mind. When she looks at you however, there is no doubt in her eyes, no self pity. You haven't seen that emotion in her in… you don't even remember when you saw it last. When it was that she stopped taking herself for granted, when she stopped taking her weakness as a fact.

But then again, you've always seen her strength. It was only a matter of time she saw it too.

"I wasn't always. I learned to be, I learned to control my fear – in the beginning it was the only way to stay alive you see."

In the beginning – of her life. You are reminded of Neji, years ago in the chunin exam. You are reminded of the look in her father's eyes and all the things you've never asked her for e very simple reason: you're too apprehensive of what you might end up thinking of people your now respect, once she answers. You have no resentment in you for the way  _you_  were treated as a child, but you have a very strong doubt that you wouldn't be able to show the same tolerance for people that hurt  _her_ , instead of protecting her like they should have…

"Maybe it's why I'm so good at it now – at controlling my fear." She adds, with the practical tone of someone that is talking about something inconsequential, and you're still amazed by how she can dethatch herself from herself and speak of her own person as if she was talking about something like the weather. "Ibiki-sensei thinks I'm some kind of wonder, but the truth is that I've just had a lot of practice."

You frown, think about what she's saying.

"Are you telling me… that I have to accept the fact that I'll always be afraid?" the notion is, let's face it, completely new to you.

She shrugs. "You can't control something you reject at the foundation." And then she thinks about explaining in a way that is immediately perceivable to you. "If you refuse to acknowledge your enemy, you're never going to see him coming and he's always going to win."

 _Oh…_  "Well, when you say it like  _that_  it actually makes… a lot of sense." You admit, a little amazed that you couldn't make that simple connection on your own.

And then you think about all that this simple acceptance would entail and why you have to make it and you feel overcome by a feeling that is very much like dejection.

"I wish none of us had to use this way to live anymore. I wanted to change the way we lived but I didn't change anything, did I?"

She lets the silence hold for only a moment, enough to absorb your words and perhaps even her own surprise.

"You always ask too much of yourself and that's fine, but give yourself time, Naruto." She says with more strength than she usually speaks, and even a hint of irritation. "I know that one day you're going to change the world forever, you already have done more than anyone has ever done before you - but it can't happen in a day - or in a year, for that matter. But that doesn't mean you're not going to do something extraordinary with your life."

You look into her eyes, see the way she speaks, with the kind of conviction that makes you believe she's been there, in this future she tell you about, and she's see it happen already.

"You really believe that." and it's not a question.

She looks at you like you've just doubted the sky is blue. "Of course I believe it."

And in front of that kind of faith you feel very bashful all of a sudden, as well we other things that mess with your insides making you feel like you've swallowed a bee-nest that keeps buzzing in your intestine and just under your diaphragm.

And then… something completely stupid pops in your head, her words coming back at you and you can't resist the cheekiness of that thought, because the mood needs some lightening and you need to stop thinking about what you're thinking before you end up blushing.

"Was it you that always send Sakura my way – when we were on the front? You know I wondered how she knew when I was even a little hurt. She never seemed to notice that before!" but now it makes sense: Sakura is sensitive to the condition of her team, but she couldn't see through clothes. Hinata could however.

 _And wait a second…_  "Did you happen to also check me out any of those times when you were busy making sure all my organs were in place?" you ask, wiggling your eyebrows at her as your smirk gets wider and even more lopsided.

Her cheeks start to burn red.

"You  _did_!" you announce loudly, making her flinch. "Well, of course you did, I'm hot!"

She lets out a chuckle that is half embarrassment and you wonder how she can be still embarrassed when she knows what most of your body  _feels_  like, let alone looks like!

A series of images flash in your mind.

_Hmmm…_

"I d-didn't do it on purpose!" She says with a hint of protest, but her cheeks get a tiny bit redder – just as her smile widens. "The first time I realized exactly  
what I was doing, I almost fainted." She admits and, amused with herself, shakes her head at her own silliness.

"No worries Hinata-chan, you can look at me all you like, 'cause I love it when you look at me." you declare, and it made perfect sense in your head but as you say it out loud, it sound a bit more on the silly side than on the smooth side. She smiles wide, but looks down, and you know that she knows you didn't mean it s a joke.

"So…" She says abruptly, to get your attention and you can't help the smile because she's imitating you and the way you always try to catch her attention. "Let's say, for argument's sake, that I let you put this ' _mark'_  on me…"

You jump to hug her and you do it so enthusiastically that you push her backwards and you both fall on the blanket, her laughter ringing in your ears. You ease both of you on your sides and then precede to search for her lips, passing under yours her cheeks, her eyelids, her forehead and even the tip of her nose, before finally landing where you wanted to all along. She pushes herself more into your embrace and kisses back with the same laziness.

_All the time in the world…_

When you both open your eyes, she is using your arm as a pillow and you have one hand in her hair, tracing the line of her throat, her shoulders and then back up again.

"It would have to be on something I always have with me." She says, now seriously thinking about it. "My bandages maybe?"

You think about it. "Bandages get torn all the time." You say thoughtfully. Gear gets lost, she could end up stripped of it, forget it, drop it. The possibilities of what could go wrong were endless.

"How about on skin directly?" she suggests, a reasoning that is cleanly rational on her part and you realize that because she is not showing any sign of embarrassment yet. You're glad she was the one to suggest it though.

You nod.

"It would have to be hidden." you say then and watch her nod, eyes serious.

"Yes, someplace that wouldn't be noticeable at first sight. If anyone realizes what it is, they could cut me, or burn it off, or…"

You feel your arms tighten around her almost before you realize what you're doing and whisper a ' _please!'_  close to her face, as if she was hurting you, which she  _was_  - making her freeze in your arms.

"I'm sorry." She says so quickly that its almost one word, eyes wide wish shock – at herself no doubt. "I didn't… I'm sorry."

You feel very ambivalent about what she does. She is getting stronger in a way that you don't really understand, and everyone says that Ibiki, that bastard, practically adores her, she's that good. And you're proud of her, but she is also training in a branch of the ANBU that specializes in torture and interrogation for fuck's sake: it's not sunshine and freaking daisies. Its gory and brutal and nothing like Hinata - and it means that she knows exactly what could happen to her if someone gets their hands on her.

But you prefer not to know it. You don't want to feed your imagination with details, it would be torture.

"I'm thinking you need to explore possibilities." You hear her say tentatively…

… _wait, what?_

You sure heard wrong… right?

You look at her and she is blushing so hard she is almost completely red. But her eyes are on yours, and they're sparkling with intent.

Nope, you head right!

A smile starts to come to your face. You narrow your eyes at her playfully. "You're trying to distract me."

She smiles too. "Yes." She answers simply… boldly.

She is the best distraction. She can distract you from your own name if she so much as tries.

"I'm going to need to be thorough, you know." There is an edge to that statement escapes the playful nature of this moment and goes into straight, honest truth. It's almost a warning.

_and a promise too…_

"Uh-huh." She hums, and nods.

You can feel the way her heart is pounding, and your hand is already drawing circles on her hip. Suddenly you're so very grateful she's wearing a dress. (she's been wearing them more and more often ever since you, not so subtly told her how much you like her in them… and you're very conscious that she spoils you all the time.) Your hand dares to go a little lower, and you the arch of her hip become her thigh. She shudders, but her hand is already on your chest, sliding slow behind your head.

You smile before you kiss her.

_A perfect day…_

oOo

You kiss and you stop and lay in the sun watching each other and then reach for each other again just for the pleasure of starting from the beginning. It a game, of kisses and touches, the sweetest one you've ever played.

You can taste her tongue in your mouth even when she laughs[1]… and it's so strange, because nothing feels strange anymore.

_It's natural… she makes it that way…_

She reminds you of flowers and the way they bloom: nobody ever asks flowers to come[2]. Nobody asks them to leave when the spring is over either, but they do anyway… and they always come back with the same easy manner that reminds you of the innate feel of air in your lungs. She has that effortless feel about her, you think, as if every movement, every single look as a purpose, a meaning.

_Nothing wasted._

She reminds you of simple things; things that are there without anyone's permission, things that make other things make sense. She reminds you of sunshine and moonlight and yet not, because those are silly thoughts and she is too real, too vibrant for them. But so is the way her skin absorbs light, how it seems to glow. Or maybe she seems that way to you right now because you're looking at her with desire overflowing your veins and our pupils must be so dilated that there must be no blue left in them anymore – is that way she seems to glow under the sunlight?

Does it ever matter? You'd gladly blind yourself silly looking at her anyway…

_Well, sillier…_

She reminds you nobody. Only herself.

_Perfect… perfect for you…_

You watch her now, as she leans on her elbows and looks down at you  _that_  way… in a way that nobody every looks at you and that makes you feel like you are boneless, helpless, completely defenceless…

_Completely hers…_

Every inch and patch of skin and hair and nails. Every single vital organ has her name on it. Everything.

It feels heavy and wonderful.

She's the only one that has ever given you a place to belong. The one that gave real meaning, a meaning you can  _feel_ , to abstract notions like 'family' and 'home'… and 'love'.

You remember exactly when it was that you realized it for the first time. You are reminded of it now, as she looks at you with those eyes, with that smile, and you find it hard to swallow… just like that day.

You'd been walking together you were by her side, and you don't remember when you were going or even who you'd been with… but you do remember her by your side and the touch of her hand in yours without warning or reason. You remember you had been talking about something the way you always do, enthusiastically, but then you felt her fingers light between yours and you had had to stop, words jamming in your throat like someone had pulled the brakes hand on them… on your brain.

_That look when she smiled…_

It was a wonder you didn't fall on your ass for how had the realization hit you. You knew in that moment that you were hers and that, yes, that that was it.

You have never told that to anyone. And you never will… but you know she knew. Something in her eyes, in the way she paused, breath slowing, heart jumping, smile faltering with realization - and then widening, surprised, bashful … so very happy.

You have a hand on her cheek, you feel her kisses, heavy with emotion, fall on the centre of your palm and down to your wrist, and every single one pulls at your heart. Raising yourself up to meet her wasn't even necessary; hinting with your fingers in her hair, with your eyes, is enough and she is already leaning down to kiss you. The only thing you can think of to make it better is the arm around her back, pulling her down to your body, to feel her pressed against your chest…

_That's it…_

_Again…_

The feel of her lips is always exquisite, always with that hint of her taste that is ever different. But her mouth is warmer and its better and you want her, so you nimble on her lower lip a little, feel her smile… and you get bolder.

Both arms wrap around her and you brings her over your body completely, feeling your legs tangle with hers, feeling her laugh in the vibration of her chest so deliciously pressed against yours. A hand travels up and down her back, tracing her spine, seducing her with a touch the way she seduces you with every shiver. She is the one that opens to you and takes you in, arms around your head as her hair fan like a midnight curtain around your kiss, tickling your face. The scent of her trapped in her hair intensifies and you breathe her in. She brings herself to her elbows when she pushes back to breathe and smiles down at you. The light filtering through her hair surrounds her with a halo of light through dark, and for a moment you are struck with the almost physical force of her beauty, of her whole self.

In the sun, she looks like a vision too ephemeral to be real, but she is also pressed against you, the realest thing you've ever touched, felt, tasted… she is reality concentrated at the point of a needle, exactly as sharp.

_Intense…_

That is a good word for her. It carries the same colour that the scent of that patch of skin behind her ear does, so straightforwardly hers.

… _so beautiful…_

So much it hurt somewhere in your heart just to look at her sometimes.

You breathe in deep and for the first time ever, you have the right words for that feeling you get whenever she looks back at you, for that rightness you feel, for the way everything you feel for her translates deep inside you.

_I was made for you…_

Because it feels that way.

And just as that thought forms, it's out of your lips in a whisper, before you ever knew you wanted to speak it, before you even realized what you wanted to say.

But you mean it, ever heartbeat of it.

It makes her look back at you with shock and then with that perfect stillness of concentration that you're familiar with, her whole self pausing into you. You know that she recognises that wonder in your eyes, looking at her like you've never experienced her before. She'd barely breathing and she doesn't say anything… but her eyes whisper it to you.

Her eyes talk to you all the time.

She raises herself up, sitting on your lap slowly and there is something in her eyes now that makes shivers of awareness dance up and down your spine, your insides.

_Stillness of purpose._

"Naruto…"

The way she says your name… the vibrating immobility between you… you find yourself shaking for real. As if she said your name like a call, you sit up too, to be close, to be there.

_Yes…_

One arm goes around her waist thoughtlessly just as one of her hands finds its place on your nape, bringing you close but not for a next words, breathed so softly against your lips with half closed eyes, bring the sky crashing down.

"… make love to me…[3]"

Air evacuates your lungs, blood rushes to a single point in your body, leaving you incredibly stupid and heart pounding so hard that it was ready to jump out of your chest and straight into her hands.

_And that's alright._

It would be.

Like nobody else, she of all people makes that ok. She makes it safe. Even as her breaths come short and you're both trembling, even as you stare with wide eyes for a moment not daring to believe because a million things could go wrong and you want it so much that now it scares you a little bit…

Her smile if one of confidence… and intimacy, one that her shaking fingers don't contradict. She never contradicts herself, only complements.

"We can do whatever we want, remember?" she reminds you softly, lips brushing in a kiss that is so light it's a tease, and you feel yourself relax… start to breathe again.

Feeling comes back, and you unlock your hand from where it had fisted her dress at the small of her back. You follow with a caress, just as her arms start to trace your shoulders, your cups both your cheeks in tiny hands and leans down for a kiss, a soft one, then a real one, until numbness fades and you remember to kiss back; you feel her gently in your mouth, awaking tenderly every sensation, until your remember your own body.

_Funny…_

"You know… you should really give me an advance warning if you're going to say things like that to me." you whisper against her lips. She can feel your smile, you can feel hers. "As in, months in advance maybe, that would be good."

_I'm just human you know…_

Her smile widens, amused, and she pulls back a little, let's go of you. Its playful at first, but then her hands reach for the hem of her dress and you throat dries up and she is gulping, and barely breathing an you both stop.

You try to relive the moment. "Want me to do that?" you ask softly, one hand already over hers, thumb tracing gently over her knuckles. She hints at a smile that is too shaky to stay in place for too long.

"I j-just remembered that we're out in the open." She admits and her pink cheeks deepen into red.

 _Huh?_  You hadn't even stopped to think about it. But then again -

"I have a two miles perimeter out, and then another after a mile and then another, a stronger one, 500 meters around us. Anyone tries to get close will get trapped between the first and second circle and I'll know about it."

Her expression is one of surprise now.

"Oh…"

You smile a little wider, feeling tenderness in you rising at the way she avoids your eyes.

"Nervous?"

She nods her head, biting her lips just that little bit enough for you to realize just  _how_  nervous she is.

"Me too." You admit easily, speaking low this time.

She finally meets your eyes and her smile holds. "You don't look like it."

"Are you kidding? I'm shaking! Look!" And you raise a hand in level with her face so that she can see the faint tremble that you feel all over. She chuckles, but her eyes soften and she brings your hand to her cheek, kisses your palm… and then your lips softly.

An idea strikes you. You grab your t-shirt at the back of the neck and pull it off in a hurry, eager to be rid of it and to make her a little more comfortable, ignoring the little tingle that the open air causes against your overheated skin as you throw the shirt away carelessly and then look her in the eye.

"Better?"

But you're silence the second you see the way she's looking at you… not at your face but your chest, and lower, with hazy pale eyes that are starting to shine silver, and round reddened lips a little parted. Your heart starts to pick up beats irregularly… and you shudder when both her hands come to your shoulders, skin on skin, and slide down, to your pectorals… you can't contain the hiss that the barest hint of nails against your skin provokes. She goes lower, down your stomach and you feel the answering sensation travel lower to where you're dying to be touched…

You almost jump when she leans down to kiss you in the middle of your chest, right over your heart, the moist feel of her lips burning through your skin. Her kisses trail, moist and warm, up along your collarbone, to your shoulder to your neck… a hint of tongue that sneaks a taste… your hand finds itself in her hair, pulling her face to yours before you even realize you want to, and you're kissing her before our brain even catches up with the motion.

She wraps her arms around your neck and you feel closed away from the world, closed into her, with her around you.

Every touch is a whisper and she answers every move. You ask, with a hand on her waist sliding up her spine and then down to her thigh, and she answers by sliding herself closer, to where she inevitably feels you and it causes you to moan a little in her mouth when you feel her press herself  _right there_ … breathing becomes panting, and maybe it's your imagination but you can already feel the heat of her through the clothes that are still in the way and becoming more and more of a hindrance. A hand slips beneath her skirt to touch the skin of her thigh and reach upwards to her hip, where you find purchase and push her down even closer, instinctively arching up with your hips to meet her…

The feel of it makes the both of you gasp.

And it makes her look at with wide eyes that can't seem to be able to focus. For a moment you're ready to apologise, the words are right on the tip of your tongue when her hands grab the hemline of her dress and pulls, exposing pale thighs, white panties (you can't help the smile) and skin… smooth skin uninterrupted by anything else, vibrant and flushed and alive, and the best set of…

…you brain jars to a halt so sharply that you feel it skirting on the ground. If you had any blood left on the upper side of your body, you'd be nose-bleeding all over the place.

Because all you can see is Hinata, in a pair of white cotton panties… and nothing else.

Her breath is becoming heavy and you don't notice immediately but it's a strain for her to be under your stare so openly: her arms are shaking with the need to cover herself up… just as yours palms are burning to fill themselves with her.

And that's when you become conscious that there are two tempos here that you need to deal with: hers, and your own. Everything you see of her, everything you feel induces you into a frenzy, pushes you to grab, to take, to… to devour with teeth and tongue and pound your way inside her until you're both blind and deaf with bliss and abandon.

_Yes…_

But… you know, instinctively, that is not the way. There is a hesitancy in her, a kind of nervousness that is not in the way she touches or gives or even takes, but in her eyes. Something like fear, so much so that it stops you completely, making it easy to follow her pace, to want to match it, because the alternative is…simply not there.

The last thing you wanna do is freak her out.

Its precisely that which reminds you that, though you like to be stared at the way she looks at you, Hinata is not you; she is the girl that spent most of her life hiding her body beneath shapeless clothing.

You feel gentleness rise in you, soothing the burn, slowing it down, making it steady.

She is shaking like a leaf in the wind… and all you wanna do is kiss her till she's herself again.

So you take her hand and link your fingers together, and bring the other arm around her waist, to pull her closer. She immediately throws her arms around your neck and pushes herself flush against your chest, hiding her face I your neck. The feel of her against you, the heat that gets trapped between your bodies,its so strong it almost rocks you on your back. Instead you groan low in your throat and it sounds more like a purr; trace kisses along her throat, along her jaw and cheek, wanting to make her turn her face, wanting to see her eyes.

"You feel wonderful…" is what you tell her, a secret between you, such an understatement. She answers with a strong shiver, and a breathless, stuttered _'s-so d-do you'_ against your ear.

The feel of her breath makes you want to bite down against something soft… but instead you place open-mouthed kisses against her shoulder. One hand caressed her hip, that arch of flesh and bone, and half a thought pops in your head, wondering if your hand, the rough skin of your palm, feels as good to her as her warm smooth skin feels to you. But then that half a thought is gone because you feel her arching for you, body undulating to follow a caress that is guided by the dips and the ins and outs of her, the shapes that have fascinated you even in your dreams. You follow the arch of her spine, hand settling at the small of her back to feel those two dimples that you loves to touch…and you know her well enough now to expect the way she shivers bodily when the caress becomes insistent, steady. The sound that leaves her lips is low, wonderfully feminine like everything about her, and so purely sexual that you can't help but want her mouth again.

You find it because she comes to you, loose again in her own skin, self-consciousness beaten back, if not forgotten.

She kisses like there is no other way of communicating, like everything she will ever say to you is in that kiss and that's where her soul begins and lips that caress and tease, invite… until it's not an invitation anymore, but surrender in its purest form, that sets the blood alight as you kiss her back with all the fervour you're capable of, all unleashed on her, breathlessly, because every kiss whispers that that's how she wants you. And she undulates above you in just the right way, taking, absorbing, the vibrations of her moans numbing your brain and shooting straight to your groin in tiny bursts of pleasure as you rock so minutely against each other.

You feel her hand slip around you and trace with an open palm the shape of your back all the way to between your shoulder blades. She can feel your tremble beneath that cares, undoubtedly she knows, and she gives you a smile that is shyness, one that belongs only to her and that in these moments is more alike to pure heat.

Before you know it you have fallen backwards, and then on your side, and it's strange and wonderful the way it feels to be tangled with her like this, skin to skin, having her wrapped around you: it felt the way not having a brain must feel - all sensation and heart. You become a concentration of body parts, the ones she decides to kiss, to yourself on your cheek, on the little lines her kisses paint on your jaw, or an incandescent shot to the gut and lower when her lips find your ear, your body going beyond our control and arching into her until she's on her back with her arms around you, and you're pressing half your weight into her.

You'd live forever as a mouth if she forever would be the one to kiss it.

The only reason you return to yourself as a whole is to feel yourself touching her, the wet velvet of her body, and the softness of every round corner, every inch a sensation, so close that your every tremble makes her sigh, so intimately that her every touch feels like it paints your mind red[4].

_Never... never before so close..._

Or as good as she feels, putting every other pleasure into shadow.

It's insanity when she takes your earlobe in her mouth, when she wraps both legs around your hips, pulling you to herself, breathing moans around your name, whimpers in your ear, a trail of open mouthed kisses without direction.

A playful, broken whisper in her ear: ' _Have you forgotten how to kiss, love?'_

Which is inconsiderate, because right now you're doing all the touching, all the teasing and you know that if she returned the favour even on tenth of what you're doing, she could make you forget how to  _breathe_ , let alone kiss. But her only answer is the way she bites your lip, pulling you into a kiss that is as deep as it is brief. Brief because watching her… watching her eyes close, a moan you want to hear trapped behind the lips she keeps biting… watching her face as you are together is what brings you to need to kiss her with opened eyes.

No she hasn't forgotten how to kiss at all: she opens for you and the heat is there too.

With those lips she could wake the dead…

The taste of her as you move with her, gently against her… right where it matters…

 _Oh my_ god _!_

You can't feel your brain anymore…

Wait!

_Wait!_

You push yourself up on your hands and knees above her and take big, gulping breaths.

Stop, take a breath, a pause.

_Think… think… relearn the ability to formulate thoughts again…_

"N-naruto?"

The way she says your name makes you shiver. One hand goes to take hers, fingers linking together, your head leaning down to rest your forehead over head heart… and though your next breath scores your lungs with the warm scent of her skin, so heady it makes you feel drunk… it's still better. You are regaining control slowly.

"I just need a moment." You say then, your voice sounding rough around the edges, deeper – just like hers did.

Her hands burrow in your hair, massaging slowly your scalp, and though it doesn't help much, it still feels wonderful.

You look up when you're sure you can stand it, and smile at her as you lean on your side, smile wider when she follows immediately into the circle of your arms.

"We need to take it slow… or this is going to be over before it even begins." You whisper, feeling yourself blush harder than ever. But it's so adorable the way she blinks twice in confusion before she understands and blushes back.

The coolness of the air is starting to bring down your temperature, even though the sun is almost at its peak in the sky. You watch her, bathed in sunlight, her body so different from yours, so pale and pink that she almost reflects the sunlight, where in comparison your skin is darker, made brown by the sun and because unlike her you absorb sunlight and it doesn't burn you red, only makes you more bronzed. You've never thought much about it before, but now… now you love the way your bodies contrast in everything and yet match so effortlessly. It's further proof in your mind, that you were made out of different materials just so that you could fit so well in each other's arms.

You run shaking fingers through her hair fanning it around her head, and slowly, she brings her hand to your chest, starting her caress from her heart following it all the way down to your bellybutton and back again, slow, steady. The kind of caress you want to mirror in her.

Your eyes meet, and a moment later so do lips, gently. And then again, deeper. But she keeps to what you wanted, makes it slow. Even when she lets her hand run lower (low enough to make your heart jump,' muscles beneath her palm trembling) and unhooks the button of your pants. It's a silent invitation and you take it: wiggling, you get out of your pants and then you match: bare limbs against bare limbs in a tangle that feels wonderful, even as her foot goes to rub you calf and it tickles… and she knows.

A smile lights up her face at your flinch.

You kiss her smile away, teasing her into breathlessness.

She answers by taking one of your hands, sliding it up from her hip to her stomach… and that too is an invitation that rings in you clear as a bell: so you let it move, upwards, against the flatness of her belly that trembled underneath you touch and then higher, until you are barely brushing the underside of her breast. A harsh breath later she moves just a little bit closer and its compulsion at this point, you have to look in her eyes, just as you feel the shape of her fill your hand, so full, and firm and soft all at the same time, that the feel of it shoots straight to your groin in a way that makes you twitch and your arousal throb all over your body, and between your legs, almost painfully.

And just like that, the calm of before is lost and you're are panting within moments again, because she closes her eyes, head thrown back in uninhibited sensation with a moan that sounds a lot like your name (that wrecks havoc in your insides). Her arms wrap around your neck and she rolls on her back - and you follow in the same fluid motion. You feel your fingers move, cupping her more firmly and teasing yourself right out of sanity with the ridiculous softness of her skin…the feel of her nipple like a tiny pebble against your palm, or as a thumb smoothes it down, teasing her - torturing yourself…

What you're not prepared for is the way she answers your touch (a  _lifetime_  wouldn't have prepared you): with her whole body a single wave that arches for yours. And it's in that single move that her hips push forward and you're locked together tight, because the feel of her makes you answer and you meet in the middle… you can't help the loud moan or shaking at how hot she feels between your legs or how soft the inside of her thigh against your brain supplies the rest: you know she'll be like wet silk… just the  _thought_  of it is enough to make you quiver like the plucked string of a bow and  _god_ , this is better than the most deliberate fantasy, this is  _real_. Her legs holding on to your hips so tightly, trying to trap you, they are real. Her gasping breaths against your cheek, your lips, that is real too. Those little whimpers, the way her fingers have turned into claws and she pushes you towards herself, it all eggs you on and the undulation becomes a slow rocking motion titillated with bursts of pleasure where you meet and against each other... a poor imitation, a lethal trap, because the thought of stopping makes you hold on tighter, push against her harder in a dance that brings you closer and not close enough, that is like toeing the edge of madness and only serves to make the hunger for her grow until it desperation, until her moans take a hint of frustration.

She is the one to stop it, when her hand moves down almost brusquely and she pushes her own panties down her legs and throws them off, doing it fast as if she doesn't want to leave room for second guessing. You wait till you're holding her again before you do the same, and this time… oh, this time the embrace is complete… and so very changed. It steals your breath.

For a few long moments you can't breathe, you can't think. You just hold her, panting, looking at her, feeling the burn rocking through you, unhinging your senses so completely that you don't even dare move an inch, you don't even breathe.

She waits… looking in your eyes as a smile forms, one that seems so calm, so completely at odds with the way she is shaken by every other shiver.

"Nervous?" she asks, in your own words, a hand on your cheek so gentle.

But you can't smile and make it a joke, not this time. You try to gulp that ball of nerves down, unblinking, and only nod, because you can't even talk at this point.

"Don't be…" she whispers close to your lips, even though she is just as nervous. But she is smarter, she knows better. So you try to listen and control your breathing.

Her hand lets itself into your hair, pulling at it gently, just the way you like.

"Don't be nervous Naruto-kun… We've been making love for days[5]…"

You blink without understanding, and then you do. This moment can't be apart from others where you've come close and met and touched and promised something to each other without even realizing. It's been this way for long and you know just as she does: this is just the cup overflowing[6]. In this too you are equals, you know that; and you know that you are both fumbling in the dark, but that doesn't mean you don't know that together… you would make heat as pure as the sun.

_We've been making love for days…_

It takes a smile out of you before you uncoil… And it's the end of slow right there, because before you realize it, you're kissing her and it's so different from any other. It a little rough and a lot of desperate, as hands touch everywhere and limbs tangle. Its sex, very much like the motion your bodies against each other now, a tease of heat and feeling that makes you shake and feel like you're about to burst, tearing moans and groans from the both of you.

… vaguely, a numbed brain wonders if she is going to burn you alive. It would be such a wonderful death…

You feel like you want to eat her alive, perhaps that's why you nibble at her reddened lips, at her neck where it arches and shapes into her shoulders. You leach yourself to her flesh where you know she's most sensitive, guided by the way she moans, the way she tilts her head, shoulders arching into you. Wet kisses more tongue and teeth than lips, follow every inch of her skin until patience in lost and you start kissing down, until you can feel the fullness of her breast against your lips, your hand, her nipple between your teeth and you suck and bite down softly provoking almost a yell from her, one that pierces straight through you, one she couldn't shush down. You'd think she was hurting, except for that hand that fists in your hair none too gently and the arch of her back pushes you against her even more.

And find that there is a momentum behind your actions that has made you lose touch with yourself. Its more than desire: it's on the fringes of control, ready to jump into its absence. It's a vehement need that has pushed through all the shades of lust becoming avidity. Greed, like hunger gnawing at the belly, for her touch for her taste, for the feel of her every inch. For her mouth and every sound it makes, the way she says your name that scratches at those very last threads of awareness you have left.

This is condensation of the senses into burning. She's undoing slowly…

Even your head is pulsing painfully.

_Enough… please…_

You search for her face, for her eyes, and she opens them, so pale now that they're all silver, only a dark ring of lavender containing the liquid heat of her, even there, in her eyes.

_Let me… just let me…_

She says your name, and you feel yourself fall…

You let go…

A hand that has moved on its own sneaks between you and before you ever realize it, you're…

_dying…_

… inside her…

It rips the breath away from you with a violence that its almost too acute to be pleasure. Wet heat of the likes you've never known rips your every thread of reason apart and leaves you panting and shaking, a jumble of nerves firing electric bolts up and down your body. A hand holds on to the back of her thigh, pushing against her more, pulling her to yourself. Vaguely, you feel the tension of her body, but you also feel…  _more_  than anything has ever felt before… slowly,  _slowly_ , you remind yourself, though you can't even remember why… trapped between the necessity to hold back and the delirious desire to just  _feel_ , to enjoy her and how she could open you up this way, transform you into sensation, into something as liquid hot as she is, as she  _feels_ …

_God, the way she feels!_

…around you… so tight and warm and… god, you can't breathe, you  _can't_! Your chest feels too small for a heart that is about to burst with emotion and it's because of this,  _this_ ,  _here_ , in your heart, that you know you'll never feel complete in your own body again the way you feel when you're with her as one.

Her name makes it past your lips in a voice you barely recognize: strangled, pleading, a wholehearted call for her, for her face, her eyes. You need to see her…

… _so close…_

with her arms around you and her legs around you… you look at each other and see beyond. Her eyes are swirling mist, but so focused, on you, even as her breath is short and you're so close to her face now you can't even seen her clearly anymore. You search for her lips blindly, land on the corner of her mouth, breathe in her breath…

You're the one that has forgotten how to kiss now.

A pressure at the at the base of your spine pushes your forward, blind and deaf to the world with how lost you're in her, wanting more, wanting  _everything_ , carelessly, overtaken, until there's no more to be had and your hipbones bump against the back of her thighs… your head falls on the crook of her neck and you let out a breath that was trapped in your throat and that comes out at as a groan. But you can't even remember how to get air in your lungs anymore… she's so warm you're burning up and the softest thing you've ever felt…

And again, but this time with thoughts so scrambled that you don't even know if you said it out loud…

' _I was made to be inside you…'_

Stop,  _stop!Do_  not _think about it!_

Your heart already feels like it's going to just punch through your chest. If you keep  _thinking_  about it your head is just going to fall off, something is going to snap…

You take a moment, for both yourself and for her, to teach yourself how to breathe again, how to feel something that is not folly. With every breath the world remains as hazy, but the feel of her beneath you sharpens, comes into focus in all its softness and heat. She is nuzzling your cheek and you raise yourself to look at her, inevitably biting your lip when your move inside her too.

It's almost painful how good she feels…

You let go of the blanket you'd fisted near her head and trace her cheek with a finger. You see her swallow and look at you… differently… with eyes almost hidden by heavy lids. She reaches for your lips minutely and its all it takes. You dive into a kiss you've been wanting to give her since forever: a kiss that makes you move against her with painful restrain, but sliding so easily because you're both shining with the sweat of restrain, as a hand flattens on hers, searching for the places where your fingers are supposed to link through hers. She grasps your hand like it's an anchor, her other arm around your back, nails biting moon-shaped scars between your shoulders and you like that too.

You move again, and she closes her eyes in a feeling that you know it's partially pain… and you feel lost in a sea of sensation, but alone, because she's not there yet.

You kiss her chin, touch her body, remembering where she likes to be touched, what caused her the loudest moan, the most desperate breath… your trace her side with one hand, and feel she loosen a little, kiss her everywhere you can reach, the taste of her richer in your mouth, addictive.

It's when she moves with you that the awkwardness of you together changes into something new. Because she opens her eyes and… you're not alone anymore.

Her lips form your name and the way she speaks it pulls at you, like she has you on a string, making you move again, still slow, but she is there and she's with you, giving you something that you never thought could exist, something so… so… a longing inside you that is being answered, wrapped around the conviction that everything could be perfect.[7]

_Perfect…_

Like the way she starts to move with you, wave after wave until you have a rhythm that pushes away everything but each other and sensation floods back into you with delicious violence, transforming restrain into a new form of abandon… until she bends her legs and moves up to meet you halfway, ripping a groan from the deepest part of you, and you find you can't hold your weight up anymore because that shiver she shook with, you felt it inside out, the tremble of her insides around you a new form of ecstasy, one that calls for something stronger, harder, something faster… until your brain is pounding, ears ringing.

Everywhere her skin touches yours feels like a wet kiss and you fall back almost all the way just to sink into her with new strength and less restrain, and watch her as she arches into you, needing to hold on.

Straining, broken kisses, afterthoughts… New kisses that ripple with newer sounds and sensation, breathless, soundless… her arms wrapping around you tighter, her hand slipping on your sweaty back, nails scoring skin… ripping offthat last piece of restrain and you're… lost. Your head falls forward and you feel her attack your neck with kisses, your jaw, your ear, just as everything spirals and you can't control the way you move anymore, how strongly you come into her or how fast, ears ringing with her voice and your own name. It's so hot between you that you're melting into her… making love… making heat.

And it's this moment, when every feeling is bursting and there are no words and all the colours are gone from the world, that your body is stained by hers so deeply with every sensation she's making you feel… it's then that you feel her start to shake inside out, pulling you inside her and holding you tight with such strength that your eyes saw the sun behind closed lids…

\- small little deaths as you take every invitation and slam into her hard and shallow, in time with her every cry… until there is nothing more to give but your soul… and as you fall you let that go too, you feel it leave you body and burrow safely into hers, suddenly, acutely, starting where you're joined and rippling on every nerve, feeling like your been kicked at the back of the head… and the world ends in a wave of bliss that stops time, stopped your heart.

The world condensed at the point of a needle.

Your world… in her.

…

The first thing you feel is the sound of her heart (or is it yours?), her breaths, and then her hand in your hair and another that is tracing your spine, calling forth shivers. You realize you're lying half on top of her and that you've wedged your head at the side of hers, lips against her temple, breathing her in with every lungful. It feels wonderful… but perhaps not to her. With strength that seems to come from thin air (you feel so languid that it seems like you have water for bones…) you move to your side and she follows in a way that seems instinctive, just so that she doesn't have to lose contact, until she is right against you and close, but not close enough that is difficult to look at her face. Not pale yet, but vibrant pink still, red lips and droopy eyes.

You feel her start a little, and search absent-mindedly with a hand for something above her head.

"What?" you ask, and then remember to clear your voice.

"The blanket."

Ah, yes… you are after all laying under the afternoon sun as naked as you were born. Of course she'd worry about that. The only thing you feel like doing is lay out and bask a little more. She looks fantastic so bare in the sun, so thoroughly ravished:flushed skin, red patches here and there, messy hair all around…

You can't help a chuckle, because she looks at you like she knows  _exactly_  what you're thinking, but you reach over your head anyway, where the extra blankets she brought had been pushed.

Now that you think about it, it's a wonder you've not ended up in the grass, with how much you moved about.

Your grin widens.

You wrap her and yourself with the light woollen thing and she wiggles to get closer still, finally completely relaxed. The feel of her bare skin against yours is still a wonder, but you can see that she's already half asleep, so you don't dwell – choosing to store it in your mind for later.

 _There_ is _going to be an after._

Instead you offer your arms as a pillow and throw the other over her shoulders, breathing her in. you fall asleep smiling, because even the blanket smells like her and you know it was from her bed. Funny enough, one of the last thoughts youhave before falling asleep was that you were never going to think of the word  _picnic_  in the same way. The very last one, is an absentminded note of that expanding sensation that started at her heart and extended all the way into you, loping around your lungs and twice over every organ, until your felt wonderfully bound.

' _That's a misconception, Lennie.  
The sky is everywhere, it begins at your feet.'_

_\- Jandy Nelson -_

o

o

o

TBC:::

 End of **Part II**

* * *

[1] Another poem, titled 'Attraction' and goes sth like this: ' _I can taste your tongue in my mouth when you speak_ ' or something, but don't remember exactly. I only had a vague remembrance of it, don't even remember the author, but thought it best to put the disclaimer anyway.

[2]Ikkyu: 'Nobody told the flowers to come up nobody/ will ask them to leave when spring's gone.'

[3] Straight out of 'The Notebook', but I didn't think of it that way when i wrote it, only realized it later.

[4] Different inspirations here: Neruda, and the last lines of 'I do not love you'; a Chinese love poem called 'Lantern'…

[5]J. Ruth Gendler, The Book of Qualities

[6] Paulo Khoelo: 11 minutes reference

[7]David Levithan: 'Yarning:…'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: … … *_*… I'm almost afraid to ask…
> 
> Explanations: One, and for the most obvious: 'why the hell the second person pov' you may rightly ask. 'Two reasons', I shall answer. Because it was supposed to be special in every way (I mean, it was after all the chapter that shares the title with the story…), so that ruled out the third person. But more importantly, it had to be unequivocally from Naruto's pov, so that you could know what he was thinking and feeling – and draw your conclusions over how he feels for Hinata. Now, I could have made it first person, but personally I don't like to write in first person, especially not these kind of things, because it feels weird AND also terribly constricting because you can't manoeuvre at all. Ergo – second person.
> 
> Second: 'Why the super long lemon…?'  
> 'No comment!' *hides under the bed*  
> No really though, I never planned for this chapter to turn out quite like this. It kept lengthening with my effort not to make this just about sex, but more like a transition, a development of character's feelings during sex… and yeah, it was a freaking torture, since Naruto is a guy and I'm a girl writing about what a guy must feel and think during sex, so you can see my problem and insecurity here!
> 
> Yes, it is getting circular. I'm gonna start chasing my tail any second now… ;P
> 
> Third: just a note for anyone who noticed – I made Hinata's pupils silver, because it seems weird that she doesn't have any, so when she gets exited and her pupils expand, her eyes look paler, and not darker like all normal folk. So that was deliberate, not some mistake I made.
> 
> o
> 
> Ok… any other questions, feel free to ask. I always reply.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What you need to know: The beginning of this chapter is new and so is the context, but there is the part where Ibiki discusses with the Hokage about Hinata's apprenticeship and it's the same from the previous version, so who read that can skip it. That's where the similarities end though. What I wrote here was something that I had intended to do from the start, but I simply moved it forward and cut out the parts that weren't needed.
> 
> \- B.B. chapter still
> 
> \- Chronologically after the last chapter this time, but not directly. There is some time in between, around month or two perhaps.
> 
> \- There is a great amount of detail, dialogue, planning and explaining here. I put it there so that there wouldn't be holes of logic, but if it's too much, let me know.
> 
> \- Around 13.000 words (I know, I know… ^_^)
> 
> \- Warning: the chater starts with a 'preview' of a badly concluded mission that Hinata took with Team Seven, in this Before Breakup timeline. I put it there to make you understand that this is where things start going down for them, and tis mission, is exacly why. Im so very sorry for the confusion - I'm trying to fix it.

 

**Part III**

_'It's the only way to know you're really in love, when you ask the question: would it be harder to watch him die, or to know he'll watch me die? Is there more mercy in being the one who does the watching or in being the one who does the dying? It's when you realize what mercy-killing actually means, it's when you actually care to the point of tormenting worry._

_It's not roses and white horses, it's fucking brutal and it can send a person running for the hills. To love is brave.'_

_\- Renee Carlino –_

 

 

**_18_ ** _._ _Stillness: The breath before the jump_

_'Don't do what you want; do what you_ don't _want._  
Do the things that scare you.  
Give up the idea of control.  
Explode your comfort zone.  
Find what you're afraid of most and go live there.

_Now smile - if you still can'_

_\- Chuck Palahniuk -_

Tsunade flipped the page of the chart in her hand, taking in the important information in the single practiced look of someone that had been doing the same thing her whole life. She checked the vitals, the progress, the variety and amount of drugs that had been administered to the patient and Sakura's own notes for the nurses. Her student had done her proud but this was one of the cases when Tsunade could not in all good conscience sit down behind her desk until she checked up her own eyes the progress and situation. It was not lack of faith in Sakura's ability. It was simply the medic inside her that refused to go down gently.

The wound had been only one, but fatal: a single clean cut that started at one shoulder and extended diagonally all the way down to the ribs, slicing though flesh and bone, missing the heart by a very small, but incredibly vital inch. One of her lungs had collapsed, the other had barely functioned long enough for the patient to make it to the hospital. Massive internal damage had been contained on the spot – Sakura was literally a lifesaver in the field – but blood loss however had been a problem which had caused multiple seizures that were actually tiny preludes to cardiac arrests.

But the heart inside that chest that had been so brutally split open had never stopped beating through it all. It was a wonder, and in Tsunade's opinion the girl was lucky to still be alive… but according to Sakura, luck had had nothing to do with it; Hyuga Hinata was simply too stubborn to die that way.

Tsunade hung the chart back on the at the foot of the bed and turned to leave the ICU. She had never liked the claustrophobic feel of those windowless rooms, the silence of too many machines humming in it. But if all went well and Hyuga Hinata kept stable, in a few days she would be able to breathe on her own and perhaps a few days after that, she would be out of Intensive Care.

In the corridor she passed by Ibiki's room. Anger washed over her in waves, as if it was the first time she felt it.

_That fucker._

She was so angry at him right now that if he hadn't already been in a coma, she would have put him in one with her own hands… which was a perfectly unreasonable reaction of course, and uncalled for to boot. She knew that Hinata's condition was not Ibiki's fault, and the desire to blame him for choosing to train her in the first place was momentary, as short-lived as her bout of anger.

How could she resent him for it, after all? Under his supervision Hinata had turned into a rare resource, one that nobody even knew she could be.

Tsunade remembered with perfect clarity that day more than ten months ago now, when Ibiki had stepped into her office and put a single file on her desk before he sat himself down. She had been curious for a very simple reason: in all her time as Hokage, the head of her Torture and Interrogation Division had never graced her office to actually  _ask_  for anything. Whatever it was, it must be important to him.

However, it had only taken her reading the first and last name of his target to know what he wanted.

…

"No." Was the steel response, frown in place so fierce that it was a wonder her skin wasn't cracking. But then again, it was an illusion.

Ibiki had seemed to anticipate her on this. He didn't move a muscle at her so swift and firm refusal.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Tsunade snapped, but then rethought that line of questioning. She didn't even want to begin with what was wrong with him. "She is not T&I material. She'd break the first week of training and all she'd have to show for it would be the physiological scars.  _No_ , and it's final."

"I beg to differ, Hokage-sama." Ibiki said simply.

She hated that little curl of the corner of his lips just there. Idly she wondered how bad would it bleed if she took a knife and sliced it… and  _then_  see if he would dare do it again in her presence.

She signed. Most likely he would.

She tried logic… no matter how hard it was to grasp at it when she was so irritated.

"Look, I know that you've wanted to get your hands on a Hyuga ever since – god I don't even remember in how long - but  _this_  girl..."

"This is not about her being a Hyuga, though it is a fair advantage. This is about her kind of physiological profile and the potential it represents. She could be the best core-collector this village has ever had, if you allow me to train her."

Tsunade's darkening mood was interrupted by the sheer surprise of that statement, the confidence behind it. "A core-collector? You want to train her as a spy?"

But what she had wanted to say there for a second was  _'You want to train her to be like you?!'_

"Yes." and the certainty of that yes meant that he had a very precise idea on what he wanted to do with Hyuga Hinata if Tsunade was crazy enough to allow it... which she  _wasn't_ , damn it! Tsunade had a lot of shortcomings, and her people skills had died out a long time ago, but one thing she was  _not,_  was negligent with the men and women under her care.

This scarred fucker was unhinged if he thought she would put someone like Hinata in his hands.

"Have you looked at her test scores?" Ibiki asked slowly, deliberately.

That was  _exactly_  what she was talking about!

"Yes I have. And she gets her highest points in empathy and introverted feeling for god's sake." And Ibiki more than anyone should know what that meant: lock her in a room with someone that is being tortured and she's gonna suffer right along with them. God, just  _thinking_  about putting Hinata in Ibiki's hands made Tsunade cringe on the inside. It was like putting lamb in the tiger's cage and asking it to take care of the little thing.

Tsunade took a long calming breath.

"Ibiki… Hyuga Hinata is a healer, she likes to press flowers and every single one of her techniques is, at its core, defensive. She's an introvert and a very shy girl. She doesn't have the confidence to be the liar she would need to be to survive as a field agent, and doesn't have the ruthlessness to be an interrogator… and I would have to be out of my god dammed mind to put the kindest person I have ever met, in your hands so you can scar her psyche forever."

"I doubt she is as physiologically frail as you seem to think her. If she had been she would never have survived fighting at the front line of the war." Ibiki said with decision… And it was goodbye calmness right there. She only barely contained herself from slamming her fist on the table yet again and denting it… mostly because she didn't want to deal with Shizune's whining as well after this.

Just what the fuck was his angle here anyway?

"Hokage-sama, being a good field agent requires three very basic characteristics: the ability to conceal your aggressive intentions; being able to assess the physiological vulnerabilities of you targets; and having the sufficient ruthlessness of knowing you have to do harm in order to get answers." Ibiki said calmly. "Hyuga Hinata possesses all three of these characteristics. I can hone the rest of her in into something deadly within six months. Of that I assure you."

Tsunade sighed. Her very short temper had reached her limit. She fixed amber eyes on her best Interrogator and tried to get across her point with all the conviction she possessed.

"Alright, let's cut through the bullshit." she said, and said it with her Hokage tone, not with her  _'what the fuck was that?'_ tone. "I want you to tell me, in full honesty, why you are interested in her so specifically. Cause you know you're not fooling me, just as you know I know this isn't a spur of the moment thing." Nothing with him ever was. Tsunade would bet the rest of her years' supply of sake that he had been analysing the Hyuga's potential for years. "If I judge your motives valid, I will give you permission to train her with the rest of this year's recruits."

"There are no other recruits but her in my department. She'd have to train with ANBU's Behavioural Analysis and Interrogation Unit. I'll catch her up myself with everything." Ibiki corrected… and Tsunade felt her hand come up to sooth the promise of a headache behind a temple. If this fucker have her an actual headache, he was gonna pay for it with blood. Cause god damn him, but he wasn't even making an effort to hide where he wanted to really go with this: he wanted Hinata as an apprentice.

In what universe was that even remotely allowed by laws of common decency, that was still a question that kept hanging gracelessly in the air.

"Whatever. Start talking."

Ibiki leaned back. Sat silent for a moment or so. Anyone knowing him would have been surprised to know that the simplest way to get the truth from the man who had the reputation of never having broken in his life, was to just ask him for it.

But then again, only his Hokage could do that.

"Do you remember me, as a Genin?" he asked suddenly, so out of the blue that Tsunade was caught unaware.

What the hell?

"Yes." She did in fact remember him, and he'd been the sweetest boy she'd ever met, the kind of person that was thoughtful from the heart and almost seemed to know what you wanted before you did yourse...

Like the thud of a kunai ebbing itself in the wall, it clicked.

_Oh, you bastard!_

Tsunade lowered her head, pinning her eyes on the face of the scarred man, practically fulminating him.

"Please have the survival instinct to tell me you don't want her just because she reminds you of yourself." Tsunade said slowly, very deliberately. A wrong answer now and she would throw him out her window – and fuck if that was an idle threat.

But Ibiki's dry answer came fast, without any trace of hesitation. "No, I do not."

"Then I'm still waiting for an answer." Tsunade snapped.

An answer. Ibiki thought about it again. He could give her reasons that were a well formed list, he could count them off one by one… but was that an answer?

Hyuga Hinata had the Byakugan eyes – something that alone would put her ahead of any other candidate, at least in his field of work – but she was also good in yielding them, second only to her clan's prodigy in fact. And even better - and rarer: she was not indoctrinated in her clans ways, something that had made other Hyuga improbable recruits. Her whole background screamed 'field agent': she had been specializing in recon since she was a Genin, under Konoha's best Gejutsu specialist, was now one third of Konoha's best tracking team in generations. She had never done anything exceptional by given standards but every solution to whatever problem had been meticulously drafted and cleanly executed - a perfectionist's implementation. Hyuga Hinata had that rare ability to see through the superfluous and catch the very heart of information within a minimal timeframe – essential in a good core collector, or any kind of special recon agent for that matter. A minimalistic mind with an eye for detail and a three-dimensional planning ability that was almost unique. Perceptive, logical, intuitive, methodical… The list could go on, but in the end, the first and foremost reason why Ibiki wanted to train her was not an inventory of her qualities, but who she was as a total, a sum that was bigger than its parts.

"I like her way of seeing the world and I like the way she relates to it." He said simply…

But more importantly, he thought he could hone her mind into something as dangerous as his own. The Hokage would allow him, he knew that. The only reassurance he had to give is that he wouldn't push to make that girl as twisted as he was as well.

The Hokage didn't seem to realize that such a thing would be impossible.

"I want to train her because she is intelligent, adaptable and has the most impenetrable mind after your borderline dissociative apprentice." - and he soundly ignored the glare he received off that one, because he had expected it… though that low growl was a bit of a surprise… a rather funny one."And because she has the kind of level of empathy and observation skills that it takes her five minutes to read people and figure out  _exactly_  what she has to say to get her way." She was too honest and frankly, too pure-hearted (which was a quality he'd have to work around without damaging) to be manipulative, but if she  _chose_  to be… she could so easily be dangerous.

The singular beauty of it, what made that girl's existence such a pungent joke, was that  _nobody_  – not even the Hyuga herself - seemed to realize her potential. She was underestimated by all and that was such a fantastic weapon. It wasn't because she was female, though Ibiki had no trouble admitting that his sex had the tendency to getfar too comfortable in their own ideas of strength. But the Hyuga's case was different: she had gentle eyes and a kind disposition that was obviously sincere - nothing about her invited threat and people  _felt_  that. He had seen the way even strangers behaved around her: they  _all_  let their guards down for her, one way or another, instincts answering to the unprejudiced acceptance she exuded so effortlessly; or even the fact that for most, it was like she was not there at all. Something intrinsic in her allowed them to do it, it was like an invitation. She did not induce suspicion, she infused safety.

She was like a beautiful ancient katana forgotten on a wall, used as a decoration, so disproportionally different from the purpose it had been forged for… simply  _aching_ for someone worthy to pick it up, so that all could see how sharp she still was, how deep she could cut.

_A weapon concealed as a frivolity…_

The perfect disguise. Her own face, her very nature were the best cover, and she didn't have to fake a thing, she was  _born_  with them.  _Why_  did nobody see that? It almost irritated him.

But then again, those who had his kind of eye for detail weren't many… and there was only one Morino Ibiki.

"She is methodical, detail oriented, but doesn't miss the big picture; she is idealistic, but brutal enough to kill for it -  _don't_  argue with me on that; no matter how kind she is, she still is a kuinochi for fuck's sake. And I want to be the one to train her, because if I don't, nobody will - and  _that_  is precisely the point."

By now Tsunade was frowning at him… but in interest this time – and he knew he had her.

"What is the freaking point?"

Ibiki's smile was something that few people were graced with. When Tsunade saw it, the Hokage was reminded why.

"Nobody sees her if she doesn't want to be seen. She  _excels_  at being the fly on the wall, more than anyone in her generation. Fuck it, more than anyone since my own sensei. How's her chakra control?"

Hello change of subject. But still, Tsunade had to be fair. "Good enough to be a good medic."

 _'Better than yours ever was'_  she might have said, but that would have been openly hostile and Tsunade didn't want to give him that kind of satisfaction.

Ibiki smiled. "I'm betting she could take my techniques to another level and learnt to be completely undetectable. The  _perfect_  spy." Ibiki's smile got wider, challenging."What do you say, Hokage-sama? Wanna make a bet?"

Tsunade growled.

_Damn him!_

And then she thought of Hiashi's face and how it would go purple once he learned that his gentle firstborn, heir to his clan, was going to become the apprentice of the man that had a reputation of being the most ruthless recon nin that ever breathed.

But then again, once she thought about it well, it could go both ways. Hiashi was actually rational enough to see this as a good thing.

Still… "I'm not running interference for you when the Hyuga hounds start salivating for your blood."

Ibiki got up. "I won't need you to."

Tsunade could only smirk. "You're gonna take on as an apprentice the heir of Konoha's most prominent clan."Oh the sweetness of revenge. She leaned a little forward on her desk, eyes sparkling with hidden laughter. "You know that thing you hate: attention? Get ready to get a shitload of it."

Ibiki on the other hand just shrugged as he close the door behind himself quietly.

…

No, Tsunade thought as she passed by the Chunin guarding her office, she could not blame Ibiki, nor did she regret the choice she had made all those months ago. But she did however have some business to take care of.

Because seeing that it had been an S-class mission that her two best core collectors were assigned to, it stood to reason that there should have been a strong team to back them up, protect them while Hinata and Ibiki did their job.  _That_ team was the ones with some serious explaining to do, because the way she saw it, they had been the real malfunction here. Their purpose had been protection and assistance - and since the pair they were supposed to protect had come home sliced and diced like fish for dinner… well, the ' _what the fuck happened?_ ' was a little more than a simple mandatory debriefing at this point.

She opened her office door and closed it with a not so quiet thud. Neither of the young men sitting in front of her desk moved. The only reason Sakura was not there with them was because she was monitoring Hinata's condition like a hawk and didn't want to leave the hospital. That girl had needed some treatment herself but Tsunade had not been stupid enough to suggest she take a break. That gleam in Sakura's eyes was nothing healthy, but that could be dealt with later. Post traumatic stress disorder was normal after what she had been though. Getting her to do some therapy for it would be a stretch though, and Tsunade suspected she'd have to order it and add a threat for good measure…

The real wonder was how easily Naruto had been persuaded to leave the ICU. For those first critical hours he stayed right outside the double roods of the waiting area, so still that it seemed he had grown permanent roots there, but as soon as he learned his Hyuga was stable and would make it through, he had just… he'd simply expired, like a balloon flopping airless in the ground.

Tsunade knew the feeling. She sighed heavily.

God, she really was starting to feel the tiredness of her bones lately. She was getting too old too fast on this job…

She sat down, linked her fingers over her desk and looked from the Uchiha's impassable face to Naruto's utterly defeated one. He was still in his mission clothes, his face still smudged in dirt and splatters of blood -

_Her blood…_

"I thought I told you to clean up." She said severely. Naruto didn't react at all. He kept staring in the general direction of her table's legs and, eyes void of any particular expression, but the veil of apathy was only barely hiding the pain that Tsunade knew lay just an inch beneath.

This was not good. In fact, this was so bad that anything  _but_  this would have been better. Anger, defiance that would be irritating, but better than this. She would have even found a way to deal with tears too if she had to (it was too scary to admit that it would have broken her heart to pieces, ' _so please, please kid just don't cry on me'_ ), but this… this void of reaction was the worst direction in which Naruto - or anyone - could possibly go.

_Alright, that's it!_

"I want you to start at the beginning, and walk through every single detail of what happened and how it happened and  _why_  it happened… and if you leave out even a single exclamation point, I'll have you two walking D-ranks for the rest of your natural lives." Tsunade said with the calculated deliberateness of someone that is prepared to back threats with violence.

The Uchiha didn't even breathe differently.

Neither did Naruto.

 _Come on kid, react!_ Do _something! Anything…_

This would be so much easier if he were jus in shock, but he wasn't. Naruto didn't fall into shock – and the one person that had succeeded time and time again in pulling him out of spiralling depression, now wasn't here.

She was in the Intensive Care Unit, breathing through a tube, after having almost been butterflied like a shrimp…

_Damn it to hell!_

"I fucked up. And she paid for it." When his eyes were raised to hers, Tsunade saw the first hint of anger.

_Oh thank god…_

"What the hell more is there to tell?" Naruto finally asked, a hint of his usual insubordinate self coming back.

Tsunade looked at the Uchiha.

_And where were you when he was busy fucking up?_

The boy seemed to read the question in her eyes, but he didn't say anything.

"Why don't you just start at the beginning." Tsunade tried, leaning back in her chair.

 _The beginning…_  Naruto repeated that word in his head. When had that been? Where should he try to grasp the thread and call it ' _here'_? As far as he remembered, the beginning was when he had stepped out of this very office, seven days or so ago, and was met with the very unwelcome face of Morino Ibiki…

oOo

_…seven days and 13 hours ago…_

Naruto stretched his legs out and leaned against the back of the chair. Why the hell were these things so uncomfortable anyway? He's so have them replaced with some nicer padded ones when he took over this joint.

"So what'd ya wanna yell at me for this time?" he asked, trying to decide whether he wanted to have a bath and then eat, or eat and  _then_  have a bath. And where was Hinata-chan any-

"I have a mission for you and Uchiha. I'll see if I can get Sakura on it also, they might need her as well."

Naruto's train of thought was immediately derailed and with those words the Hokage had his full attention. Because she had used that voice – the 'this is important' voice.

"They? Who's 'they'? What's this about?" he asked, sitting up a little straighter, much more alert now.

"I'm not sure yet, confirmation is on its way."

"So is it S-class? Is it dangerous? Important? What is it?"

" _Patience,_  brat." Tsunade snapped. "I told you we haven't confirmed it yet."

Naruto pouted, but other than that he kept his silence. When Granny was this intractable she was worse than a dog with rabies: the only solution was to stay very still and pretend you weren't there. When the door opened however, he saw Tsunade visibly tense and look, eyes already narrowed.

Morino Ibiki was standing on the doorstep, just as another man he had never seen before came in – thin greying hair, rigid mouth, square jaw, straight dark brows and sharp ice-blue eyes. Probably in his fifties, about 5'9, build lean, and check that out, no real threat in his chakra signature. Naruto didn't miss the wrist-bands either, those that looked so innocuous but that were in fact chakra binders. Ibiki came in after the stranger and then, of all people, Hinata followed.

There was a reason why Naruto was always so surprised to see her around Ibiki, but he didn't want to get into it. It didn't matter in the end anyway, his smile was instantaneous, and her eyes smiled back at him as she closed the door behind herself.

"Well?" Tsunade asked.

"It's confirmed."

"Like you didn't know I was telling the truth." The unknown man hissed in tone that managed to sound strained and bored at the same time. Ibiki however didn't appreciate it one bit and practically shoved the man in the closes chair.

" _One_  more word from you…" Ibiki said calmly, tightly, and the threat of that was so implicit that there really was no need for expansion.

Tsunade handed Hinata the papers she'd been reading and then got up.

"Follow me." Was all she said before she walked through the door to her left, the one that did not lead to the corridor, but in her private rooms – where the very very secret stuff was discussed.

Oho, this was  _way_  serious.

Ibiki followed, grabbing roughly the other man by the scruff of the neck – who in turn glared – and shoving him forward. Hinata went after them. Naruto fell in step with her naturally, his hand touching the back of hers very briefly.

He didn't do it consciously; the need to make some kind of contact with her, any kind, was an ingrained instinct that he never bothered to control.

"What's going on?" he asked in a whisper. Hinata look at him – she was so focused when she worked, and yet even then, whenever she would look at him those eyes would soften just a tiny bit, her face would relax…

"Not here. We'll be debriefed in minutes." And then he saw her eyes leave his face and travel up and down, taking him in from head to toe, a very faint echo of amusement lightening her mood. "Did you just get back?"

Naruto did a very fast assessment of his surroundings: Ibiki and his new best friend had just gone through the door, and in a few moments they would too. For e very few brief moments they were virtually alone, so…swiftly, he leaned down and stole a kiss from her that was nowhere near what he really wanted, but that would have to do. It wasn't even a kiss, just a brush, like that barest hint when their hands touched and they would look at each other – but with lips. Hinata's rigid surprise turned into hilarity, before she pushed it down. She couldn't even say his name in that shocked squeak the way she usually did when he teased her in public – precisely because they were a little too much in public right now.

The irony of it wasn't lost on her.

"Score for me." Naruto whispered low as he winked and stepped thought the door. Her eyes narrowed on him in a way he was very familiar with, and within that tiny, almost undetectable smile there was a promise of a payback for later.

The tingle that ran down his spine was pure anticipation. He seriously couldn't  _wait_  to get out of here. He'd missed her so much!

…He missed her sometimes without even a reason, when she was just there, an arm's length away from him. But the last three days he had been jostling around with Rock Lee and Neji on the account of the damyo, he had been itching with barely hidden need to go back home. Whenever missions were boring, that's when he usually couldn't stop thinking about her for a second.

"Alright now that we're all here we can begin." Ibiki said, calling everyone's attention to himself. It was only then that Naruto realized who exactly was in the room. He took a seat by Hinata's side and let his eyes wander: Tsunade, Sasuke, Sakura, Ibiki and the new boyfriend that he didn't seem to seem to wanna let go of.

_Ook…_

"This here-" and Ibiki nodded his head to the stranger sitting on the chair immediately to his left. "-is Yakuza Sano, ex member of the Kiri hunter-nin Division, alias Nightshade. For the last twenty years he has been classified as a missing nin; assumed dead for ten of those years."

Tsunade stared at the ex-missing nin hard. "He surrendered himself to us this morning, under very specific conditions."

Naruto blinked a couple of times at the blonde woman as if she had just spouted off some idiocy.

 _What the hell?_ He'd never heard of a surrender missing nin, at least not one that was not hunted anymore. And you couldn't get less hunted than being fake-dead.

"Why would you do that?" Naruto shot out.

Yakuza smiled and there was a hint of self-depreciation in that action "Nothing short of pure desperation, kid."

Ibiki seemed to have his own opinion about that, judging by the way his eyes were so unyielding on the ex-missing nin, but he kept that opinion to himself. He continued speaking in the same tone as before.

"He tells us that he has been hired by an unknown individual to steal something from the Shinobi Alliance Research and Development Centre in Kumo. He doesn't know _what_ it is, he was only given the number of the safe deposit box that was supposed to be broken in; one of the safes on the biotech level. We also have very good reason to believe that the information may come from someone of high rank either in the Tsuchikage's circle, or within the facility itself."

_Huh…how come?_

But it was Sasuke the firs to voice that question. "Why do you think that?"

"We'll get there, Uchiha." Ibiki cut sort. "Ok, so here's the deal: Jakuza was hired to do it, and to make sure that the does, his whole family has been kidnapped- His deadline to get the job done is seven days from today, under the threat that if he doesn't he'll be receiving his family back in bits and pieces."

Naruto sat up a little straighter. The air in the room suddenly got thicker and everyone could feel it. The automatic reaction was to look at the man in question but that was precisely the reason why nobody did.

"And how do we know that he's telling the truth?"

Naruto sighed. Of course only Sasuke would voice that so callously, but then again… someone had to.

"I analysed the note myself." Sakura said quietly, not looking at the man in question. "It was written in blood – five different samples of it. Four of them share half of their genetic material with his, and the other half with the fifth sample."

_So his kids and his wife then. No joke about that._

Naruto looked at the man. Yakuza didn't say anything, but his jaw was locked so tight his teeth would snap any moment now.

Ibiki's voice and the lack of any inflection in it was a good distraction.

"He was given everything needed for the break in: blueprints, access codes, security timetable, the whole nine yards - and here's the flip: all documents are stamped on paper that has the standard Shinobi Alliance watermark – they're originals." Ibiki specified.

Naruto took one of the closest pieces of paper at hand and looked at it.

"I don't see anything." And he didn't.

"It's invisible to naked eye: the stamp is hidden between two thin sheets of paper that are compressed to make this one." Hinata explained. "It's a tracking method, that way the original documents can always be told apart from any copies."

Right. Naruto looked to his left to see her eyes and there he found confirmation:  _she_  had been the one to find it.

"That's right." Ibiki continued. "Only someone high up can have access to that kind of classified data."

"Isn't it possible that these papers were also stolen?" Tsunade then asked, redirecting the conversation again.

"No." Hinata answered without the even tiniest hesitation, as if the question had been directed at her specifically. "First of all because these documents were also inside the R&D facility, and trying to steal anything from there is easier said than done; but also because it's impossible to get them out of the building without clearance, because that same watermark is also a seal: they would self-destruct instantaneously."

Naruto had kept looking at her as if he was seeing her for the first time the whole time Hinata had been speaking. Had he even heard her being debriefed before? Naruto wondered idly.

The answer came with a few seconds of delay as he searched his memories: no.

"Are there any ways of getting around that? Any ways that would rule out this being an inside job." and this time it was Ibiki that asked the question.

_Huh?_

There was someone Hinata knew that  _he_  – her mentor - didn't?

"Theoretically, none." Was Hinata's answer… then she vacillated for a moment. "I should not rule out the probability of error of course, but what I know for sure is how the Kumo system of locking top secret documents works: every two years, the Tsuchikage, five Jonin of his choosing whose identity is not released, and the council of elders get together and they renovate the containment seals of all classified documents. It's a lengthy and meticulous process, but it's supposed to be 100% failsafe. What unlocks it is the same seal, but in reverse, and nobody but the original people can give it. If the tomes are opened without the key, the seal activates automatically and the information is lost."

Naruto didn't even bother to hide his amazement. Then he looked around and noticed that he wasn't the only one that seemed to be looking at Hinata with a hint of surprise when faced with the kind of specificity she could give about procedures that were so jealously guarded. And then he remembered that he shouldn't be gaping at Hinata at all: because wasn't she supposed to be training on how to find out even the most hidden secrets? What this mean was that she was simple as good as Naruto had always thought she was.

He'd known it of course. He'd believed it without needing much proof.

Not that he could get proof because by definition, Hinata could never go much into detail about the things she did, the missions she went on - and in the last 10 months there had been  _a lot_  of them (one of the reasons that Naruto wasn't so fond of that Ibiki bastard) - and the stuff she learned, because it was all some part of a secret that was not hers to tell. Naruto didn't mind. One day he would be Hokage and she wouldn't have to keep him in the dark anymore, because hello, she would actually _have_  to tell him everything. She did tell him about new techniques she was developing though, and interesting things she read (told him so much about that in fact that people thought he was starting to fall over books and tomes as well). It was all about mind games and psychology and all that stuff that Naruto didn't really think he understood right, at least not the way she did.

But he would never forget that time when she had been trying to explain him some really complicated human psychology thing and he had groaned and told her that she shouldn't bother because he was too stupid for it anyway.

He'd meant it as a joke, but Hinata had looked at him with eyes that were sooo still, so careful… so filled with pure conviction that it was impossible not to be caught.

'…The world is so frail Naruto. Stone crumbles, wood roots, and people, they die. But things that are intangible, something like a dream, or a legged, or a thought – they go on and on. And if you can change the way people think, or see themselves, or the world, you have changed the way they live their lives.[1] That is pure creation Naruto. It's what you alone can do. Haven't you noticed that?' she had smiled at him with that self-awareness that made him feel tiny in comparison, completely overpowered by her, in the very best way. 'You don't need to learn how to understand people from books, you have a gift for it. It's your superpower.'

No, he would never forget that - but this today was different.

Actually  _seeing_  her like this, so seemingly comfortable in her element even with people that had always made her nervous… Naruto took in Hinata's set face, the pale eyes so focused. She looked so… in control of things, of herself. The Hinata he knew sounded like she knew what she was doing almost always, and when she didn't, she didn't pretend otherwise. Instead she stayed real quiet and listened, learned. She had a calm kind of confidence, never imposed her will anywhere. Now though… It really wasn't about confidence, though she didn't seem to lack it.

It was about professionalism.

First of all – it was  _hot_!

Secondly – and he  _couldn't believe_  that he'd only become aware of it now, but precisely  _that_  moment was when it occurred to him with shocking clarity that he'd never actually worked with Hinata before – or to better say, the strangeness of ti occurred to him. They'd been on simple missions together a couple of times but that was… wow, that had been  _ages_  ago! Ever since they got together they hadn't been on the same team, not once. Which was majorly strange, now that Naruto took the time to think about it, because he'd been on at least one mission with practically every shinobi in this village (and quite a few from other villages too actually) since the war had ended.

Everyone except for her.

It was too big a coincidence to be just a coincidence.

"So this narrows it down the identity of the mole to those people that have access to those documents." Sasuke proceeded as a logical advancement, but Hinata shook her head in denial.

"Not necessarily. Everyone needs official authorisation from the elder council or the Tsuchikage, but the system is not as exclusive as it sounds. Considerable rank and reputation is needed to be able to gain permission, but that practically involves every high officer of the administration."

"And this brings us to the point and the your S-Rank mission I'm about to hand to you." Tsunade intervened. "The Tsuchikage wants the mole found as much as anyone but neither he nor I have any idea where to start, and the barest amount of inside pressure could drive this person underground and we'd lose even the hint of a lead. The Tsuchikage agreed to let us handle it with the condition that Naruto be involved in the mission." Tsunade's eyes were serious but Naruto smiled lopsidedly anyway, obviously very satisfied of himself.

"Apparently he trusts you enough to let you run a covert operation in his country, so don't fuck this up, brat." Tsunade muttered. And then her frown deepened.

"Second point: the initial information about the theft was given over one condition only: that we help Yakuza get is family back, so that is a fact of precedence."

And that was when things got complicated…

"We can't have two priorities that contradict one another in a mission as delicate as this. If one of the objectives is compromised by the other, we'll have to chose." Sasuke said dryly and the words he didn't say at the Hokage were apparent: ' _so choose one_ '.

Yakuza's eyes fulminated him before turning his glare on Tsunade herself.

"My conditions were clear; and you agreed,  _Hokage_." And the contempt with which he said that last word was so transparent that Naruto felt like standing up and yelling a ' _hey, take that back!_ '… but he couldn't because he could understand the reason behind the man's emotions. After all, that was his  _family_  they were talking about sacrificing.

Not that they would, Naruto decided. They would find away to get everything done and nobody would have to be sacrificed anywhere. That was not how he did things and he wouldn't stand for anybody doing that under his watch either.

"I did. And I keep my word." Granny Tsunade said, the veil of a threat in her tone. But then, her eyes turned from the ex-missing nin to Hinata, of all people.

"Hyuga." The Hokage prompted and when she didn't say anything more, it was clear that it was Hinata's turn to start doing the talking.

Hinata cleared her throat before she started and her eyes darted from Naruto to Sasuke and Sakura, taking them in one by one. She seemed calm and there was nothing in her expression to give away her nerves, but Naruto knew her well enough to see things that she was very good at hiding from everyone else, even when he couldn't actually  _see_  them himself.

Had it just occurred to her too that this was the first time they would be on the same team?

Because they would be… right?

"Since we have no leads on the mole inside the administration, we'll start with what we know, which is the theft." She started. "Now, I'm gonna lay out to you the situation that we may have to face: We don't know if the person that leaked out the security details of the Kumo R&D Centre is a free agent or whether he or she has been compromised by a wider organisation. Worst case scenario: there  _is_  a network and it will have to be dismantled. To do that, we have to find the main nodes: people with the widest connections in the network through minimal contact. Who we need is just one – the first will inevitably lead us to the others." Hinata looked at the faces around her, and decided to simplify it. "Think about them like the main arteries of a body: you cut the main three, and the body bleeds out in seconds."

"If there are no more contacts to propagate the orders throughout the system – the system fails." Ibiki added, and Hinata gave him a grateful look. She never felt like she was very good at explaining complex abstract concepts. She understood them fine, but as for making other people understand them… sometimes that seemed harder.

"Now, no matter what organisational patterns they've adopted, the operational personnel of this network will invariably use a cell-system for security. In our case, it means that whoever the contractor for this job is, he's not going to know a crumb more of information than he needs to, so the only way to get to the source – which most likely is going to be our first node - is to bait them with the only object of interest we know of: we have to steal whatever it is they want. In the exchange we get Yakuza-san's family and then we are free to pursue the organisation without anyone being harmed in the middle."

Hinata took a pause, enough to draw a breath and also to calculate the reaction to all that she had been saying. That time was enough for Sasuke to spout off his opinion.

"That would be a dodgy strategy even if we had enough information, which we don't." Sasuke said flatly. "What if this thing unknown object we have to steal and then hand over is classified, or dangerous?"

"That is why Sakura is coming with us." Hinata explained, the barest hint of a smile in Sakura's direction (and Naruto didn't miss the 'us' in that. His smile grew lopsided) "I doubt we'll find any secret documents in the Biotechnical level. That is a scientific facility, you're a scientist. You can substitute whatever we find with a harmless dummy… unless that would be impossible even for you."

It sounded like a question and Sakura was not long to answer it.

"I could have difficulties with high-end research – it would take time that we won't have in the field - but that's unlikely anyway. I can make duplicates of almost any known biological substance, they'll be good enough to fool anyone who is not me or Tsunade shishou." Sakura said – and then leaned forward on her elbows, intelligent eyes moving from Hinata's to the Hokage and back. "But here's what I don't get: why go to all that trouble to steal something that, at most, will be an advanced vaccine - that's mainly what they work on in the Biotechnical level, so why the interest? What for?"

There was silence after her words, but not the usual one. Hinata's eyes had widened at Sakura's words, her breaths were just a tiny bit more irregular. The glance she exchanged with Ibiki first and then with the Hokage, was especially loaded.

"You mean that there are pathological bacteria developing in that facility? On that particular floor?" Ibiki asked Sakura, suddenly very focused on her.

The answer to that seemed to mean something important, but Naruto didn't really get 'why' at the beginning. Sakura seemed as confused as he felt.

"Yes. After the war ended the Medical Division put together a lot of different research – a part of it was Shizune's work to develop vaccines for common illnesses that were widespread in the other nations and causing a lot of premature deaths – mainly among children. The Biotechnical floors in the R&D facility in Kumo are the continuation of that."

The silence that followed was heavy and confused.

"They're planning a biological attack. Possibly a sudden epidemic." Ibiki said with his usual certainty.

" _What_?!" Naruto immediately asked, even more thrown off. Sakura had paled and was looking at her shishou for confirmation. The fierce frown on Tsunade's face was enough to do that.

Sakura and Naruto started talking over each other asking questions as Ibiki counted off names of subversive organisations that had any affiliation with this kind of wide-range action. Tsunade let that last for as long as three seconds before slamming her hand so hard on the wood that the thing protested with a creek.

Everyone shut up immediately.

"This changes only the scope of whoever is behind this, but it does  _not_  affect your mission. Ibiki is going to devise the plan, Hinata is going to go in and steal whatever she has to, Sakura is going to take care of the stolen material and duplicate from it a harmless copy and you two-" Tsunade looked at Naruto and then at Sasuke. "-you two are backup for  _anything_  Ibiki and Hinata might need you for."

Tsunade straightened herself on the chair, looking at them with the kind of seriousness that in other people preceded a death threat. "Get Yakuza's family, flush out the mole and every possible tie to this organisation you can find as well. Do it quietly, cause nobody out there will know you're on an authorised mission. Anyone detects you and you're conducting a Black Op in foreign country soil, in direct violation of the peace treaties we signed not even a year ago… which will cost me and this village hard earned peace – and which will cost all of  _you_  surgical removal of essential body parts. Understood?

Almost all of them nodded in the same motion and if the reality of that situation hand been less dire it would have been funny, but seeing that what their being identified as foreign shinobi in Kumo would mean single-handedly causing an international incident, thus mining a long-fought-for friendship between nations… well, there was nothing to joke about that.

"Good." Tsunade said tersely, nodding and looking at the time. "You leave for Kumo at dusk and not a minute later, so think fast."

For some reason, Yakuza snorted at that – something that in retrospect he would perhaps regret doing, because it caught the Hokage's attention.

"And  _you_. Well, I'll limit myself to this: Ibiki is in charge of your existence and as you both well know, he's not very fond of it. If he deems he has reason to doubt your word or intentions, he will kill you."

And by the look on Ibiki's face, he would enjoy it. Yakuza definitely rubbed Ibiki the wrong way – which was saying something since that man had the steeliest nerve Naruto had ever seen.

"You won't have to." The Kiri nin said, sounding very convinced.

"That's settled then. Get started." And she got up and went for the door just as Shizune opened it and poked her head in.

"I'm sorry Hokage-sama, I couldn't hold them back any longer." She said apologetically.

"That's alright."

Tsunade closed the door behind herself and for a moment there was silence in the room… and Naruto took that moment to think. Out of all the explanations he'd gotten in the last 15 minutes, the one thing that was left unclear was the motivation behind the actions of the man that was providing most on the information here.

"Why didn't  _you_  go through with it? I mean you initial commission." Naruto asked the ex-missing nin.

Yakuza scoffed. "Because I'm not fucking insane." He said as if it was beyond the obvious.

Naruto raised one eyebrow.

"Something I'm missing here?" he asked to nobody in particular, but looking at Hinata for an explanation because, well, she had done most of the explaining the whole time they were in this room.

There was enough of hesitation in her tone to worry him a little.

"The building that we're talking about - the Shinobi Alliance R&D Centre – it has a No-Ryuu security systems." Hinata said and it was only when Naruto saw from the corner of his eye how Sasuke had stiffened, that he knew he had missed something again.

"'A hundred dragons'? Is that supposed to means something to me?"

Yakuza rolled his eyes, Ibiki sighed and Sasuke smirked. Hinata on the other hand, only gave him an understanding smile.

"It's the toughest security systems known to us, designed by Nagato when he was leader of Rain." Hinata looked at him for a moment and everything she knew about him and Nagato, everything he'd ever told her was condensed in that fraction of a second that they shared, seeing in each other the pure recognition of each-other's secrets.

All of it in just a moment.

"Rain offered to share it with the rest of the nations as a gift, a sign of trust when the war was over and every country has modified it a little in its own way. Nobody has ever broken in and gotten out undetected. It's said to be impenetrable."

Yakuza this time laughed at her for real. "You know, I like your style; 'said to be', that's a nice euphemism." And then, in a blink, he got completely serious and it was then that it was easy to detect why he had eluded the hunter nins of his village for so long: the man was cunning – proof of it was in his eyes when he stared Naruto coldly without beating a lash.

"Imagine a system that is as alive as the chakra that flows in our body, one that that is constantly evolving and controlled by a core with a brain the size of a building, smart enough to beat a hundred people at chess at once. It has a full military-grid: motion and chakra detectors, ultrasound, infrared. Add to that the personality of a bloodthirsty psychopath, and you'll get the picture.[2]"

Naruto's eyebrows were making a jump for his hairline. Wow, that sounded like an overkill.

Hinata touched his arm, effectively snatching his attention. "The system is electronically built, but it operates on chakra, like a normal body, and that energy is connected to the entire building."

Sakura's sharp intake of breath got Hinata's attention enough to interrupt her thought.

"Artificial intelligence…" Sakura said in an awed whisper. "That's it, isn't it?"

"Yes… and no." Hinata answered. "Since it's at its core mechanical it doesn't have the ability to generate an original 'thought', so to speak. But it functions based on an heuristic algorithm, which means that the system adapts to whatever data it collects, devising a strategy based on the intruder's response. Basically, it learns.[3]"

"It hunts.[4]" Yakuza specified, making it sound even more predatory than any security system that the right to sound.

"You want me to try and manipulate the charka of the system long enough for her to get in and out, don't you?" Sasuke said slowly, settling his eyes on Hinata and then Ibiki.

Ibiki gave the Uchiha a smirk that contained no amusement. "You got it."

Sasuke didn't say anything. He didn't even 'hnn', only leaned back on his chair, staring at a spot on the table.

"And what do I do?" Naruto asked. Nobody had mentioned his role.

"You'll be my backup." Hinata said, still very serious, but her eyes smiled at him. "I'll need you to be ready to make a breach and get me out in case anything goes wrong. You're the only one that can do that, but you'll have to find a way not to be recognised, or…"

"Yeah yeah, severe bodily harm and then end of the world. I know." Naruto said airily. It took him just a fraction to fully grasp it but… "And you'll be the one going inside the death trap." Naruto said then, taking in the reality of those words for the very first time. All that shit that they had just described him, the super security stuff – all of it would be on her when she got in there.

His insides clenched, the first bite of worry sneaking up at him.

Hinata held his eyes and nodded. And it was as if she had heard his thoughts when her foot bumped his leg gently under the table and stayed there, just a second before she looked away from him.

"Alright, here's the plan. We go in using NOCs, and…" Ibiki started.

"Using what?" Naruto asked in a whisper near Hinata's ear.

"Non-Official Covers."

"…gain a stationary position at the closest point available near the building. We use that as base camp."

"Isn't that a little risky?" Naruto interjected.

"On object in plain sight is always overlooked." Ibiki stated, handing out the blueprints of the building to Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto. "Familiarise yourselves with the security grid…"

"Not by ninja it isn't!"

The scarred man raise an eyebrow at Naruto.

"Well, you're a ninja too, aren't you? So start thinking like one. As I was saying, I'll need you all to be as savvy about the layout and security detail around the main building as Hinata is, just in case. Everyone will have their own station. Uchiha, you'll have a chance to see the building on site and decided the best course of action yourself."

"I can't do it remote." Sasuke said, drawing everyone's attention. "I'll have to get inside to manipulate the system; if I try it from the outside, the time I'll be able to hold it off of her will not be enough."

Ibiki frowned. "What's the maximum time you can guarantee remote?"

"Five minutes before the system locks me out, maybe seven. Then I'm out and the next thirty seconds they'll know they had a disturbance."

Ibiki only looked at Hinata, he didn't even need to ask aloud.

"The problem isn't getting in, it's getting out. Every inner door access if though biometrical keypads and I can't fake those." Hinata turned to Sasuke. "You'll have to open them for me. I can make an estimation of the average manipulation time based on my experience, but you gotta allow a pretty wide margin of error."

Sasuke only nodded.

"I can avoid motion and chakra detectors on my own, average inner-door screen manipulation is about forty seconds; biometrical scanners will take anywhere from thirty seconds to two minutes and ten-point-seven seconds depending on model and detail; once we get on location, we still have a find a window of exit for me, so let's add another two minutes to the count."

"How many doors?" Sasuke asked… and the bastard had understood her perfectly while Naruto's head was still reeling a little. She calculated the tenth of a second?

"Depends on how many detours I have to take to avoid security guards – those are usually attached to weapons, and I can't take any with me in there. Nor can I start a fight, so my only alternative is to hide from them."

"We'll be clearer on that when we get on site." Ibiki said, and his tone was almost… placatory. Naruto saw Hinata nod.

"You know, I don't get why we can't just go in as two normal people, maybe someone who works there, create a diversion from the inside while Hinata grabs the thing and then get out. I'll Hirashin you right out of there." Naruto said turnig to her.

Easy wasn't it?

Ibiki actually laughed – and Naruto wished he'd never spoken in the first place cause that guy was creepy when he so much as cracked a smile… let alone a full laugh with actual  _teeth_  showing.

"Aside from the fact that once you go in security will be crawling so far up your ass you'd be coughing up their forehead-protectors in no time, every I.D. card in there is matched with a retina scan, so you'd be screwed in twenty seconds flat. And you cannot use high level techniques like that in there, you'd set off every alarm in the building faster than you can blink and the whole place shuts down to a defcon 4 alarm, bringing half the village to a red-alert state." Ibiki said dismissively, but that was precisely when Hinata looked at him with a very substantial amount of interest.

"Sasuke-san, you could do that. Go in as another person I mean. When they try to match your retina scan, you can just manipulate the scanner." It was so elementary that she was astounded she had not thought about it sooner.

Ibiki looked at her like he was thinking the same thing.

"That could work." He said slowly.

"And I bet that this system isn't so thorough either. I doubt that those old farts on top of things in there wanna give up their privacy so easily. And you can bet your asses that if the mole is in that building, his office's gonna have a blank – that'll be our window of escape for Hinata-chan." Naruto said as he leaned back in his chair, a little bored with all the planning already.

Everyone turned to look at him with the same look of amazement, so much that Naruto felt a little uncomfortable.

"That… is actually a very good idea." Ibiki said, as if he couldn't believe it was coming out of his mouth.

Naruto raised his eyebrow at him. "What's with the tone of surprise, Scarface?"

" _Naruto_!" Hinata's squeak was out of her mouth almost without her consent – he could tell by the way she blushed right after.

"What?" He asked innocently. She kicked his shin under the table making him wince, even though he still couldn't bite back the cheeky smile that the twitching muscle on Ibiki's jaw provoked him.

"Alright, second and less complicated, but not less important: infiltration." Hinata said quickly, trying to draw attention away form anything but the mission. "Naruto, Sakura, you have to change your hair to something a little less obvious."

Sakura's hand immediately went to her pink threads and Hinata found herself smiling amiably at the surprise in her eyes.

"Your hair is lovely Sakura chan, but it is also very rare. It would attract unwanted attention." Not to mention that it would set off a motion detector a mile away… but Hinata didn't say that. "If you like I'll give you a temporary dye."

Sakura looked a little pained. "Can't I just use a henge?"

"A mid-level ninja can see through a henge in five seconds." Sasuke said flatly, which caused Sakura to glare at him for a second before sighing.

"I'll accept your offer Hinata chan. I'm sure you know better than I do what to do."

"Do I have to dye my hair too?" Naruto asked, enthused all over again.

"Yes… and probably hide those whiskers as well." Some make up would do. The real problem was that the whole of five nations knew his face. She thought about maybe making him wear his bangs over his eyes or something like that. Anyway, they knew his legend, but not everyone had actually seen him, so it wouldn't be so bad.

"Can it be red?"

Hinata smiled. She knew the reason behind that question. "No."

"And no clan insignia either, Uchiha. Just wait muted colours, nothing too suspicions, preferably civilian garb at least when we get there." Ibiki added. After a moment of looking at the time, he turned to the rest of his improvised team.

"Alright then. Hinata, get those two ready. We'll meet at the east gate in three hours."

oOo

Hinata lead the way towards the back of the Hyuga compound where she had said her personal training rooms were and Sakura followed in step with her. Hinata had been telling her about the basic notions of infiltration and Sakura was listening very carefully. This was not the first time that Sakura was incognito in the field, but seeing that her team had always been a 'blunt-force-trauma' one, as she liked to call it, subtlety and refined espionage had never been their forte. Hinata on the other hand was a specialist.

"This isn't the first time you've broken in somewhere to steal something highly guarded is it?" Sakura asked as they walked through gardens so beautiful and peaceful that Sakura felt like she was almost floating in all that harmony.

"No, it's not." And Hinata turned to smile at her softly.

It was still amazing how very much herself Hinata still was, how unchanged at her core, even after all the things Sakura had see her go through. Every wound her training had cost her, every tough mission – even that time when she returned from Suna in a state of shock from dehydration – Sakura had always been the one to heal her. And as a medic Sakura knew that some of those wounds were not combat ones.

There were lots of different kinds of training that Hinata went through. Some of them very … particular. But then again, there was a reason why not everyone could train with ANBU.

"Black bag operations are somewhat my specialty." Hinata added, with the same serene expressions.

"What?" Naruto asked, throwing an arm around Hinata's shoulders carelessly, more movement than thought.

"Black bag operations – a fancy name for breaking and entering basically." Hinata said with a small laugh.

Naruto smirked at her, eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Why the fancy name?" Sakura asked, before Naruto made a total ass of himself by spouting something completely inappropriate for the ears of innocent bystanders like herself.

"Oh, because of the little black pouch with tools I always have to have with me. It's a lot like thieving really, but instead of gold and gems, you're stealing secrets." Hinata thought about it for a minute. "It's what Yakuza-san used to do."

That information stopped both Naruto and Sakura in their tracks.

"Really?"

"Yes. He was the best of his time. Ibiki sensei almost caught him a couple of times, and once he was so close that Yakuza had to fake has own death very convincingly to escape."

Naruto laughed. "I knew it! I knew there was something between those two!"

"Here we are." Hinata said, sliding one of the doors backwards and inviting them in.

Sakura bent down to take off her boots and when she looked up… she was stunned.

Unlike Naruto who walked in about as if he was at home, Sakura was still trying to get over the initial impression of that wide and… almost empty space.

There were books in there, lots of them. They seemed to cover two of those four walls, because the shelves on them went from floor to ceiling and a good portion of them was full: books, rolls of parchment, scrolls, a lot of fuijutsu material. Anatomy tomes and medical volumes too - those were the ones that Sakura recognised. Then there were… several boards in the middle of the room, where all kinds of layouts and schematics were pinned on; filing cabinets against a wall and tables covered with weapons and tools of every kind - some that Sakura had never even see before, and some that she thought were the racks for the climbing gear that Hinata sometimes described.

Sakura looked at the stuffed orange fox on the table and didn't know how to think of it: was it the only thing that made sense, or was it another layer of complete weirdness that she had not known Hinata had apparently.

"I know it makes quite the impression the first time." Hinata said calmly, drawing her attention.

"I'm sorry, I…" but she stopped. What was there to say. Finally she decided for honest truth. "It's not bad, it's just very… basic. I expected something more… I mean, because you always look…"  _oh hell no, you can't chicken out now!_ "You always look very ladylike, I just thought you'd have that kind of room."

Hinata laughed. "This is where I work. I can't afford clutter in here, I'd never find anything."

"Hinata doesn't like clutter anywhere." Naruto peeped up from where he was checking out a dark brown hair-dye. The bottles were neatly arranged on one of the shelves on the opposite wall and there were at least twenty of them, maybe even more.

"I wonder how she can stand you." Sakura muttered.

"Because I'm special." Naruto replied with one of his silly grins.

_Idiot!_

"Come on, Sakura chan, there are like two dozen colours here. Even someone as ambivalent as you should be able to find something you like."

Sakura's eyebrow twitched. "Why, you little… where did you learn big words like  _ambivalent_  anyway?"

"Maybe you can help me with my hair as well, Sakura chan. They're so long it's always difficult to get the dye everywhere." Hinata said, just at the right moment, effectively distracting Sakura out of her temper.

"Oh, of course!"

"I plan to use black. Blue hair stands out a little too much in Kumo. Dark brown and occasionally very dark maroon is predominant there, black is the norm."

"Oh. I'll go with dark brown then. Thank you, Hinata-chan." Sakura immediately said, honestly grateful. This girl knew a little too much about things that people didn't really care for, Sakura added mentally, but that came with her job, she supposed.

"Hinata-chaaan… what about his one?"

"Perfect. Come here, I'll help you… sit down and lean your head back, and don't open your eyes ok?"

"Ok."

Had it been with anyone else, Naruto would have sounded like he was whining, childish almost. He sure sounded like that when he wanted something from Sakura. Sometimes it make her wanna shove a soother in his mouth to make him stop.

But with Hinata… it was always different.

People thought he was goofy and a dope, but Sakura knew Naruto, she probably knew him better than anyone else. Even from the very beginning, whenever Hinata would enter his line of sight, whenever he would as much as  _feel_  her around… it was as if the entire measure of his concentration shifted direction, and he became a satellite orbiting around her. He didn't do it consciously either, Sakura doubted he was even aware of it. They were so different, but there was a likeness from within that pulled them together, like they had always belonged to each other – a concept that was so perfectly illogical, and yet it almost made sense if you watched them closely… like she was so shamelessly doing right now for example. It was a baseless notion and with every evidence against it, but it felt true: apart they simply didn't make as much sense as they did together.

It was what gave their relationship a very intense, very exclusive feel: everyone else was simply on the outside of it; of ' _them'_  together.

The feel of it was so strong that sometimes it affected the people that were around them. Not always in a good way perhaps, she thought as she recalled plenty of mean rumours that went about on them, but it did have a palpable effect on people. Like ripples spreading.

Sakura smiled.

Everything Naruto did amplified the world around him for everybody… even when he was in love.

"Hey Sakura chan."

Sakura turned… and actually yelped. A brunette Naruto was… surreal.

"Different, right?" he asked, stupid grin unchanged.

"Yeah." Was all Sakura could say.

"I can help you with yours if you like, Sakura chan." Hinata said as she came to Naruto's side, wiping her hands on a towel.

"Oh yes, please."

Hinata took her to a small adjoined bathroom, sat her on a stool and then Sakura closed her eyes and let herself be petted gently as Hinata dyed her hair into a brown so dark it was almost back. Ten minutes later she was already washing the excess away and Sakura stared at a version of herself she had never seen before.

"You know… I kinda like it." She said, smiling at her own image like it was another person.

"It brings out your eyes." Hinata agreed.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome Sakura chan."

"Your turn now!" Sakura declared, but she was immediately moved away by Naruto.

"Hey!"

"I will help Hinata chan, you go ahead and get your pack for the mission. You're late you know."

This was rich! Naruto telling her she was late!

Sakura just growled… but then she realised that she had to go home at the other side of the village to pick up her stuff and really, the idiot was  _right_ , she didn't have that much time – or the balls to be late on Ibiki's mission. But still-

"If you wanna be alone with your girlfriend just say so, Naruto." Sakura said, and it sounded like a dare. She understood a second too late that in Naruto's case of severe shamelessness, it wouldn't be perceived that way.

"I wanna be alone with my girlfriend before I have to share her with you people for a whole week. No show some tack and leave."

Hinata looked at him scandalised, mouth actually a little open because of the surprise.

"Naruto! Of all the rude things to say… I'm sorry Sakura chan, of course you don't have to leave."

But the situation struck her as very funny suddenly, and Sakura laughed.

"You know, I feel like I should extend my condolences." Sakura said with a snort of barely repressed laughter. But Hinata didn't understand. "You're such a pervert Naruto."

The ex-blonde blushed… and so did his still blue-haired girlfriend.

"I am  _not_  a pervert! We're in the middle of the Hyuga compound!"

"Oho, admission by negation!" Sakura almost jumped on her tiptoes. Hinata rolled her eyes, of all things, and Sakura wondered if she too knew just how gullible Naruto was sometimes.

"See you later Sakura chan." Hinata said simply.

Naruto huffed and pouted. "Yeah, watever. Get out."

Sakura started for the door, jumping to get her boots on. The silence behind her didn't stretch for too long.

"Oh hey, are these new? Nice hairpin!"

"Don't touch that!" Hinata's alarm was apparent…

Just as Naruto's incredulity was a moment later. "It's a  _hair pin_!"

"Its poisoned."

A second of eloquent silence.

"What kind of seal is  _that_?"

Sakura turned in time to watch as Hinata snatched his wrist in a vice grip and Naruto looked at her with an apologetic look in his eyes even before she spoke.

"Naruto… please don't poke the motions sensitive exploding tag." Hinata said slowly.

"Oh, shit."

"My feelings exactly." Hinata sounded calm though, even maybe a little amused – now that the idiot wasn't about to blow them up.

Well then, Sakura's doubts were laid to rest: he really was a dope, and Hinata was no exception to that major quality of his character.

"Sorry."

"It ok." Very softly.

Sakura sighed and rolled her eyes. She started walking swiftly away from them before she had the urge to either laugh, to throw something at Naruto's head. Well, at least her doubts were laid to rest: Naruto really was a dope, and Hinata was no exception to that major quality of his character.

She just was to be better at handling it than most, Sakura thought with a smile.

o

o

o

TBC:::

 

[1] Chuck Palahniuk

[2] Leverage's reference: Starenko security system (wiki)

[3] Same

[4] Same


	20. Freefall: The taste of your blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This here is not the whole chapter as I planned it. I don’t know if I’ll ever write again, but I promised to post even the little pieces of this story that I already had, so I will, and hopefully not feel too self-conscious as I do.
> 
> I will answer any questions you might have (either here or on my tumblr: neverland300690, wherever you're most comfortable) – as well as spoilery ones. I will probably keep posting fractions worthy of reading along the way. 
> 
> My apologies to those of you i have disspointed by letting this story die. I love writing it. I’m not sure I will ever be able to go back to the emotional place i was when i wrote it. 
> 
> To recap: We left Team Seven, Ibiki and Hinata, along with retired thief Yakuza, travelling to a Research and Development center in Kumo. Their mission is to infiltrate its high-profile security system and steal something (and they don’t yet know what since they only have a vault number) of high value, clone it and exchange it for Yakuza’s family. In the mean time they also have to find the mole in this same R&D center who has leaked out the top secret information (this part is especially important to the leader of Kumo). Parameters of the mission are strictly covert; while Hinata steals whatever it is she is meant to steal, Ibiki’s role is to get information out of the mole they will have to flush out; leads which Ibiki will pass to Team’s Seven, whose secondary role is to chase down (and eventually dismantle) this organisation that has ordered the theft, and who might be planning a biological attack. Hinata’s role in this chase is what she has been training for: high-caliber infiltration and data gathering deep behind enemy lines.

 

 

_. Freefall: The taste of your blood_

When Hinata came in, Uchiha Sasuke and Sakura were huddled around the schematics of the building, going over the timetable of their plan. Ibiki sensei had been drilling them nonstop about the importance of timing in situations like this. Seconds could make the difference between life and death and Hinata could not agree more. She would be the first to drop if they were late.

But something else that Ibiki sensei had been impressing upon Hinata ever since she started training with him over a year ago was the importance of information. Which was why Hinata did not hesitate to interrupt.

“I have something.” she said as she pulled off her cloak and threw it in the back of a chair, drawing everyone’s attention. “One of the guards on the first level of the north wing has been replaced. The new one is a Hyui.”

Sakura immediately drew up the blueprint of that floor, to find the position of the new element.

“How sure are you?” Was the Uchiha’s immediate question. It was irritating, but not surprising, that he was the first one to doubt her.

“Very.” Hinata said firmly as she got closer to the table where they had their maps and notes and picked up a pencil, sketching the features of the new guard. “I just saw him leave the R&D facility. I followed him into one of the local teahouses, watched him shooting darts.”

She finished the quick sketch of the guard’s face and pinned it on their board.

“How does that matter?” Sakura asked when it became obvious that she was the only one who did not catch the importance of such a fact.

“The Hyui are a northern Kumo clan.” Sasuke explained in his monotone. “Greatest blade yielders in the country. Their techniques are very unique, as well as deadly.“

“It makes for an adversary with a very distinctive style. Easily recognisable.” Hinata added without looking up from her work. It was no art, but it gave the general idea of the man so that her teammates might recognise him.

“Even when he’s just throwing darts?” Sakura asked and Hinata nodded absent-mindedly.

“Does this make a difference to us?” the pink-haired medic asked again.

“Not particularly. I’ll just have to steer clear of him when I’m inside.” Hinata said with a shrug. “Is Naruto with Ibiki sensei?”

Sakura nodded as she handed Hinata a cot cup of tea to warm her up. “They are scouting the area. Naruto is placing clones in different spots to keep a wider profile and secure the various escape routes just in case.”

Hinata nodded her understanding.

“We were discussing our search for the mole before you came in.” Sasuke said drily just as Hinata sat herself down by Sakura’s side. “Or rather, the fact that we still don’t have anything to go by.”

Sasuke’s words made Sakura twitch for two reasons – because of the way he spoke them and because he was _lying_ : they had not been discussion the mole. And Sakura didn’t like what Sasuke was heavily either: unearthing their mole was Hinata’s job, given to her by Ibiki even though Sasuke had wanted to take over on that particular task, but Ibiki had denied him flat out. Having worked with both Hinata and Sasuke and knowing their tactics, Ibiki’s refusal was a clear indication that he deemed Hinata better at it… and Sakura knew Sasuke enough to know that the Uchiha’s competitive edge did not take kindly to that. Now, Sakura was aware that Sasuke wasn’t exactly one for the warm and fuzzies - there was always a hint of mocking in his tone for everything he disapproved of - and he had never liked Hinata for reasons that Sakura didn’t even want to get into. But though Hinata bore that distaste (and its consequences) with her usual grace, Naruto on the other hand did not possess his girlfriend’s patience. Sasuke’s attitude towards the Hyuga heiress was still a sore point between her two team-mates. In fact, Sakura was relieved that the blonde was not with them to hear this: he got royally pissed whenever Sasuke addressed Hinata in that _I’m-oh-so-superior_ tone of voice, as if he was accusing her of something.

In truth, it irritated Sakura as well. How Hinata bore it was a secret that the pinkette would never understand.

But when she spoke, Hinata was ever so calm and soft-spoken, as if she knew where this was going as soon as Sasuke had opened his big fat mouth… and maybe she _did_ know. It was not beyond the probabilities; after all Sakura knew perhaps a little better than the other two boys of her team just what Hinata was capable of: she had been Hinata’s personal medic throughout the heiress’ training with Ibiki and the ANBU. Sakura had cured injuries that ranged from bruises to broken bones and internal bleeding, hypothermia to severe dehydration. Had seen the Hinata through a thick one way glass, monitoring her as she got  through the _dry-runs_ , as the ANBU called them: behavioural tests where they shot you full of drugs and then intense interrogation preceded to break you down… if they could.

Gods, those two days were definitely on the top five of Sakura’s ’ _worst days of my life_ ’ chart. She had never been able to look at Hinata the same after that.

“I know who you suspect. She’s not our mole.” Hinata said quietly as she sipped her tea, but there was such assurance in her tone that it was really a far cry from the gentleness of her tone.

“You have been sounding awfully sure of that for days. How do you know?” the Uchiha immediately asked.

Hinata took a deep breath before she responded. Nevermind that they had had this conversation before and that she considered it an exhausted topic, or that chances were they would only be able to get to the mole _after_ they had captured the men that they were supposed to drop their stolen good to. She had told him that they had to get to the nodes before they were certain of anything… but Uchiha Sasuke had selective hearing.

So Hinata took a deep breath, and explained it even more in detail than she had two days ago.

“She lacks any of the fundamental characteristics that would read her as a mole. Her belief structure is all wrong for it: she sees herself as part of a system, she works hard and respects the rules. Her briefing timetable is impeccable, she shows no behavioural signs of isolation, her patters of spending are never higher than her salary. She has three kids and a husband who was a hero in the war, no prior inflictions, no contacts of any kind with anyone outside her village, no problems that would increase her stress-load and no signs of strain in any area of her brain… As the assistant of a very powerful man she had the means and opportunity, but that alone cannot mark her as a spy.”

“Why not? She could have built her life as the perfect cover.” Sasuke said and even though his tone was as bland as ever, Hinata felt his insistence. Somewhere inside her, she twitched in annoyance.

“You are speaking of a deep cover, one that takes a lifetime to build - one that the nature of this operation precludes. The organisation that this whole thing may lead us to, is too recent to have such agents; it _has_ to be. Before the war, Akatsuki had the monopoly on almost all terrorist activity worth noting, they did not take to competition lightly. So whoever they have, got turned recently.”

“Than this woman could simply be very good at faking.” Sasuke said evenly.

Hinata sighed. Why wouldn’t he even _try_ to listen to her when she spoke. She had said all this once before!

“I suppose she could. But I doubt it. A deception is still a self portrait; if there were any discrepancies in her, I would have noticed them; and if _I’d_ missed them, Ibiki sensei wouldn’t have.” Hinata crossed her arms over her chest, thinking it over again. It wasn’t so bad really that the Uchiha forced her every time to get a new perspective on all their targets. She just wished he had more to offer than this. “People lie all the time, but nobody is _that_ good.”

Because she had not told them in detail, but few were those that could lie to her. With the Hyuga eyes and Ibiki sensei’s teaching, Hinata was well on her way to becoming a living lie detector…

“You are.” The Uchiha said suddenly, and the implication snatched her attention away from her line of thought and into the argument once more. Hinata stared at Sasuke with a frown. For the first time she started getting the feeling that this was not simply about his insistence on his own opinion, or his conviction… or even his inexplicable dislike towards her.

Was he trying to play her?

As soon as the idea filtered in her mind, Hinata immediately stopped seeing him as a teammate and started assessing him as a target.

“What do you mean?” she asked him, evenly, not letting anything transpire on her face or in her tone.

“If _you_ had to do what she does, would there be discrepancies?” The Uchiha asked. Hinata knew better than to think this was just another aimless question, but she answered it as if it was. If he wanted to play, he would find no easy game in her.

“Not at first, but eventually, yes.”

“Perhaps she’s better than you are.” Sasuke added then, with half a smirk.

Hinata sighed. “Perhaps, but that is not the point here either. People cannot be understood only within a set of evidence Uchiha-san; you have to take their lives as context.”

But Sasuke didn’t seem so convinced.

“You can’t rule out a spy just because she’s a mother and lives within the rules. I understand your instincts as a woman may be towards empathy, but you’re here in kuinochi capacity.”

Hinata’s eyes snapped to his and held, unflinching not caring anymore if it was rude or not. From the very beginning of this mission, Uchiha Sasuke had stepped in on her field and told her off, trying to teach her how to do her job and Hinata was _tired_ of explaining herself every single step of the way like he was her commanding officer. But that was not why she felt such an emotional upheaval at the moment. She was not angry, not really; it was indignation that she was feeling. The Uchiha had always given Hinata the impression of a manipulator. He held himself at a distance and pulled the strings until he could feel safe getting closer. Knowing his past, Hinata could understand that; she did not resent him his defence mechanisms – everyone had them. But she also knew that baiting people for the satisfaction of watching them fit into the categories he built for them, was just another way for the Uchiha to validate his own opinions and stoke his own ego. The genius-pathogen, she had once called it: they loved being right all the time.

It was no big deal to her because Hinata had grown sure enough of herself to know she could handle him. But if Uchiha Sasuke thought that she would let him play mind games on her when she was in the thick of one of the most tricky missions of her career so far, he would find he had another thing coming! No matter how much Hinata disliked conflict, she would face it head on if she had to: she was a kuinochi on a mission; she didn’t have time for any other bullshit on the side, let alone a self-absorbed Uchiha wonder that liked to think he was always the most intelligent person in the room!

“Uchiha-san… I know you have a very high opinion of your every single thought, but it would be beneficial to this mission if you at least _tried_ to see beyond that for a single moment.” She had a good idea of how glacial she sounded. This was her best Hyuga voice - the way she had been trained to speak ever since she could utter her first word and had only lately been able to master. “This is what I do and I’m very good at what I do, as I have proved time and again. But if it’s me you don’t trust, than trust Ibiki sensei.”

The Uchiha smirked. “I didn’t know you’d grown so arrogant as to be unable to accept another’s opinion but your own, Hyuga.”

But Hinata saw through it in an instant and her eyes flashed with understanding. That he lied to her face was an insult to her abilities – he knew very well that arrogance had nothing to do with this.

“On the contrary, I appreciate and value your input, as would any shinobi with any kind of aptitude; but I would appreciate it more if your considerable brain-power was turned towards something more productive than being a detriment to my work simply because you don’t like me. As it is, you are just being annoying and unprofessional.”

Heavy silence followed her words and Hinata felt the full weight of them on her shoulders. Sakura was looking at her with surprise slapped on her face, as if she had never seen Hinata before in her life, while the Uchiha simply his depth-less black eyes on her without blinking.

The meaning of what she had just done and said sunk in and Hinata felt its weight immediately.

_Oh…_

She’d snapped.

She’d lost her temper, and she’d just told off one of her teammates. Rudely. Arrogantly even. The stress was getting to her, Hinata realized. She hadn’t known the full extent of her tension until this moment.

Hinata took a deep breath with her eyes closed and a hand went up to rub the bridge of her nose.

“I should not have spoken that way.” she said slowly, newfound calmness pervading her little by little, because she willed herself to. She had accused the Uchiha of childishness but she too was showing the same symptoms.

“You taking it back then?” The Uchiha immediately offered, mocking.

Hinata looked at him with hard eyes.

“Not a single word.” she said quietly. He should know better than to think she’d back down in any way. “But it was the tone I regretted - though it was not uncalled for, nor undeserved, Uchiha san.”

The Uchiha scoffed. That might even have been amusement in his eyes.

“If everyone got what they deserved all the time, we wouldn’t be here having this conversation.”

Hinata said nothing. Only an imperceptible sigh was her reaction. She felt weary… Uchiha Sasuke was an intense person, and tiring, because he couldn’t seem to get it to his head that she did not need or care about either his approval or the games he tried to play to get her to submit to his judgment. But this was a circus Hinata had to run because Sasuke was part of Naruto’s life and so was she: they intersected where Naruto was concerned, whether Sasuke liked it or not. But it was exhausting because unlike most teams, Team Seven was not just closely knit; they were utterly _exclusive,_ their bond impenetrable and finding footing on their strange little world was a work of patience and steel nerves. One that sometimes got exhausting even for Hinata. Even Sakura was difficult at times, though her protectiveness over Naruto was not expressed as hostility towards Hinata, as was the case with the Uchiha.

Either way, at the moment Hinata had better things to think about, codes she had to break and algorithms to decrypt, escape routes and guard shifts and… oh, it was too much even without the Uchiha’s brooding presence, so Hinata decided she would put the boy in the ‘deal with later’ compartment of her mind.

“Tea?” she offered, polite disinterest on her face.

His lip twitched and he nodded (Hinata herself knew she wanted to laugh at the way Naruto and Sakura were staring at them…) Hinata proceeded to pour them all some before she sat down again.

“Shall we go over the timetable again?” she invited.

oOo

Hours later, when Ibiki and Yakuza were back from their lookout and they had wrapped up their preparation, Hinata found herself walking back and forth in front of the boards where they had pinned their data, going over the schematics of that building again.

“Are you learning those things by heart?”

Hinata smiled very faintly at the sound of his voice. “I already know them by heart.” And she did.

Naruto opened his mouth, hesitated, and Hinata knew what he would say before he said it.

“Sakura told me… I’m sorry about the teme…”

“Don’t. It doesn’t matter.” Hinata was quick to point out. For some reason Naruto took upon himself the responsibility that Sasuke refused to acknowledge.

His foxy smile was one she recognized. “You really knocked him down some. I don’t think Sasuke has ever been properly scolded by anyone in a long time.” He snickered.

He had been angry beyond himself when Sakura had told him. He was so very proud that Hinata had finally put the bastard in his place for once, but seriously, when this was over, he was so smashing Sasuke’s face in for his bad timing. Hinata had enough on her place right now; a round with the teme was so _not_ what she needed!

Naruto may have been oblivious to Hinata before but now he could sooner ignore her than he could stop hope to survive underwater. He had not been blind to the strain that the heavy workload of the past days had been taking on his girlfriend. She was quieter than usual and even when they pulled out for the night and were supposed to be off duty, her eyes were vacant, as if she was still planning and analysing stuff in her head. He had always known Hinata had singular dedication for everything she took up – it really was her unflinching perseverance, rather than born talent, which made her shine, so Naruto did not find it surprising that during a mission she could never truly switch off completely. He respected and admired that about her, but he could not help but notice the toll it took: he saw her strain in the imperceptible signs that her body and her eyes gave him, and that anyone who did not know her as he did, would have missed. Saw her impatience with Sasuke’s passive aggressiveness in the blankness of her face, the rigidity of her shoulders.

No it was no wonder at all that she’d spoken back. Not even Hinata’s patience ran limitless! But the teme was still getting a facial rearrangement as soon as they pulled out though, on sheer principle.

Hinata on the other hand, was not thinking about anything so trivial as Uchiha Sasuke at all. Instead she was focused on  Naruto… and how different he looked with his hair so dark. It was as if he was a different person. Without his forehead protector, his hair fell on his eyes a little, framing his face. It was getting long, she noticed absentmindedly as she brushed a few bangs out of his face. But those eyes, always so alive, were the same: an electric blue unlike anything else she had ever seen.

Naruto caught her hand as she drew it away from his face and nuzzled her palm, kissing the centre of her had because he wanted to, and because he knew just how that made Hinata feel. Their eyes met, the stillness between them cackling with accumulated tension… and in the same moment she thought about closing the distance, he was already there - and it was emotion in motion, the way they instantly fit and found each other in a kiss that was painfully subdued for both. They couldn’t do what they really wanted to do with the others one room away… but resisting _everything_ , even that contact that to them was the first and the most natural, was more than they felt they could ask of each other.

She held on, breathed him in and tasted his lips firmly before opening up to the kiss completely, trying as hard as she could not to push, not to demand anything more than could be had… and still shivering like water in his hands when the feel of him - against her, around her – was not an overwhelming of the senses anymore, but the beginning of complete surrender. She knew the edge of it well enough by now to know that she had to pull away from him… and when she did, his lips followed hers with the tiniest breath of complain, one Hinata couldn’t resist; so she let herself be caught, again… with a relentlessness that was so sweet it was impossible to defend against. But when she felt the back of her thighs connect with the edge of one of the tables, Hinata shivered and regained some form of rational thought. She pushed with her palms flat on Naruto’s chest and he did give her room to take a breath… but not enough to back away.

“Naruto…”

And it was the softest warning he had ever heard, but it worked. He felt her hands sooth circles around his shoulders, his neck, his chest. That one didn’t work that well – all it made him want to do was lean in that small inch that separated them and kiss her lips again, and then her neck and every other inch; a desire that he couldn’t indulge in, not right now. And even if he could have, it would only have been a distraction from something else that was pressing in his mind.

They would go in tomorrow. They had to, time was running out. And yet…

“We still haven’t found the blank spot that I’m supposed to get you through.” He said with a heavy sigh, close to enough to her face that she could breathe in the words.

Hinata sighed. She had known he would not have let that one go. He had been on edge all this time; she had felt it, the restlessness in him that seemed to grow as the day of their break-in grew closer.  

“We have a plan B for the exit, you know that.” She said looking at Naruto in the eye when she spoke, trying to transmit to him every bit of confidence and calm she felt.

But even as Naruto nodded he was frowning, and he wasn’t so late to tell her the reason why. “You’re going to jump down an air-duct, fall for the length of five stores and into a furnace.”

The words themselves seemed to darken his mood him.

“Naruto…”

“I know the plan.” He said firmly. He knew every freaking detail of that god dammed plan, but… “You’re gonna fall a long way down a metal duct of 800 degrees, Hinata.”

And the moment the words left his mouth he felt stupid. As if she didn’t know that!

“I have ways to control the fall, you know that. And my Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms will protect me from the heat.”

_Her ultimate defence._ Nobody had ever thought it would work like a shield against _everything_ , but it did. It really did, Naruto had seen it with his own eyes, but…

“For about five minutes.” Naruto specified. “Not even you can hold it for longer than that without pause.”

She couldn’t. Not yet.

“It will be enough. Five minutes is more than enough time for you to get in and open the incinerator door for me.”

Right. _The_ door. Not just any door, because apparently this system was so far up its own ass that even an incinerator had to have an armoured door with no handle, meaning Hinata couldn’t force it from the inside and she couldn’t blast through it because the whole furnace was double-plated reinforced steel. The strength it would take to blow it apart would set off every alarm in that godforsaken building. _Naruto_ was the one that was going to open it for her. If he was late, even if only by a second, she would burn alive in there.

Naruto felt her take a step closer, her hands on his forearms.

“Everything will be fine, Naruto.” Hinata said softly, her lips brushing the words in over his chin as she made herself comfortable in his arms. “You have to believe it.”

He had smiled at her  and nodded, the way he knew he should… but later that night, when everyone was asleep and he was sure nobody would sense him, he moved through the shadows of the room and sneaked into her bedroll, the quiet broken only by a snickering at his expense inside his head – one that none but he heard, so it didn’t matter. Hinata woke with a harsh breath but knew him before she even turned. Her eyes shone like pale pearls in the dark and they questioned him, but when he wrapped both his arms around her and drew her back firmly against his chest, aligning them together, Naruto felt her relax with a sigh. She shivered when he buried his nose in her hair, breathing her in, holding her tight.

This wouldn’t help him sleep any, but he was sure he wouldn’t get any sleep at all if he stayed at the other side of the room when she was right there, alone. And by the way Hinata fell right back asleep in his arms, Naruto gathered that it wouldn’t be a problem if he stayed there till morning; that she didn’t mind who saw them. He wanted to turn her and kiss her then, long and deep, until he stopped feeling like such a whoos.

He used her heartbeats to lull himself to sleep

oOo

Hinata ducked into the alley, Naruto right along with her. They did not move with the usual stealth of shinobi – they were walking very close, holding hands and Naruto was reaching to kiss her neck while Hinata giggled freely at his antics. Once they were out of sight thought, she only gave him a peck on the lips before she turned and they both slid through the open window of the building to their right, with the agility of two felines.

“We’re in.” Hinata breathed in her com as she shed the thick coat and started braiding her hair and pinning it up securely in a bun as Naruto adjusted his weapons and began the sealing process of the western wall. He worked quickly and with a sure hand, and for a moment Hinata was mesmerized looking at him. They said fuijutsu was a lost art (and though Naruto was a patient teacher, Hinata still struggled with it), but Naruto didn’t think it so obscure: he was a natural at it, the best sealer Hinata had ever met. And though that was not exactly saying something, she also knew he was the best sealer _most people_ had ever met. People kept saying that it was no surprise: that it was in his blood from both mother and father and with a teacher like Jiraya sama, it really could not have gone another way. It had been Naruto’s idea to draw up this back-up plan.

“I’m in position.” The Uchiha said in a clipped tone. Which meant he had snatched one of the workers, taken his appearance, entered the building, bypassed the scanners and was now a private office, about to hack into the system and manipulate it long enough for her to have an opening.

Hinata looked at the vent on ceiling. She’d have to crawl through them and into the other building, the moment Sasuke opened one of the conducts for her by disabling security on the area. She’d have to be quick…

“Alright. I’ll be in position to breach the perimeter in eleven minutes approximately.” Hinata said back as she took off her sandals and put on a pair of soft-soled boots.

“Wow Hinata-chan, you look hot.”

Hinata stumbled a little as she checked her  thigh-holsters, meeting Naruto’s eyes with a startled look. She was sure she was blushing, but he winked at her and Hinata’s alarm instantly muted. So, it was not her he was trying to play then.

The answer came in the form of Sakura’s growl through the earpiece.

“Idiot, this is not the time.”

It made Naruto grin like a fox, and Hinata shook her head as she looked away and put on her gloves.

There, she was ready.

“But she does!”

In any other occasion, his words and the way his eyes lingered on her from the top of her head to the tip of her feet, would have made Hinata blush like mad, but this time she just shook it off. She knew he was trying to lighten her up a bit. It was always his way of saying ‘see you later’.

“That body suit is awesome by the way. Is it a zip-up? How come I’ve never seen it before, Hinata-chan?”

Sakura however did not know the way they spoke to each other through hidden words and she was in no mood for Naruto’s antics.

“Naruto… I _will_ stab you in the neck.” Sakura growled. It almost drowned out Sasuke’s ‘Hn’… almost.

“Oh, by the way Sakura chan, remember that bottle of ink that I asked you to keep in your backpack for me?”

“…yes.” Came Sakura’s hesitant reply.

“Don’t get mad… but I think I might have spilled it this morning.”

“ _You what?!”_

Hinata hid a smile even though Sakura was not even there to see it. Such was Sakura’s rage that she did not even need to scream for her feelings to carry – even her hiss pierced the Naruto’s ear like a senbon and he winced, though he was still grinning.

“That was almost ten ounces of ink, you moroon!”

“Oh come on it wasn’t that much.” He said in a placatory tone that he knew would only set Sakura’s temper on fire more. And though he kept talking, not once did his brushstrokes falter. He was sure as she worked and Hinata was glade to watch him as the complex seal took form. Earth, water, fire… why wind though?

She didn’t ask him – Hinata trusted Naruto to know what he was doing when it came to fuijutsu. It wasn’t like there was anyone around who could correct him.

“If you have stained my clothes I will rip your lungs through your nostrils!” Sakura growled.

“Sooo dramatic!”

“You are so doing my laundry for a month!” she ordered.

“Seriously?!” but his indignation was all fake: he was smiling, looking satisfied.

“Better believe it, you dumb blonde.”

Listening to Sakura’s voice in her ear, even Hinata could tell that the medic was calmer now, more steady, as she spoke, and not because the argument with Naruto was drawing to a close, but because of the argument itself. Hinata might not understand a lot about Team Seven but she did know that they all acted as each other’s stabilizing agents when occasions called for it. And Sakura had needed a measure of normalcy because she had been on edge all morning, perhaps feeling out of her usual comfort zone… and Naruto, he had known exactly what she needed to bring her on familiar ground.

“Ok, I’m done.” Naruto announced as he put the brush down, bit his thumb and drew the last character in the centre of the seal with his blood, but was just about to transfer some of his chakra to the seal, when Hinata stopped him.

“Wait. Take your earpiece off, the energy transfer could scramble the channels.” She gently reminded him.

“Oh, right… And don’t mind Sakura, Hinata-chan. She’d just jealous cause if she wore something like that she’d look like a stick.”

Hinata’s eyes widened. He might not have his earpiece on but Sakura cold hear him just fine from Hinata’s.

And in fact, as if on cue…

“Hinata… please tell Naruto that once this is over, I’m going to break every bone in his body.” Sakura spoke evenly.

Hinata couldn’t help the chuckle.

“Sakura-chan says hello, Naruto-kun.” She refered. Sakura scoffed.

“All done.” Naruto announced, turning serious eyes to Hinata.

Only a fraction of a second passed between them before she nodded and jumped up, balancing herself with on hand on the wall and the other on a nearby shelf, and then sliding her body forward into the vent.

“I’m inside the air-ducts.” She recounted just as she began crawling forward.

“Alright, enough fucking about.” Ibiki snapped, his voice buzzing in Hinata’s ear and sending a wave of adrenaline in her system. This was it. This was where it started. “Uzumaki, take your position and stand by. Uchiha…”

“I’m ready.”

“Good. Haruno, is the perimeter secure?”

“Yes sir.”

“Excellent. Kid… good luck.”

They all knew who he was talking to.

“Thank you, sensei.” Hinata whispered softly. Five minutes afterwards she found herself looking at chakra sensors, motion detectors and temperature sensitive alarms.

“Sasuke-san…”

The moment she said his name, Sasuke deactivated the entire thing long enough for Hinata to slide through. She fell on the ground with the softest thud and looked around. Grabbing a white coat and taking out a pair of glasses from her thigh-holster, she put them on and took a deep breath.

“Alright…” She said, as much to herself as to the others listening. “I’m in.”

oOo

Hinata ran down the hall, heartbeat in her ears. She could see that just around the corner three guards were running towards her and behind her there were two others. She hid in a corner, between a door and a set of shelves, masked her presence utterly with her newest jutsu and stayed still, not even daring to breathe as the two groups of guards joined not ten feet from where she was hiding.

"Infrared, now!”

One of the guards held up a sensor while the other performed a few hand-seals and looked around, scanning his surroundings.

They picked up her clone running down the hall two floors down. Hinata saw the satisfaction in their faces at having matched her chakra signature. The strain of keeping her clone in such a level of complexity was starting to show, but Hinata gritted her teeth and concentrated on the task. She could not fail, she could not.

“Alright, spread down to the left. You two, to the right. Lets catch this guy and get this over with, _quietly_ \- I don’t want ANBU poking their nose into this.”

She saw them spread out and empty out the hallway and allowed herself a breath.

It seemed so strange to think about it now, but everything had been going fine until she made it to the vaults. With Sasuke opening the doors she could not crack herself and confusing the system from time to time, Hinata made it there without incident, hiding behind her Invisibility jutsu every now and then.

It was once she tried opening the safes that everything was shot to hell.

She had the algorithms on the base of which the codes of the doors were supposed to be cracked. They were the same ones that controlled the encryptions on the vaults. Up to that point they had all been accurate and Hinata had managed to crack them without incident… except the fact that, when she tried to open the vault she had been commissioned to rob, Hinata had had tripped the alarm.

She’d barely made it out before the room automatically closed: when she had jumped out and rolled on the floor, one of the bars had almost snatched her leg. It had taken Hinata a moment to get over the shock.

She remembered the strain on the Uchiha’s voice as he asked her what happened… the shame in her own as she told him she did not know.

“I must have made a mistake. I must have…”

But how? _How_? She had learned everything down to perfection, her concentration had not faltered once! _Not once!_

The Uchiha was quick to correct her.

“No. Your decryption should have worked. It was correct, as it was the times before.”

There had been some scrambling, and it was precisely Uchiha Sasuke to confirm something that Hinata had started suspecting: the algorithm of that vault, the one they had been supplied with from the stolen blueprints, was wrong; it did not match the one she was supposed to crack. It had been a deliberate mistake on the part of whoever has supplied that data.

Hinata didn’t have time to make sense of it, she had to run and hide because suddenly the building came alive and she was its prime target. But even though she was utterly concentrated on surviving, her brain worked out what had happened on its own: this mission was never meant to succeed. Whoever had commissioned it had wanted Yakuza to get trapped like a rat in a cage down there. They had wanted him to fail.

So what was the point?

That was an answerless question for now; but the second conclusion right after it was that whoever had tried to get yakuza to do this job had just double crossed him. Or he had been the one to betray them somehow.

It didn’t not matter really: the whole thing stank of foul-play.

Yakuza was the first suspect of course, but both Hinata and Ibiki knew it went deeper than that. Either way, Sakura had been ordered by Ibiki to knock the ex Kiri nin out.

But all that was only a peripheral problem to Hinata.

Her main issue was that she was trapped. She _knew_ she was trapped because once she made it up to the ventilation shafts that were supposed to get her up to the last floor, where she would jump into the incinerator and get out… she found that her path was blocked.

“Shit.”

“What, what is it?” Ibiki immediately asked. Hearing profanity from his proper-mannered student was a rarity that demanded his attention.

“Laser tripwires.” Hinata whispered, her breathing barely controlled.

“In a ventilation shaft?!” Naruto’s anger radiated even through her earpiece.

Hinata sighed. “Nevermind, I’m gonna have to reach it the traditional way.”

“No need. I have just found a hole in the system.” Sasuke intercepted quickly. “Last floor, the Head of the Administration office: off the grid, no sensors of any kind. That was good thinking dobe.”

Hinata breathed a sigh of relief. The Uchiha sounded calm and sure of himself and Hinata took heart from that. For a moment she had lapsed, when she thought that she had just screwed up one of the most important missions she had ever gotten so far, but now that she knew it had not been her doing and remembered that she was not alone, Hinata felt marginally better. It was easier to collect herself. She had a great team on her back, he could do this.

“Hinata, can you get there?” Was Sakura’s immediate question.

“I will.” She did not want to put that up for discussion. Though Naruto had been silent Hinata knew he was listening and she wanted to sound as sure and in control as Sasuke had sounded, and give Naruto the same reassurance that the Uchiha has inadvertedly given her.

“What’s the play kid?” Ibiki asked her.

“I will climb out of the window and to the roof. I’ll _jump_ down if I have to.” And she would.

“Very well. I will take care of coordination with the rest of the team. You just get there safe.”

“Yes sir.”

“Uzumaki, stay alert.” Ibiki ordered. “That window might not be such a clean escape, so when the opportunity opens up you might have to get her through it.”

“I will.”

Naruto’s sounded tense, ready to snap, but his tone was sure and he spoke those two small words as if they were a solemn promise. Hinata knew she was not imaging the fact that in Naruto’s mind, he was probably speaking directly to her.

Still, bad as things were, the shit didn’t truly hit the fan until she dropped out of the shaft and on her feet, only to be spotted by a guard. There were a few minutes of quick scuffle, where Hinata used the surprise and the close quarters to immobilise her opponent and then knocking him out… but not before he send her a chakra pulse that almost smashed her to the wall, and that scrambled the frequency of her transmitter completely.

Breathing heavily after she hid the body in one of the closets and secured the door, Hinata was met by only silence from the other side, and she knew that she had lost communication with her team.

Her heart skipped a beat.

She was stuck in a lobster trap, with no way out and no communication with her team. The seriousness of her situation just got from alarming to downright hopeless.

“Oh… I’m in trouble.”

oOo

“What the hell happened? What happened to Hinata! Where is she?!”

“Uzumaki. Calm down.” Ibiki snapped. He was going through eh files they had collected until he found the one he wanted. “Everyone get to your designated positions and hold. We will wait, for now.”

“What? Wait for _what_? This mission was a trap from the start – you realize what that means for Hinata?” Uzumaki’s tone was quickly growing out of his shock and into anger. And of course Ibiki realized what it meant for his student: if this failure really had been planned from the start, and Hinata was caught in there, she was not merely going to be detained. She would probably be killed on sight: it was part of tying loose ends in jobs like this.

“We already have a plan and Hinata knows what she is doing. Uchiha, what’s the status.”

“The security system just upgraded to a phase 1 lockdown. I’m keeping it from going upwards for now.” The boy answered back readily.  They are combing every floor with scanners and chakra-readers and then locking them down.”

Ibiki’s mind worked furiously, trying to find a solution.

“We have to find her, get in contact with her again.” Naruto insisted. “Sasuke!”

Ibiki almost snapped at the blonde hero, but the Uchiha beat him to it.

“Dobe, the entire building is looking for her; I mean a the _actual_ , _physical_ building.” Even over the communicator Naruto could feel the strain of Sasuke’s glare.  “Anything I do to actively search for the Hyuga will translate to the system knowing where she is as well and that will lead every security guard straight to her position.”

“ _God dam it_!” Naruto almost felt himself sizzle with repressed anger and frustration. _Think, think dam it!_

“There has to be something we can do.” Uzumaki growled and not for the first time Ibiki wondered at the intelligence of taking him along. Two teammates being involved was never the prelude of something good.

“The fact is there isn’t, Uzumaki.” Ibiki told him, repressing his frustration and keeping himself calm. “We can’t find her. She will be the one to send us a signal and hopefully, we will get to her first. For now we follow the plan.”

“Dam it!”

“ _Enough_! We’re shifting to an alert state so keep your heads in the game. Haruno, guard Yakuza with your life.” the fucker was either a target or he lied from the start. Either way, he was their only lead to making some sense out of this fuckup. “Uzumaki, you’re in charge of the perimeter now. We don’t know what’s coming so keep a lookout and a low profile – anything out of order, even if this so much as a fly on the wall, you tell me. And stop busting our ears; Hinata knows what she’s doing.”

oOo

Sasuke had been listening to this exchange in silence as he monitored the progress of the security system’s search for the intruder, when the phone in the office where he was holed rang. Sasuke looked at it doubtfully before he picked it up.

“Yes.”

“It’s me.” The Hyuga’s hurried whisper filled his ear and Sasuke almost felt relief. “You see the charts moving around the cubicles, delivering post – put a spare earpiece in an envelope and send it to cubicle 36. I got 2 minutes.”

The line went dead immediately and for that Sasuke was thankful because if she had not hung up she would have been traced in another 10 seconds. As he followed the Hyuga’s instructions and relayed the development to the others Sasuke couldn’t help but acknowledge her quick thinking. It would save everyone else the trouble.

Where Ibiki said nothing and Sakura merely sighed in relief, Naruto was not so subtle.

“Alright! Now let’s get her outa there!”


End file.
